#takingittoofar

I complimented his hair, saying, Wow

how do you get it to stand up like that?

And some girl got offended, saying,

Hey, that’s just black hair, what the fuck?

So I said, You mean, black peoples’ hair?

And she said, Yeah, you’re being racist!

So I said, first of all, I wasn’t talking to you.

Second of all, you’re not even black.

And third of all (turning to the guy with

the hair—asking him) Are you offended?

To which he said, Nope. So I turned back

to the offended and said, And third of all,

he’s not even offended, so shut the fuck up.

So she said, That was a microaggression.

And I said, Did you know that the word

microaggression isn’t even recognized

by spellcheck? (not true—I just found out

when I typed this poem) But I did say,

Bitch, I though I told you to shut the fuck up.

(I didn’t actually say Bitch—that would be

misogynistic, for which I have no tolerance)

But I did say, How can it be aggressive if

I meant it as a compliment, and the person

I said it to took it as a compliment? Did I

somehow offend the greater universe of

smug people with sticks up their asses?

She said, No, it made reference to race,

and as a privileged, white male, you have

no right to say anything about that.

So I said, Listen, Bitch (no, I still didn’t

say that, but I really, really wanted to)

There’s aggression, and there’s not,

and if every little thing in the world

bothers you, maybe you need to buck up

and grow a thicker skin about things,

not to mention, even the prefix ‘micro’

tells you that it’s no big thing, just like

most things in life are no big thing and

not worth getting your panties in a bunch.

So she said, What did you say?!? Are you

making reference to my gender? You think

because I look like a woman, I identify as

a woman, and must be wearing woman’s

underwear? Is that what you’re saying?!?

So I looked at her, took a deep breath,

and said, Yeah. That’s what I’m saying.

At which point her panties, I am sure,

were in a serious bunch, though I don’t

know from where that phrase originates,

so I asked her, Just wondering, are you

wearing panties? To which she said, Uh…

To which I said, Then shut the fuck up.

(this piece is a dramatic monologue, a fictional characterization

that exhibits the positions of two opposing belief systems and

Sitting at her desk, Leslie could hardly keep still the whole day. Things with Garrett had progressed quickly over the last handful of months, but she may have taken it too far this time. It wasn’t her fault though. She’d been feeling so daring as of late that she’d almost done it without thinking. Even still, walking in while he was on a conference call to nestle herself between his legs and tease him through his trousers was farther than she’d ever taken it. Pictures sent through text were one thing...Not to mention, having left him there to deal with his situation. God, she was sure she was blushing. And any minute now he’d open his desk drawers to find a few extra pairs of panties she may have stowed there...