La Vida, L'amour, Mortem

2002 grad night if I’m not mistaken. An old friend showed up today with old momentos from high school. She was like look what I found. Her and I haven’t been too close through out the years but we have always been stable background characters in each other’s life. Catching up with each other whenever we cross paths. A. F. - - #highschoolmemories #oldfriends #friendship #blogger #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CIZJ2GylNBk/?igshid=1e91a0hxtx714

He never directly outright physically hit me but there were “accidents”. Ohhh, I was pissed cause you were getting on my nerves and I pushed the door and your finger happened to get in the way. There was immediate remorse and words said of oh my, I’m so sorry and I’ll take you to the hospital and get ur finger stitched up, you can call the cops if you like. There were insults, names, and many many threats. There never was an appropriate moment to express anything. There was no partnership even though we were always together. I was the main provider and I was made to feel ashamed for asking him to meet me halfway. There was no alone time because why did I need alone time was it to meet up with my other lover? There were little honeymoon moments that came after something horrible had taken place, But it always ended up going back to the general verbal and emotional abuse of course every-time it escalated. The physical abuse was on its way. Now that I was pregnant I guess he thought he could actually get away with it. Because all the physical threats kept escalating. There where holes made on walls personal property destroyed. There were words of, man sometimes I wish you were a man so I could take my anger out on you. There were many many threats, that lead to that day where he cornered me 6 months pregnant and insisted I apologized for making him angry. He grabbed me by the arms and shoved me enough for me to understand that the next time I had the audacity to piss him off he would not hold back, and afterwards well he felt the need to make me feel bad for protecting me and his son, for trying to implement boundaries around his threats and hate. said the nice person I was had died to him. So hopefully for my son’s sake he does change, And either way if he doesn’t I’m not loosing anything and boundaries will be set and kept. A. F. #intend #manifest #abusiverelationship #abusiveboyfriend #abusiveparent #violent #physicallyabusive #violentpartner #selflove #poems #poetry #writerslife #writerscommunity #writersofig #writersnetwork #writersociety #infj #virgo #writing #words #blogger #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CICGJMwF8Wu/?igshid=1m5cf0e91u2bs

INTEND AND MANIFEST Talk is cheap. We all say we gonna change, But if we don’t follow through with the work needed for that change well how the fuck is there gonna be any change. We can say many things but just saying them don’t make them reality. The truth will always be the truth and empty words of threatening hope are only said by people who don’t intend. But... HOPEFULLY, AND EITHER WAY... #intend #manifest #abusiverelationship #abusiveboyfriend #abusiveparent #violent #physicallyabusive #violentpartner #selflove #poems #poetry #writerslife #writerscommunity #writersofig #writersnetwork #writersociety #infj #virgo #writing #words #blogger #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CICA-zRl3si/?igshid=1jlnbxespwls9

7 months today! 🥰 - - #pregnant #pregnancy #7monthspregnant #baby #newlife #newmemberofthefamily #babybrother #blogger #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CIBxcWYlTre/?igshid=16cd7p9txh3zd

“ It’s easy to hate And it’s difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get. “ — Confucius I might hate right now, it’s normal to hate when you have been misused and abused, but I’m working my self back to love. It’s gonna take time of course it won’t just come in. I have to feel my emotions understand them and process them. Create boundaries toward the people that bring out the hate because hate is contagious and hate gets passed on like anything else in life. I have hate in me right now and I’m working on turning it around. But with anything worthwhile one must put in the effort and the work to come out. A. F. - - - #confucius #infj #infjpersonality #infjconfessions #rawness #authenticity #hate #love #poetry #poems #writerslife #writerscommunity #writersnetwork #writersoninstagram #writing #words #blogger #vidamourmortem https://www.instagram.com/p/CH3cF27FidN/?igshid=tdp9fmm31gsm

I read and I read books that speak of a higher truth. That describe a deeper life build on love. I read and I read about teachers who say we live in a dream and all we have to do is wake up and embrace the love. Be compassionate to ourselves and other beings but none of those writers seem to touch on the hatred that will still exist even if you are loving and compassionate to other beings. I love but I also feel hate n distrust toward people that have hurt me. N yes I continuously choose to love despite it but I have my moments where bitterness consumes me and all I can do is embrace and flush it out through my mediocre writings. A. F. #narcissist #narcissisticabuse #abuse #freedom #writersofinstagram #writingcommunity #writerslife #writersnetwork #writersblock #writingsociety #infj #infjwoman #infjconfessions #poems #poetry #writing #words #blogger #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CH2HIlJFa8T/?igshid=1lkmjaw4wi1hc

I try to feel all my emotions in the moment they arise and resolve them within me so later I don’t unintentionally project my hate, my envy, and my regrets on anyone else not even the person that caused them. I write to understand my emotions and my pain. I post to release it and for it to maybe resonate. I love to read and sometimes I come across other words from strangers that make me feel not so alone. So thanks to anyone else that posts the rawness of their feelings on this platform. A. F. #hate #pain #regret #regretquotes #anger #painquotes #infj #infjwoman #virgo #writersofig #writerscommunity #wtitersofinstagram #writerslife #writersblock #writersnetwork #infjproblems #infjparadox #love #peace #release #bitter #jilted #writing #words #blogger #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CH1WiHWlmNN/?igshid=1p7iesu2f43ir

#poetry #poems #hate #pain #grief #sadness #writerslife #writersofinstagram #writersblock #infj #infjconfessions #infjquote #infjwoman #release #writing #words #blogger #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CHzVT3ZFxP6/?igshid=1lpoaxh3hnyvu

THE LAUGHING HEART #Bukowski Your life is your life. Don’t let it be clubbed into dank Submission. Be on the watch. There are ways out. There is light somewhere. It might not be much light But it beats the Darkness. Be on the watch. The gods will offer you Chances. Know them, take them. You can’t beat death but You can beat death In life, Sometimes. And the more often you Learn to do it, The more light there will Be. Your life is your life. Know it while you have It. You are marvelous The gods wait to delight In You. - - #poems #charlesbukowski #cantbeatdeath #live #enjoy #laugh #infj #virgo #infjthoughts #infjquotes (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CGyGq3PFNlp/?igshid=89oe0d3qt8ku

The Mastery of Love. @donmiguelruiz https://www.instagram.com/p/CGNr0ifFE0C/?igshid=1nfyjol9s2qww

“Things are clear, very clear—existence is absolutely clear—but your eyes have gathered layers upon layers of dust. And all that dust has been arranged in the first seven years of your life when you were so innocent, so trusting, that whatsoever was told to you, you accepted as truth. And whatever has gone into your foundation, later on it will be very difficult for you to uncover: it has become almost part of your blood, bones, your very marrow. You will ask a thousand other questions but you will never ask about the basic foundations of your belief. The first expression of love toward the child is to leave his first seven years absolutely innocent, unconditioned, to leave him for seven years completely wild, a pagan.” OSHO ❤️ - - #osho #oshoquotes #poems #poetry #life #drugaddiction #homeless #choices #paths #poem #quotes #thoughts #pegan #itisasitshouldbe #letitbe #partoflife #writerslife #writersofinstagram #writers_den_ #writersnetwork #writerssociety #love #family #writing #words #blogger #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAneGi1F-Px/?igshid=w8q1i7qqvjph

#osho #oshoquotes #love #lovequotes #infj #infjpersonality #infjlove #infjlove #blogger #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAWpaS6FDHM/?igshid=8uwt9mzn5u3w

Everyone has cautionary tales, and everyone has advise, and it’s beautiful to be witness to other’s struggles in a unique setting, but if one is passionate or has a curiosity about anything one should pursuit it despite all the caution others have set. Even if failure and pain is a high probability, who knows what ones perspective might evolve to. A. F. - Great post @slowwco #poststhatinspire - #slowwco #stories #infj #infp #infjthoughts #infjthings #infjlife #cautionarytales #live #curiosity #blogger #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAS0XDalk1w/?igshid=cwtosuo1knx4

JUST LOVE.... Fuck Fear - - “To flow and grow in love needs no perfection. Love has nothing to do with the other. A loving person simply loves, just as an alive person breathes and drinks and eats and sleeps. Exactly like that, a really alive person, a loving person, loves. You don’t say, “Unless there is perfect air, unpolluted, I am not going to breathe.” You go on breathing even in Los Angeles; you go on breathing in Mumbai. You go on breathing everywhere, even when the air is polluted, poisoned. You go on breathing! You cannot afford not to breathe just because the air is not as it should be. If you are hungry you eat something, whatever it is. In a desert, if you are dying of thirst you will drink anything. You will not insist on having Coca-Cola, anything will do—any drink, just water, even dirty water. “OSHO ❤️ - - “An alive and loving person simply loves. Love is a natural function. So the second thing to remember is, don’t ask for perfection; otherwise you will not find any love flowing in you. On the contrary, you will become unloving. People who demand perfection are very unloving people, neurotic. Even if they can find a lover they demand perfection, and the love is destroyed because of that demand.” OSHO ❤️ - - #infjlove #love #osho #lovepoems #freedom #nomorefear #poems #poetry #infj #infplove #infp #writerscommunity #writerslife #writersofinstagram #writersociety #writersnetwork #writing #words #blogger #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAESMPmAf2S/?igshid=1a9e6k4he8f0y

The vicious cycle ⭕️ persists! It is still strong inside of me. 😂 Dang this instagram memories are Really telling me to introspect. How can it be another year in the same conundrum. Still chasing that passion and lust, that is clearly getting me nowhere. - - #infj #infjlove #infjpersonality #infjproblems #infjconfessions #infjconfression #viciouscycle #recurrent #love #lovequotes #lovepoems #poetry #poem #writerslife #writersofinstagram #writing #words #blogger #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_BP6E4l0ka/?igshid=gmklx9qy14eb

#infj #infjmemes #infjpersonality #infjproblems #infjhumor #infjstruggles #infjthoughts #infjgirl #infjthings #infjtruth #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-3QgPaFTfz/?igshid=2o0o33ozu4ge

“The ordinary love pretends too much. The real love is nonpretentious; it simply is. The ordinary love becomes almost sickening, syrupy, drippy, what you call “lovey-dovey.” It is sickening, it is nauseating. The real love is a nourishment, it strengthens your soul. The ordinary love only feeds your ego—not the real you but the unreal you. The unreal always feeds the unreal, remember; and the real feeds the real. Become a servant of real love—and that means becoming a servant of love in its ultimate purity. Give, share whatsoever you have, share and enjoy sharing. Don’t do it as if it is a duty—then the whole joy is gone. And don’t feel that you are obliging the other, never, not even for a single moment. Love never obliges. On the contrary, when somebody receives your love, you feel obliged. Love is thankful that it has been received. Love never waits to be rewarded, even to be thanked. If the thankfulness comes from the other side, love is always surprised—it is a pleasant surprise, because there was no expectation. You cannot frustrate real love, because there is no expectation in the first place. And you cannot fulfill unreal love because it is so rooted in expectation that whatsoever is done always falls short. Its expectation is too great, nobody can fulfill it. So the unreal love always brings frustration, and the real love always brings fulfillment. And when I say, “Become a servant of love,” I am not saying to become a servant of somebody whom you love, no, not at all. I am not saying to become a servant of a lover. I am saying become a servant of love. The pure idea of love should be worshipped. Your lover is only one of the forms of that pure idea, and the whole existence contains nothing but millions of forms of that pure idea.” -OSHO ❤️ #sharingthelove #love #lovequotes #lover #loveprose #infj #infp #infjlove #oshoquotes #osho #writerslife #writersnetwork #writersofinstagram #writingcommunity #writinginspiration #labels #titles #reallove #unreallove #real #unreal #loveydovey #followyourheart #followpassion #staytrue #staytruetoyourself #writing #words #blogger #vidamourmortem (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-yClQ1FL8z/?igshid=zrcj0liaw3nm