#take control back

It's really easy to get hung up on someone and the pain they've caused, but then I realize that even when I was in their life they didn't spend a second thinking about me, let alone the time I've let them consume my energy and happiness. Sometimes I think if they saw how much they hurt me then maybe they'd care, but they never did, so why should I?

Don't let the toxic people in your life continue to control you even once you've cut them off. Their opinions are worth as much as the time they spent caring for you, none at all. But you see them everywhere, right? You're still waiting for that next text, wondering how they're doing, are they okay? You miss them. You think of them when you wear that t-shirt they liked, when you listen to that song they liked, when you watch that show they talked about constantly, when you go that place you used to share, how do you even get over this? Should you just stop enjoying the things that make you think of them? Stop listening to that song, stop watching that show, revamp your closet, find a new favourite place, because it hurts so goddamn bad. It's okay to put up boundaries, to take a break from some things, but Y'know what? to hell with what they would think, to what they liked, and to what you shared.

Listen to that song, blast it in your car, learn all the lyrics if you want, dance the fucking night away.

Watch that show, laugh your fucking ass off, cry about the character deaths or literally the smallest scenes, draw fanart and ramble away.

Wear that outfit, you loved it first, (and even if they got it for you, what matters is what YOU think of it.) Do you feel fine asf? Then you are, screw how they feel about it.

If you still enjoy the activities they did too, keep enjoying them, if not for anything else, have fun as fuck just to spite them.

One of the people in my life who got me into the Hellaverse soundtrack hurt me like, well, hell. I considered no longer listening to it because every time I hear fucking Blake Roman I think of them. But you know what? I listen to it constantly. I vented by singing All 2 U and 2 Minutes Notice with friends, I applied songs to my ocs and discussed with other friends what their favourite songs were, I annoyed tf out of my brother by incessantly getting Cotton Candy stuck in his head, I got excited with my friend about her favourite actor and marveled and laughed over his different character portrayals, I loop the hazbin soundtrack while doing dishes, drawing, writing, or literally just for fun. Why? Because I enjoy it! I love so many of the songs, whether because they resonate with me, they make me think of characters I love, or because they're just fun to listen to, the reason really doesn't matter. What's important is that I'm enjoying something FOR ME, and what THEY think about it DOESN'T MATTER. I don't exist for them.

○ Source Orb Meditation ○

🌹 Sitting on top of my mountain of light,

I activate and radiate a golden white source orb from the center of my heart.

🌹 I grow this light in a peaceful still state of presence and love through regulated patient breath. I breathe more light into the orb until it grows and grows around me, my entire aura and entire being.

🌹 I watch as the chords and chains attempting to hold me down in statis and lower states are incinerated by this orb of light.

~ ○ ~

🌹 I extend my roots of light into the Earth field. I am grounded in love.

🌹 I extend my flowers of light into the sky field. I am blooming in love.

🌹🌘Earth is always with me. She is my nurturing grounded ever present mother.🌒🌹

🌹🌘The sky and stars cheer for me as I grow my flowers up, and up and up. 🌒🌹

🌘💫Into the heavens I join them.💫🌒

💫The wind and rain may sometimes knock me down. But the next day, the sun comes back up and I rise with it.

My roots only grow stronger and firmer into the Earth with the wind and rain through trust. My flowers only grow taller and unfold in more beauty towards the sky through love.

Trust and love in self. Trust and love in the universe. Trust in love that the sun will rise again.💫

Let me start by saying I don’t condone bullying; never have, never will. But at a certain point you finally break and have to go through some drastic measures to put the control back in your hands.

Most of my friends in the fandom know that I have been dealing with a bit of a stalker the last 4yrs. He’s constantly harassed me, has delusional ideas of our ‘connection’, and will not listen when I tell him to leave me alone. I have blocked him on every form of media I can and still he finds a way to contact me. What he does/says does not constitute a restraining or protective order, so I’m pretty much on my own. Last night he messaged me saying he’d moved closer to me from another state and I snapped. 4yrs is enough.