#support requested

firstly, i'll put all my vices on the table. i am disabled. i am severely mentally ill. i am neurodivergent/possibly autistic. i am queer and recently got out of a toxic (straight passing) relationship where i stayed with my ex's parents at their house. i think a lot of people in their 20s stay at their parent's houses in this day and age, even with "ok" jobs. i do not have that luxury. i was severely mentally, emotionally, and somewhat physically abused as a child. i have been able to cut off contact from my incubators, thank god.

for the last six months i have been job hunting. my bpd and the fact that i stay in a shelter makes it very hard for me to be normal when things go or don't go my way job wise. ive known this for a while, but i've kept trucking on because i assumed, eventually, i'd get one. full disclosure, i do not have much guidance. getting a job in this market is also statstically borderlining on impossible. i am mostly powered by dopamine hits, and when i get an interview or do well, while i logically understand it's not an immediate shoo-in that i'll get that job, it feels as if it makes it exceedingly close.

realistically i'm beginning to realize the numbers couldn't be farther apart, and while i despise that i even have to, so many people have suggested i either flat out lie on my resume or use ai in some way.

which, feels insane.

i genuinely don't think it matters how skilled or important or fit you are for the position- either employers are flagrantly using ai or straight up tuning out the milisecond an applicant doesn't have a specific requirement they need or possibly simply doesn't enjoy the visual aspect of their resume.

i'm also starting to realize the people i'm being hired for, even temporarily, are mostly awful people. they either don't care about having a genuinely sanitized work environment or straight up do not care about your contributions unless you are boosting their ego.

and i think that's apart of it. as a neurodivergent woman, i assume i am speaking to someone who is, at the very least considerably reasonable. nine times out of ten they are not. this generation's employers are pro-ai, flagrantly neurotypical, and passionately shitty assholes who happen to run or manage companies. and i have to pander to that stupidity.

slight rant aside, i currently live in a shelter. i've lived here for the last 6 months. while it hasn't been the perfect place, i've appreciated the home i've had, aswell as the opportunity not to pay rent or feel like i should be doing something unspoken/untold for because i am not paying rent. i deal with shitty staff, and know i can't be kicked out for their own pettiness. it can be annoying, but it's much more secure then i've had before.

i've enjoyed it despite the looks i get everytime i mention i stay in one.

however, DC'S DHS centers seem to think differently. instead of attempting to better the economy, or wait out what feels like a industry wide hiring slowdown, they make small attempts to force people onto the streets.

currently, every monday, wednesday and friday, i leave my dormitory from the hours of either 8:45 am - 11am, or 8:45am to 2pm on wednesdays. I didn't have to deal with as hard time constraints when I lived on a higher floor, but because the shelter's cleaning crew goes floor by floor to clean every other day, and I now reside on a lower one, we wake up earlier.

in about two weeks, DHS will be beginning a new rule that says all clients, regardless of floor, have to leave their dorms from the hours of 10am - 5pm every single weekday.

Obviously, this is marketed as a attempt to "push" our population into work or schooling they might either already be trying to maintain or fail to be able to get to because of the lack of support on this shitty shelter's side. Instead of increasing that support, or rushing housing vouchers, or anything productive, the best solution they've come up with is to simply throw everyone outside, again.

I, very temporarily, had a job. I wasn't as concerned because I had something to do, not to mention a way out of here. That is gone now, revealed to be a scam. this, and many other reasons, is why i've been scrambling ever since.

i'm somewhat malnutritioned at the moment but i want to get this out, so while i do have more to say, i'll make this shorter. I am afraid of this new rule. I also struggle with the fact that the temperature in my room has been dreadfully cold. I need to find ways to think up and apply for an accomodation, but I am struggling and I am tired. I need help searching for jobs and tailoring my resume to fit these corporate demons. I need the motivation and support to keep living, to fight back against this, to be able to picture a life beautiful for myself.

i'll also be getting my dc ID this week, which should open me up to a lot more possibilities and support to apply for. if you know anything about DC especially, please dm me. It'd be nice to get a group together. I just need support.

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ive never been more conscious of my area(tm) bc i dont like it at all. the other area wasn't the best, either, but i liked it a lot more then the one im in now. it just feels too unfamiliar and weird. and i feel like im constantly reminded of that.

im running out of things to do ngl, i dont why it feels like everything's getting boring at once but it just feels like it is. like idk how to cope with the fact that my environment is different now. it feels like i just keep being reminded of it in simple ways.

it feels hard to keep my area clean because ive kinda had to shove everything to one space in my room. where as my old room was waay more open. this room feels cramped and cluttered.

it felt like i could genuinely think straight. but idk. the only room that was somewhat ok on my old floor was the one i stayed in, and even that one got so annoying sometimes.

i feel weird. like i don't know what to do. the change was random and very uncomfortable. but i didn't really like some aspects of my old room either. i just wanna stop feeling so incredibly misplaced. it feels like my brain can't stop focusing on it. i miss the sounds of voices that were familiar to me. i miss staff that was familiar to me. i've been herre for like 4 weeks and everything still feels so stressful.

i thought eventually my brain would just get used to it but it just feels like im in this sort of limbo phase.

So one of my friends is an amazingly creative and talented person who started her own business giving "loo tours" in London. She takes groups of tourists around London, telling them the secret histories of the toilets there. She has a real fascination for toilets and the way she talks about them, you would think they are the most interesting thing in the world. 

Right now she is trying to raise money so she can write a book about Toilets and Entrepreneurship (which is cool because she's an entrepreneur herself). It's going to be called "Doing Your Business." She needs some extra help because she's trying to attend the World Toilet Summit in Indonesia. So if you can, please chip in.

Here's a link about her project. She explains it better than me: 

http://www.sponsume.com/project/doing-your-business-researching-entrepreneur-toilet

I've known Rachel for almost my entire life and she is the kind of person who gets things done. She started her own Shakespearean theater troupe at 12 which still exists today. I know whatever crazy product she ends up coming up with from this project, it will not disappoint you.