firstly, i'll put all my vices on the table. i am disabled. i am severely mentally ill. i am neurodivergent/possibly autistic. i am queer and recently got out of a toxic (straight passing) relationship where i stayed with my ex's parents at their house. i think a lot of people in their 20s stay at their parent's houses in this day and age, even with "ok" jobs. i do not have that luxury. i was severely mentally, emotionally, and somewhat physically abused as a child. i have been able to cut off contact from my incubators, thank god.

for the last six months i have been job hunting. my bpd and the fact that i stay in a shelter makes it very hard for me to be normal when things go or don't go my way job wise. ive known this for a while, but i've kept trucking on because i assumed, eventually, i'd get one. full disclosure, i do not have much guidance. getting a job in this market is also statstically borderlining on impossible. i am mostly powered by dopamine hits, and when i get an interview or do well, while i logically understand it's not an immediate shoo-in that i'll get that job, it feels as if it makes it exceedingly close.

realistically i'm beginning to realize the numbers couldn't be farther apart, and while i despise that i even have to, so many people have suggested i either flat out lie on my resume or use ai in some way.

which, feels insane.

i genuinely don't think it matters how skilled or important or fit you are for the position- either employers are flagrantly using ai or straight up tuning out the milisecond an applicant doesn't have a specific requirement they need or possibly simply doesn't enjoy the visual aspect of their resume.

i'm also starting to realize the people i'm being hired for, even temporarily, are mostly awful people. they either don't care about having a genuinely sanitized work environment or straight up do not care about your contributions unless you are boosting their ego.

and i think that's apart of it. as a neurodivergent woman, i assume i am speaking to someone who is, at the very least considerably reasonable. nine times out of ten they are not. this generation's employers are pro-ai, flagrantly neurotypical, and passionately shitty assholes who happen to run or manage companies. and i have to pander to that stupidity.

slight rant aside, i currently live in a shelter. i've lived here for the last 6 months. while it hasn't been the perfect place, i've appreciated the home i've had, aswell as the opportunity not to pay rent or feel like i should be doing something unspoken/untold for because i am not paying rent. i deal with shitty staff, and know i can't be kicked out for their own pettiness. it can be annoying, but it's much more secure then i've had before.

i've enjoyed it despite the looks i get everytime i mention i stay in one.

however, DC'S DHS centers seem to think differently. instead of attempting to better the economy, or wait out what feels like a industry wide hiring slowdown, they make small attempts to force people onto the streets.

currently, every monday, wednesday and friday, i leave my dormitory from the hours of either 8:45 am - 11am, or 8:45am to 2pm on wednesdays. I didn't have to deal with as hard time constraints when I lived on a higher floor, but because the shelter's cleaning crew goes floor by floor to clean every other day, and I now reside on a lower one, we wake up earlier.

in about two weeks, DHS will be beginning a new rule that says all clients, regardless of floor, have to leave their dorms from the hours of 10am - 5pm every single weekday.

Obviously, this is marketed as a attempt to "push" our population into work or schooling they might either already be trying to maintain or fail to be able to get to because of the lack of support on this shitty shelter's side. Instead of increasing that support, or rushing housing vouchers, or anything productive, the best solution they've come up with is to simply throw everyone outside, again.

I, very temporarily, had a job. I wasn't as concerned because I had something to do, not to mention a way out of here. That is gone now, revealed to be a scam. this, and many other reasons, is why i've been scrambling ever since.

i'm somewhat malnutritioned at the moment but i want to get this out, so while i do have more to say, i'll make this shorter. I am afraid of this new rule. I also struggle with the fact that the temperature in my room has been dreadfully cold. I need to find ways to think up and apply for an accomodation, but I am struggling and I am tired. I need help searching for jobs and tailoring my resume to fit these corporate demons. I need the motivation and support to keep living, to fight back against this, to be able to picture a life beautiful for myself.

i'll also be getting my dc ID this week, which should open me up to a lot more possibilities and support to apply for. if you know anything about DC especially, please dm me. It'd be nice to get a group together. I just need support.

//

“Why are Earthborn demons the way they are in Hell?”

I recently thought about this and it’s become my biggest issue with the series as a whole. As we know, Hazbin Hotel is a Series with heavy inspiration from Christianity. In the Bible (from what I was taught), Lucifer was a prideful arrogant Angel who thought he could take God’s place; he went down to the Garden of Eden and tempted Eve to take the Forbidden fruit of knowledge. After eating the fruit, Eve gave Adam the forbidden fruit and they were both cast out the garden of Eden. Sometime after or before (I can’t remember which), Lucifer and 1/3 of the angels were cast out of Heaven for going against God. Hazbin does this differently though. Instead, Lucifer falls in love with Lilith after she left/defied Adam and they give the fruit to eve which causes the two of them to be banished.

Here’s where the problems begin to arise. In the pilot, the extermination began due to overpopulation. This isn’t an issue and is actually quite interesting. The main series completely changes this though and instead tells us the exterminations began because of fear of an uprising.

If heaven was so concerned about an uprising, then why are sinners and overlords allowed to have new, powerful forms with new powers? Wouldn’t that make an uprising against Heaven MORE likely than if they were just humans? By giving them powers, the earth born demons have a chance to uprise against heaven if given the chance.

“What about Lucifer and Lilith? Couldn’t they have given the earthborn demons powers?”

Well, to that I have a counter argument. Lucifer in the main series has been shown to have disdain against sinners and overlords and how they’ve abused the gift he sacrificed his whole family for. But I don’t think Lucifer was the one to give them powers. Wouldn’t it make more sense for him to remove or just straight up not GIVE demons powers if he hated the idea of what the earthborn demons have been doing?

Furthermore, I don’t think Lilith was responsible either. Sure, she empowered the demons of hell with song, but if the angels were really that concerned, couldn’t they have just revoked any powers Lilith gave the demons? Or better yet, stop the root of the problem and get rid of Lilith?

If the angels are powerful enough to banish a fellow seraphim down to hell, shouldn’t they be strong enough to undo any possible threats Lilith and Lucifer have caused?

We know where the demons’ appearances come from, but we don’t know why they’re given such appearance and powers. If heaven was worried about an uprising and responsible for deciding whether demons go to heaven or hell, couldn’t they chose to make humans in hell powerless? When you think about it like that, everything begins to fall apart.

Not to mention that it would’ve made more sense that hellborn demons have cool powers instead of the sinners and overlords. Like, what happened to the 1/3 of fallen angels? Did they not fall alongside Lucifer? If so, where did Hellborn demons come from? If 1/3 of the angels had fallen alongside Lucifer, gained more deadly abilities with their fall, and eventually reproduced/evolved, they could eventually split into the hellborn demons we know today. Especially after the extensive time period Hell’s been around for.

TLDR:

Why should earthborn demons have all the cool powers and forms when they’re supposed to be in punishment? If heaven’s so scared of an uprising, they should’ve removed or forced Lucifer and Lilith to get rid of demon powers.

SPOILERS FOR S2E8 “THE FULL MOON” OF HELLUVA BOSS

[Things that I liked about the newest episode]

The Art/animation:

The art/animation was super good as always. The fight scene were choreographed rather well and it was just awesome. (Shoutout to the effects team as well).

The music and voice acting:

The music and voice acting were also really good (though at some points, certain characters didn’t sound right??? Like there was one scene where Moxxie confronted the Cherubs and his voice sounded COMPLETELY different. Aside from that though, the emotion in Blitzø’s voice for example where absolutely STELLAR.

Unfortunately, I don’t have many good things to say about this episode because tbh, it was a HUGE let down for me.

[Things I didn’t like]

The goddamn plot:

The pacing here was fucking atrocious and especially bad this episode. The goddamn cherubs and Dhorks got more screen time than Stolas and Blitzø, which shouldn’t be the case given that the episode is titled “The Full Moon” and should’ve been about Blitzø and Stolas’ “deal.”

It was also incredibly strange because why in the world would Vivziepop hype up this episode only to have it barely feature the main storyline. Sure, it was nice to see less of Stolitz, but when you market an episode as being a Stolitz-centric episode that’s supposed to be where they break up, you should expect more focus.

Instead though, we got more of Dhorks’ and Cherubs’ rushed Alliance that went nowhere and was the A plot, while the most important part of the series was shafted as the B plot.

Speaking of shafting the B plot, the pacing was another issue:

The pacing was (once again) another huge issue for me. Blitzø and Stolas’ talk about their “deal” was EXTREMELY quick. Though it was incredibly well done both voice acting wise, mood wise, etc, the pacing just went too fast and it would’ve been nice to see more buildup.

Not only that, but with The Cherubs’ and Dhorks’ situation, the fight went on way too long when it didn’t even affect the actual plot or story. It just meant nothing narrative wise and just felt like a waste of time tbh.

That leads to my next issue, the stakes:

The stakes of this episode were meant to be incredibly high. This was the episode where Stolas and Blitzø were theorized (and confirmed) to break up. Despite this high-stakes moment that’s been forever in the making, with the Cherubs portion of the episode (that took up more screen time than the supposed main focus), the stakes were incredibly non-existent most of the episode and then quickly hit you like a brick in the final five minutes where the most important part comes to play.

Like sure, some may argue that the stakes and tension hitting you was supposed to be like that, but it just felt like bad writing to me.

This leads into the next issue which is tone/tonal whiplash:

This episode suffers from pretty bad tonal whiplash imo. While a good portion of the episode was used to bring Dhorks and Cherubs back into relevancy, there were moments where Blitzø went out (and met Fizzeroli later on) to buy new stuff for their monthly fucking.

Despite the audience heavily suspecting this episode would be Stolitz’s breakup episode, there was little to no buildup. In the beginning of the episode, we get Stolas and Blitzø’s duet talking about the full moon and whatnot. We know that Stolas will give the asmodean crystal to Blitzø, but we don’t know how he’ll react.

We see everything on Blitzø’s side going wonderfully, he’s buying stuff for their “deal” and whatnot making sure it’s perfect (because it’s heavily implied Blitzø is worried that Stolas is getting sick of him). On the other hand, we see no buildup on Stolas’ side. No buildup whatsoever. After the duet, he’s completely gone until Blitzø meets up with Stolas. I think that works against the episode and it’s intentions. So, it went from Blitzø being happy, to things all going to shit with little buildup imo.

The Episode’s intentions:

Honestly, this episode really rubbed me the wrong way, especially when Blitzø finally confronts Stolas about everything. It truly seems that they’re trying to paint Blitzø as the villain, when that’s furthest from the truth.

In scene one (which I’d previously screen recorded, but you can only upload 1 video from camera roll), we see Stolas asking for the book back. Permanently so he can give Blitzø the Asmodean crystal. Blitzø’s reaction here is VERY telling, as he automatically assumes he isn’t doing good enough in their “deal” and thus is jeopardizing his business and his employee’s livelihoods. This is just one example of the gross power imbalance in their “relationship” and like it or not, this scene alone proves that Stolas has created and upheld a gross power imbalance.

Scene/video two ALSO showcases the gross power imbalance in this situation. Blitzø is literally CRYING and BEGGING to keep the book because (as of this point in the episode), he is unaware of Stolas’ intentions and truly believes that the deal is being revoked and he’ll lose his business, job, and cost his employees’ jobs and livelihoods.

Scene/video three truly bothers me in more ways than one because STOLAS was the one who suggested the “deal”. STOLAS was the one who suggested they meet up on the full moon for sex. So WHY is he acting so surprised that Blitzø expected it to be about sex when that was the standard STOLAS set? It really does feel like the narrative is trying to sympathize and make Stolas seem like the victim when Blitzø is merely upholding the arrangement hess. been confined to.

Scene/video four REALLY REALLY grinds my gears after Blitzø rightfully goes off for being blindsided and given no chance to process what the hell Stolas has told him, Stolas is yet again treated like the victim while Blitzø is made to be the villain. Blitzø literally mentioned in the scene before this that he needed time to think things over and couldn’t have this thrown at him like that (and also rightfully goes off on him for seeing him as lesser and being toyed with).

Not only that, but it’s just misguided at best and downright malicious at worst that Blitzø’s trauma and abuse from Stolas is either completely swept under the rug or spun to make Blitzø be the villain in the situation when he’s merely fighting back against the abuse he’s faced.

The final part, The Hype:

Honestly, this episode was REALLY disappointing. It didn’t even reach the 30 minute mark and was the same/similar length as every normal episode, yet it was supposed to be so much more important. We were promised a good episode where Stolas and Blitzø would discuss their “deal,” yet it was shafted to the last five minutes and felt incredibly rushed and victim-blamey tbh. The hype for the episode didn’t really match what we got imo and I’m more disappointed with this episode than I’ve been with the other episodes in season 2.

Overall, I really hate Stolitz as a ship because of portrayal in the series and the episode heavily suffered because of it and also suffers from the usual issues due to the lack of proper pacing and the fact that it wasn’t even longer to allow for more time.

Rating: Tilts between a three and a negative infinity tbh

So, I finally finished processing what my doctor said a few days ago and apparently it turns out my anxiety , ADHD, etc. *IS* that bad and I would benefit from having a service dog, but the thing is, I’m a dog trainer and the thing is I have a puppy and the thing is I started doing massive research on service dogs and I could technically start training him in service dog work once I get an okay from one of my trainers of the facility I train at, so fun (ish?) . And my Anxiety get triggered by large groups, loud areas, or people I don’t really know (mostly in face to face interactions) so school is fun (not really) and ALL OF THAT WAS CAUSED MOSTLY BY MY 5TH GRADE MATH TEACHER- (I hope she gets fired.) -SO. CONGRATS TO YOU! Anyways I wanted to get that out of my system, but before I shut up; shoot out to thoses boys that said “animal spray!” To me when I was walking by them with a decorative tail on my hand bag ?? But don’t worry I flipped them out twice (once infrount on their parents because they were giggling, laughing, and whispering at me, and then threatening me because I was sticking up for myself. Anygays,

Have a good day/night! (Unless you are the two boys or my 5th grade math teacher)

TAA TAA!!

This photo was taken in June. This is when he started shedding his head feathers. You can also see the bald patch by his eye and the rest of his feathers becoming more dull in color.

This is from August. Completely bald and dull in color, but still predominately red.

And this is an actual female for comparison. Their wings, tails and some of their head feathers are a muted shade of red, not their entire body and certainly not the feathers directly surrounding their neck.

This concludes my TED Talk.

My kingdom is the solitude that is myself, my room and possibly a few snacks and keys not forget my husband, my old Dell laptop.

Also a majority of my life I have been a major failure.

Now imagine putting salt on my wounds.

Little girl trying to be my ‘Freind’ asks for me to help her with a graphic design project and tips.

There’s a reason I have a website with a order form. Because people are full of shit.

They will want to make a thousand changes to the project.

Costumers never know what they need.

What you want is not what you need.

Long story short, we(I) are nearly complete with the project and send a photo of the progress and they say that woman is prohibited to be on any of the pages of the BEAUTY PRODUCT finally decided to be a FOUR page brochure.

I fucking trash the project because now because the customer is full of shit, my ‘Freind’ is full of shit, they made me feel worthless like I couldn’t do it anyways and that I am worth nothing and also that’s fucking sexist.

Now remember. This is an OPINIONATED THING. DON’T READ UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE HIT IN THE FACE WITH MY OPINIONS!

The Dress Code: The discussion of dress code and it’s discriminatory nature against girls and their self-image has been a prevalent subject amongst many middle and high school students. This topic has continued to stay relevant, and I’m sure we’ve all either heard about, or even experienced ourselves, the unjust punishments hundreds of students receive daily because of ridiculous dress code rules. When discussing this topic, it would be ignorant to ignore the sexualization of female bodies in our society. This is arguably the root of all problems relating to dress codes, and likewise, the main reason that a restrictive dress code would ever exist in the first place. As has been proved time and time again in nearly every aspect of our daily lives, the female body is commonly associated as being synonymous with sex.The objectification of women in the media is something that only further bolsters this idea; which has encouraged the conception that the female body is nothing more than a selling point or form of entertainment. Something only to be viewed in a sexual light or as something “appealing” for  those who see it. The societal fault that has built this negative connotation surrounding female bodies is the exact source of what has led schools to create a dress code.I mean of course, if schools were to allow bra straps to be shown or shorts to be worn, female students would be far too distracting to their fellow classmates and student body, right?As I’m sure anyone who has been dress coded themselves has experienced being punished because of something that you wear is not only incredibly inconvenient (no, I did not bring complete a change of clothes with me to school), but especially embarrassing and guilt-inducing.Every time I’ve been dress-coded, or told to “cover up,” my skin would begin to crawl, my face heat up, and my chest begin to feel heavy, as if a rock-form of guilt was thrown right on top of it. Throughout all of these situations I couldn’t help but think that I’d done something inexplicably and horribly wrong. (hint, I didn’t.) You see, telling a girl to go and put on a jacket, change her outfit, or whatever punishment is decided upon, does more than just force her to go change. It sends her a message that will continue to be recited and repeated every day for the rest of her life. A message that says: your body is a sexual thing, and the exposition of your skin will only ever be seen in an inappropriate light. A message that is only confirmed by our media and passed down by parents who want to protect their little girl. A message that will travel far past the boundaries that any school will ever reach.Dress codes also give the person doing the dress coding the power to deem someone’s body as a sexual thing. 

While some teachers or staff may simply be following a certain rule set by their school, I myself have been dress coded, on more than one occasion, for reasons that were in no way an actual violation of the dress code. Even though I was following the rules that are considered to be so necessary in creating a “safe learning environment” for students, somehow, I was still too inappropriate to be sitting in class. (In this specific example, I was in third grade, wearing jean shorts and a tank top. Boobs didn’t exist in my world yet.) This only further proves the point that, no matter what “rules” or ridiculous outfit guidelines you impose on students, it is solely up to the people around them to decide whether they are going to view that individual in an appropriate light or not.It is not a girls fault for wearing something that may “distract” someone, but rather the fault of whoever may view a girl’s body as being “distracting” in the first place. My body is not a distraction. My existence is not a hindrance to those who surround me. The only real issue I can name in this situation is the fact that anyone would have the mentality that these claims are true.The fact that so many girls have to miss class time, or even be sent home because of something that they’re wearing sends out another societal message. The message that their male counterparts education is more valuable than her own, and that their bodies themselves are something punishable.In the United States, it’s been a few decades since women weren’t allowed to receive the same education as men; and since then, we have prided ourselves in providing equal opportunity for any gender to succeed in life. As has been shown on multiple occasions however, gender inequality is still a huge problem today. But why do we continue to insist on making these problems worse? Things like dress codes pretty much ingrain gender roles and unfair treatment of the sexes into the minds of children as being normal. 

Yes, we may have accomplished allowing females to actually receive an education, yes we may have accomplished allowing females to be seen as actual members of society (wow!!), but that doesn’t get rid of the fact that we are fueling ideas gender inequality everyday, and doing so by cementing them within our school systems and students minds. How can we claim to be anywhere near having gender-equality in schools while these unjust dress codes continue to exist?To emphasize the true hypocrisy of dress codes, let’s look at this situation in perspective. It is incredibly common for schools to have girls leave class, or even school in general (I’ve even had friends of mine be suspended), due to a violation of the dress code.The dress coding process normally goes a little something like this: You go to class and have a teacher deem your outfit as inappropriate; from there you need to go and change; and while there are multiple different ways that you can be sent off to change, all of which involve finding some sort of jacket, sweatpants, or even completely new outfit to change into.  

A reminder that this whole process is happening during class time.After finding whatever it is you need, you have to put away (or in some schools, turn in) your “inappropriate” clothes before heading back to class. For some teachers, finding a new article of clothing is enough; for others, there’s more to the story. Girls may find themselves doing work in a side room for the rest of the period, having to serve detention or maybe even be sent to an administrator’s office for an even harsher punishment. Regardless of the details of any punishment however, we shouldn’t have such protocol being implemented in school in the first place. The process itself is tedious, time consuming and guarantees that a student will be missing out on class time in order to find new clothes. Many dress codes detail their intent as creating a “safe” or “productive” learning environment for students. Which means, the main reason schools don’t want male students to be “distracted” in class is because they recognize this class time as being important  and necessary in the first place! In an attempt to condense everything into very brief and blunt terms: the solution to ensuring that one student does not miss class time is to force a different student to miss that class time instead.Is there not the slightest trace of irony in this situation?

Which leads me to my next point: how dress codes are also harmful to boys. Dress codes succeed in further adding onto and broadcasting the largely false and negative aspects of the male stereotype. While girls are far more likely to be actively discriminated against, boys are consistently being portrayed in a negative light.Men are stereotypically seen as power-hungry, emotionless, sex-driven beings. And through dress codes we have only added onto this imagery to create a narrative that says: boys aren’t capable of not being distracted by girls. That boys are already far too sex-driven to be trusted to focus in a room that contains exposed shoulders, thighs or midriffs. Yet surprisingly, never in my whole existence has a boy ever been outwardly affected by what I was wearing.

 In fact, I can name countless situations where boys didn’t blink an eye at an outfit that I had previously been dress coded for. The very foundation that dress codes are built upon instills boys with the mindset that they constantly have to be yearning for sex in order to be considered “normal” teens. When in reality, boys are not only able to control their hormones around their classmates (regardless of what they’re wearing), but most likely weren’t even affected or “distracted” to by them to begin with.

Although dress codes may be viewed as “necessary” in order to maintain a “proper learning environment” in schools, they are in no way needed to actually be doing so. Instead of creating guidelines that require girls to hide their bra straps, create an environment where these straps can be seen for what they are: a piece of elastic.Instead of taking girls out of class for being “distractions” to other students, teach kids that they shouldn’t be “distracted” by anyone’s physical appearance in the first place. Instead of trying to “protect” boys from the exposition of too much skin, understand that they genuinely won’t be affected by a girl’s appearance until we make it a point to constantly draw attention and shame girls for it.

If we truly value the progression of gender equality in our society, and if we truly want to protect our youth from potential danger in the future, we need to ensure that they are not being taught the opposite of these morals in their schools.