#super catchy

“O-Okay!” she exclaimed, getting to her feet with a few squeaky noises. “Sensei will now bulk up before her next fight! I won’t lose! Not when my precious students are depending on me!”

It’d be easy to burst her bubble but this time, she’s not wrong. We have to get to the hospital on the third island. Not just for that guy’s sake, but for all our sakes. I have to scan not just myself, but potentially everyone else.

“I-I just, um, need a new weapon, maybe a new ribbon, and, um.” Monomi pats her belly a few times. “This diaper is a bit restrictive too, huh.”

“Then just take it off?” He raised an eyebrow. “It’s not like you need it. You don’t defecate, right?”

“S-Such a horrifying question to ask your teacher!” she exclaimed, jumping with an utterly mortified look. “It’s not just inappropriate, it’s so indecent! You should never suggest nor ask such things of a young woman!”

Young woman? What about her is young besides that childish appearance? She has an age? She considers herself matured?

So many questions. So little importance. Matsuda scowled.

“I’ve already dug around your intestines,” he pointed out. “I know there’s nothing there but fluff.”

“D-Don’t say that; it’s so embarrassing!” she cried. “For a teacher to be in such a position before her precious, precious students! I’m just so, so ashamed! I never want to think about it again!”

“So you’re just going to keep wearing a diaper. Even though that’s not exactly tasteful either.” He shook his head. “What is there even to be done about you? Urgh. Come on.” He clapped his hands a few times, and she tottered after him in confusion. “Let’s go to Rocketpunch.”

Monomi blinked up at him. Grimacing, he explained.

“You said you needed a new ribbon, right? We’ll look for sticks on the way there but there might very well be something else you can use.”

“M-Matsuda-kun, oh.” She presses her paws together, awestruck. “Y-You really are such a kind, kind child!”

“Hurry the fuck up or I’m throwing you ahead.”

“R-Right!”

--

“Red or yellow? Is yellow maybe too flashy, Matsuda-kun?”

“Those are for pigtails.”

“Oh! I see! I’m not a pig, after all, I’m a rabbit! Ehehehe!” Monomi giggled even in the face of Matsuda’s stoic frown. “They have all kinds of ribbons. It’s difficult to choose.”

“Some of these have different names,” Matsuda said, pulling out a big red one. “This, for instance, is a V Ribbon.”

“Ooh! For victory!” Monomi exclaimed. “Yes, yes.”

“No, but whatever.” He held up the ribbon to Monomi’s ear. Making a face, he tied the bow and then leaned back to take in the sight. “A maybe, maybe?”

Not exactly feeling the most confident about this one. Best to find a couple of other options.

He dug around the ribbon section some more. His eyes light up as he pulled out another one, similarly bright red but so very fine.

“This one’s better,” he said, holding it out. “The Hime Ribbon. It’s an actual creation of the princess of the Magical Kingdom.”

“It looks like this one,” Monomi replied, patting her bow.

“It’s completely different!” Matsuda exclaimed, annoyed. “It’s come on, come on, go, go, jump!”

“Come on, come on, go, go jump?” Monomi repeated. She mulls it over before pumping her paw. “Ike, ike!”

“No, no!” Huffing, Matsuda rubbed his temples. “It's a classic! A fucking classic! Like, Akko-chan and Mami? No, not that Mami!”

“H-How cruel,” she sobbed, holding down her ears. “But, you know.” A pause before she beams. “It does give me a nostalgic feeling, Matsuda-kun.”

“Because it’s a classic,” Matsuda muttered, puffing his cheeks. “But, considering what this ribbon does, it’s a bad fit for you.”

“Eh? What does it do?”

“It’s...freaky.” Making a face, Matsuda set the ribbon lovingly aside. “Maybe we should look for something a little more straight-forward.”

“Hm, hm,” Monomi hums. “You know, transformation is a very important part of being a magical girl but it’s not always a good thing.” She tugs at her diaper, sullen. “This kind of transformation for instance.”

Transformation. Yeah, obviously. Normal people can only do so much even with the amount of capability they have. But, there’s more to it.

“It’s not about getting stronger, it’s also about building confidence in yourself,” Matsuda snapped, irritated now. “You may not have the range you did before but the fact that you’re so whiny and weepy about it is beyond infuriating. Was your character always that fickle? Your simpering, desperate optimism only a forced front?”

Monomi stilled and blinked up at him.

“Pathetic,” he sniffed. “Even if you didn’t mean for things to go so wrong, you’re making it worse with how flighty and pitiful you are.” He quiets for a moment, and weirdly, he feels sick. He covers his mouth with a groan. “Gross.”

“Matsuda-kun,” Monomi says, softly and meaningfully. “So harsh.”

It is a bit harsh, isn’t it? He thought almost in mirthless amusement. If she had just been trying to help, that’d be one thing, but she’s responsible for our lost memories. She’s part of the reason why we’re trapped in the first place. That’s why I can’t help but get so pissed about it.

That said, he should know better than to tell off a program of all things. He wished he could just spit in the face of whoever human in charge. But that person is, allegedly, someplace he can’t reach while trapped.

It’s useless. It’s all useless. Except. I really do have to get to the hospital.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. An adult complaining so much only burdens the children.”

Matsuda stilled for a moment, perking up.

“I’ll do better!” Monomi chirped. “I’ll get stronger! For my precious, precious students!”

She’s a program, but maybe she does have a semblance of maturity. He thinks that, but even so, his expression darkens. Still a program that acts as a proxy. Still incapable of explanations and justifications. Still the means we found ourselves trapped with our heads tampered. How trustworthy can someone so fundamentally detached and closed off really be? Even if it’s someone with this kind of personality?

Still, there was one matter that was clear while the rest were vague.

Even if we’re at odds, we have the same enemy. Komaeda said that about the traitor, too.

While he’s still undeniably pissed and suspicious, he does need all the help he can get. Especially from someone with the capabilities of taking down the Monobeasts, of opening the paths to the closed-off islands where more could be gleamed and where more could be done. With that, he looks through the ribbons once more, pulling out various options before he found one that had him pause.

A pretty yellow ribbon adorned with a blue star. Still quiet, Matsuda knelt down and tugged the red ribbon off Monomi to replace it. He fixed the yellow ribbon and the star shone brightly at him. Pulling back, he took in the beaming Monomi and nodded.

“Yeah, that’ll work. Let’s go with this one.”

Monomi twirled around with flourish.

“Magical Miracle Girl ☆ Monomi! At your service!” A pause. Monomi yelped. “N-No, Usami! I mean Usami! I’m not Monomi, I don’t even know a Monomi!”

“Right,” Matsuda said, nodding along. “There should be a baton around here that we can use as a weapon. Hopefully one that suits your new look.”

“Y-Yes!” she exclaimed, watery-eyed. “Yes, yes!”

When he found one and handed it over, Monomi waved it around and declared,

“I absolutely won’t lose! I’ll fight for the sake of my students! With the power of wuv and hope!”

Matsuda said nothing to that, even as his lips twisted in the slightest way.

Later, when Monomi faced against that snake beast again, not only was she knocked away again in spite of her best efforts, but...

That thing knocked her away with the force of a truck, causing the now broken baton to clatter at Matsuda’s feet.