#gassy guy

90s!Jules begging Rooney to pull over on a country road one evening. She obliges; she does not need another mysterious dark stain in her beloved Vauxhall Astra (whose name is Betty.) His stomach is knotted in the fashion that preludes diarrhea of the violent sort. His trousers are down before he's even selected a bush to squat behind. All that ends up happening is him blowing his horn for a minute straight. Rooney honks her horn back. "I think we're communicating!"

The only thing that breaks Rose's hyper-focus is Eustace remarking, "I thought he had two freckles on that side?" Eustace is quiet for the rest of that ride.

(Happens many a time in Knight!Verse. Eustace has lost track of how many peasants he has mooned. They don't scream half as loud when orcs lay seige to their villages.)

What it sparked was an idea of Knight!Jules playing medieval poker or some such and becoming increasingly more repugnant as the game progresses. He thinks he's keeping it cool, tells Eustace he's got this all taken care of, can read this chumps like a book, could do this in his sleep, etc. What he's actually doing is dripping with sweat, burping acid clouds, and farting out thick muddy spumes of that lung-crushing brown musk science and logic cannot explain, until his fellow players are unable to read their cards.

The beauty of it is that even if he's losing, which is almost definitely is (don't tell him that), someone has to still be conscious by the end to pocket their rightful winnings. And there's only ever one last man standing.