Ji Guang: Well, to be fair, Wu Zixu did dig up a corpse. And is brutally whipping it.

Sun Wu: What, no, that's pretty normal actually. I meant, doesn't he get tired? We're at 200 lashes and counting.

Liu Yao’s Army ‘The Yang Alliance’

(Left to Right)

Top Row

Xu Gong, Taishi Ci, Ze Rong

Upper Middle Row

Lu Kang, Yan Baihu, Yan Yu

Lower Middle Row

Liu Xun, Zhou Xin, Zhu Hao, Sheng Xian

Bottom Row

Hua Xin, Liu Yao, Wang Lang

A motley collection of scholars, warriors, eccentrics and opportunists.

Zum Gedenktag: Der Krieg In Der Kunst

Der untenstehende Text ist ein Auszug aus dem Der Krieg In Der Kunst von Victoria Charles und Sun Tzu, herausgegeben von Parkstone International.

Antoine Jean Gros, General Bonaparte auf der Brücke von Arcole am 4. November 1796, 1796. Öl auf Leinwand, 130 x 94 cm. Musée national des châteaux de Versailles et de Trianon, Versailles.

„Die Kunst des Krieges“ – das, was uns bei diesem Ausdruck…

I lured @math-is-magic​ into trying to read Clouds and Rain despite no prior knowledge of the Three Kingdoms era generally and she professed being impressed at how, long long ago when I read Romance of the Three Kingdoms for the first time, I made my own character glossary to keep track of who is who.

CAVEAT LECTOR: Historically accurate only to the degree that it pleases my pedantry. Departs from Dynasty Warriors in some key areas. Limited to characters that have (so far) appeared in the story directly.

Wu aka Sun Wu - Jiangdong - The Southlands

Colour Scheme? Red Animal Motif? Tiger Part of China? Southeast third, from the Yangtze (more or less) down, west about halfway. Heat, rivers, pirates, rice, fish. Motivation? Bonds Hearts? ON FIRE Enemy Camps? ALSO ON FIRE

Sun Quan, ruler of Wu, style name Zhongmou: Wow, who died and left this loser to rule? Well, that’s the problem, everybody died and left this loser to rule. Ever so slightly neurotic. *coughs* Kind of my problematic fave. Thinks everybody in Shu is out to get him. (Everybody in Shu IS out to get him.) Lianshi: Technically she ought to be Lady Bu but since Dynasty Warriors didn’t bother neither did I. Former lady-in-waiting to Sun Quan’s sister, nicest woman you’ll ever meet, Sun Quan is her problematic fave. Big ol’ tiddies. Lu Xun, Wu chancellor, style name Boyan: OUR HERO. 92.3% perfect gentleman and Confucian af. Gan Ning, Wu officer: Adorable kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day. Former pirate, semi-reformed psychopath. WEARS BELLS, it’s his thing. Used to be in the employ of another army, during which time he kinda sorta killed the father of... Ling Tong, Wu officer: Rich kid who made good in his own right. Wanted to kill Gan Ning for a long time (in revenge for his father’s death) but has mostly gotten over it and now they are best frenemies. (Note to history buffs: just GET OUT of here with your FACTS.) Shield of laziness and apathy. “I don’t care,” says Ling Tong, caringly, as he cares deeply. Zhou Tai, Wu officer: Sun Quan’s personal bodyguard. Former pirate. Tall, dark, and... scarred. Well, two out of three isn’t bad. The strong silent type. Zhu Ran, Wu officer: Lu Xun used to be Wu’s pyromaniac character. Then they introduced Zhu Ran to be the pyromaniac and actually made Lu Xun well-rounded, and Zhu Ran is slightly bitter about it. Also a Rich Kid. (Is Wu’s army all rich kids and pirates???? MAYBE.) Ding Feng, Wu officer: One-note character who looks like Frankenstein’s monster and writes poetry. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Han Dang, Wu officer: One-note character who doesn’t want to be forgotten. Forget about him. Sun Shangxiang: Sun Quan’s younger sister, famous/infamous for being wild about martial arts and just generally wild. Arranged married to... (hold this thought...)

Shu aka Shu Han

Colour scheme? Green Animal motif? Dragon Part of China? At this point, the west-southwest. Smallest/least prosperous. Motivation? BENEVOLENCE Really? YES OF COURSE, BENEVOLENCE AND ONLY BENEVOLENCE. Pay no attention to the man behind the crane fan. What’s benevolence? 仁 Ren. Confucius says... no, come back, this isn’t a joke! Confucius really does say! Confucius says: Now the man of perfect virtue, wishing to be established himself, seeks also to establish others; wishing to be enlarged himself, he seeks also to enlarge others. What’s that guy doing over there behind the crane fan? NOTHING!!

Liu Bei, ruler of Shu: He was arranged married to Sun Shangxiang! (I hope you didn’t hurt yourself holding that thought.) Tenuously related to the imperial family but grew up poor af. Charismatic as hell. Wants to tell you the Good News about Benevolence. Liu Shan, crown prince, aka A-Dou: Unspecified, serious intellectual disability. Bears zero resemblance to the Dynasty Warriors version. Affectionate, gentle young man. Gets along really well with Zhao Yun and Sun Shangxiang. Zhuge Liang, prime minister of Shu, chief strategist, style name Kongming, Taoist name Crouching Dragon: The smuggest of snakes. He has a crane fan and he isn’t afraid to use it. Likes: his wife, his lord, his plans, sex magic, being an asshole. "I meant to do that,” he whispers, calmly, while falling at terminal velocity into a pit of vipers. Yueying aka Lady Huang, inventor: Zhuge Liang’s wife. Unspecified not neurotypical. Likes: machines, her husband. Dislikes: people, distractions, social cues. Very little resemblance to Dynasty Warriors character. Zhang Fei, Shu officer: Liu Bei’s sworn brother dating back to when they all weren’t shit, along with the dead Guan Yu. Designated youngest brothers because in Chinese culture it is Absolutely Vital We Know Who Is Older. Big, burly, loveable drunk. (Again, do NOT confuse me with the facts.) Zhang Bao, Shu officer: Zhang Fei’s son. Young and unproven and determined.  Grew up with Guan Yu’s children as pseudo-cousins. Xingcai aka Lady Zhang, Shu officer: Zhang Fei’s younger child. Xingcai is not here to make friends or play games. Xingcai is here to win. Unfortunately for Xingcai, her society dictates that ladylike behaviour means making friends and playing (diplomatic) games, not winning (on the battlefield). Guan Xing, Shu officer: The oldest natural child of Guan Yu. Honour, righteousness, honour, honour, rules, benevolence, honour, rules, and honour. Guan Suo, Shu officer: Youngest son of Guan Yu. In the wake of his father’s death, passive and disheartened. Guan Yinping: Youngest child of Guan Yu. Our heroine! Strong, sweet, determined, and genuine. Zhao Yun, Shu officer: One of Liu Bei’s first and best recruits to his cause. Famous for having single-handedly rescued Liu Shan as a baby while they were fleeing Cao Cao, fighting with the infant on his back. Madam Zhao aka Yunlu aka Lulu: Zhao Yun’s much younger wife, the sister of another officer in Shu, for some mysterious reason her identity is a (badly kept) secret, WHO could she POSSIBLY be? (People who know the answer: shhhhh.) Ma Chao, “the Splendid”: A multi-ethnic officer of Shu who joined because of wanting revenge against Cao Cao for the massacre of his clan. Yes, Ma Chao is Shu’s Sasuke. Catchphrase: JUSTICE. Ma Dai, “the guy who hangs out with Ma Chao”: Ma Chao’s cousin, trails along after Ma Chao trying to keep him from getting himself justiced to death. Wears the only non-stupid hat in Dynasty Warriors. An artist and a joker. Wei Yan, Shu officer: Speaks... like... this... why?... Unclear... maybe... head... injury...

Wei aka Cao Wei

Colour scheme? Blue Animal motif? Phoenix Part of China? The entire north, from the coast to the west, including the cities with the strongest claim to be imperial capital in that time. Motivation? Ambition and power Isn’t that slightly evil? I mean, not necessarily, but they’re the antagonists so in fact yes. So they don’t get the same revisionism deal as the other two kingdoms? Nope. Is that fair? Nope! Show me on the map where I store my fucks.

Cao Pi, ruler and self-proclaimed emperor: I genuinely have a grievance against the historical guy but he was no worse than most of the rest of the people here. But in this story, the fictional Cao Pi is a supreme douchebag. Zhenji, empress: Too good for Cao Pi and this world. Don’t mistake my meaning; also kind of a bitch. A perfect bitch whom I would die for. Sima Yi, Wei prime minister: Genius strategist. Did not even originally want to join the Ambition Kingdom, but has caught the spirit in a big way now. Zhang Chunhua: Sima Yi’s wife, pulls the strings, literally. Thinks all problems can be solved with enough murders. Don’t think I’m saying she’s a bitch and I don’t like her. She’s a bitch, and I like her so much. Zhang He, Wei officer: Could host Queer Eye for the Third Century Guy. Floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee. Came to Wei from the same place as Zhenji and they are besties. Li Dian, Wei officer: Has a gut sense about things which is always right, unfortunately doesn’t stop things from happening, poor babe. A nice guy. Yue Jin, Wei officer: Smol and insecure about it, despite the fact that he could fuck you up. He can fuck anyone up. He can fuck himself up. BFF with Li Dian. Also a nice guy. Wang Yi, Wei officer: Hey remember how Cao Cao killed Ma Chao’s entire clan? Well while Ma Chao was attempting to get his revenge against Cao Cao, he whoopsy-doodle massacred Wang Yi’s entire clan. Now Wang Yi dreams of dancing with Ma Chao’s severed head in the moonlight. Xu Shu, Wei officer: Sad man who got tricked into leaving Shu because he loves his mama. Tries his best and deserved none of this. Jia Xu, Wei strategist: Loyal only to himself and shrewd, was an enemy strategist who came very near to killing Cao Cao at one time, but accepted being hired by him when he was captured. Does believe in doing his best.

Liu Bei: it's chrisminth

Sun Jian: merry crisis