#summer127

rewind.

play.

It was the summer of grade 11.

A year away from graduation and the last summer you'd be able to spend anticipating the upcoming school year as well as enjoy your last high school summer break. This summer you were to going to say fuck it and ask out your long-time best-friend and crush, Mark Lee.

How could one even describe Mark Lee?

The boy was the epitome of a high school heartthrob. With his wavy graphite black hair, warm and caring brown eyes, toned body he tried to subtly show off and a contagious laugh that could be heard from miles away, Mark had many suitors that pined for him. But none would dare to muster up the courage to ask him out as in freshman year of high school, all who did had been turned down. Mark had claimed he wasn't into dating during high school, saying that there was always so much drama involved plus when you broke up with someone it was so awkward considering you'd see them the next day at school. So Mark had made it clear amongst anyone curious that at the moment he wasn't into dating.

This obviously crushed your dreams as well. You had been infatuated with him since elementary, the both of you inseparable once you found out you both shared an intense love for watermelon. From then on, playdates turned into movie nights, jamming out to music at home turned into attending concerts and so forth. The older you two became, the more you matured in both figure and mind.

It was no doubt that the straight-haired, cuter than a button, wide smiling boy would turn out to be this good-looking and have his mom's friend's practically act as his personal Tinder, trying to set him up the religious and kind boy with their daughters.

Yet, there was some sense of pride in the fact that you were extremely certain he would turn down all the offers. You were the closest he had to a girlfriend and despite knowing it was pathetic, it was the only thing you could hold onto in your fantasy that would soon crumble one day.

"Okay but I think we should hit up the waterpark on Saturday." Yukhei spoke with his mouth full of bologna sandwich.

You were seated at this buzzing café that served as the group’s hangout spot, especially during school breaks. 

Your friend group consisted of Yukhei, Yeri, Hwiyoung, Mark and you. It was an odd bunch of people with different interests and personalities but you all balanced one another out. Yukhei was the loud boisterous one who had Yeri always keeping him in line with her sass. Hwiyoung was a bit soft spoken yet there was a little bit of crazy in him that showed from time to time when you all would hang outside of school. Then you and Mark were the obvious close ones of the group, finishing each other's sentences and always bringing up old memories. It was probably annoying as hell to the others. Of course, Yeri and Yukhei always made that clear but you couldn't help yourselves, you’d spent a majority of your lives together.

Yeri was the fashionable one in the group, always donning a carefully selected outfit while Yukhei went for the typical jock and fuckboy look, both of which he was. Hwiyoung meanwhile dressed perfectly for his personality, always looking immaculate in his dark attire. You and Mark both opted for more casual looks, usually in solid colour tees, hoodies and whatever jeans or sweats were clean to wear. Today Mark wore the shirt you’d given him for his birthday the past year, a lavender coloured simple tee with a spongebob logo on his right breast that he adored. You always lit up whenever you saw him in this shirt and a sick part of you urged you to believe that this was why he wore it so often, to make you happy. When the reality was that it made him happy. 

"First off, don't talk with your mouth full, that's disgusting and second, no." Yeri glared at the goofy boy who purposely chewed louder to tick her off.

"It's supposed to rain this weekend, like that one random crazy rainy weekend we always get in he beginning of July. And I doubt we'd wanna go there when it'll already be pouring outside naturally. Go swim in the streets.” She shook her hand at him like he was inferior to her.

Yukhei pouted, sinking into his seat, still demolishing his sandwich.

"I agree with Yeri." You piped up, as you tried to lowkey steal some of Mark's french fries. He swatted your hand away and you grumbled, returning to your own food when Hwiyoung spoke up,

"I won't be here this weekend, I forgot to tell you guys but I have family coming over last minute and my mom says I can't go out."

All of you groaned at his words. Okay, one man was down.

"If-if Hwiyoung isn't going then I might stay at home too." Yeri's eyes flickered to Hwiyoung's face to see if he showed any emotion. Ever since the starting of this year, somehow she had begun to see him in a new light and now had a crush on him, always trying to relate to him or make him laugh.

Yukhei rolled his eyes at this, leaning back in his seat. You, Mark and Yukhei pretty much knew about her crush with the way she acted around Hwiyoung but you all kept quiet, not wanting to ruin her attempts.

"Fine. I still have Mark and (y/n), that's good enough for me." Yukhei earned himself a scowl from Yeri while Hwiyoung minded his own business and ate his food.

You looked over to see what Mark thought, but he just shrugged at you. So he wanted to go on a rainy day then?

But you weren't quite feeling up to a rainy waterpark day.

"If Yeri and Hwiyoung aren't going then I'll pass too."

Yukhei glared at you, knowing you were using their names as an excuse.

"I think we should can this idea until August, it'll be hotter then and more fun too." Mark backed you up. Thank god. Otherwise you'd be spending the weekend worried to death if Mark was going to catch the flu.

"You guys are a bunch of party-poopers, no fun." Yukhei grumbled to himself before scarfing down his sandwich. You laughed at his reaction and successfully stole some of Mark’s fries to which he sputtered and threw a mini fit that made everyone laugh.

fast forward.

Yeri was right. There were definitely some summer showers happening on Saturday.

After waking up to a gentle rain, you'd decided to have a movie night with Mark since you were going to be bored the whole day and didn't have much else to do. Having already watched all the new episodes of the shows you were keeping up with, your agenda was all free. Oh, but who were you kidding? Your agenda was always free for your bright-eyed best-friend.

It wasn’t as nerve-wracking to be around him now as it had been when you’d first began crushing on him. Your heart had passed the stage of beating fast because of his smile or butterflies when he’d look at you and now you just felt warm and on a consistently giddy high.

Yet, as you heard your front door open and a slightly damp Mark walked in, shaking his hair and grinning at you, you could feel your heart going a mile a minute at the attractive sight. Then when he took off his gray hoodie, his black tee rising with the fabric, revealing the newly tanned skin underneath from all the days the lot of you were spending at the beach, you sucked in a breath.

"Let's watch Kung Fu Panda, I'm in the mood for some Po action." He casually said, not noticing you practically drooling as he walked over to the kitchen to get the popcorn started.

You were happy that your parents were working late shifts this weekend so Mark was going to most likely chill until midnight then go home. It felt less lonely and so natural to spend most of your time with him.

You’d already ordered some Chinese takeout, which was fitting for the movie selected now and had the whole blanket and pillow situation set up. You were on the long couch so you could lay down and spread your legs while Mark always took the single seat sofa which leaned back and he could spread his legs too.

Mark always insisted to make the popcorn, calling himself a popcorn master, apparently knowing the perfect time to make it and didn't ever let you touch it. Well, ever since you accidentally burned the popcorn once.

He ran a hand through his wet hair, your heartbeat picking up again at the smooth and attractive gesture as he had this contemplating look on his face.

"What are you so serious about?" You asked, putting some noodles and spring rolls into your plate.

"Do you think Yukhei likes Yeri?"

Huh?

"Well, that's really random." You looked at Mark with furrowed brows. He didn't look your way as he kept his concentrated face on the popcorn popping away in the microwave and then justified his question.

"I dunno, I feel like he's been looking at her differently since summer break started."

You shrugged saying, “I don’t know”, as the microwave beeped and Mark gently took out the steaming puffed up bag.

"Maybe it's just me, I dunno, but the other day with the waterpark thing he looked pretty upset."

You laughed, "That's because she always shuts down his ideas that he never thinks through. I'm pretty sure if he liked her he wouldn't be so nice to Hwiyoung as he is now."

"Nice?" Mark raised a brow as he brought over the popcorn that was now in a big bowl. "He's always showing attitude to the guy whenever Yeri falls at his feet."

You shook your head in disagreement, putting some popcorn in your plate now too. "I think you're looking too far into it Markie. Yukhei isn’t one to hold back on his likes, remember Janine?"

Mark laughed lightly. Who could forget Janine?

She was a year older, already having graduated and this past winter Yukhei had set his eyes on her and was hoping to ask her out to prom. It was a bold move, very ballsy and he always made it known to her that he was interested but she never gave a clear answer. Then Yukhei straight up asked her out and confessed and she turned him down, saying she had just gotten into a relationship which broke his heart, for that week at least. For Yukhei was always quick to crush on another girl soon right after.

"Hmm... maybe." He mumbled but you didn't notice the way he was looking at you intently as you searched to find Kung Fu Panda in your TV.

The movie was amazing as usual. The action sequences were always so thrilling and Po was such a relatable character. You could never understand why people always underestimated many animated movies because of the humour involved or the fact that they were advertised to kids but these movies had such powerful teachings and were so enjoyable that why not indulge in those carefree and happy feelings? You were glad that growing up with Mark had meant that you both had developed similar interests, animated movies being one of them.

It was near eleven and now you were just lazing about, bored out of your mind once again.

The rain was loud against your windows now, what had been gentle before was now an outpour with wind howling, almost as if there was a storm happening. It was so soothing, you could feel your whole body relaxing to the sound as Mark cleaned up after the both of you.

"Just leave it Markie, I'll do it when I get up." You yawned out, sprawled all over the couch with the blanket falling off you. This was what you loved, being so comfortable around him that it didn't matter how you looked or what you said, you knew it was all fine, Mark didn't care. No matter what you looked or felt like, it was so comfortable being around him that you didn’t feel any shame.

And since he didn't care, he also ignored your words that you felt too lazy to repeat.

"Maaaaarrrrkk. Ohhh Maaaaarrrkkk." You lazily sang his name in attempts to annoy him.

He once again ignored you and put your dishes away while giving you a dirty look. You groaned, feeling bad and getting up sluggishly to help put away the takeout containers. Sometimes you felt like you were an old married couple with him except you were the lazy one who watched TV all day long and he was the nitpicking clean freak that nagged you for your unproductive habits.

But you didn’t want it any other way.

As you helped him, you noticed his gaze was on the windows that had streaks of water streaming down in freefall patterns. The flow of the streetlights illuminated these water pathways and made you oddly feel warm inside as you were in a warm room, not out in the viciously cold summer night.

When you dragged your eyes back to Mark, he was already staring at you, a glint in his eyes and a smile growing on his lips.

Oh no, not the dangerously excited face.

“No.”

“But (y/n)!!!!” He whined, following you as you sobered up from your tired spell and loaded the dishwasher.

“Mark you can do it but I am absolutely not going out in the pouring rain. We could get sick!!!” You threw your hands up dramatically, placing them on your hips and leaning on one foot.

He rolled his eyes, “It’s just gonna be a couple of seconds (y/n), don’t be a party pooper.”

Oh great, the spirit of Yukhei was influencing him now too.

“Mark seriously I’ll watch you, record you, do whatever you want except stand in the cold rain. You know it’ll be very cold and yucky to change out of our clothes after.”

He gave you his infamous puppy dog look, big eyes and his bottom lip jutting out, attempting to look as pitiful as he could be.

The face that you always succumbed to.

And unfortunately, it worked again.

“Fine,” You sighed, “Five seconds only for me and then I go inside.”

“Ten.” He grinned confidently.

“Seven and don’t push it.” You wagged a finger in his face.

Damn Mark Lee and his bargaining.

He let out his signature “Ooooiieee” and whooped, pulling you in for a quick but tight hug. His body was warm and soft, just like home.

Damn those stomach butterflies too.

He ran to the front door and swung it open, about to take a step without any shoes on.

“Um aren’t you forgetting something?” You pointed towards his shoes, making him freeze and follow your gaze. But Mark shook his head. “Nope. Too much water to wear shoes, they’ll only get soaked.”

You didn’t want to argue with him anymore nor advise and just put flip flops on yourself. At least you were protected by whatever may have washed up in your yard.

He smiled widely, that dimple poking out and those bright brown eyes holding a kid-like joy.

“Let’s get it!”

Mark grabbed your hand and practically dragged you outside to your front lawn. You both screamed in half delight and surprise at the sensation of the cool water hitting your clothes and seeping through, touching your skin. It was an otherworldly feeling. And as much as you hated your clothes sticking to you everywhere, the cold water making you shiver and blurring your sight as it stuck to your lashes, you were beginning to enjoy it simply because Mark was having the time of his life.

His white shirt was soaked completely, showing off his toned stomach and funny enough hard nips. You laughed at this fact while he was oblivious and thought you were laughing at the absurdity of what you both were doing. You loved this.

Standing in the pouring rain with only the glow of the streetlights shining on your faces, you realized that summers were Mark. Did that make sense?

Mark was like summer. There we go.

The hot, sunny days where you needed an icy popsicle or cold juice, that was Mark. He was this fun and wild rain that was unexpected but still quenched the thirst of plants. The cool breeze that hit your cheeks as you stuck your face outside the car window.

Mark was the beauty of summer and you realized that your crush was no longer a crush. You loved him. You were in love with Mark who at the most thought of you as a sister-like figure and it fucking hurt like hell. Like your heart was being ripped out of your chest and squeezed.But you were never going to tell him this. Any thoughts you had of asking him out were out the window now, you couldn’t do it. Screw all the sayings like “You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take” and screw “You’ll never know until you try”. You couldn’t, you wouldn't try. Your friendship and closeness with Mark was far too valuable.

If only you had known that Mark had felt the same way at the time. That he was absolutely overjoyed not only because of the cooling rain and the exhilaration but because he was doing it with you. It was because you had agreed and were out of your comfort zone for him. He loved that you tried crazy things with him.

You never noticed the loving look he had in his eyes for you as you squealed and jumped around in your wet flip flops and your wet hair clinging to your face. How so badly he just wanted to bring you into his arms and hold you close, just the two of you existing in your own world and then close the gap between your cold lips.

But he never did. He couldn’t risk it.

You both wondered to yourselves that night, after rushing inside, teeth chattering while you laughed, were you going to remember these days with each other? The windy, cool days and the hot, boiling days, were you going to remember? Or would it be a memory that one of you held dearly while the other would forget. It was a painful realization that you wouldn't be doing this in a couple of years, feeling like reckless teens and not worrying about the world.

fast forward.

High school was now a blur for you. After getting though university by completing an education degree, you were now the happy and vibrant teacher of twenty elementary school kids. It had been your happiest time when you were young so it only felt right to go back to that same atmosphere.

Mark had gone a different direction and followed his childhood dream of becoming a writer. He was a successful writer for several hit shows, movies and biographies. There was nothing he couldn’t do and you were so so proud of him.

The two of you were happy with where you were in your lives, that was until Mark realized he had to move on.

That had to be one of the most devastating days in your life when you got his text reading:

“Yo (y/n), kinda seeing this girl, wanna know what u think first tho. U see ppl’s characters better than me lol.”

And as much as you wanted to tell him to not date her, whoever she was, you couldn’t do it. He deserved happiness, the romantic kind and the kind that was selfless, not hiding from him.

So when he sent you a picture of her, you swallowed the misery down once noticing how beautiful this lady was and how genuinely down to earth she looked in the picture then forced yourself to reply.

“She’s really pretty, are u sure she wants to be with u tho?🤔”

Then you turned off your phone and called it a day, refusing to see what else he replied to you with as you drowned your sorrows with melancholy music and whatever was in your fridge. 

fast forward.

She was even prettier in person and so sweet like a smooth Werther’s caramel. You couldn’t find it in yourself to hate any aspect of her, it was unjust. She was also in production like Mark, which you didn’t understand since she looked like an actress instead with those long blonde beach waves and stunning smile. Of course Mark liked her, she was everything close to perfection, nothing like your lazy and too comfortable slob self.

Mark had invited you out for lunch on a short notice, a week into when summer break had started for you and you couldn’t find a fast enough date either so you’d showed up alone nervously, to the couple who was laughing loudly in the cute little restaurant.

It wasn’t as awkward as you had anticipated though. Mark was still the same old best-friend, his black hair swept away from his forehead now to make his young face appear more mature. And she had taken a huge liking to you, inviting you out the next week to hang out with her. As much as you wanted to politely decline, the pleading look on Mark’s face made you agree. You were always a sucker for that stupid puppy face.

One hang out with her turned into more and the bitter feeling in your chest was replaced with genuine happiness. You didn’t know how long this relationship was going to last but she was a great friend to you and her kindness wasn’t just because you were Mark’s best-friend, she always made it clear with you.

She also didn’t talk too much about him around you either, you weren’t sure why but you really appreciated it. It only made you feel like you were genuine friends because of your similar hobbies. But one day, you were taken by surprise when the both of you were at an art exhibition and she straightforwardly blurted, “Have you never had a crush on Mark?”

You immediately coughed, bewildered and hoping to cover your genuine reaction as you forced a laugh and your go-to response. 

“A crush on the guy who used to pick his nose and take really embarrassing store pictures with his little android phone? Nope. We’ve always been best-friends and nothing more.” This was how you always responded to anyone who asked you this, always wondering why you weren't dating your best-friend who you always spoke highly of.

“Hmmm...” She looked around pensively, tapping her chin with her finger and a frown on her face.

“I’ve always found that interesting because you guys have been so close and supposedly, no feelings have arose out of it. I know if I was best-friends with Mark, I’d fall in love with him right away.” Her eyes went all starry and she smiled, “He’s just my dream guy. So sweet, caring and hilarious.”

“He is...” You mumbled, “But, he’s also dorky and far too wild to handle.”

She looked at you, her head tilted to the side and lips pursed sadly.

“(y/n), no matter what, I want you to know this.”

She gently pulled you to the side, to an empty hallway and looked into your eyes, it seemed as if to try and find any truth hidden in them.

“No matter what, you’ve become a great friend of mine and I genuinely believe even without Mark, if we passed each other we’d become great friends again. So I want you to know,” She took in a deep breath.

“If you ever have loved Mark or begin to love Mark or are in love with him, please tell me. I would never want to get in between a precious friendship such as yours and you both have known each other for so long. Mark speaks so highly of you so I know he thinks of you in a great light but I haven’t missed how you look at one another with these reminiscent looks and I know you wouldn’t lie to me, unless it was for a better cause.”

Her eyes filled with tears and she laughed, holding onto your hands for comfort.

“I’m definitely not a better cause and I would never hold it against you either. You might think this is weird but it’s weighed on my mind for a while now because I don’t want to be serious with a guy who’s in love with someone else. Nor do I want to snatch up my good friend’s love. So (y/n) I’m going to ask you again, do you love Mark?”

Wow.

She was being extremely vulnerable in front of you and you should’ve said yes. You should’ve told her the history of your crush and the amount of times you stopped yourself from confessing to Mark. But you couldn’t.

For just a couple days before, Mark had let you in on a secret. He was going to propose to her very soon. So he’d asked for your advice and gotten the perfect ring for her. For her, not for you.

They were already so far ahead, lives entwined with another and perfect for each other. You couldn’t do it to either of them just for the slim chance that Mark and you could work out. No.

You shook your head, holding the tears back and brought her in for a hug whispering, “He’ll always be like my brother.”

The tension in her shoulders disappeared as you patted her back and you quickly wiped your tears away before pulling back and asking her, “But you never asked if i’m in love with you?”

She laughed through her tears as you jokingly continued, “What if Mark’s in the way of what could be our amazing relationship?” She shook her head and you both laughed it off.

But you could never forgive yourself for giving up the only option to your own happiness.

fast forward.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Mark mumbled, trying to get his bow tie on properly but his hands were shaking too hard for it. You sighed, snatching the bow tie from his hands violently and putting it on him yourself. The tension was off the walls. Mark’s dad was running a bit late to the wedding and Mark was freaking the hell out. For some reason, he had requested for a July wedding so cue the disastrous couple days of rain that his wedding day had fallen upon now. As much as you had wanted to argue with him to switch the dates for a better, sunnier day, you held yourself back.

But the rain wasn’t so hard, it was a gentle shower and while some of Mark’s family were complaining about it, he was happy. Through the crazed frenzy in his eyes you could tell there was happiness in there as well as some hesitance. But what person didn’t feel this way right before being wedded off?

His musky cologne wafted through your nose, the skin on your arms tingling as you tried to not fumble with his tie while he slowly looked you over. You were one of the bridesmaids so you were in a baby blue bridesmaid dress, feeling just as blue as the weather outside. But since you were Mark’s number one best-friend he’d insisted you help him out on his big day so you complied and were his moral support while his groomsmen were having some food in another room at the church.

Every part of your body ached at the thought of having to watch your one love, the only man you couldn’t get over, no matter how many meaningless dates and hook up attempts you went on, getting married. 

“It’s gonna be okay Markie, Yukhei’s one fast motherfucker so your dad will be here in no time.”

Mark gave you disapproving look at you and you rolled your eyes, “What? You just swore while being in a church too? Why am I the evil one?”

This made him crack a smile and you mirrored the gesture, knowing he was feeling more comfortable now.

“Thanks. I-I don’t know where i’d be without you today (y/n), you’re the truly the best.” He walked up to a mirror and looked at himself once more to make sure he looked good.

But you didn’t notice the look in his eyes when you began to clean up the in the spacious church room, your typical roles being reversed. You didn’t notice how a flurry of emotions went through him as he noticed how the rain was picking up it’s pace and it was just like that day you two had ran out in the pouring rain in the grade eleven summer break and he turned around abruptly.

“(y/n).”

“Hmm?” You turned around from your bent over position to see Mark with a heated look in his eyes. There was no hesitance as there had been before and somehow you put two and two together, knowing instantly what he was thinking.

“I-“

“No. Don’t you dare speak another word Mark Lee.”

He took another step forward and you took one back, body trembling and tears rushing to your eyes.

“I-I know what you’re going to say but that’s just pre-wedding feelings. You’re feeling crazy right now and you don’t actually feel this way so don’t say anything that could jeopardize what’s happening in less than an hour.” You put your hands out to stop him from coming any closer.

The tension was incredibly high now and Mark stepped away, hands nervously smoothing out his suit as he couldn’t run his hands through his hair. He looked so torn that you resisted the urge to give into your feelings of confessing.

“(y/n)-“

“Mark-“

“No, shut up for a second and just listen to me.” He bit out, looking irritated. Wow, You hadn’t seen him agitated like this in a while.

“I only want to ask you one thing and you have to reply truthfully to me, swear on your own heart.”

You nodded, one hand behind your back with crossed fingers that he didn’t notice as he was in his own feelings.

“Have you ever loved me? Not in a friend way but a Yeri to Hwiyoung way?”

Well fuck. You were expecting him to ask you about anything else but not this bombshell he’d just dropped on you.

Yeri had finally asked out Hwiyoung to prom during your grad year and many years later they were still together and happily engaged. Apparently Hwiyoung had had a massive crush on Yeri too but didn’t want to say anything as he was shy so he kept it a secret until she asked him out.

As if swearing wasn’t horrible to do at a church, you were now going to lie.

But it wasn’t for your sake, it was for the sake of your two very good friends.

You looked straight at the spot between his eyes so it looked like you were looking him in the eyes and said in a confident tone,

“No. I may have had a crush on you in elementary but I’ve never loved you like Yeri and Hwiyoung.”

Because you loved him even more than that. Your love for him had been much longer than theirs. It was entwined in the stars and the particles of the galaxy. 

“May have?” He chuckled darkly, running a hand through his hair and ruining the properly kept together look. “Well, if you’re being truthful then I guess that’s that. Let’s just forget about this moment and get on with the show then. Must’ve just been a coincidence.” He gave you one of his dimpled smiles and the shiny eyes effect that didn’t quite reach their full potential but you didn’t comment nor ask about his last comment.

You knew now. You had your answer and a part of you gloated in the fact that you now knew Mark loved you but the bitter side of the fact that he was going to be wedded in the next hour.

fast forward.

end of tape.

replay? 

no?

thank you and have a lovely day. all hail the Time Keepers.

You took off the glasses and blinked, trying to get used to the light peeping through your windows. Earth was still habitable for the time being and you were one of the prestigious members of the special collection of the TVA, the Time Variance Authority. It was your job, always had been your job to sift through memories of variants and then catch any missing memories for cases. This was all done with the help of high tech VR goggles that transported you to the place of the memories and had you experience them like you were that person.

Alas, you couldn’t change the memories and so that is why when you had come across this particular file, something had resonated within you. Whoever this Mark person was and whoever the girl whose memories had mostly revolved around him, it felt for some reason close to your heart, as if you’d experienced it before.

So whenever you had free time on your hands, you spent it watching and rewatching the clips. All the while wondering, what if you had had a life like this?

Meanwhile, Mark Lee bitterly looked up into the sky, years away from the time you were currently in now and he wondered to himself. What if he hadn’t assumed and told himself you didn’t love him? What if he had gotten the balls to ask you out and if you hadn’t loved him then he would’ve played it off cool, sticking to being your best-friend. He could’ve done that.

But now you were gone, having passed away in a tragic accident, driving on a stormy night, that left your body to be never found. There were so many things to think about but the rationality was that nothing could ever come of it now. You were gone and that was that. No more silly laughs and movie nights, no more bickering like old couples, no more new memories.

And after many years, he stayed with a broken heart, divorcing his ex-wife when he had heard of your death just a year into marriage. He had purchased a summer home in your town, not being able to bear parting with your memories held in this place. And now in his quaint little living room you would’ve loved, he looked out the window into the July rain, once again, thinking of you.

“You have ten more minutes then let’s go check out the D.B. Cooper files!” Your coworker Zanthan yelled out to you as you sat comfortably on the couch.

That was more than enough time then.

rewind.

The first one was addressed to Jaehyun Jeong, the senior TA in your sociology class who always looked so dashingly handsome no matter what he wore. Whenever he gave presentations, it made you fall that much more for him. His voice sounded so nice and he looked so strong and confident as he stood at the front of the lecture hall. You wrote to him:

Letter 1: To Jaehyun Jeong,

“You probably don’t even know me but I’m in the sociology class that you TA for, section 306 to be specific. I always look forward to coming to class because that’s when I can see you. When you’re not there, it’s just not the same. It’s as if everything seems more boring, the color duller, the volume more muted, I can never seem to pay attention to anything because my mind is so full of you.

I barely even know you and your interests but that one time you plugged in your laptop to the projector, you still had your Spotify open and I saw that you listen to The 1975 and Cigarettes After Sex. I like them too and I always wondered what your favorite songs are. Sometimes I’d imagine getting to talk to you and learn all the little things about you, like how you make your coffee in the morning, or how you always seem so enthusiastic when lecturing about possibly such boring concepts, or what you’ll be doing after you graduate.

These are the things I’ll never get to know about you. Once you graduate in spring, that’s it. I guess this is my early goodbye to you, Jaehyun. I wish you all the best in the future and I know I may not ever forget you.”

The second letter was addressed to Jungwoo Kim, one of your classmates who was just a year older than you. Even though he was already a junior, he was stuck taking a sophomore econ class because he wasn’t able to take it the year before due to sleeping through the class registration date and all the seats filling up before he even had a chance to get in. Whenever you got fed up by all the concepts that made little to no sense, he was always ready to cheer you up, making jokes or acting cute, whatever he had to do to make you feel better.

Letter 2: To Jungwoo Kim,

“Thank you for being such a wonderful seatmate and choosing to stay next to me even though you could have moved to sit with your friends all along. It’s honestly kind of funny how they chose to sit together and left you out but now here we are, having more fun and earning better grades than them. They probably wish they were sitting with us, right? But anyway, all those times I said I was staring out the window and looking at a bird or a dog outside, I was really looking at you.

You’re so attractive and you don’t even know it. You told me that you act funny because you aren’t handsome but I don’t think that’s true. I think you’re both funny and handsome and an incredibly attractive person. If I ever had the nerves and strength to do so, I would ask you to be my boyfriend because you’re so fun to be around and I wish our time together wouldn’t have to end after this semester.

Who knows though, maybe we’ll have another class together next semester. I really hope we do but I don’t even know what the chances of that are and it’s not like I have your number to ask which sections you’re signing up for. So I guess this is goodbye to you, Jungwoo. I hope to see you around on campus and that you treasure our memories together as much as I do.”

There are as many dreams at night as there are stars.

You wrote these letters with no intention for their contents to be read by anyone else but you. This was your way of dumping your feelings out and sealing them away, never to be seen again. You had planned to take the letters home with you over winter break and lock them up with the rest of your collection of letters but when you were unpacking your belongings after returning, they were nowhere to be found.

The image of them sitting on your desk back in your dorm was burned into your head and you can only hope no one bothered to move them or even more so, read them. You really should have texted your roommate, Jalen, who was staying in the dorms while she took a winter course, but the thought never crossed your mind as you agonized over the letters for the next month and a half.

Upon your return to campus, after Christmas and New Years, you had pretty much forgotten about the whole letter ordeal until you saw one of their recipients in your morning statistics class. When you stepped foot inside of the classroom, you recognized Jungwoo almost immediately and both of you seemed to freeze as your gazes met. Snapping out of it quickly, you took a seat on the other side of the classroom just as you saw his mouth open, likely to call you over, though he refrained from doing so.

The first class of the semester was always easy, just going over the syllabus and what to expect out of the course, all that jazz. It allowed you to occasionally peek over at Jungwoo to see what he was doing. Quite frankly, you don’t know if it was because it’s still a bit early in the day but he didn’t seem as attentive as usual. His eyes looked glazed over as he stared straight ahead, barely even blinking.

Your professor had excused the class early since there wasn’t much to cover and it was your own fault that you were too caught up in staring at Jungwoo to notice the rest of the students packing up their belongings. He turned around, his eyes surprised to find your own staring right back at him, and that was your cue to flee. You quickly shoved your things into your backpack and made a beeline for the door, Jungwoo right on your heels. Looking back, it must have looked quite comical, the way you were nearly Black Friday speed walking out with the lanky man behind you doing the same.

“Hey! Y/n! Wait up!” Jungwoo called out, “Don’t act like you can’t hear me young lady!”

You rolled your eyes at his persistence and begrudgingly came to a stop once you were out of the main hallways and away from the eye of the public. “Can I help you?”

“Wow, shouldn’t you be a little more nice after all that stuff you wrote in that letter? I thought you-”

It felt as if your whole world had stopped, your heart plummeting below the floor. “What letter?” You asked cautiously.

“The one where you said that you like to stare at me and you think I’m attractive and handsome, and you’d ask me out-”

Again, you interrupted him, “where did you get it from?”

Jungwoo raised his eyebrows in interest, “oh? So you acknowledge that you wrote it?”

“W-well, yes, okay, but how did you get it?” You were fumbling for words and you hoped that he didn’t notice how anxious you were.

“Your roommate, what’s her name? Jaden? Jayna?”

“Jalen,” you corrected him.

“Yeah, that girl, she gave it to me over winter semester,” he explained, “she said it had my name on it and you left it on your desk before you went home. She thought it was important, which is why you left it for her to get to me.”

Your face was as blank as your mind. You were staring straight at Jungwoo, all your thoughts ripping through your head because you didn’t know what to do now. Jaehyun’s name flashed in front of your eyes when you suddenly remembered you had also written him a letter and just as you were about to turn and run to who knows where, Jungwoo caught your arm and forced you to stay put. “Hey, don’t just leave me like this, I need an explanation!”

“An explanation for what?” Your arms flailed in exasperation, just wanting to head to the library for some peace and quiet or maybe the food court to buy something to distract you for a bit.

Jungwoo backed off at your little outburst. “Did you really mean everything you said in the letter?”

“I did.” You state.

He made a puzzled expression at you. “Did? Or still do? There’s a difference.”

You let out a sigh, staring off into the distance behind him. “I guess, I still do. Why?”

“I think maybe we should give us a try,” he proposed, “I will admit that I also thought you were quite attractive but I didn’t think you would feel the same way so I just told myself to forget about it and move on, but here we are.”

There was a moment of silence as you processed what he just said. “‘Give us a try’ as in?”

“As in being a couple, you know? You’re my girlfriend and I’m your boyfriend,” Jungwoo clarified.

“A-are you sure you want to? You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” you blurted in utter shock at how this scenario was turning out.

He nodded, “of course, I wouldn’t go through all this effort if I wasn’t sure.”

“I don’t know…” you teased, “you’ve done a lot of questionable things even when you weren’t sure if you should.”

He ran a hand through his soft, brown hair, “look, I needed to know what would happen after eating mentos and drinking Coke. I couldn’t find anything about it online so if someone was going to sacrifice themself for science then it was going to be me.”

Both of you laughed as you remembered that instance outside of the cafeteria when he had recklessly eaten a few mentos and downed a can of Coca Cola to see if he’d end up rocketing out a soda fountain. He didn’t, and just got a bad stomach ache afterward but it was funny to see him threatening the rest of your friends by saying “I’m the Cola dragon! I’m going to use my Cola breath if you come too close!”

“Okay but seriously,” Jungwoo went on, “I’m willing to see how this works out. At best, maybe we’re made for each other and end up getting married in a couple of years, and at worst we go back to being just friends.”

You cringed at the latter end of his statement. “How do you know that we’ll still be friends if this doesn’t go well?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know but that’s what I hope will happen. But we shouldn’t think about that for now, right?”

“Right,” you agreed, “so, if I’m willing to give this a try and you are too…”

“Then I guess that makes us a couple,” Jungwoo stated before looking down at his watch, “a couple of idiots because we’re about to be late for class.”

You broke out into a smile as he pulled out his phone and panicked to find where his next class was. “I don’t have a class until 10 so it’s just you who’s the idiot.”

“Well then I’m your idiot,” he cooed, “I’m fucked right now but I’ll catch you later, babe!”

“Too soon!” You called out to him as he took off to his class.

Now, comfortably, I’m with you again.

When you got back to your dorm later that day, you were sure to give Jalen a piece of your mind and make it known just how much stress she had put you under. But at the very least, you did thank her because it was to her credit that you now have a boyfriend. An extremely handsome and cute one, too.

Your friends were the slightest bit surprised when Jungwoo started regularly showing up to eat lunch with you guys and started acting a whole lot more clingy towards you. They all were so happy when you finally told them that things were official and the one-sided crush you had last semester was no longer just a crush.

Jungwoo got along with your entire friend group and was such a social butterfly but you never got the opportunity to become jealous because he’d always return to you, similar to how a puppy returns to its owner. He always made sure that people knew the two of you were in a relationship by holding your hand, putting an arm around your shoulder, or even giving quick kisses to your cheek or forehead. He was awfully affectionate but you didn’t mind it at all.

You should have known that everything was going too well and something was bound to happen. Almost exactly a week after you and Jungwoo had become a couple, you ran into Jaehyun in the cafeteria. It happened when you were staring into the large vending machine, thinking about which drink to get. “Y/n.” a voice called out firmly. A voice that made you want to drop everything and run.

Jaehyun came to stand next to you. “I recommend the peach tea,” he began, “it’s the right amount of sweet and it goes really well with any bag of chips.”

“Uh, thanks,” you stepped forward and got the tea he was talking about. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good, just getting in order for graduation,” he followed you in getting the peach tea and nudged you in the direction of the cash registers. “Y’know, a little while ago, I got a letter from a friend of yours-“

Again, you felt yourself go weak and you cursed at Jalen for not asking you about the letters and yourself for not texting her to ask about them. “Yeah about that…please don’t take it seriously, I didn’t know what I was doing.”

Jaehyun raised an eyebrow at you. “Why shouldn’t I take it seriously? It seems like a lot of effort went into writing it.”

“I just…never intended for you to read it,” you told him as the cashier rang you up.

“Well for your information, I think it was well written and delivered a very nice message,” he placed his items on the counter with yours and handed the cashier his card. You were about to refuse but he held up a hand to silence you. “I just wanted to let you know that some things in that letter are possible.”

Now it was your turn to raise an eyebrow at him. “Jaehyun, what are you saying?” After paying for everything, he grabbed his items and ushered you outside. You took your tea and immediately opened it to take a sip, hoping to quench your thirst and anxiety.

“I’m saying that we can talk about my favorite 1975 songs and I can show you my coffee orders and take you to my favorite cafes,” he suggested, “with your agreement of course.”

“I’d like that,” you confess.

There was a bit of silence as Jaehyun smiled to himself. “You wouldn’t happen to be free this weekend, would you?”

“I actually am,” you tell him after doing a quick mental check of your schedule.

“Would you like to come with me to Coffee Bean on Saturday then? I haven’t been there in a while and I heard they had some nice winter drinks,” he proposed.  

“The Dulce de Leche Latte is really good,” you share, having gotten one yourself a little while ago, “but yeah, I’d love to go with you.”

Jaehyun pulled the receipt out of his pocket along with a pen from his backpack and quickly jot down his number before handing it to you. “Meet me there at 1. Bring your assignments too, if you have any. I’m planning on grading some things while we’re there, just TA things, you know?”

“Sure, just TA things,” you humored.

“Speaking of which, I have a class to teach in a bit so I hope you have a good rest of your day and I’ll see you soon,” he concluded, his hair blowing in the light breeze.

“Have fun, Mr. TA,” you joked, “don’t bore the poor students to death.”

“That’s not what your letter said.” With that, he waved you goodbye and headed off to the humanities building.

When he was out of sight, you added his number to your contacts and sent him a message so he knew it was you. A few seconds later he responded with ‘;)’ and you hoped no one was watching you smile at your phone.

Now you weren’t so upset about the letters anymore, seeing as how it led to only better things with both of the recipients.

On Saturday you met up with Jaehyun at the cafe and you told Jungwoo that you’d be out studying with a friend. He wished you well and told you to study hard. This was only the first of many half-lies you’d be telling him. It was true that you were going to a cafe, planning to study, and that you were going with a friend, yet it didn’t feel like it was the entire truth.

The week after that, you went to watch a new movie with Jaehyun. In that same week, you and Jungwoo shared your first kiss. Then the next time, it was a vinyl store with Jaehyun and your first ‘I love you’s with Jungwoo. The turning point came when Jaehyun took you to the local Spring Carnival, the very same one that Jungwoo had asked you to go to but you had turned him down, already tired from having gone with Jaehyun the week prior.

You kept telling yourself that there was nothing wrong with this since Jaehyun had never explicitly labeled the two of you as anything special. Girls can have guy friends and a boyfriend at the same time, right? Certainly, you should have told Jaehyun that you were already taken, but since he hadn’t crossed any boundaries while the two of you were out on friendly dates, you never felt a huge need to mention Jungwoo.

Your energy was worn thin between the two men and it broke your heart, seeing Jungwoo’s dejected expressions whenever you turned down his offers to go out and do something fun together. The midterm season had started and that further limited your time with him, yet you had still gone out with Jaehyun to another one of his favorite cafes late at night. This time, you were determined to tell him about Jungwoo and set some distance between yourself and Jaehyun.

“So how has sophomore year been going for you?” Jaehyun asked, sipping on the warm tea he had gotten for both of you.

You shrugged, swirling the cup around and watching the little leaves float around. “It’s okay. I took my first midterm of the semester a few days ago and I have two more to go.”

“What class?” He inquired, his eyes never leaving your face.

“History,” you told him, “I think I did quite well on it, but having that feeling is never too good since you’ll be let down more if it turns out you didn't do well.”

“That’s very true,” he agreed.

You played with the condensation forming on the inside of the cup, sloshing around the liquid to get rid of the bubbles and watching it form again. “How’s it going with graduation? Did you turn in all the paperwork for it?”

He nodded as he took another sip of his drink. “I submitted all of my documents and paid all the fees, I’m just waiting for my supervisors to add their comments and give their final approval.”

“That’s good,” a short silence fell upon the two of you. “What are you planning on doing after graduation?”

“I’ve been thinking about going into psychology or maybe some type of social work,” Jaehyun shared, tilting his head as he recalled all of his options, “I used to think about doing criminal psychology but that seemed a little too intense for me.”

“Criminal psychology?” You were a bit shocked, to say the least.”

A shy smile donned his face, his dimples peeking out ever so slightly. “I used to watch criminal documentaries with my parents when I was younger and my mom always would comment on how cool the psychologists were,” you always loved hearing stories from his childhood and imagining how he would’ve looked when he was younger, “I wanted my mom to call me handsome and cool when I grew up so that’s why I started studying psychology in the first place.”

“And from there, you found all the other branches and professions, I’m guessing?” He nodded in agreement. “That’s really cute, you know. Most people just say that they’re going into those kinds of fields because they ‘want to help people’ but it’s nice that you have your own backstory with a special connection to it.”

“I do want to help people and leave an impact on their lives,” he added, “but I do admit that it’s all because of my mom that I ended up here.”

“Cute,” you chuckled, finally drinking some of your tea after letting it cool down for a bit.

“That’s another one of your questions answered, isn’t it?” Jaehyun pondered.

You almost choked on the liquid going down your throat. “It’s a what?”

“In your letter,” he explained, “you said you wanted to know what I’d be doing after graduation right? Well, now you know. Speaking of which, I’ve also been showing you all my favorite drinks and I even took you to that record store last week.”

You felt your cheeks heating up from his words but you blamed the heat of the drink. “You remember all of that? What I wrote in the letter, I mean.”

Now it was Jaehyun’s turn to be embarrassed, “I read it almost every night.”

A whole rush of emotions flooded through you, it felt as if you were on a roller coaster. “Every night?”

“Almost, every night,” he defined, “but yes, I do read it quite often. It was my first time receiving anything that sincere and I haven’t been able to get it off my mind.”

“That’s...really sweet of you,” you confessed.

“Look, I...have something to tell you,” Jaehyun began, sitting forward and resting his forearms on the table, “I know I should’ve told you this before but now I think I finally have the confidence to do so.” You knew nothing could ever prepare you for what this man has to say, he was always so unpredictable. “I have feelings for you, romantically, and I would like to pursue a relationship with you, though I can understand if you do not feel the same, especially since I’m graduating soon and leaving this chapter of my life behind.”

In this moment, all stop, my whole body reacts quickly.

To say that you were speechless would be an understatement. If there was a way to track how fast your thoughts were moving, you would have broken all the speed limits in the world. You should’ve seen this coming with the way he’d only treat you with the utmost care and respect. There was nothing but adoration and infatuation in your heart for the man in front of you, yet the same went for Jungwoo, oh poor Jungwoo. You should have told Jaehyun about your relationship sooner and avoided this whole situation, yet here you were, having to inadvertently choose between the two of them.

“I really would love to reciprocate your feelings but,” you saw Jaehyun’s expression drop, “I just can’t right now.” Damn your kind heart and damn your weak mind. You simply couldn’t bring yourself to turn Jaehyun down, not after he had quite literally shown you into his soul.

“I understand,” he faltered, “is it the graduation? Or is it something else? Because I’m sure we could work something out if it were just due to me leaving the university.”

You shook your head, “no, it’s not your graduation. It’s just that I have...other things going on right now that I don’t think would allow me to be the best partner for you.”

“I’ll take it that you don’t want to share the details of those ‘things’ with me as of right now so I won’t ask about them,” he was so good at reading you that it was almost frightening. “But my offer still stands and if the time ever comes where you feel that we could be together, I’ll be waiting until then.”

This was only going to get worse if you later told him that you got a boyfriend. No matter what you could think of, you were stuck between Jaehyun and Jungwoo with no escape. “In the meantime though, I do have a favor to ask of you. It’ll be fun if you accept and it won’t be much of a burden, I promise,” Jaehyun reassured.

You agreed after hearing the details of it, though it wasn’t without a ton of inner turmoil and asking yourself if it was morally right to do so, especially if you wanted to continue your relationship with Jungwoo. This was going to be the ending of your romances with one of them and you hoped it would be over quickly without much difficulty.

After the midterm season passed, you devoted more of your time to Jungwoo and only accepted a few date invitations from Jaehyun. You’d tell Jungwoo that you were studying with friends or going in for extra office hours and tutoring, which he didn’t question any further since he was doing just the same.

There was a distance that had grown between the two of you and you knew Jungwoo felt it too because he made sure to tell you “I love you” whenever he could and he’d write sweet little messages for you and slip them under your door or send them at late hours of the night so you’d have something nice to wake up to.

For Jaehyun, it was a little harder to make up excuses though you told him nearly the same thing. He still showed up on campus to teach his assigned classes and finish up his research projects. Those days were the days you felt the most suffocated. You were constantly looking over your shoulder to make sure that you didn’t run into either one of them, or when you were with one man, the other wasn’t around.

It was quite criminal, really, the way you were sneaking around in broad daylight like this. But the remaining half of the semester passed by and you maintained your double life without any incident. Now all that was left for you was summer and the promise you made to Jaehyun, followed by summer school of course.

Jaehyun held the heavy door open for you while you lugged your suitcase in through the doorway, glad that the AC in the room was already running, or else you would’ve been drenched in sweat by now. He closed the door behind him after pulling his own suitcase in and let out a little noise of glee before flinging himself onto the puffy white bed. “Come try it, it’s so soft!”

You jumped into the bed next to him and found that he was not lying at all. The two of you laid side by side in a comfortable silence until you felt yourself beginning to doze off so you sat up to try to shake off the feeling, not wanting to get jet lag. “So tomorrow,” you prompted, “that’s our free day besides getting lunch and dinner here, and the day after that is the wedding?”

Jaehyun let out a grunt in confirmation, not wanting to move from where he had his face buried into a pillow. You checked the clock and noted that it was already well into the evening. “Should we call room service for dinner so we can shower while we wait then head to sleep after?”

He let out another grunt with a mumbled, “put it under my name.”

You gave him a quiet “thank you” before getting up and seating yourself at the desk with the hotel telephone and ordering dinner for the two of you. By the time you had hung up, Jaehyun had already fallen asleep, tired from the flight in and driving on the busy roads. You took this time to organize your thoughts and belongings while preparing to shower. The room service would be here in about 45 minutes so you definitely had enough time to shower, as long as you didn’t get too caught up in reading the labels on things in the bathroom.

While you were showering, you thought back to that cursed day where you promised Jaehyun that you would do this, that you’d be his fake girlfriend at his family friend’s wedding over the summer. He had confessed his feelings for you so sincerely that you just could not outright turn him down so you figured that this was the least you could do for him, especially since he was paying for everything.

Jaehyun had explained to you that his parents, despite loving him to pieces, would always try to set him up with other girls whenever they were at these large events and he absolutely hated it. He was tired of being sent off to go hang out with some girl that he barely even knew and when he came back in a bad mood, they’d always blame it on him. You figured that with a face and body like his, you could see why it was so difficult.

He told you that he’d take care of everything since he was the one asking you for a favor, but the only thing that might pose a problem was the fact that people were going to see you as a couple and therefore expect you to behave like one. For example, sharing a room, more specifically a bed. You knew there was always the sofa in the room but you’ve read enough books as a young adult to know that things never end up the way you plan them to.

Jaehyun said that the trip would only be for a few days, two days for traveling and returning home, two days of free time, and one day for the wedding. It really didn’t sound all that bad and you hoped through this, you’d be able to tell where your feelings lay on the spectrum between Jaehyun and Jungwoo.

Speaking of, Jungwoo has only been the most supportive and loving boyfriend within the past couple of months. Both of you were over the moon when your final grades of the semester came in and he had taken you out to dinner to celebrate. That was when he had given you a promise ring and confessed fully to you. “I truly see a future with you and no matter the distance between us, whether it be physically or emotionally, I know we’ll make things work like we always do. Don’t you ever forget that I’ll always be here for you, okay?”

You always wore the ring. Sometimes on your finger, sometimes on a necklace, but it was always on you. You caught Jaehyun eyeing it a couple of times but he never explicitly asked about it so you never told him any details behind it. Even now, when you were supposed to be Jaehyun’s supposed girlfriend, you still kept Jungwoo’s ring to remind you of his presence.

When you told him about this trip, you didn’t lie to him at all. You told him that one of your friends had asked you to be his plus one to a wedding because he was tired of his family trying to set him up with other girls. Jungwoo wasn’t so approving the first time around, especially when you said that you’d have to share a room with this other person, but you eventually convinced Jungwoo that it’s not anything bad, you’re just doing a favor for a friend and you’d come straight home to him when it was all over.

A knock on the front door broke you out of your thoughts. You didn’t realize how long you were taking in the shower and you swore at yourself, knowing that it was the room service. Quickly, you wrapped a towel around yourself and went to accept the food, thanking them and bringing the cart inside of your room while trying to be quiet as to not wake Jaehyun. It seems that your efforts weren’t enough because when you looked over at him again, he was staring right at you.

His ears went pink and he threw the blanket over his head when he saw that you caught him, “sorry, I uh, I heard you moving around and woke up. I didn’t see anything, I promise.”

You suddenly felt so much more exposed, realizing that you were wearing just a towel that barely covered down to half of your thighs, leaving little to one’s imagination. “You can start eating,” you hurriedly told him, “I’ll finish showering and then you can hop in after.”

After receiving a muted “okay” from him under the thick covers, you got back into the shower, ready to silently scream at yourself for that whole encounter. It was bad enough already, you didn’t know how you were supposed to survive three whole days with him like this.

By the time you were done in the shower and came out of the bathroom, Jaehyun was already done eating and gathering his own toiletries and clothes to shower. “I left some food for you, I didn’t know what you’d like so I left a bit of everything.” He pushed past you and headed into the bathroom, refusing to make eye contact with you.

You ate dinner in silence, simply letting yourself marinate in your own thoughts for a while before finishing your food and cleaning up all the dishes. Jaehyun was still in the shower after you had called room service for cleanup and pushed the cart outside so you climbed into bed and tried your best to stay at the edge, not wanting to take up more space than necessary and end up like all those romance novels.

At some point or another, you must have fallen asleep because the next time you open your eyes, the room is already being lit by the faint rays of sunlight coming through the curtains. You grabbed your phone from the nightstand and checked through your notifications, making sure to respond to Jungwoo and let him know you were doing okay, even sending him a few selfies to ease his worries.

Jaehyun was still asleep next to you, snoring ever so slightly. He looked so cute like this, his cheek smushed up against the pillow and his soft hair falling over his eyes. You felt the urge to take a picture of him but ultimately decided against it, your interest in exploring the hotel getting the better of you.

It was only 9am so you figured that the pool shouldn’t be too crowded, and if it was then you’d just sit on a lounge chair for a bit before coming back to the room. It was summer and you did well during the academic year so the least you could do for yourself was get a bit of vitamin D in. You wrote a note for Jaehyun telling him you’d be at the pool for a bit and left it on top of his suitcase, where you were sure that he’d see it and you got changed in the bathroom, putting on sunscreen and grabbing a towel to take with you.

Luckily, there weren’t too many people around when you arrived at the pool, most of them being kids and sticking to the shallower side. The sky was clear overhead, already warming up the pavement under your feet and encouraging you to get into the water. You carefully slid in, enjoying the refreshing coldness and the feeling of near weightlessness. It got boring after a while, just swimming from place to place so instead, you entertained yourself by looking down at the streets below you, resting your head atop your arms while your lower half was still submerged in the water.

It was nice to let yourself go on autopilot like this, just observing the people and cars coming and going. You wondered where they were headed to, who they were, what they were doing. Sometimes you’d make up little stories for them if you found someone’s outfit particularly interesting or if they were doing something a bit out of the ordinary like the group of young boys you saw carrying cardboard boxes. Maybe they were carrying groceries or helping someone to move in, you would never know.

You didn’t know how much time had passed when you finally climbed out of the pool, but you figured it must have been enough for Jaehyun to wake up and do his own thing. Seeing as how most of the people sitting beside the pool had plates with them, it must have been near lunchtime already and you felt yourself grow hungry just looking at them eating. You forgot what time the hotel’s restaurant closes at so you grabbed your things and hurried back to your room to change and get lunch with Jaehyun.

What you were expecting was to have a quick shower and change into comfortable clothes then head down to the restaurant to eat. What you didn’t expect was to open the door and come into Jaehyun jacking off in the middle of his bed with his phone in hand, the sounds of sex audible enough for you to quickly close the door behind you, not wanting anyone passing by to see or hear anything they shouldn’t have.

Both of you froze and locked gazes though Jaehyun was the first to break away, quickly pulling the blanket up to his bare chest, trying his best to hide while stopping the video playing on his phone. It was too late, the image of his toned body and flexed muscles already burned into the walls of your brain, his hardened member making you think of things that you shouldn’t.

“Sorry, I should leave-”

“I thought you were at the pool-”

Both of you spoke at the same time, making it terribly more awkward. “I was at the pool, but I thought it was getting close to lunch so I came back,” you explained, talking into the wall, refusing to look in his direction.

“It’s only 10:30 so I thought we’d be getting lunch at like, noon or something,” Jaehyun stuttered out.

You let out a sigh, “no, sadly. I didn’t take my phone with me either so I just guessed what time it was and now here I am.”

There was rustling in the sheets on the bed. “Well, would you like to join me?”

You know what I mean, I like being alone, except for when I play with you.

It was like all common sense left your brain at his question, the heat of your needs overpowering any sanity you had left. You turned around to see that Jaehyun was now sitting up, the blanket now sitting at his waist as he looked at you expectedly. “Do you want me to join you?”

“It sure beats using my hand,” he pointed out, “and you’re already near-naked anyways. But it’s your call.”

You unwrapped the towel around you, letting it drop to the floor, before getting onto the bed as Jaehyun pushed the covers down further, exposing his pink cock to you. Settling between his legs, you took his length in one hand and began slowly pumping him while sucking at the tip, already covered in precum. Jaehyun weakly moaned from your touches, shifting around a little under your grasp. Your other hand, that wasn’t busy sliding up and down his throbbing dick, came to rest upon his lower abdomen. The lines and dips of his muscles flexing underneath your fingers.

As you took him further into your mouth, he began to rock his hips ever so slightly, almost causing you to choke on his cock. You pressed down on his stomach to keep him still, causing him to let out a faint whine, his eyes shut tight and fists balled up in the sheets. When you began bobbing your head, that’s when Jaehyun finally eased up a little now that you were no longer teasing him.

His placed a hand on the back of your head, pushing you down onto his length and you allowed him to do so. He used your mouth as if it were a toy, using it to fuck himself with his head thrown back in bliss. His member twitched once in your mouth and he slowed his pace, not wanting to go overboard too early but you had other plans in mind.

You started using your tongue and swirling it around the head of his dick, one of your hands working at the base of his length where your mouth didn’t reach while the other moved to his pale thigh, using it for leverage. “Fuck,” Jaehyun whispered, his hands flying to grab onto the top of the headboard as you continued to suck on his cock like it was candy.

When his noises started to get higher and more restrained, you backed off, his heavy length falling from your mouth and landing on his abs. You worked on getting your swimwear off while Jaehyun came back to his senses. Once you were entirely naked, he looked you up and down, biting his lip and watching you come back towards him. “Have you ever tried sixty nining?” He asked as you settled on his thigh, you core dripping onto his skin.

“No, but I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” you hinted, which he took easily. Jaehyun had such a cute smile on his face as he slid on to his back, motioning you to site on his face. It was a shocking contrast in comparison for what he was about to do to you and it was just the slightest bit scary. Before you had even gotten settled over him, he sat up to lick at your core playfully, the warmth of his tongue shocking you and causing you to slap his chest. “Hey, I wasn’t even ready yet,” you complain, looking back over your shoulder at him, to which he responds by delivering a kiss your folds.

You rolled your eyes at him and laid down on top of his firm body, taking hold of his aching member once more. You began licking from the base of his dick to the tip, and that was Jaehyun’s queue to dive in. He started off slowly, running his tongue slowly through your lower lips and lightly playing with your clit. Your tongue copied his, continuing to lick long stripes up his cock.

One of his fingers started lightly prodding at your hole, slowly entering you before pulling back out. Jaehyun gradually sped up his motions as your muscles relaxed around his finger, then he added another one. You moaned around his length, spit dribbling out of your mouth as you focused on the feeling of his digits inside of you. He gently lapped at your clit while speeding up, fucking you with his fingers and drinking up all your juices.

You did your best to give him the same amount of pleasure he was giving you, taking him deeper and faster into your throat. Your spit was dripping down his dick, coating it in a delicious shine. Your walls began pulsing around his fingers and he kept going until you took his member out of his mouth to rasp, “gonna cum.”

“Are you on birth control?” He asked from under you. You nodded, still busy playing with the tip of cock. “God, fuck, we’re really in for it.” Jaehyun sat up, pulling you into his lap and lining up with length with your heated core, “ride me.”

You sunk down onto him, going slower than you needed to just to tease him a little more. Once you were halfway down, you lifted back up so only his tip was inside of you before sitting down and taking the rest of him fully. He let out a groan at the feeling of your warmth, his hands gripping onto your breasts from behind. You placed your hands over his, using them as a way to ground yourself as you started bouncing on his lap.

Jaehyun began lightly squeezing your boobs while you rode him, his large hands kneading at your soft mounds and letting out quiet cries of pleasure whenever your soaking walls covered his entire dick. You leaned forward, your hands dropping to his thighs and his to your hips. In this new position you started riding at a faster pace with Jaehyun aiding you in your movements.

When you started getting tired and slowing down, he took the lead and flipped the both of you over so you laid on your stomach. He grabbed a pillow from the head of the bed, placing it under your hips so your glistening pussy was on display for him. He bent down to give it a few more licks before reinserting himself into you. The new angle made him feel so much larger and reach so much deeper, you nearly screamed.

Your hands were desperately holding onto the sheets as Jaehyun began thrusting into you, the sounds of his hips meeting yours filling the room. It felt like he was reaching places that no other man has before and the feeling was absolutely mindblowing. He brought you back to the edge of your orgasm so fast that by the time you realized what was happening, you were yelling his name into the bed, your walls spasming around his member.

Jaehyun slowed down to let you ride out your high and come back to your senses, though once you did, he began to chase his own orgasm. There was a passionate fire inside of him as he continued to push into you, his breathy moans getting louder and louder until he finally released inside of you. He was panting as he came, his hands tightly holding onto the flesh of your ass and hips.

You felt his cock twitching inside of you as he continued to shallowly thrust in and milk himself using your warmth. When he finally pulled out, the mixture of your juices and his came flowing out, dripping down your thighs and onto the white sheets below you. Jaehyun watched the liquid slowly seep out of you, satisfied with himself before grabbing a tissue and cleaning you up.

Your body jolted ever so slightly at his touch. “Sorry,” he giggled, placing a hand on your ass to keep you steady. Looking over at the clock, you saw that it was already past 11 and the reminder of lunch made your stomach growl. “Wow, you really were hungry, huh?” Jaehyun teased when you buried your face into the bed. “Go shower and we can go eat.”

Peeling yourself off of the bed, you dragged yourself to the bathroom, showering as fast as you possibly could while fighting the post-sex high. You made sure to wash yourself well and brush your teeth before coming back out to wake Jaehyun, who had fallen asleep, still butt naked. He woke with a dazed smile, kissing your cheek on his way to the bathroom.

As you headed down for lunch with him, there was a new energy between the two of you. Your conversation with him was a lot lighter than before and he seemed so much more alive. You listened to him fawn over the latest album release from The 1975 and smiled at the way he told you his own analysis of his favorite songs. When he was done, “another one of the list,” you remarked.

The rest of the day was spent wandering around the hotel with Jaehyun, seeing what kinds of amenities they had and going ‘people-watching’ as he had named it. From your the window of your shared room, the two of you made up stories for people as you watching them go about their day until the sun started setting. He voluntarily took pictures for you, the golden hour glow making you look ethereal. The pictures you took of him didn’t do his beauty any justice and it made you wish he could see himself through your eyes. That night, it didn’t feel so awkward to share a bed with Jaehyun, especially with what happened in the exact same spot only a few hours ago.

Instead of your sugarcoated words, I need you to be honest.

Sticking with Jaehyun at the wedding was a lot easier than you thought. You could see other girls eyeing him and start gossiping when he held you closer to him or grabbed your hand. It wasn’t as if anyone was going to talk to you now that you stole away one of the stars of the show. Luckily, you didn’t even have to spend long talking to Jaehyun’s parents since you were seated separately with a few other couples who were around the same age as both of you.

Next to you was a guy named Mark and his girlfriend. Apparently he didn’t go to school and was exploring the music industry instead. He was here because the groom helped to produce a song on one of his bands’ albums. Across from you was another man, Xiaojun who was also here with his girlfriend. He said something similar to Mark but he claimed he’s more of a producer rather than a performer.

Jaehyun wasn’t very talkative, preferring to sit back and watch you interact with the other guys who were the same age as you. You were eagerly talking with Mark about your favorite Bruno Mars songs and debating with his girlfriend whether Mark would reschedule his own wedding in order to perform with Bruno Mars on that day. She thought he would reschedule it. Despite Jaehyun’s quietness, he did still make sure that people knew he didn’t come alone. He kept an arm on the back of your chair or a hand on your thigh at nearly all times and it was quite comforting to be honest.

Things quieted down as the guests began their speeches for the soon-to-be married couple. Your phone vibrated a few times on the table so you picked it up, not wanting to disturb everyone sitting with you. The vibrating continued though, as if someone was sending you one message after the other. You knew it was Jungwoo from this.

When you finally had the opportunity to check your phone without being disrespectful, you saw that he had sent you a picture of yourself with Jaehyun that was taken just a few minutes ago. That definitely surprised you knowing that someone here was watching you but there was no way you’d be able to figure it out. “Does he have to be so close to you?” Jungwoo’s message read.

“It’s just part of the act, don’t worry” you sent back.

“Then don’t act so good” he responded.

As the ceremony proceeded, everyone cheered when the bride and groom finally kissed and welcomed them into their newlywed life. You went to the buffet with Mark’s girlfriend, leaving Jaehyun as he cutely frowned at you with an “I’ll miss you, hurry back,” making everyone at the table chuckle.

“So how did you and Jaehyun meet?” The Mark’s girl asked while you both grabbed plates and utensils.

You paused for a second, never having previously discussed with Jaehyun what you’d say in these situations. “We met at school,” you began, “we had a shared class this past year.”

It seemed you were convincing enough by the way she nodded. “Cute, a campus couple! I always wondered what it would be like to go to school with your significant other.”

“It’s not that great, I swear, especially if he’s as clingy as Jaehyun,” you joked as you started filling your plate, “but anyways, how did you and Mark meet?”

“Ah, it was through one of his bandmates,” she explained, “I work at a studio and one of them recommended working with me since I was a childhood friend.”

“Nice, nice, must be cool to be in the industry,” you commented.

She shook her head, “it’s not all that great, especially since he’s so busy with everything he does. It definitely doesn’t allow for quality time together, that’s why I’m so envious of you and Jaehyun.”

“Really? We don’t really spend a lot of time together either,” you shared, continuing to move down the buffet table.

“You guys seem to connect so well though,” she remarked, “the way he looks at you with that gaze, it’s like he can’t get enough of you.”

“Oh?” This was news to you. “I never noticed that.”

She smiled while nodding over to him. “He does it a lot, look.” Jaehyun immediately looked away as you turned in his direction but you managed to catch him in motion. “Just try glancing over at him ever so often, you’ll get him sooner or later.”

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” you chimed, a mischevious look on your face as you both returned to the table and you took your seat next to Jaehyun.

He let out a mock sob, “I was so lonely without you, how could you-”

“Get your food, you big baby,” you interrupted. Jaehyun let out a laugh as he stood up, giving you a forehead kiss before leaving for the buffet with the other men on the table.

By the time everyone was roaming around and making small talk with each other, a fair amount of guests were already starting to become inebriated with the various alcoholic drinks being offered, Jaehyun included. He stood next to you with a hand resting on your waist, talking to one of the groomsmen that he apparently went to school with growing up.

“You really grew up well, Jae,” the man in front of you noted.

Jaehyun hid his face behind the wine glass he was holding. “Thank you, you too dude.”

“How long have you guys been together?” He asked.

Jaehyun glanced over at you, prompting you to respond. “Oh, uh, just about two years now.”

The man in front of you seemed visibly surprised. “That’s quite a while, I’m surprised Jae didn’t mention you any sooner.”

“I just wanted to make sure that she was the one, you know?” Jaehyun interjected, trying his best to cover for you.

“Ah, I get it. So is marriage within the plans for you guys?” The other man asked.

“Yes-”

“No-”

You and Jaehyun looked at each other, brows furrowed. “We’re still talking about it,” Jaehyun concluded.

“Alright, let me know when it happens, shoot me an invite,” he said with a laugh.

“Yeah, for sure.” Jaehyun pulled you away from the crowds once the conversation was over. “Why’d you say no?”

“Why did you say yes?” You questioned through gritted teeth.

He shrugged, “just trying to go with the whole ‘couple’ thing.”

“Not all couples have to get married, especially within two years of dating,” you reason.

“We’re madly in love, remember that,” he proclaimed.

You lightly punched his stomach, “no we’re not. We’re literally just friends.”

He frowned at you once more. “Friends don’t have sex with each other-”

“Some friends do...friends with benefits, I don’t know,” you blurted, cutting him off, “I’m your fake girlfriend, that’s what we agreed-”

This time he interrupted you but with a kiss instead of words. You froze when his lips met yours for the first time but you didn’t pull away. When his lips began moving against yours, you moved with him, your eyes fluttering shut. The kiss lasted for a few more seconds before Jaehyun broke it, “friends don’t do that.”

“They don’t,” you agreed, “but I’m your fake girlfriend right now, I have to do it,” you muttered, giving an emphasis on the word ‘fake’.

Killing the knight, feeling the vibe. Give me the knife, cold on my mind.

You and Jaehyun had escaped from the festivities as soon as possible, heading back up to your room where Jaehyun could regain his soberness and you could take a break from being his lover. It seems that resting was not on your agenda though, as you received another series of texts from your actual lover, this time with a picture of the kiss you shared with Jaehyun earlier. “What is this?” was all Jungwoo texted.

You didn’t respond but you knew he could see you had read his message yet you don’t know why you kept the chat open when Jungwoo’s typing bubble appeared. “Does being a fake girlfriend really include kissing him that way?” “Hey” “Answer me” “I know you’re there” “Y/n you better not forget your real relationship.”

Eventually your phone screen turned off on its own like you wished you could do, but you were glued to your seat on the sofa. It felt like whatever move you made only put you at greater risk. It was like walking on a minefield with not a single clue to where the mines were or how large they were. You refused to respond to Jungwoo, scared of only making things worse.

Throughout the rest of the time you were with Jaehyun, you didn’t dare respond to Jungwoo no matter how urgent his messages started to sound. You knew he was worried and wanted explanations but you forced yourself to wait until you got back to campus to give them. Jaehyun seemed to have no memory of your little argument and remained just as clingy and affectionate as before, even on the plane ride back and when he dropped you off in front of your dorm building, he stopped you to kiss the back of your hand as he bid your farewell.

You regret telling Jungwoo when you’d be returning to campus because when you entered the dorm building, you found him standing in front of your room, leaning on the wall with an upset expression. “So are you going to explain to me whatever the hell those pictures were?”

“Jungwoo, look, I already told you, it was an act-”

“No, you look. How am I supposed to not be concerned when I see my own girlfriend kissing another man?” He burst out. “I know you were his fake girlfriend but that doesn’t mean you have to go as far as kissing him does it?”

You turned to him after unlocking the door to your room. “Hey, I’m tired. Can you leave me alone right now? I really don’t want to say something that I don’t mean so could you please just leave me alone?” You were about ready to beg for some peace and quiet, something that your mind hasn’t had in a long time.

“Okay, fine, I’ll repsect that,” Jungwoo caved, “but this isn’t the end of this conversation. Got it?”

“Yeah,” you mumbled, closing the door on him.

Tell me honestly. I need bitter coffee more than sweet candy.

Jungwoo had given you the next week to yourself, the summer class he was taking ended up taking more of his time and energy than expected. In that time, you did a whole lot of lying around, balancing the two men in your head, trying to carefully think out all your options and the possible results that stemmed from them. You reached a final decision at one point or another and arranged to meet up with Jaehyun at one of the grassy areas on campus not far from the cafeteria.

When he arrived, he greeted you with a hug, one that you carefully wiggled your way out of, much to his disappointment. “Jaehyun, I’ve been thinking-”

“Uh oh, that’s never a good thing,” he teased.

“I’m serious,” you asserted, making sure he knew the nature of this conversation, “I’ve been thinking, and as much as I enjoyed your company and am grateful that you took me to that wedding, I-”

Words that are nice to hear are just momentary.

“Hey, Y/n, who is that- no, no way,” Jungwoo came storming over from the steps leading up to the cafeteria, “I thought the whole fake girlfriend thing ended when you came back. Why the fuck are you still hanging around with him? Don’t I deserve more of your time than he does? Yet you never do anything to spend time with me.”

“Jungwoo, no, I’m not trying to hang out with him-”

“That’s not what it looks like,” he fired back. Jaehyun audibly sighed from next to you, drawing Jungwoo’s attention to him. “Alright buddy, if you wanted a girlfriend then go ahead, take her. But when she pulls this shit on you, don’t try bringing her back to me, I’m done.”

“Jungwoo, please don’t, he’s not anything to me, I swear,” you pleaded.

“Y/n, I’m done. Get your shit together first before coming to me. I’ve wasted far too much time on you and I’m tired of dealing with this.” With that, he left. For good? You have yet to find out.

There was a pause in your world as you let the dust settle. Your mind was still reeling and you felt the slight sting of tears welling up until Jaehyun opened his mouth once more. “So he did say that you’re mine now, right?”

“That’s not the fucking point,” you nearly yelled. “I genuinely love him and wanted to fix my relationship with him, and now here you are, screwing everything over.”

“To be fair, you never told me that you had a boyfriend in the first place,” Jaehyun traded off, “so technically, I did nothing wrong here.”

“You know what, fuck off, Jaehyun.”

He raised his hands in defense, “jeez, are you that serious about this dude?”

“Yes,” you cry out, “or well, I was, at least. Because now I don’t even know if he wants me back.”

“Do you want to hear my take on this?” Jaehyun offered.

“No, not really,” you sighed, but Jaehyun continued on anyways.

“I think you should go back to him and try sort things out. He had you before I did anyways, and if that ring you keep wearing is from him, he must have been in deep to do something like that.” His observation about your ring truly startled you but you were too numb to say anything. “And if he absolutely refuses you and hates your guts then well, I’m still here. My feelings for you are still genuine.”

I need sincerity to wake me up, I need you.

“Fucking hell, just leave me alone you asshole. I’m sick and tired of seeing your stupid fucking face,” you retorted.

He chuckled at your outburst, “alright, I’ll see you around I guess.”

You watched as he, too, walked away from you for possibly the last time. It felt as if all the pieces of your heart had been shredded into confetti and thrown into the air in some kind of sick party. This truly felt like a huge nightmare that you could wake up from but yet you knew you couldn’t.

You thought you gave both of the men your best and that his would all work out in the end, but all you got in return was whiplash.

Shawty give me whiplash.

Autoplay: If you liked this, you may also like || baby don’t like it - j.jh ||

"You-you are not supposed to be here." I sobbed. "If they find out you are here they will- they will-"

"Shhhh baby, they won't know I'm here." Yuta reassured you. Then sitting down beside you, he cupped your face in his hands.  

"Tell me. What happened?"

"They-they don't want to be to become an astronomer. They want me to-"

"Become a doctor." Yuta finished the sentence, with a frown. You nodded miserably.

He bit his lips thinking of the one reason he had fallen for you. You were a beautiful dreamer, an escape from this hard reality, his soft love. But sadly, this world was still harsh and had left a huge scar on your soft skin, scarring you internally and not letting you breathe.

The society had molded you into its ugly robots and he had tried to save you. But that just ended in your parents keeping you away from him, saying that he was corrupting you. But love always found its way and Yuta found his way into your room by climbing the pipe next to your window.

All of a sudden, he had an idea.

He tugged at you, causing you to lift off your bed.

"Come on love." he muttered, pushing you out of your room.

"W-Wait- What are you doing?" you asked as he pulled you downstairs. You tried not making much sound as you passed through your parent's room and finally you both made it to the front door.

Securing the door behind him as quietly as he could, he began pulling you down the almost empty road.

"Where are we going?" you asked, your voice hoarse from all the tears you had shed. The cold air was causing you to shiver, despite it being summer, as you were just wearing your pajamas. Yuta noticed that and immediately shrug off his jacket.

"Where are we going?" You asked again.

"You'll see." He said still dragging you. You were beginning to remember this path. It was the way to his home. The houses became closer and less made of brick as you got closer. You had been to Yuta's house only once. He was quite poor compared to you so he never got you here.

Finally, the both of you reached his house.

"Here." He said, indicating not to the door, but the stairs leading up.

Holding your hands tightly, he helped you up, all the way till the topmost house,  the asbestos sheets creaking under your feets.

From here, you could smell the sea and here it's wave crash. You looked at the city, it's lights blinking on and off as you enjoyed the summer air.

"Look up Dreamer." Yuta said.

You looked up and gasped. A thousand stars glowed the splash of gold on the dark blue taking away your breath.

"Its beautiful." You whispered. You looked at Yuta who smiled at you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"This place is beautiful." You said, causing him to blush.

He leaned in for a kiss. It was a soft one.

After your lips parted, he whispered," We will reach the stars, no matter what. As long as we stay till the end."

"Till the end." You agreed.

This city shines all night and our story never ends.