#such wit

If it’s not gay, then what is it, cannibalism?

Roman Semionovich - Black Volhv / Priest of Chernobog 

↳ Roman squinted at me. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We had to come here because you don’t answer your damn phone.” Curran’s voice had that icy quality that said his patience was at and end.

“I don’t answer the phone because I unplugged it.” Roman waved his hand. The scorpion retreated. The tentacles gently set me down and slithered back into the ground. “You would unplug yours too if you were related to any of my family. My parents are fighting again and they’re trying to make me choose sides. I told them they could talk to me when they start acting like responsible adults.” [...] He plugged the phone into the outlet.

It rang. Roman stared at it as if it were a viper.

The phone rang again.

He unplugged it. “There.”

“It can’t be that bad.” I told him.

“Oh, it’s bad.” Roman nodded. “My dad refused to help my second sister buy a house, because he doesn’t like her boyfriend. My mother called him and it went bad. She cursed him. Every time he urinates, the stream arches up and over.”