#stuggy

So. Steve's in love with Peggy,and Peggy's love with Steve. Everybody in the army knows it. And nobody knows it better than Bucky, who's been in love with Steve his whole life. He's...Bitter, about letting Steve go, and who could blame him? But he's determined to see Steve happy,and if Peggy is his happily ever after, he'll never interfere.

Only, Bucky's still a mess, reeling from the horrors he saw in Zola's lab, from the torture and experiments. He's a young man still, and scared out of his mind, because his body is changing, modified against his will, and he has no idea what that makes him. And it's not just the psychological aspect of it that's exhausting and horrifying. He has cramps, his skin hitches, his muscles burn, the very marrow in his bones bubbles and hisses like poison. He keeps misjudging his own strength and reactions; and even the good perks - his eyesight is so good, he can make out details a mile away - even those, scare him senseless. He's, in short, adrift at sea. Drowning and desperate.

So desperate, he confesses to Steve.

And gets rejected.

He might even ask Peggy first. Like, I'm torn between two opposite scenarios. In one, he doesn't plan to, but a frustrating discussion with Steve leads to him confessing. In the other, he tells Peggy beforehand. It's a complicated mess, and he expects nothing from this confession other than a sense of closure. He KNOWS that Steve will say no. But he won't trouble Steve without coming clean to Peggy first. 

The morning after the confession, Steve is edgy and scowling, even a bit snappish, with a stormcloud hanging around his head. Peggy is befuddled beyond words. She goes to find Barnes to hear his side of the story, and she finds him crying with a bottle of booze. And. Well. 

Bucky's crying is a disarmingly heartwrenching sight. It hits her like a punch in the gut. 

He's desperate, but there's a quiet dignity in the way he hid, to lick his wounds away from the scrutiny of the world, away from Steve's sight, like a hurt animal. In the way his eyes fill over and the tears spill, silent, slow, hypnotic-like, but still he won't sob, his shoulders won't shake. His breathing hitches, and his cheeks are flushed. With his dishivelled hair and glassy eyes he makes for a disarmingly PRETTY sight, and she's honestly bowled over by her need to bundle him up in a blanket and make him honeyed tea.

So she...Kind of does just that? Or at least, she kicks his ass back into gear a little less harshly than she normally would have.

They become fast friends after that, and she is as viciously protective of him as Bucky is of Steve. She's seen a softness in him that she never saw in Steve himself. So she flirts with Steve, is stern with him when needed, supportive at times and oppositive when he goes into reckless-hero-mode, but she doesn't coddle him, while basically? She's soft and caring with Bucky in a way she seldom allows herself to be. Plus, if you touch Barnes, you get in her shit list and will be terminated with extreme prejudice.

Bucky gets maudlin moods from time to time, and confesses to her he's not really expecting to survive the war and she's all BARNES DON'T BE AN IDIOT IF YOU DARE FALL IN THIS WAR I'M COMING TO PICK YOU UP MYSELF AND FIREMAN-CARRY YOU BACK HOME.

(And he makes a joke about preferring to be carried bridal-style, and the set of her eyes goes more stern even as her mouth softens and she DEMANDS he stops deflecting because Lord help her, but she's stuck with him and he with her and he'd better realise it fast)

People are a bit confused by the fact that Cap's girl won't do more than shake hands with her sweetheart when he comes back from missions but WILL fuss over his Sergeant and go GODDAMMIT BARNES IS THAT A KNIFE WOUND WHY ARE YOU STILL ON YOUR FEET STEVE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY DRAG THIS IDIOT TO THE MED TENT. 

Steve, however, is very happy that they get along so well (think waggling Labrador. You have the right picture). And has no idea that they're like, planning his whole future ahead.

Maudlin moods get less frequent for Bucky, but he still talks for hours on end with Peggy and confesses stuff he usually can't explain very well even to himself. He's glad that Steve isn't holding Bucky's feelings for him over his head, and that they're back to their casual, touchy-feely friendship, but he's stumped on what to do if *INSERT POINTED LOOK FROM PEGGY HERE* ... WHEN he goes home from the war.

"And why's that?"

"Well. I always thought I'd,I dunno, live with Steve as bachelors or. Or if he found a girl to love, that we could at least find us a way to live close together, you know? Like next door apartments with our kids playing together in the street, and taking turns driving them to school and spending the summer together and. It. It can't happen now, can it?"

"... Elaborate on that." *Narrow eyed look*

"I. Hum." * Squirms* "Steve's been... nice. So far. Understanding. Of. Of my feelings. But I can't. Can't truly expect Captain America to be all right living next door to a dev--"

"Barnes, you bloody sod, finish that word and...!"

"You know what I mean! A no-one man clinging to a national hero, people are bound to realise about me and give Steve shit for allowing me close...!"

"First. Talk yourself down again, I'll sock some sense into you. You're as much of an hero as Steve is. Second. There's NOTHING wrong with you, and if you truly think Steve or I would care for RUMORS, you're deluding yourself. The world is a cruel place, and you're hurting and used to having to hide that hurt and fear away, I get that. But this isn't up for discussion,Barnes. We go back to the States, you WILL stay where I can keep an eye on you. Lord knows you need someone close to remind you to love and care for yourself for a change, and I'm not letting anybody else doing what's clearly mine and Steve's job."

But then Bucky falls, and Steve crashes the Valkyrie and all that.

When Steve returns and is reunited with Peggy, they smile and cry over their past and what they lost, and inevitably they breach the subject of Bucky, and Peggy just sighs quietly and goes: "He loved you so much. I'd never seen devotion like that before knowing him, and I've never encountered it again, afterwards."

"Peggy, Peggy, no, you're confused. He... He loved YOU, maybe. I never understood. If it was a like a sister or. Or romantically. He always sang your praises, and you were the first person he looked for when we returned to camp, and the only one he'd willingly let fuss over him, but... He didn't love me, you're mistaken." And his voice is taking on a distinctly panicked tone, so Peggy grabs his hand and gently forces him to recount his side of things, and yeah, he DID love Peggy an he WAS glad that his best friend and his girlfriend went on like an house on fire but he also WAS jealous, because Peggy had parts of Bucky Steve never thought he'd have to share. 

Peggy hums thoughtfully and asks him about the infamous night of the confession and it turns out that Steve's an IDIOT. He turned down Bucky without even realising (he thought Bucky was drunk, OR mocking feelings Steve might have had, OR reeling from the experiments and so doing anything would feel like taking advantage... The possibilities are endless). So Peggy very wisely nods her head, struggles into a sitting position against her pillows in her sick bed and very very calmly socks Captain America in the jaw because BLOODY HELL STEVE THE POOR KID WAS WASTING AWAY IN LOVE WITH YOU AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK IT WAS REAL KIDS THESE DAYS I SWEAR.

Which might be hilarious if Steve wasn't on the verge of tears and suddenly realising he could've had it all, all he ever wanted (either Steve realises now he used to love - and still loves - both, or he always knew but never realised Bucky loved him back and maybe Peggy loved them both enough to...?)

When the Winter Soldier appears, Steve doesn't have time to tell Peggy. But after the fall of SHIELD, the nurses in the place Peggy is staying are suddenly introduced to a nephew they didn't know she had, a very handsome guy with long hair and steel eyes who likes to rest his head on his aunt's bed and let her gently card her fingers through the tangles in his hair, crooning softly about a blond idiot that shall remain nameless.