#stompoutstigma

Orignal post date: 07/08/2020

Almost time for John to do the 5K NAMI Walk! @angelstadiumanaheim @namicommunicate #stompoutstigma #mentalhealthawareness #youarenotalone #talktome #youareenough #youareloved #stayprocess #telecareao #lovemyson https://www.instagram.com/p/B29beLKjWmI/?igshid=1ptuot11zqais

💚 #stompoutstigma #mentalwellness #warriors #sisepuede #bethechange #becausewecan #doitnow 💚 (at Walkway Over the Hudson State Historic Park)

Today I met with my mentee Aziz, a Hyde Park School District student who is being bullied because he's "different". He's Muslim American. We met with a small group of like minded humans who would like to stop out the stigmas surrounding mental illness. This walk was organized my Nami Mid-Hudson. These Mental Wellness Warriors need our support. We have prepared an open message to President Trump, elected officials, and to you, the individual reading this now. Stay tuned and slide through this posts pictures along with the next two to meet Aziz and some of the others who made it a priority to be present today. #stompoutstigma #mentalwellness #warriors #sisepuede #bethechange #becausewecan #doitnow 🤝 (at Walkway Over the Hudson State Historic Park)

There once was a time when I was happy. It was genuine and beautiful. It was something that felt like it could last forever. Once I smiled and it wasn’t hiding anything. Smiling didn’t hurt, it felt natural. It didn’t hurt to act happy on a low day. I don’t know what happened to that girl. Maybe its the emotional abuse. Maybe the rape. Maybe the divorce. Insecurities, fear of failure, and far too high expectations. Constant let down. Giving too much when the well is dry. I want to feel it again and I’m worried I don’t know how. I feel lost. Who am I anymore? I want to be that great friend again. Then my body began breaking. I’m an old lady trapped in the body of a 27 year old. I can look forward to living like this or worse from now on. Pain overwhelms my brain. Sadness has taken over my body. Broken inside and out. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head right now and I can’t seem to get them to slow down to share them. BE OPEN. SHARE IT. DONT HOLD IT IN

and thats about all i can gather myself to say today

Will this be in chronological order? Probably not. Will it be exactly what happened? We are all human, and there are always three sides to a story. What matters is, that I am no longer hiding. I am putting myself out there for anyone willing or interested to read. I am not a borderline, panic/anxiety disorder, depressed person. I am Corina. I am a long list of things that doesn’t include those four. I happen to have them. Sure they control my thoughts and actions from time to time. They even took hold of my entire being at one point. When did I know there was something wrong? I think my first panic attack was around age 7. I felt like the whole world was crashing down around me and I couldn’t breathe. I called my mom who was working at a hotel at the time. What did I know? I was 7.. I’m pretty sure I told her I was having a heart attack. One important thing to know about me is that I tend to be a text book Virgo. I am highly critical of myself and those around me. I strive to give everything 100% all of the time. I take on more than I should at times, because I don’t like to say no. All of these things have helped secure the label I’ve been given for years. An “Uptight Bitch”. Friends, family and even people I hardly know have been telling me that I need to loosen up for as long as I can remember. I didn’t start out that way. My walls grew quickly as I got older. I was the weird fat kid who tried so desperately to fit in. My older brother was a charismatic people person. Everyone loved him, and he excelled in everything. For a long time I couldn’t understand how we were so different. Around this time I also realized that I found people beautiful. I knew that it wasn’t “normal” to find women pretty. I couldn’t grasp why people always had to know if “it” was a boy or girl. We are all just people. People who deserve to be loved and treated with respect. I had friends of course, and family that I saw. There were people in my life who loved me. But i knew something wasn’t right at home. Why didn’t my mom work consistently or stay home all the time like other moms? Why did I smell weird things at the end of the night? Why did my brother suddenly start acting out? the answer to those questions came much later... and you too will learn. Of course that is assuming you haven’t been able to read between the lines.