I'll Wait For Your Love
A StevexReaderxBucky Messy Triangle
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Everyone thank my husband because he fixed the wifi! This is only a bit of the final installation of 'My Little Decoy'. You can read the full version here. I didn't finish this as quickly as I wanted to, but it still got done a lot faster than I thought it would (yay anxiety!).
Thank you @fuckingbye for always putting up with my shit, and always making me amazing moodboards because I'm lame as shit. I love you and I can't wait to tackle you with a hug <3.
As always, please heed the warnings and I hope you enjoy it! Here we go!
Word Count: 35,290 (it's called growth)
Warnings: SMUT!! (18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI), Slight Infidelity, Arguments, Drinking, Smoking, Angst, Swearing, Self Loathing, Fluff, Heartbreak, Lying (by omission), Daddy Kink, Uhh...I think that's it?
Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: You Cling To Your Papers and Pens, Wait Until You Like Me Again
Summary: When two major parts of your past come back and ask for another chance, do you stand your ground and stay with the life you've created for yourself, or do you decide to test the water after all this time and see if it's worth the leap of faith?
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I do not give consent/permission for my works/stories to get posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.
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It’s weird. You had made peace with never seeing either man again, yet for the past hour, the three of you have been in your kitchen arguing. Bucky snaps at you, Steve defends you, you snap at Bucky, Steve gets you to calm down, Bucky snaps at him, and you threaten to kick him out. Honestly, for the most part, Steve is the mediator. You’re assuming that they have some level of friendship again, or he just doesn’t want to pile anymore guilt and pressure onto you.
It was clear to you that he hadn’t expected Bucky to follow him and, if he hadn’t been so focused on seeing you, he would’ve noticed Bucky’s car. Apparently, with Maria being pregnant, Steve assumed that Bucky hadn’t even noticed his erratic behavior.
He should’ve been right.
“James, I don’t know what you want me to say,” you sigh for what feels like the millionth time as you stir the white sauce on the stove. “I can only apologize so many times, but it’s not like you were in the dark. You saw the connection between Steve and I, and you decided to pursue me anyway. I didn’t start cheating until long after you had-”
“You being in love with Steve was already cheating!” he shouts at you, and you pinch the bridge of your nose.
“Are you ever capable of holding yourself accountable? Or is it only when you know you’re in danger of losing me? You never apologized for cheating and you still won’t fess up to it, you never actually apologized for your behavior when we found out I couldn’t get pregnant, and even now, you’re just throwing it in my face that I cheated on you after you cheated on me. Is that what you came all the way here for? To yell at me and make me feel small in my own home? Because, if it is, you can get the fuck out right now. I don’t need this shit from you, James. I didn’t need it then and I sure as shit don’t need it now,” you say firmly as you finally turn to face him.
You don’t miss the small smile that comes to Steve’s face, before he takes a sip from his beer bottle.
Bucky lets out a frustrated sigh before he ran a hand through his hair, “no, that’s not why I came out here.” “Then what did you come here for?”
“I wanted to see you,” he confesses softly.
You turn and open the oven to check on the salmon, “she’s pregnant, James. That’s what you wanted-” “I wanted it with you and you know that.”
“You cheated with her, James. You cheated with her because you knew it would hurt me the most, you fucked her at work, in our house, and went out with her after work very publicly to make me look like a fool. Then, you denied the whole thing to try and make me feel crazy, like I couldn’t see the lipstick stains on my pillow-”
“You hurt me!”
“Because I couldn’t have a fucking kid? You think that was a fun thing for me to find out?!”
“It wasn’t just the baby! You never loved me in the way that you love Steve, and I tried and tried-”
“Then why not just let me go?!”
“Cause I loved you. I love you.”
“Well, you got married to her a year after I left, and now she’s gonna have your child. Looks like you’re doing just fine.” “Don’t be fucking callous,” he scoffs.
“James, you followed Steve to my home to berate me, and you’re gonna sit there and tell me not to be callous? You went out of your way to have this argument, and for what? Because you couldn’t trap me into being in love with you? Go fuck yourself and die on that fucking cross you’re so desperate to hang yourself from!”
“Darlin’,” Steve snaps and Bucky rolls his eyes.
“I’m sorry, but fuck that. You want me to feel so bad for something I tried to ignore, and that’s not fair! What I did was wrong, but I tried. I defended you, I looked the other way, and never held anything over your head. You constantly went out of your way to hurt me, and I’m supposed to feel bad for finally following my heart? I’m supposed to feel bad because I wouldn’t let you trap me and make me hate myself anymore? Fuck that. I never played you for a fool, you did that shit to yourself, and I refuse to pay penance for it anymore,” you snap as you pour the bow ties into the boiling water. “God, where does your pregnant wife even think you are?”
“I just told her I needed to get out for a while.” “You’re such an asshole. I don’t even like the bitch and I think it’s a low blow. You leave your pregnant wife to tell your ex-wife that you still love her? What the fuck did you think was going to happen? What did you think I was gonna say? You thought I’d see the light and wanna take you back? You married her out of spite, James.”
“I do love her-”
“Well, clearly not enough,” you scoff, “this feels a lot like the pot calling the kettle black, because you love her, but you’re still pining over me? That’s fucking rich, I gotta say. You’re a real piece of work,” you chuckle dryly as you pour yourself another glass.
“I wanted to see you...make sure you’re okay. Nat and Meg won’t tell anyone anything, Meg won’t even talk to me-”
“Well, what the hell did you think was going to happen, James? I’ve been her best friend since we were six. Yeah, she’s not too fucking fond of you after everything that’s happened.”
“So what? You just hate me now?”
“I don’t hate you, you self centered asshole! I should, I have every fucking right to after the last year we spent together, and I wish I did, but I don’t! You’ve been attacking me! I’m sorry that you decided to pursue the one person your best friend was in love with, and I’m sorry that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t love you the way I’ve always loved Steve. I’m sorry that I cheated on you with Steve and it broke your heart even more. However, a lot of this shit could’ve been avoided if you would’ve just stayed away! I’m not your fucking scapegoat anymore, James. You’re finally getting what you want, and you’re still not happy-” “I don’t have you! I don’t have what I want-”
“You had me and then decided to treat me like an object! I can’t do anything about the fact that you treated me like total fucking trash, James! That’s on you, not me,” you state as the timer goes off.
As you turn off the stove top, Charlotte makes her way into the kitchen and sits patiently.
“You know better little miss,” you laugh softly, “go lay down.”
She huffs, but gets up and walks back to her bed nonetheless, and your heart flutters at Steve’s soft chuckle.
“So, that’s it?” Bucky huffs.
“I honestly don’t know what else you expect. I don’t know what more you want to know. Everything you’ve asked, I’ve been honest about, everything you deserve an apology for, I’ve apologized for...what else is there to say? What else is there to do?” you ask as his phone goes off.
Pulling it out (rather aggressively), he mutters, “what the fuck now?” before getting up and storming out, slamming the door shut behind him.
“If he breaks my house, I’ll break his neck,” you mutter, checking on the broccoli, before taking another sip from your glass.
“It’s Maria. She’s been on edge lately. She’s due in two months and she feels like Bucky’s attention is elsewhere.”
“I wonder why,” you scoff. “What about you? Are you gonna rake me over the coals too?”
“You know better than that, honey,” he sighs heavily. “We don’t have to-”
“You might as well, Steve. It’s why you’re here-”
“I’m here because I’ve missed you like crazy, and I wanted to see you. We’ve already gotten farther than I expected us too.”
“Why?”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d wanna see me or not.”
“I was never angry with you, Steve. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I still cry over it,” you scoff, rubbing your forehead.
“Then why-”
“I couldn’t do that to you, Steve. I loved you. I love you. Breaking up your friendship with Bucky? Stealing you from the Avengers-”
“I told you I’d go with you-”
“But you would’ve felt guilty. Yeah, you’d still love me, and you’d be happy to make a life with me anywhere, but you’d feel guilty. You and Bucky? I knew it could get resolved once I was out of the picture, and for the most part, I was right.”
“You didn’t give me a chance-”
“Because you wouldn’t have been logical about it, babe. Neither of us are ever exactly smart when it comes to each other,” you smile softly and he chuckles with a slight nod. “Please understand that it wasn’t something I did lightly, or that I didn’t think about how much it would hurt you. It seems like I’m always hurting you one way or another, and I’ve never wanted that.”
“We always find ways to hurt each other, darlin’. We can’t seem to get this dance right,” he sighs.
“No, we can’t.”
“Whatever you’re making smells amazing,” he smiles weakly.
“One of the many perks of no longer being an Avenger, I get to work on my cooking skills.”
“You’ve always been the best cook, babe,” he compliments as he gets up and makes his way over to you.
Having him so close to you still makes your brain so foggy, even after all this time.
“I’ll leave after dinner-”
“You don’t have to,” you quickly interrupt. “Neither one of you do. I have spare bedrooms...” “You’re comfortable with us staying here?”
“I mean, I’m already feeding the both of you and I don’t want you to spend the money, when there’s no need.”
“Still the most thoughtful person I know,” he whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, and you lean into his touch. “There is something I have to tell you though.”
“Oh God.”
“They know.”
“They who?” “Everyone. I told Tony I’d be gone for a few days, because no matter what happened today, I knew I was gonna need time to recover, and he kept saying that he needs me to train the new recruits. So, I just folded and told him where I was going.”
“Shit.”
“I’m sorry, I really am, but I needed to see you, darlin’. I had no right and it’s your privacy, but I knew he wouldn’t let me go if I didn’t tell him.”
“No, it’s alright. I’m the one that left the way that I did...”
“He wants to see you, they all do.”
“Steve-”
“I didn’t promise them anything, I just told them I’d let you know.”
“I guess I owe it to everyone, don’t I?”
“That’s for you to decide,” he smirks as his eyes study your face. “You smell like vanilla and strawberries.”
“It’s my soap,” you giggle.
“I feel like I should be angry with you. You looked me in the eyes and lied to me.”
“To be fair, you did the same thing, Rogers. For years.”
“That’s true,” he sighs, backing up and leaning against the kitchen island.
Your confusion is short lived when you hear Bucky come storming back in.
“Are you staying over or not?” you ask as the second timer goes off.
He glares looking from you to Steve, “do you even want me here?”
“Whether I do or don’t isn’t the point. I’ve already made dinner, it’s getting late, and there’s no reason for you to spend money if you don’t have to. If you don’t have to go back tonight, I prefer you to stay where I know you’re safe. The last thing I need is for you to get into an accident on an almost five hour ride home, because you were sulking and not paying attention,” you mutter, dumping the bow ties into a strainer before transfer them to a bowl.
He looks taken aback (in a good way) , before responding with, “thank you,” and grabbing another beer.
“Ya know, I know you two can’t get drunk off of anything I have, but I do have stronger drinks.”
“This is fine, doll. Thank you.”
Well, at least he’s being nicer.
Soon enough, you’re taking the salmon out of the oven and breaking it up, before cutting up the broccoli and adding both to the bow ties. After adding in your homemade white sauce, you add just a bit of lemon juice and mixing it all in together. You can’t lie, it’s nice to cook for someone besides yourself for a change, even if the situation is extremely awkward.
“Uh, darlin’?” Steve asks softly as you take three plates out of your upper cabinet.
“Hmm?”
“Not to be creepy or nosey, but your phone keeps vibrating,” he laughs.
“Ah shit!”
You completely forget to answer the chat between you, Meg, Nat.
“Take as much as you want,” you tell them before sprinting up the steps.
Grabbing it off of the nightstand, you let out a small groan as you see the string of missed texts in the ‘Three Crazies’ chat.
Ms. Widow: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
Rock n’ Roll Queen: What happened???
Ms. Widow: Steve heard me on the phone with Y/N, and hes taking a few days off go and see her.
Rock n’ Roll Queen: Oh shit! Oh SHIT!
Ms. Window: I think Buck is going too, or something, cause he took a few days off too. Maria found out and she’s freaking the fuck out.
Rock n’ Roll Queen: Fuck.
Ms. Widow: The whole fucking compound is buzzing, and Bruce is more than upset with me. Y/N, I’m really so sorry.
Rock n’ Roll Queen: Has anyone said anything to you?
Ms. Widow: No, Tony’s been pacing all day and the team is kind of dumbfounded. No one knew where she was, now, both Steve and Bucky are off to see her. No one knows why the divorce happened...no one knows anything.
Rock n’ Roll Queen: Babe, has anyone said anything? Has anyone showed up?
Ms. Widow: Oh God, please answer.
Rock n’ Roll Queen: Starting to get worried here, babe.
Ms. Widow: Please don’t hate me. I’m so damn sorry. I didn’t know Steve was even around.
Y/N: They’re here now, both of them are downstairs eating dinner, and they’re staying over tonight. I’ll talk more after dinner when I’m getting ready for bed. I could never hate you, Nat. You should know that by now.
You place your phone in your back back pocket and run a stressed hand through your hair, pacing before you remember they can both hear you and just stand in the middle of your bedroom. How was everything spiraling so fast? How the fuck were you supposed to explain things without saying too much? Oh God, how the fuck were you gonna deal with Maria?
All of these thoughts were giving you a headache, and you’re growing hungrier by the second. Racing back downstairs, you walk right by the two sets of inquisitive eyes, and make yourself a large helping of the pasta dish into a bowl before showering it with a generous helping of Parmesan cheese.
“What’s wrong, darlin’?” Steve is first to ask, but the look on Bucky’s face lets you know he’s just as worried.
“Everything is fine, just having a day,” you mutter, grabbing a fork and your drink before making your into your living room, and curling up on the couch.
You honestly aren’t even mad at them, but you’re now trying to navigate how all of this is going to work. You’d closed that chapter of your life, and had dealt with things in your own way, but now? Now, everyone knows and for as much as you hate to admit it, they deserve an explanation. It doesn’t matter that you technically did everything by the book (turning in all your weapons and any sensitive and classified details you had), you still abandoned your friends. The family you got to create. All they want is to see you and know that you’re okay, and who are you to say no? None of them did anything to deserve that.
God, you hope they don’t think you’ll stay. You have no desire for that life anymore, nor do you feel like seeing Maria’s smug fucking face anymore. No, you’re life isn’t exactly quiet now, but it’s a lot more calm and a lot more stable. You have your job, your fur baby, your home-
“Darlin’,” Steve sighs as he sits at the other end of the sofa.
You hadn’t even noticed that Charlotte had sensed your anxiety and stress, and curled up by your toes.
“I’m sorry, this is my fault-”
“I’m the one who walked away like I did, Steve.”
“Be that as it may, I-we disrupted your privacy. No, I didn’t expect Bucky to follow me, but I...I just needed to see you and didn’t think about anything else. I haven’t seen much of your life out here, but I can tell it’s quiet, you’re happy, and you’re finally at peace. Now, you have a million questions to answer and people to answer to. I’m really sorry, honey.”
“It’s...it’s fine,” you sob, not even understanding why you’re crying.
All at once, all of these emotions just overwhelm you, and you feel as if you’re drowning.
“Darlin’?!”
“What the hell did you do to her?!” you hear Bucky faintly yell.
Everything seems to fade around you and all sound is lost. Your family, friends, past...you have to face them all. Everything you’ve tricked yourself into thinking you’ve healed from is all of a sudden back in your life at once; the scabs all feel torn off and bleed again. Without warning, no easing back into it, and you have no idea what to expect. What if everyone hates you? What if no one even wants to see you? Is Maria the favorite now? Is she in your old office? You faintly feel someone wrap their arms around you, and you honestly don’t care which one of them it is, you just cling to them in a weak attempt to bring yourself back down.
“Darlin’, you’re okay, it’s all okay. Buck and I are right here,” Steve promises with worry laced in every word as he softly rubs your back.
He pulls you close and you can tell he’s trying to regulate your breathing with his own.
“I need you to breathe for me, pretty girl. Deep breaths,” he coos softly.
“M...Meg! Please call Meg,” you sob.
“Call Meg!” he repeats harshly towards Bucky, and you hate yourself for how worried they both are.
You pray that they don’t start arguing, because you don’t know what the hell you’ll do, and you can faintly hear Charlotte whining and feel her little paws on your lap. You haven’t had a panic attack since your second night there, and she’s never seen you have one.
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This is only a bit of the final installation of 'My Little Decoy'. You can read the full version here.
