#starting therapy

....how tf do i do this shit?

The death of others is my biggest fear/obsession and I perform compulsions to keep it away but it doesn’t work and it’s an awful pattern. I fear everything, disasters, terrorist attacks, murders. I fear my friend’s son will die and also that people I like will die (from actors, musicians, artists, to family, families of people I know, their friends, everyone). Recently I also had a nightmare of one of the Stranger Kids dying and I don’t watch the show but it has become yet another severe fear. 2

The OCD has gotten so bad I can’t even eat properly anymore, as I feel it’ll cause somebody’s death. I’ve been having an ugly episode since I read about Florida’s shooting as well. I feel it was caused by something I did, or because I didn’t do a ritual properly or something and that something will happen to my friend’s son if I eat or don’t engage in my rituals (and even then, I feel it will happen in the end, my fears and nightmares have become true many times no matter what I do). Please. 3. 

Hi anon,

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re struggling so much. That all sounds really scary. Thank you for reaching out.

I definitely think that the best thing you can do in this situation is talk to a mental health professional. OCD is a really tough illness and it can be really hard to treat. If you aren’t currently seeing someone about your mental health, I strongly suggest you do. You’re clearing concerned about what’s going on and what you’re feeling if you’re sending this ask, and the fact that you aren’t able to eat properly is serious.

Here are some resources on finding someone who can help you:

tips on picking a therapist

what to do if you can’t afford therapy

getting a therapist

a beginners guide to starting therapy

Until you are able to seek treatment, I hope that some of these resources can help you.

OCD resources:

types of obsessions and compulsions

how to conquer your compulsions 

how to “ignore” OCD compulsions 

the internations obsessive compulsive disorder foundation

managing your OCD at home 

obsessive-compulsive disorder

intrusive thoughts and feelings with high anxiety

how to overcome intrusive thoughts

steps for coping with intrusive thoughts

Lastly, I want to remind you that even if you’re fears come true sometimes it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Sometimes bad things happen even if we’ve tried to prevent them, and it isn’t our fault. I also want you to remember that you don’t have control over these events even though OCD makes it feel like you do. Whatever happened in the past when your fears came true wasn’t your fault and it doesn’t mean that you are a bad person.

I hope this helps.

Hey anon,

Thanks for your question. I looked up guionized because I wasn’t sure what it meant, and I honestly couldn’t find a definition for it or figure out what other word you mean, so that part I’m not really going to be able to answer. BUT! On to the rest of your question.

Okay, so, from what you’ve described it sounds to me like you might be dissociating. Dissociation is pretty normal, but it can become problematic or maladaptive. Daydreaming and doing tasks “on autopilot” are some examples of “normal” dissociating. “Dissociation” at its core is a normal brain function. We need to “dissociate” from thoughts in order to shift focus. For example, I need to dissociate myself from thoughts and feelings about my pet in order to focus on school. That kind of separation of thought is normal and necessary.

We developed this mechanism of dissociation in order to protect ourselves, in a way, from distressing things. When something emotionally distressing happens, on way to deal with it and make our brain feel less stressed is to think about something else do reduce that distress. Sometimes, this response goes as far and to not really think about anything at all. If this works and we feel less stressed, our brain is like “Yes, this is good, this is a good way to deal with problems, let’s keep doing this.” This is more likely to happen in childhood when we are young because our ability to cope with stressful situations and challenges is smaller. Even though this works when we’re kids, it isn’t really the best thing to do as we get older.

The best way to deal with maladaptive dissociation is psychotherapy. Therapy can help you address the situations that cause us to dissociate, and gain better coping mechanisms to manage emotional distress. Dealing with dissociation can help us learn better, feel better about ourselves, feel more alert, more in control, and feel more satisfied with life.

More resources on dissociation:

managing dissociation

dissociation FAQ

what is dissociation?

dissociation and dissociative disorders

the dissociative initiative

one of our posts describing dissociation and with a bunch of information on it

Because of all this, I really recommend you seek the help of a mental health professional. If you don’t already have one, talking to your family doctor can be a good place to start. They can help connect you with appropriate resources. If you go to school (either high school or college/university), there are likely resources there that could help you. Your highschool will probably have a school counselor, a teacher you trust can help you. If you go to a college or university, they often have a counselling or mental health centre.

Hey anon,

Thanks for your question. I looked up guionized because I wasn’t sure what it meant, and I honestly couldn’t find a definition for it or figure out what other word you mean, so that part I’m not really going to be able to answer. BUT! On to the rest of your question.

Okay, so, from what you’ve described it sounds to me like you might be dissociating. Dissociation is pretty normal, but it can become problematic or maladaptive. Daydreaming and doing tasks “on autopilot” are some examples of “normal” dissociating. “Dissociation” at its core is a normal brain function. We need to “dissociate” from thoughts in order to shift focus. For example, I need to dissociate myself from thoughts and feelings about my pet in order to focus on school. That kind of separation of thought is normal and necessary.

We developed this mechanism of dissociation in order to protect ourselves, in a way, from distressing things. When something emotionally distressing happens, on way to deal with it and make our brain feel less stressed is to think about something else do reduce that distress. Sometimes, this response goes as far and to not really think about anything at all. If this works and we feel less stressed, our brain is like “Yes, this is good, this is a good way to deal with problems, let’s keep doing this.” This is more likely to happen in childhood when we are young because our ability to cope with stressful situations and challenges is smaller. Even though this works when we’re kids, it isn’t really the best thing to do as we get older.

The best way to deal with maladaptive dissociation is psychotherapy. Therapy can help you address the situations that cause us to dissociate, and gain better coping mechanisms to manage emotional distress. Dealing with dissociation can help us learn better, feel better about ourselves, feel more alert, more in control, and feel more satisfied with life.

More resources on dissociation:

managing dissociation

dissociation FAQ

what is dissociation?

dissociation and dissociative disorders

the dissociative initiative 

one of our posts describing dissociation and with a bunch of information on it

Because of all this, I really recommend you seek the help of a mental health professional. If you don’t already have one, talking to your family doctor can be a good place to start. They can help connect you with appropriate resources. If you go to school (either high school or college/university), there are likely resources there that could help you. Your highschool will probably have a school counselor, a teacher you trust can help you. If you go to a college or university, they often have a counselling or mental health centre. 

Check out our resources about going to therapy, I think you will find them very helpful. It is very brave of you to get help, You can get though this, I have faith in you! 

Here is a video Demonstrating what a first therapy session may look like made by a mental health professional

7 things to do during your first therapy appointment

5 Tips on how to talk about yourself in therapy

21 Tips for getting the most out of each therapy session

6 Ways to open up to your therapist

50 Signs of Good Therapy

A Beginner’s Guide to Starting Therapy

Take care,