Dec 22, 2022
Max: God, give me patience. Mike: I think you mean 'give me strength'. Max: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.
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Max: God, give me patience. Mike: I think you mean 'give me strength'. Max: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.
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Will: I don’t care if nobody else likes space puns. I like space puns. | Mike: Comet me, Will. Will: Did you planet that? Mike: Yes, and it was very spaceal. Lucas and Dustin: *groan*Â
Will: *does something cute*
Mike: that's gay
Will:
Will: mike, you are gay
Will: you're gay for me
Will: we're both gay
Mike:
Mike: oh, fuck off
Steve: Have you ever actually told El you love her? Mike: No, but in my head we’re already married with three kids. Steve: *sighs* Okay then. Dustin, how’s your relationship with Suzie? Dustin: It’s amazing. I’m planning our wedding already. Steve: But you’ve been dating for, like, three weeks? Dustin: I know. Steve: … Steve: Okay then. Lucas, please tell me you’re doing better with Max. Lucas: Last night, she smiled and I fainted. Steve: How in the world did I get stuck with you three idiots? Will: Welcome to the club.
Will: What’s an orgasm? Steve: WHERE DID YOU HEAR-- Dustin: It’s when you fold paper to look like birds and shit. Lucas: That’s oregano, dumbass. Mike: *facepalms*Â
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Steve: So, uh.. how about Friday? You, me, one of these new releases? A nice comfy couch? A warm blanket?
Cute Girl: Uh... I'm sorry. You're just really not my type.
Steve rings the desk bell loudly.
Steve: Robin! I believe I need your assistance up here! This young lady says she's... *winks at the girl* not my type.
Robin storms out of the breakroom, grabs Steve by the shoulders, and drags him away from the front desk.
Robin: What the hell is wrong with you!? Newsflash, dingus! Just because a girl doesn't want you, it doesn't mean that she is looking for a girl like me! You are so embarassing, and you are gonna get me fired!
Steve: What!? No way! But. Why else would she not want me!?
Robin: I dunno. Probably for the same reason the girls at Scoops didn't!
Steve: Wait. Really? I thought they were... um... like you? And that's why they didn't appreciate my charm and my hair...
Robin: ALL of them!?
Steve: ... yes?
Robin: Oh... my god...
Steve: Bet you can’t make a sentence without the letter A. Dustin: … Dustin: You thought you just did something, didn’t you? Sorry to burst your bubble, but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon. Steve: ...the fuck??Â
El: Hey dad! This is my boyfriend, Mike, and this is Mike’s boyfriend, Will. Will: Hi. Hopper: ...hi? Hopper: Hold on, I’m sorry. What’s the situation here? El: What do you mean? Hopper: How does this work? El: Well, Mike is gay, but he’s straight for me and he’s gay for Will and Will is really gay for Mike. Mike: It’s not that complicated. Will: No. Hopper: Oh. Yeah, okay. Sure. (Five Minutes Later) Mike: So mom! I want you to meet my boyfriend Will, my girlfriend El, and El’s girlfriend Max. Karen: ...ummm, hi? Karen: Okay I’m sorry. What is this? Mike: Well, I’m bi, so I’m straight for El, but I’m gay for Will, and then El is gay, but she’s straight for me and gay for Max but Max is really gay for El. El: How many times do we have to explain this? Mike: I don’t know. I really don’t think it’s that difficult. Will: We just all really love each other. Max: Well, I love El. Still trying to decide if I should murder the rest of you. Mike, to El: It was probably smart not to introduce Max to your dad. Karen: …??? (Ten Minutes Later) Hopper: I really don’t understand youth culture. Karen: You’re telling me…