#spoonie problem

I should only be allowed max 1 at a time and I f I have to get another chronic pain condition then I feel like that should just simply be evenly distributed to someone else instead

Anyway, I still have to put a couple things up but I’m done for tonight and so happy I can finally enjoy a cleaner spookier room. It’s not like my decor is intensive or high stylized, it’s just my favorite time of year of year and I feel so happy when it’s up. And it’s not like anyone knows I’m decorating early, it’s all in my room just for me. I’ll post pics when my room is complete.

Questions I want to ask that my other two doctors danced around like Chris Brown in the 00’s:

Am I dying? Cuuuuuuuuz no one seems to be able to answer that. All the research I’ve done says I’m going to kick the bucket in like 20 years so 👀👀 whose going to tell me? And none of this “let’s be optimistic.” No optimism if I need to start like preparing.

Can I have kids? Cuz again all the medication I’m taking, most of them say “you can’t get tf pregnant” and not saying that I DO but I WANT THE OPTION yah know? Plus the other medication doesn’t work for me and they say I’ll go into liver failure if I stop taking it soooooooo that’s a yes???

So is this pain normal or does it mean the 11 pills I take daily ARENT working orrrrrrr??? Cuz I’m a teacher and a damn good one at that because I could work 80-90 hour work weeks, and that doesn’t include grading. Now, it’s like if I’m knocked out for two days because I can’t eat and I feel like death, does this mean I eventually can’t do the thing I’ve dedicated my life to? I re-fucking-fuse.

In conclusion, I rather post this shit on the internet because if I tell my people they make The Face™️ and go like this for 20 minutes.

So until I know, I’m just going to post my anxiety for a bunch of strangers to feel enough validation until I have some confirmed answers 😅😅😅.

*rolls blunt because tf is life anymore*

Why, yes, that’s part of this whole chronic illness thing.

I didn’t make my body to go into anaphylaxis for no apparent reason so now I have to carry an epipen all of the time.

I didn’t purposely make my knee hyperextend so that I would need a big awful looking brace.

I don’t make myself look exhausted all of the time on purpose.

I don’t make my body reject most of the food I put into to. Despite what you think I don’t like throwing up.

I don’t like missing class.

leg: has an itch

me: scratches leg to relieve the itch

leg: is now in horrific crippling pain for two hours