#spider!son

It’s been thirty-two days since Titan. Nine since Tony Stark returned to Earth and the Avengers compound, nearly dead. Three days since he was released from medical. He isn’t up to full strength yet and tires easily, which is how he’s found himself waking up from yet another nightmare. Part of him wants to blame Pepper, for being so blunt and telling him he needs to face his feelings, honor Peter, not hide the memory of him away. 

Leave it to Pepper, to hit him with the hard truth — Lord knows she’s the only one he will listen to, even though he won’t always admit at the time. Ever since he’s returned to some semblance of health, he’s been trying to “forget” the kid. He hasn’t returned to his lab, because he knows he’d see the last thing he and Peter were working on — the kid’s unfinished project spread across his designated corner of the lab. Tony is desperately trying to hold on to what he does have left — Pepper, Rhodey, the remaining Avengers — though he’s kept the latter at a safe distance, not interacting with them much after their reunion. He thinks maybe if he focuses on the things he  does have, he’ll be able to have a life, make things better for the people who are left. 

Tonight though... well Pepper, after a couple glasses of wine, had managed to get Tony to talk. He told her every horrid detail and finally fessed up to his feelings of total inadequacy, how he was so desperate to hold on to what he did have left — her, Rhodey, Happy — that he didn’t dare think about how he might fix things, bring them all back. He didn’t think he had it in him to face another loss, another failure — because losing again might mean losing Pepper and he couldn’t do that. Ever. 

Tony pushes himself into a seated position, elbows on his knees, head in hands, and tries to catch his breath. God he was getting sick of this — Peter (and Thanos) haunting his dreams. He must have fallen asleep on the sofa after Pepper left him to stew in his thoughts. 

It was a variation of the same nightmare that has haunted him since he left Titan with Nebula. This time they were at Peter’s  graduation party. They were all having a good time, Pepper with the baby. May, Happy, everyone there bursting with pride for Peter and celebrating the momentous occasion. And then like every nightmare since that day on Titan Tony hears a quiet, “Mr. Stark…” When turns to find Peter he watches helplessly as every single person disintegrates, turning to dust. The plates of food and drinks fall, the sound echoing as they bounce off the floor, mixing with the dust — leaving Tony alone and screaming in horror. 

Tony squeezes his eyes shut, “It’s just a dream. Just a dream.” He says it out loud to reassure himself, trying to get his breathing under control, trying to stave off a panic attack. He hates this. With a trembling hand, he wipes the sweat from his forehead and stands up. He needs a drink. 

The wine glasses and bottle from earlier are on the counter, where Pepper left them. It’s not quite the potency he needs, but there’s still some Malbec left in the bottle. He pours himself half a glass and downs it quickly. 

After a few minutes, when the tremors in his hands lessen — he decides to start cleaning up the kitchen, to give himself something else to think about. Tony’s focus on the mundane task slowly work to calm him. He takes care to wash and dry the stem ware, cheese plates with care and precision before putting them away. Next he throws away the empty wine bottle. Satisfied with the now spotless kitchen he spots the wine opener. He opens several drawers, trying to remember where its supposed to go. He really wishes Pepper would stop rearranging the drawers.

Opening the third drawer, which he quickly realizes is a junk/mail drawer he spots a rectangular object. He pulls out, what he quickly realizes is a picture frame, and flips it over. His grip tightens and his eyes get a little cloudy when he sees the picture of him and Peter, each throwing up bunny ears behind each other’s head.