#speakthemind

Year ten was about changing my perspectives, you know? Since it was high school it was a “fresh” start so i changed the people who i hung out with because as much as i hated to admit it i truly believed the types of people you hang out with define who you are as an individual. I hung out with who the people would classify as nice, which they really were but deep down i knew I didn’t belong with them, which confused me since I’ve never felt happier but I still had this empty feeling.

Year ten was a sea of emotions and from time to time an enormous tsunami would come and destroy everything that was built but it wasn’t the tsunamis fault ‘cause even in drought everything that was built would still crumble.

By Year eleven those people were gone and so was everything that was rebuilt, you can’t build something with no foundation and stability then get upset when it all comes crumbling down.

The beginning of year eleven was a bitter-sweet feeling as if i was somehow living in the past while seeing the future unravel or was it the other way around? Did my past keep unraveling while I actively kept running away from the mess and jump into a future that I wasn’t ready for…?

Sophomore year was the year where everyone dove head first and hoped for the best, well with the amount of people who dove wether they were forced or ready there was clearly not enough luck to go to everyone, which is why most barely survived sophomore year.

Year eleven started off good and ended good, so what was wrong? Everything in between. I went back to the people i used to be close with before year ten, it was such a euphoric feeling but as all highs, it had to end.

Year eleven was the one year everyone got away with everything, it was our final year to be kids since the year after we’d enter sixth-form and we’d HAVE to grow up. I still held grudges in sophomore year and so did everyone else but no one truly cared what anyone thought of anyone, everyone was wrapped up in their own problems, so even when i was with my people i knew deep down even if they weren’t present it wouldn’t make a difference ‘cause even when we were all together it was just physical we never really spoke about anything meaningful we all just kind of knew we were all going through something and if i were to be honest I’m kind of glad we didn’t talk about anything deep as we all had enough on our plates and listening to each others problem would’ve only drowned us with each others sorrows.

The ending of year eleven was beautiful, it was the only thing that wasn’t a blur. Everyone was together and we all stopped caring about our own problems, we all done what made us happy and that was simply being in each others presence. I’ll forever yearn for an ending like year eleven ‘cause for a split second we thought fairy tale happy endings were true and not fantasy and hope.

Junior year changed everything ‘cause for the first time ever it wasn’t about who i was surrounded with rather who i was as a person. For once in my life i thought about my life and processed everything from freshman to sophomore year, and for the first time ever i enjoyed the quiet. I’ve always surrounded myself with people thinking without someone id be nothing, which was partly true as i never really knew who i was and junior year was the year where everyone found themselves before finding people for themselves. As much as i hated my junior year and hated the amount of things that kept happening to me one after the other i would never want to change what happened, as without it I would’ve never appreciated myself.

You can’t expect to find your people if you can’t even find your self first, and the best part of this whole thing is its inevitable and you’ll never escape from it ‘cause if it doesn’t happen now in high school it’ll happen further into your life and that’s truly when you’ll lose yourself.

What happens then? Do i just live a life of lie and pretend to be nice because of my selfishness of wanting to go somewhere better?

So what if i do live a life time of faux, as long as i go to a better place…right? Or wrong? In theory if we’re aren’t actually nice and just do what we’re told doesn’t that make our intentions impure? So everyone lives a life that doesn’t belong to them simply because its not who they truly are for the sake of going to a superior place just for them to go bellow in hell because of their greed, we waste our youth caring for what parents think only for those parents to care for what their parents think and so on…

Regardless if you’re nice or not it wouldn’t really matter in the end result but what would matter is the current time,

The girl u complimented the other day wont see your sins rather what’s beneath them. Even if your kindness is faux, your kindness matters.

I still hold on to compliments people once shared with me, i grab on as if they’re constantly trying to run away. We’re all One domino effect and we all effect each other no matter if it’s good or bad ‘cause at the end of the day both are needed.

Lie is a lie.sometimes truth is all we wanted to hear,but lie obviously comforts us.Its more or like a dangling pointer.

I always wanted the truth,I also know truth is bitter.

Who doesn't lie??

From birth to death we all lie at certain situations.

The unpredictable weather,the heart that wants the person you love but mind says no,the mystery behind your angry and every now and then we lie.

What matters is does the lie hurts the person???

That is when you have to stop lying and make the relationship meaningful with your truth.

Can you hear me?

Where are you?

Listen to me.

Find me.

I’m here, why won’t you look at me?

What the fuck is going on?

Why are you like this?

There’s a glass box around the mind, the physical being is there but you look in the eyes and you see the lost, lonely, disconnected mind within. You can shout, punch, kick, scream, it won’t work. The spaced out person can’t get to you. They are a zombie, following the motions; get up, make breakfast, get dressed, meet your friend, go to lecture, write notes, laugh on cue, go back to the flat, work out, stare at the pages, give up, try to sleep and repeat. The feelings are in place but your body won’t listen to the feelings you should have. 

In response to all the "closeminded" names I've been called over an anonymous button on ask.fm, I wanna make something clear about my blog:

If the title of the blog is "Thoughts of Zik" well who do you think the thoughts belong to?

I am a Christian. I believe that all of humanity is plagued by sin and that we are infinitely small and helpless, measured up against a God who hates sin. I believe that Jesus lived and died, and rose again to atone for the sins of those who come to believe in His gospel.

Too long? Didn't read? I'm predisposed for my God.

Who is your God?

I merely speak my mind and provide my perspective on events in my life. And if they ever happen to involve religion, then that's a part of me. If you aren't religious at all, then you're gonna have a hard time reading some of my stuff because I have a faith and beliefs that I adhere to.

But, believe it or not, atheists believe in stuff too. Usually evolution or some agnosticism (I'm generalizing). Bottom line: we all have our own beliefs and perspectives on anything and everything in life. I am merely providing mine.