#thoughtsofzik

a lot of the stuff that comes up on my twitter tl is just really time-wasting and all in a wishful attitude. like the stuff that you post on social media reflects who you are and if all you do is post stuff like #goals and what not, it shows how much you want things

but instead how about you start preparing yourself for that kind of life you want and start working for it. Steve Jobs didnt just wake up rich one day. he spent years fighting through crap to get his company running and make all this cool stuff. And he dropped out of stanford university for it

to anyone who reads this

The title is an exaggeration. I’m still living at home, running, and going to school and still seeing a good amount of the same people every time I go out. The only difference is that I have to pay for my education and I might just be only taking one class for the next 4 months, and I’m probably gonna land a job, Lord willing I do. 

But this really is a new beginning for me. I have a chance to re-identify myself. High school is over and I’m 19 (almost 20 holy) and I have a larger realm to roam in terms of things I can do now. I have more freedom in the choices I have and I have more responsibilities. 

I’m gonna try to get in touch with my non-athletic/geeky/more artistic side of myself. I’ve ran enough miles than I know how to count to, and I think about a whole lot of things during these runs. I don’t wanna put these thoughts to waste. I have more time for myself and I want to start doings the things I’ve always dreamed of doing. I want to get more into photography and foam/pepakura armor-making because even though its a really geeky thing, I think its pretty awesome to wear and to show. Building and making things has always been a hobby of mine and I wanna delve deeper into it. 

I also want to strengthen my faith in God. I need to grow up and really consider where I stand in this life and where God wants me to be. I’ve been trying to do a lot of things on my own when I could have the God of the Universe standing at my side. I cannot fight sin alone, and my own efforts continue to prove the sinfulness of my own heart. God is not some sort of lovey-dovey God. His forgiveness is great, but His wrath is what He saves people from. I am constantly reminded of my depravity but for some reason it really strikes my heart just now with a different timbre. I can wake up tomorrow and be dead, or my friends can be gone as well. 

To those who are reading this, God loves you. I don’t care if you’re agnostic, atheist, Buddhist, Catholic or Muslim, but God seriously loves you. Its an amazing prospect to consider when one truly contemplates the evil that resides within the human soul, that when humanity is inherently set against God, that God loves back and gives everyone a chance to repent. God’s wrath is set against those who don’t accept his amazing grace. Our evil and our sin is keeping us from a great God, and He is willing to remove that through Christ. 

You have but one life to live, so live it well

to whoever actually reads my stuff, i havent posted in a long time and im getting back on the saddle now. 

live life without the fear of death and the end of wonderful things, but live life with the modicum of respect those things require because you never know when life itself will end. I have always feared death and it takes away those wonderful things that you love. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way with the death of loved ones and its come up again and I nearly sobbed in front of one of the manliest people i know. But i take that hardship and use it to shape my behaviors in the future.

Death doesn’t manifest itself through physical means, but also emotional. I’ve lost good friends along my path of life and it felt terrible. But through it i’ve gained the best friends God could have ever given to me ever. I appreciate these people in my life so much more now because of what I’ve gone through.

Death is a terrible thing and it is the true source of fear in my life. It is the main uncontrolled variable in this system. I live life, being myself, sometimes annoying people, and sometimes getting good friends through it. However, I go through the good and the bad and I’m glad God put me here on this earth at this time. 

Here’s a concluding thought:

The one absolute truth about being alive is that one day you’re going to die.

Then again, these traditional ways of life (at their roots) exclude any new-age traditions that are sprouting up in our day. 

Mira Mesa’s track season drew to an excellent close yesterday at the SDS-CIF finals and I am extremely impressed. Shayla Oliver won a 4th place in the B heat 100m hurdles with a PR of 15.42, Eddie Jones won 5th in the shot put, Nevin Sarao got 12th overall for D1 triple jump in a 43′ 6″, Alex Respes got into the A heat 1600 with a 5:16, and our 4x400 got 5th in D1. 

Medals or not, having four individuals in the finals (two of them sophomores) and a quality relay team place with the fastest heat in San Diego felt pretty cool, even though I wasn’t competing. 

However, unlike a great percentage of the people on my team, I’m moving on to collegiate athletics (about 10 others are doing the same). Running a 4:40 1600 and a 10:20 3200 in my first meet of the track season was a great morale booster to myself, but I could never break it (I was pretty consistent on hitting 4:40-4:43) or break out my monster kick. At Mt. SAC, when I split a 4:36 in a 4x1600. I went through a huge slump after that, when I hit 4:43 and then dropped to a 4:56 the following week. I could never hit my 3200 PR again also. So we had a bye to rest up for League prelims/finals and there I hit 4:41 and 4:38 at the finals. Not a PR, but I was content.

Looking back on all of this, I’m satisfied, but not proud of my final track season. I came a long way, from entering in sprints my freshman year (because I was stupid) and getting a 66.14 for my first 400, to ending freshman year in 5:06 for the 1600, PR’ing every race. I had higher expectations this year especially after hitting 4:40. I wanted to break 4:30, but it never came, and that’s because I subconsciously held myself back. If I had more guts and more confidence in my ability to run with faster people, I might have broken 4:35, or even 4:30. 

However, junior year was a huge leap for me in my running ability, and senior year is but a transition from high school athletics to collegiate athletics. I had a great time with the Mira Mesa Cross Country and Track/Field team, and they will remain the true OG fam. However, I have to move on, and I’m moving on to Cuyamaca. I hope the training I’m about to undertake is gonna be worth it and I will not hold myself back this time. Thank you, team, for making this experience one of the greatest I will have in my life. 

I’m liking this spot in the school year right now.

Post-AP, end of track season, almost the end of the year really and I have zero work. Senior year is pretty great right now.

I should update this a lot more, but my senioritis is preventing me from doing it lol. And its hard to have good, worthy thoughts to post on here. This blog is sort of a lie, because if this site really had all my thoughts, everyone would think I’m crazy, and then people would cut off all social ties with me, because our minds are so sinful and filled with darkness and slander and gossip and what not.

Everyone knows some dirt on someone, and that’s one reason why I’m glad people can’t read minds because if some people knew what others thought of them... well, rest in peace. It all comes down to how humble (or proud) one person is and how they can take criticism from anyone, even their own friends. I think I take criticism pretty well. I know I’m not perfect and I can be annoying, but taking peer reviews and working on what isn’t so good is the way to go.

The question I usually ask myself when I’m down in the dumps is “Are you gonna sit there and cry about it or are you going to do something?” Moping around about your insecurities isn’t going to do much other than make you more depressed and insecure. I understand that everyone has them, and yeah it hurts when something triggers those feelings, but don’t dwell on them for too long. Its self-destructive and it hurts those around you.

You’re one of two things before a race, physically.

You’re either hydrated, or you’re screwed. If you’re not hydrated you are most definitely screwed.

You’re one of two things before a race, mentally.

You’re either ready, or you’re not. If you’re not mentally prepared you are most definitely screwed.

We lost the meet. I don’t care too much about that, other than the fact that if Morse doesn’t beat Scripps, Mira Mesa has lost their chance to win Eastern League. What I’m more concerned is me not doing my best and today was just a terrible day.

I can’t blame the weather. I can’t blame my ailing shins. I can’t even blame my chest pains during the mile. I can’t blame Bobby Brana for increasing the pace on the 3200. All I can do (with all fairness) is place the blame on myself.

What I found out today is that everything is mental. Alex Tung once said that all track events is a test of how hard you can go. It is purely brute force, aimed directly at yourself and your body to see how fast and how hard and how long you can go before collapsing on the track. Today, I did not possess that mental strength. I was weak, I didn’t care, I didn’t run smart, that third lap gets me every time, and I found no guts in myself to push my body to its limits. It was all my fault that I did horrible and had I possessed the prime mentality that is required before every race, I would have been satisfied with this day, even if we still lost.

Everyone places faults on circumstances (self-serving bias) in order to encourage themselves. I do that all the time too. Sometimes its well justified (like someone interfering with the track, getting spiked, misplaced hurdles, hurdles set at the wrong height, falling during the race, etc). Stuff like that is out of one’s control. But now I’m keeping in mind that my attitude and my preparation affects my actions. The amount of preparation, the amount of recovery, the foods you’ve eaten, the mentality adopted, how hydrated you are, even the thoughts you think WILL ALL affect your race. In track and field, the sole responsibility of preparation and pushing yourself is up to you. Your mentality will dictate how far you will go to pursue your idea of greatness. 

If you didn’t reach your goal, and the error is within your control, then focus on your weakness, work with it and practice. When the next opportunity comes, make sure that when you cross that finish line, or when you land in the jump pit, fall after your pole vault, or when your discus hits the ground, that you actively put an effort to extinguish that error from your routine. Everything is mental. If you say you can’t do it, then you most certainly will not do it. It is impossible until you try.

However, to the crowd that did well today, amazing job! I saw some good pole vaults and some PR’s in the jump crew, and some pretty good races on the track. People look at you (the good racers) and admire your talent and hard work. Use that and encourage your team so we can all spread good vibes and use each other to get farther and reach our goals! 

P.S. don’t play the self-blame card too much, because then you’re gonna have negative thoughts and that does not get you ahead in this sport, let alone in life. Positive thoughts push you further.

Attitude affects action.