#space fights

1. Midichlorians are Force parasites, kind of like space wizard malaria, and baby Anakin really needed a dewormer. The are correlated with higher Force sensitivity but do not cause it.

because I keep throwing them out there and forgetting them as soon as another weird inexplicable thing about this franchise comes up and as I’m now doing a space fights podcast I need to keep track

Anakin Skywalker is a trans woman

only a cis deals in absolutes (the dark side/light side dichotomy is an allegory for binary fetishism and intracommunity violence)

the midichlorians is a thing they (the jedi order) made up as a cover for being racist/classist/generally fascy and that’s why the jedi order is failing in the prequels

palpatine is gay (but in the way where george lucas is a homophobe and there’s a weird grooming angle to anakin and palpatine’s friendship)

watto is anakin’s actual father (shmi didn’t immaculately conceive, she only said she did because she didn’t want qui gon to kink shame her for getting it on with watto) (incidentally this is also why watto seems much sadder when we see him again in ep 2) (i also want to add that this theory involves the assumption that shmi is not actually a slave but they needed a cover story for their illegitimate podracing boy - this also helps make it less gross that cliegg “”””buys”””” shmi and marries her - she just was never really a slave!!! and watto is extremely powerful in the force!!!!

rey isn’t palp’s granddaughter, nor the daughter of a palp clone, but the granddaughter of some random person in the Sith Eternal who claimed the child was a failed clone of palpatine in order to get their son off of exegol for a shot at a good life (this is why rey’s dad looks like off-brand gendry and not ian mcdiarmid)

poe is leia, rey is luke, finn is han, there is no other take on this 

yoda is literally only there to sow the seeds of chaos at every opportunity (like he intentionally negged anakin just to see what would happen, he knew palp was darth sidious, he can talk in correct Basic grammar but chooses not to to get away with being a demonic little goblin - he’s the SNL ronald reagan of star wars)

jar jar, despite being another character steeped in racist stereotypes bc fuck george lucas, is a fucking great character and his upward-failing zero-to-hero journey is the true centre of phantom menace

there’s no fuckin rule about jedi not being allowed to fuck the old jedi order were just incels and wanted an excuse for never getting laid

DARTH MAUL IS HOT

the first half hour of clones is a) a campy neonoir detective story and b) actually good

prequels > sequels

Do you like Star Wars? Do you like gift exchanges? Cool, because I’m thinking of hosting a Star Wars gift exchange this summer, assuming I can get enough interest!

The exchange in question would be open to all types of content creators. The minimum requirements would be 1000 words of fic, a colored fullbody drawing, or another creation (videos, playlists, etc.) of roughly equivalent quality.

Fill out the interest poll here!