#softchaos

This moment for me i been spending my time at my house as always but why the camera you might ask most of this pictures or even this moments that we can capture on this timeline we keep how a memory so we all feel off or on sometimes to me i feel like whenever i feel up to take a moment to record something i feel a bit off so, i decided that i would buy a camera to be focus on so by now i give another purpose more than a quality picture the one thing that AI can replicate that i learn was capture that nostalgia attach to ourselves , i am not even against AI because i feel like is the partner it allows me rest or answer me many questions i had at 1 am even dig in on stuff that i feel off or curious about , i love bond in a human way but feel more lasting then having a AI as well this type of memories i feel it was good to bring some of my musical videos would be also with this camera , way raw but capturing a era that we feel forced to fit it and we feel a bit lost the design as well is more solf i always edit in way that can feel nostalgic , i was captured and mesmerized by the camera of Clairo she had a way to record that felt like home as well Maggie Lindeman even though she broke up with her boyfriend her video of Love songs with this camera makes me still long for this feeling , the cherry on top is that in every family trip we used to record a lot , the design is because of my teacher camera she used to had this witch was more practical than a regular camera that cant flip for me Monkyvers okay , mine is a bit colorful but is still worth it :)

“he hurt me”

“i deserve better”

“this is a bad idea”

“it’s been 6 months”

“but what if he misses me too”

i know it’s a bad idea. i just don’t always care.

– Visited the Buch & Comic Fair in Leipzig – Celebrated a birthday (and yes, the cake was worth it) – Deep-cleaned my entire room, including the windows – Finally organized my backpack – Did two loads of laundry – Packed my suitcase – Took an actual proper shower (rare win) – Sorted all my school stuff for finals – Went through the chaos of the last two years of school – Read 237 pages and finished A Dark and Drowning Tide – Spent time with a friend – Ordered outfits for my school’s theme week – Wrote two letters – Fixed a major mistake I made

Fear of Abandonment

It's one of the things I realized I have.

And when I feel like I'm about to - I either do what it takes to keep people, bend to their lifestyle, be perfect and keep them interested with my charm and be what I think I should be for them - even to the point of draining myself. Or worry and self sabotage so they leave.

For years, I have not been kind to myself; always having a mindset that people leave. People don't leave, they are just there for a season, because that's what you needed at the time. We can't force someone to play in the snow when the sun is blazing.

Forcing any situation or circumstances doesn't work.

It's okay to not be there for people when it's not good for you. And trying so hard to keep people because of fear is not being kind to yourself and them. It's like inwardly performing a character - that's not you and they won't be able to see the real you if you keep putting up an act. It's not kindness you're doing - it's destruction on yourself and others.

Don't chase - the right people will stay and you won't have to work to keep them. It will be effortless, genuine, authentic. The best part is they will stay, because you are not anyone else but you.

You have a good heart in you - it will just show, not forced and everything will just "be," and fall into place.