#so um...

Specifically the album Beyond Beyond Beyond

"I'm not the person I thought I was" - first line of the songs are we're already starting off with a bang. Chuuya who didn't really know who he was but at least he was a person, then he gathers more information and the only thing he thought he was, the only thing he could have been sure of, the only thing he took for granted, that he was a human being, was ripped away from him.

"Maybe born in a storm beneath an angry sky" - To me this is an overt Frankenstein reference, Chuuya is the inhuman creature born from death and a storm (I would elaborate more but then I'll yap for one million years and that post is already in my drafts). This also acts as a reference to Stormbringer, in a way Chuuya was reborn in that storm. Chuuya walked out of the fight with Guivre irreparably changed.

"all you best laid plans Couldn't stop me from becoming what I am" - In a way, this refers to both Dazai and Mori. They can order him, and manipulate him, and plan around every eventuality, but they cannot change fundamentally what Chuuya is,

"Was I born with a hole in my heart? A fatal flaw from the start Tell me it's inevitable that I end up with scars" - The question of whether of not Chuuya's monstrous qualities (as he sees them) were placed inside him or if he was born to be part god, part monster. Not much more to say for this line, I think it speaks for itself.

"I'm trying to come to terms with what you've done... Oh my blistering pride I'm still burning like a tire fire deep down inside" - I mean... if this isn't Dazai leaving the mafia, then showing up again, the person in Chuuya's life who simultaneously was another one to abandon him and yet the only one who stayed then I don’t know what is. Pulling out the hot take in the middle of the music yap but I think that Chuuya's instinct is to forgive Dazai, he desperately needs the hole that Dazai left to be filled but his pride won't allow him to let Dazai back in- BUT THAT IS ANOTHER YAP FOR ANOTHER DAY!

"From where I'm standing I can't get a line of sight on the future" - This kind of applies to every character in BSD right now, nothing is certain, there's no clear future to plan for. I think it applies to Chuuya more specifically in terms of corruption. While he is in that form he's not in control, before he unlocks the gate, he cannot plan for the future when he is himself again because he is entirely unpredictable in that state.

"Something's happening, it's out of my hands" - This appeals to the 'Chuuya will always be a puppet on someone elses string' part of my brain that likes to see him suffer. There is SO MUCH going on and in every single situation Chuuya isn't really in control of what he does. He is always following someone's orders, always being manipulated by a another power. And of course the matter of the loss of control during corruption.

"I'm afraid of what I'll find in the rubble when it's done I didn't want to hurt anyone" - This SCREAMS corruption!!!! When the dust settles and he's in control of his body again what will he have done? Who will be hurt?

"Am I in danger, or am I a threat?" - I think this speaks to his role in the mafia as a whole, but also again to how corruption affects him. He is simultaneously a threat to himself and others, corruption is just as dangerous to both parties.

The whole thing is Dazai and chastising himself for every time he lets Dazai in again. Some highlights include:

"What were you thinking? Shouldn't you know better? You opened the door to an apex predator"

"Your heart is a nasty place I'm afraid to say no to you"

"Keep your lies and your denial I am fighting for survival"

"Pace yourself You've got a long way to go before you get to lie down" - Workaholic Chuuya truthers rise... no but seriously, he never stops. Something something Chuuya ties his worth to what he can do for others, something something I'll make another post entirely dedicated to that trust me.

"Keep looking for the end of the tunnel Never seems to get any closer" - The never ending cycle of violence that he can never seem to escape. Every conflict that ends leads into another, he's never known life without this. He has only ever lived (to remember) fight after fight from he was eight!

"Who's gonna keep the lights on? Who's gonna make it rain?" - Again Chuuya carrying the entire world on his shoulders from such a young age. We don't know when he became the sheep's 'leader' but it was definitely too young. If he takes a rest, if he sits down, won't the world stop spinning?

"Like a mad dog after a rabbit I keep run-running, running, running" - I say again, he never stops. He's constantly chasing the goal of… what exactly? He doesn't really have a goal, not for himself. His wants are the mafias, his needs are the mafias. He is the mad dog hunting the rabbit for his owner, and the next rabbit, and the next one...

"You're gonna drag that rock around the rest of your life You're dancing on the edge of a knife Hoping someone else will decide" - And now I say passively suicidal Chuuya truthers rise. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Chuuya wants to live but he does not value his own life. He will sooner give up his own life than let that which he cares about be hurt.

"Who's gonna keep you happy? Who's gonna keep you sane?" - Unspoken 'now that everyone is gone'. GOD! HE'S SO LONELY!!!!

IF YOU TAKE ANYTHING FROM THIS POST LET IT BE TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG!!!!!!!! (it has usurped my favourite song of 6 years)

Right, for this one, I will offer you a selection of lyrics and then a big explanation

"Aren't you tired of going through the motions? Is the daily grind meant to dull the mind?"

"The days blur together I watch the ceiling buckle, the walls are closing in There's a black hole in the living room floor I keep trying to ignore, but it's growing"

"Is this the real thing or a distraction? Is it worth the risk? My life would detonate"

"Even in my fantasy, I can't commit to believing That I'll get what I want, I'm afraid of what I want"

Ok so...

Your instinct may be to say "but Liv, that sounds kind of like Dazai" to that I say, just because it's a song about being sad, does not mean it's about Dazai AND ALSO this song is about not acknowledging your sadness. The black hole sits in the centre of the house and the narrator ignores it. To me THIS SCREAMS CHUUYA!!!!!!! You cannot convince me that Chuuya is fully happy in his life. Don't get me wrong, he loves the mafia, that's his family, but they're not actually a family. Chuuya only receives conditional love, at the end of the day, his place in the world is dependent on his worth and he has to constantly live up to his lofty potential. At the end of the day, Kouyou and Mori are his superiors (or just his senior in Kouyou's case ig) he doesn't have anyone to truly lean on.

Chuuya is a child who was never given a childhood (quite literally) and he has been thrown from group to group until his use runs out. There's no way that hasn't affected him, compounded with the fact he has no one to offer proper support and you get a recipe for a black hole in the living room floor!

Chuuya is too 'strong' to admit this though, he may rage and get upset, and generally wear his heart on his sleeve, but he never looks deeper. He simply releases the surface level emotions when they arise and never quells the root cause. This unrest grows within him, and it will continue to grow until he; number 1) acknowledges it and number 2) does something about it.

On the topic of doing something about it, I think he would feel guilty for ever prioritising himself. His needs always come second, second to the mafia, second to his family. He's afraid of what he wants because he's never really allowed himself to have it. Dazai may be Mr "Anything I would never want to lose is always lost." but Chuuya has never let himself get as far as having something worth losing, not since the flags. Unless, of course, you count the mafia, he certainly doesn't want to lose that. So why wouldn't he sacrifice anything and everything else to keep it? Chuuya may want to live, but if the price to keep the mafia was to lose his life, I think I know what he would choose...

WOAH THAT GOT A BIT MUCH AT THE END!

ummm, here! have a cute little screenshot of ranpoe!