something something about a rooftop reunion during the firehouse dedication. enjoy.
Tommy watches Evan disappear into the stairwell as everyone is picking up their slices of cake. He glances down at the plate in his head, silently wishing not to have to sacrifice itâheâs only had one bite, damn it, and itâs the good Costco kind with the chocolate shellâbut something tells him to go. He glances around for a safe space to leave the sliceâthere isnât oneâand lets out a small huff as he tosses the plate into the trash. Evan will pay for this.Â
He crosses the firehouse and climbs the mezzanine, entirely unsurprised by the lack of attention that it catches from the others. Down the hall, past the supply closet, bathrooms, and extra offices, he finds the door to the stairs to the roof. He shoves through and heads up, taking them two at a time, easing the door to the outside open quietly.Â
Evan is a sightâwhen is he not, but regardless. The sun is shining bright with minimal cloud coverage, and the breeze is warm as the younger man leans against the cement siding.Â
âDonât jump,â Tommy jokes as he fully steps out.Â
Evan glances over his shoulder, back at the pilot, and the half-smile on the pilotâs face doesnât seem to do much in terms of piercing whatever veil stands between Evan and him. The younger firefighter turns his head back toward the city, shaking his head slightly.Â
Tommy takes a few steps forward, tucking his hands into his pockets. âLot of people down there. âTs a nice turnout. For the dedication, I mean.â He continues walking forward, trying not to be entirely swept up by the sight of Evan in his dress blues. âIâm sure theyâre all happy to see you.âÂ
Evan lets out something between a snort and a huff, shaking his head tightly as he stares out at the city. âNot a damn one of them cares if Iâm here or not.âÂ
Tommy glances to the side at him as he comes to stand a few feet away next to the barrier on the roof. âI canât honestly believe that.âÂ
âWell itâs a good thing that the truth doesnât require your belief in it,â Evan mutters.Â
Tommy narrows his gaze, his brow furrowing as he focuses his attention fully on the younger man. âIâm sorry, have I done something?âÂ
The way his voice lilts and the derisiveness are grating on Evanâs nerves.Â
âNo, Tommy,â he says, finally turning to look back at the pilot. âIn order to do something, you wouldâve had to have actually been around.âÂ
If heâs been confused up to this point, now heâs just pissed. âHey. I didnât tell you to go off and leave the damn state and move three-quarters of the way across the country-..âÂ
âYou didnât do anything!â Evan argues back. âNobody did! I woke up after Bobbyâs funeral and I-i-it was like- like everyone just checked the fuck out! I tried to show up for everyone, make sure everyone was doing okay, because thatâs what he wanted a-and-âŚand nothing! Hen and Chim acted like it was too much for them to give more than basic answers, Eddie threw his fist in my face, and you-..âÂ
âEddie what?â Tommy asks, his eyebrows raising in surprise.Â
âAnd you, where were you?â Evan asks, anger rising in his voice. âBecause one minute, you- you were there, through every night and day. A-after months of nothing! After you walked out on the future I asked you for, you were- you-⌠and then E-Eddie came home and you disappeared like a ghost in the night. What the hell, Tommy!âÂ
âI was trying to give you space to grieve,â he responds, trying to temper his own emotions and not feed Evanâs anger. âI didnât want to-..âÂ
âDidnât want to, what? Be around in case I suddenly realized in my grief that I wanted to be with Eddie and not move out of the house when he suddenly decided to move back to LA?â Evan yells, holding his hand out as though the space on the roof displays the invisible paraphernalia of his memories. âBecause that didnât happen. The only- there was nothing- and Bobby is just-..âÂ
Evan shakes his head, looking away.Â
Tommy glances down, and there are people clearly starting to matriculate out of the firehouse into the parking lot, looking up.Â
âSo you up and move to Nashville because I didnât pick up a phone,â Tommy asks him.Â
Evanâs eyes crinkle with irritation. âAre you not fucking listening to me? I transferred. And when out-of-state became an option and my phone still hadnât rang, I figured, what the hell. No one around here seems to give a damn, so why bother sticking around?âÂ
Tommy shakes his head, looking over at Evan as the younger man puts space between them again.
âWhat did you want me to say, Evan,â he asks. âPlease, enlighten me. Because Iâll find the damn words. Donât go? Because if Iâd known that you were going to, and it wouldâve kept you here, I would have. Pick me? I think Iâve already done that once already, and we saw how that resulted.âÂ
âWhat the hell is that supposed to mean,â Evan argues.Â
âI donât have to care about everyone I sleep with,â Tommy recites, his bitchy tone leaking all over the words as he uses air quotes to emphasize his point. âAnd yet, last I checked, I still showed up when you called. I stole a helicopterâagain, by the wayâand fought the military in the sky so that we could save someone you love, again. I didnât ask for a thank you, or a commendation. I didnât even ask for help in the penalties. I just thought maybe when you were doing a little better, you might call and ask for a cup of coffee.âÂ
âI wasnât doing better!â Evan yells at him. Tommyâs expression freezes, and now the people outside down below are far more obvious than they were previously. The sound of heels can be heard click-clacking against the cement and the unmistakable sound of whispers while people chatter away, clearly about whatever part of this soap opera theyâve walked in on.Â
They both whip their heads back toward the door, and Ravi looks almost frightened for interrupting them.Â
âJ- um- Peo-people can hear you,â he says nervously. He lifts a hand in surrender, muttering something akin to âjust, um, never mindâ, before closing the door again. Behind it, his voice is muffled, but the communication seems pretty clear along the lines of âno, Iâm not going back out there, and neither are youâ.Â
Tommy walks toward Evan as the younger man looks around, waving a hand up in defeat.Â
âI wasnât doing better,â he repeats, softer this time. When his hand falls back against his thigh, Tommyâs fingers slide into it, and Evan looks up at him through his eyelashes. âNobody needed any help, and I didnât know what to do, and you were gone and youâd already done so much and IâŚâÂ
âNeeded to be somewhere else,â Tommy offers, his own voice softer.Â
Evan nods, swallowing against the knot in his throat. âSomewhere that I didnât feel out of place. O-or at least if I did, it was on purpose. So when I failed to cancel my transfer and the offer came through, and I didnât have anywhere to live-..â
âYou left,â Tommy states. âAlso, weâre gonna circle back to the whole âno place to liveâ thing. But first⌠you have people who need you here.âÂ
âLike who,â Evan mutters, rolling his neck as he glances up at Tommy. The pilot tilts his head, fighting against the wave of nerves telling him that baring his soul is the worst possible thing he could do because what the fuck are you doing Kinard? The last time you were this honest, he told you he could fuck you without feeling anything.Â
âLike me.â The words come out soft, hardly more than a whisper and with almost no intonation. Shaking. âI need you here. Iâve needed you here since the day you walked into my hangar and I started trying to think of a thousand and one ways to get you back there so I could figure out how to make you a part of my life.âÂ
Evan lets out a small laugh, and for a moment, Tommy thinks things are good, but when he looks up at the younger firefighter, Evan just looks even more defeated.Â
âThen where was all of this a year ago?â Evan questions. âWhen I asked you to move in? When you were telling me I was going to decide you werenât good enough for me one day? Where was my agency to make decisions for myself then?âÂ
Tommy opens his mouth and his shoulder lift with a heavy inhale. So theyâre not out of the woods on this. Okay.Â
âI donât know, Evan,â he answers. âMaybe I was a little concerned that one day you were going to wake up and realize Iâm not the image of perfection that you boxed me into. That you it was going to dawn on you one day that there are better people out there than I, and that youâre better off pursuing one of them.âÂ
âYou really are full of yourself, you know that,â Evan counters. Tommy looks back at him, utterly baffled.Â
âYou are,â he continues. âYou want to know the words I used to describe you the night I figured out how I felt about you? Cruel and dishonest. You think Iâm incapable of seeing you with flaws, and capable of failure? I know youâre capable of those things, Tommy. You broke the heart of the very person who set me on my path to you, and you did that by lying.âÂ
Tommyâs expression sinks, his gaze falling away. Evan steps back toward him anyway.Â
âIâm not blind to who you are. I know that youâre broken and bruised and people have left you bleeding, and that youâve done terrible things to good people. I was aware of all of that, right alongside the moment that I realized that it didnât matter because youâre human and because I loved you, and I wanted to build a future with you.âÂ
Tommy lifts his head then, meets Evanâs gaze at those words. His lips part, but the half a dozen questions of âwhy, when, how, whereâ and so forth, donât pass them.Â
Evan laughs again. âYou thought I had you up on a pedestal? I know youâre an idiot. Youâre fucking maniac too, by the way. Flying into a hurricane on a whim? Taking on the army because your ex-boyfriend needs a favor? D-does that mean that you said yes to Hen and Chim because you secretly had a crush on my brother-in-law? Or on Bobby? Because truly, I would love to know who I should be taking notes from-..âÂ
Tommyâs lips crash on his then, shutting him up. Evan stumbles half a step backwards, but the pilot catches him, and his hold is firm as Evan moans into his mouth, loops an arm around his neck, holding onto the back of his head. Itâs one of those âsteal your breath, steal your manâ kisses, and if Tommy wasnât holding him upright at that moment, Evan swears heâd be on the ground from how badly his knees are shaking.Â
When their lips finally part, Tommyâs forehead is still pressed against Evanâs.Â
âWhy didnât you say any of this back in November? Or January? O-or any day since?âÂ
Evanâs still regaining his breath, and itâs all the time Tommy needs to regain his composure, stand them both up straight. He turns and walks across the roof and halfway back before stopping and looking up at Evan, utterly confused.Â
âLoved, Evan? And how far down into that future were past the wedding without cluing me into any of this, because I know how your brain works-..âÂ
This time, itâs Evan quieting him with his mouth. Itâs slower, but with just as emotion behind it. Somehow, Tommyâs fist ends up wrapped around the lapel of Evanâs jacket, keeping him close when they part once more.Â
âLove,â Evan rectifies. âPresent tense. As for the plans, they were pretty fluid.âÂ
The smirk on his lips is absolutely infuriating, and yet, Tommy still wants to kiss it off his face. He finally realizes the death grip he has on Evanâs jacket, and he loosens his fist just slightly.Â
âIf Iâd knownâŚâ Tommyâs eyes move in a scattered manner, searching the space for the words, and simultaneously for a place to land, until ultimately heâs looking back at Evan again, eyes flitting between his gaze and his lips. âYou- ⌠You think I couldâve stayed with you through everything with Bobby if I didnât love you back?âÂ
Evan shrugs. âMaybe you just felt bad for me.âÂ
Tommy turns to face him fully, grabbing both of Evanâs hands in his.Â
âSweetheart, feeling bad doesnât scratch the surface,â he states, feeling his throat tighten at the memory. âI s-sawâŚand I didnât- I mean I couldnât-⌠I left when Eddie came back because itâs I thought was right. If Iâd known, I never wouldâve let you leave.âÂ
Evan gulps. Itâs like butterflies fighting cannonballs in his stomach as he stares back at Tommy. On one hand, theyâve just achieved more in one conversation than they have in almost a year. On the other hand, he lives in Nashville. His job and his life are now in Nashville. He no longer has a foothold in Los Angeles, outside of Maddie and his niblings, and heâs not about to ask her about crashing on her couch when sheâs got a newborn.
âWhat now?â He asks softly.Â
Tommy lifts a hand to his face, brushes his knuckles against Evanâs cheek. He shrugs.Â
âHave dinner with me?â Tommy offers. âFigure it out one conversation at a time?âÂ
Evan leans into his touch, staring back at the pilot. He nods. Tommy smiles at himâthat soft, fond, heartened expression that makes his emotions clear. Evan canât help smiling back at him at that.Â
Tommy nods then, reaching for his fingers once more. After a few moments more standing together, he pulls Evan toward the door.Â
âBy the way,â he adds. âYou owe me cake.âÂ