#derp crew

I discovered Chilled because of SeaNanners tbh! Those old big GMod days, Gassy, Nanners, Minx, Chilled, Ze, and so many others. I was still in, what, middle school when I found them? I've now officially spent half my life knowing him and all his friends!

They really drove my creativity forward. I'd never made so much fanart, been involved in a community, made so many friends, had so many ups and downs and stuck it through because of them.

The Derp Crew was my freaking life, man. They were everything to me. I loved the energy they brought, and for all the memories they made, I will forever be thankful. The absolute joy and humor I looked forward to seeing on my feed because of them and the community they built. I am so happy I was able to connect with so many of you because of them.

I'm so happy to have grown up with them. I could not and would not have chosen better people to have looked up to.

Chilled was really a vital force in the community and all of his friends. His humor, his charms, his kindness- he always had compassion for everyone and everything he put himself into.

He brought so many people together and inspired even more to keep going.

So, Chilled, thank you for being a part of my life! I hope you continue to have fun. I hope all your adventures bring you joy. I hope that no matter what happens, you are happy with what you are doing.

And if we ever see you around again, hanging out with the groups, even if you're not streaming necessarily, I hope you still have just as much fun!

“Ze?” he turned to face his friend.

Ze had his arms crossed, his brows knitted together, “Yes, Chilled, me. Who else would come and see you? I can assure you not the Eclipse, that’s for sure.” 

Chilled opened his mouth to say something, but Ze kept going, starting to pace in front of him.

“They’ve spent months saving everyone, our kids. And all for what?”

“Kids? Sorry ‘our kids’?” he tried to interject, but Ze clearly didn’t hear him.

“You to lead them on a wild goose chase, leaving clues here, there and everywhere. Then you’re just suddenly here, on the ship, with no explanation. Did you really expect them to take it lightly? That they’d come in here, see you and be happy? You played them.”

Chilled slowly moved across the room to stand in Ze’s path, stopping the man from pacing, “Ze, listen to me. I know you’re mad; it wouldn’t surprise me if I’ve done something to piss off others as well. I’ve probably made worse mistakes. But I have no idea what you’re talking about. Our kids? I don’t have any kids. Our implies we’re a couple; when did that happen? Where are we? And what did you mean by ship? What about Jess and me? You moved on, remember, we moved past that… it's nothing more than a bit.”

Ze stared blankly at him, a mirage of emotions crossing his eyes; he let out a sigh, reached for his side, pulled something out of his belt, and in one swift movement, a blade was held against his throat.

“I knew my Chilled wouldn’t be that fucking cocky imposter,” Ze spat.

Chilled raised his hands, “Yes. I guess you could call me an imposter if it makes this easier. But seriously, we’re not going to go anywhere unless you explain what you’re talking about, I don’t belong here, and the fastest way for me to get back to where I belong is for me to do what Fate wants me to do here. If I do, you’ll have your Chilled back.”

“I don’t believe you; you could be one of those things that had the others trapped here to farm information out of me.”

Chilled sighed, keeping his eye on the blade, “I promise you I’m not whatever had your friends trapped, I know my word doesn’t mean much, but you’re going to have to take it because if you kill me now, neither of us get what we want.”

Ze shook his head and lowered his blade, “What is going on with you, Anthony?”

“I made a really stupid decision that cost me everything I held dear; now I’m trying to figure out what I have to do here to get me to the one person who can let me go home and fix my mistake,” he avoided Ze’s eyes.

“Okay…if we’re going to sell this to the twins, there are a few things you’ll have to know. I swear if you turn out to be one of those things masquerading as my partner, I will not hesitate to kill you in front of everyone here.” He found Ze’s rambling endearing.

“First, don’t mention Jess in front of anyone; she was a fling you had early on in your training. Eclipse is her birth daughter, but we never told anyone that, not even Platy and Taryn. We raised her and Luka with them, knowing we were their parents. We’ve been married since they were young. We were on a mission five years ago that went wrong; you were our leader. Train trained our kids to come and save us, you lead them to the others by leaving notes, audio messages, making your presence in general known, then before we went to save Brood, you boarded the ship unnoticed, and now we’re here, back at the facility. Did you get that?” 

Chilled shrugged, “Mostly, I guess we should probably go find them so I can apologise then, right?” 

Ze nodded, “I’ll go through it on the way to where they will be; Toast just messaged me to let me know Luka is in the office; he probably assumed you’d want to talk to them. Eclipse is never far behind him,” he said grabbing Chilled’s hand, leading him out the door.

What he assumed was some landing space turned out to be a medical area. The whole place looked like it was straight out of a sci-fi novel.

Ze led him through a series of hallways; they passed a few rooms that had faces he recognised with faces he didn’t; they all looked happy and relieved. Maybe they’re like who Ze taking me to see? Kids are relieved to see their parents, and parents are so glad that their kids are okay .

“Okay, see that door up ahead; that’s where we’re going. You need to sound convincing, so try your best not to slip up.” Ze murmured, looking down at his watch again.

Chilled nodded, “They’re pretty pissed at me, aren’t they?” he said confidently, loud enough that it’d be heard through the door.

Ze stopped for a second, shooting him a look, “I’m still pretty pissed. You avoided them, left the letters, for crying out loud, and every time you vanished, it hurt them. It hurt me.”

Chilled smirked, crossing his arms; we’re not so different, no matter what dimension we come from, if only you knew Ze.

“So you go in there, apologise and listen if they have anything to say. If they tell you to leave, you fucking leave. Understand?” Ze hissed, giving him a nod; he turned on his heel.

Chilled stared after him; drawing in a breath, he reached for the button opening the door. In front of him stood two kids. Kids, I can’t believe they’re willingly sending kids into space. They should be at school. Worrying about homework and stupid schoolyard drama…not saving people, and fighting whatever Ze thought I was.

He grabbed her arm, “You’re blind?” it came out in a whisper.

He felt her try to pull away, “Chilled, I swear, let me at him.” 

“Why did you lie to me? You fucking drove us here.” 

Tay sighed, “Lack of a soulmate runs in my family; we learn our way around it. Driving should be the least of your worries; the roads are equipt for non-sighted people, and not everyone finds their soulmate by the time they can drive. You know this, Anthony. ” she snatched her arm away, leaving him alone at the entrance.

“No, Tay. Wait. I was kidding-” Side’s pleas were followed by the sound of something heavy hitting the ground. 

“Speedy, I swear to god, let me at him.”

“No.”

“I’ll beat your ass too.”

“No, you won’t; you can’t just leave Chilled in the dark.” there was a moment of silence, “Side, would you stop picking at Tay? I know getting a rise out of her is easy, but not about this.” 

Chilled shuffled his feet, “Not in the dark, just kind of fuzzy,” he said, trying to figure out where they all were.

The three continued to bicker, not helping him much as he slowly moved around, trying to make out the shadow of the fence through his minimal vision. He somehow managed to make it to the stairs, so he grabbed the railing and began to make his way up to them. 

“Nice of you to be joining us up here,” Side said from somewhere to his left.

He could make out two people to his right, whom he assumed would be Tay and Speedy. 

“Yeah, you’ve been acting sorta sus Chilled. You sure you’re feeling alright?” Speedy asked; he could see the smirk on the man's lips clearly in his mind.

Chilled scoffed, “I don’t know, Speedy, you try not being able to see properly. It’s not a fucking walk in the park.” 

Tay snickered.

“Jeez, what’s up your ass?” 

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know; this is frustrating.”

“Side knows,” Tay interjected.

“I know what?” 

“Why does he know? Can’t he keep his mouth shut even once when Fate sends us everywhere? Or have you still not got the hang of lying?” he crossed his arms.

Speedy walked to stand in front of him, “Why does she know about you?” 

Chilled shook his head, “Of fucking course Side knows, the same reason she would’ve sniffed you out straight away. The accomplice that helped me learn the art, one of my best friends, the main anchor, a-” he felt himself falling, his lungs felt heavy, almost like they were full of water.

He landed on the ground, gulping in the air. Blinking, his eyes adjusted to his surroundings. Glancing around, he noticed a screen plastered across the far wall, some kind of control panel underneath it, beside it was a disk on the floor. At least he could see again; that was a plus.

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed he was on and stood up, “Tay? Speedy? Side? Listen, this isn’t funny.” he walked around the room noticing a door with a button on the wall sealed shut.

He turned again, noticing a row of hospital beds and medical equipment, “If you guys have just put a VR headset on me while I can’t see and the fight was a whole planned ploy to make me look stupid, I’ll-”

Silence hung in the air as he stared at her blankly, awaiting a response. Where did that come from? I-I don’t remember that. When was I in love? Who was it with? My friends? Which ones? Multiple? Why can’t I remember?

“Ant- I…do you remember who you were running from?” she let out a sigh, “Were you running from the feelings or the people themselves?”

He drew in a couple of breaths, relaxing once more, “No. I don’t know who, I don’t even remember being in love. I don’t-well maybe. But that’s stupid, I knew they were all jokes. If it’s them, then why- but anchors.” his thoughts were a blur as he tried his best to come up with an answer.

He felt a hand on his, “Slow down, one thought at a time. We’ll figure this out and then maybe you can go home. See your Tay, all your friends.” 

He nodded, sitting down again, Come on Anthony, no more spiralling. Just one thought at a time. It can’t be that hard, right?

“Okay, let’s start with who. Or rather who you think it could be.” 

“Well, it would have to be related to my anchors. From my memory, anchors are people you have a strong bond within your home reality. So, you’re my anchor as a friend, for sure…no offence.” 

“None taken.”

“Cheesy, again close friend, but more of a brotherly bond. Often she’ll send me to you or him, as a first meeting.”

Tay nodded, “Okay, what about Ze and Platy. You mentioned them being your anchors too.”

Ze and Platy…but it was always jokes, right? When did I catch feelings? Why can’t I remember it?

“I think maybe they’re anchors due to our close friendships too. Maybe at some point, I caught feelings, but I never addressed them. I just never thought about it too much, we’d always do our bits and stuff.” he thought harder about it.

“What do you mean? You should definitely know if you liked someone or not; it’s not hard to figure out.”

He shrugged, “I’ve never really thought about anyone that way. Like sure, I can acknowledge when someone looks conventionally attractive or have an opinion on what is and isn’t attractive. But I’ve never really thought about it, you know?” 

She laughed. He tilted his head in confusion.

“Anthony, you absolute fucking idiot, Shelby didn’t trap you so you’d admit to yourself you fell in love; she trapped you before you made the same mistake she did. Can’t you see that?” 

“See what? I don’t get where you’re going at all with this!”

She sighed, “You are so dense sometimes, you and-” her phone cut her off.

He assumed she answered it because there was silence for a minute, “We’re busy; just ask Madi and Himi to fill. They were up for it. Yes, I know it’s not Sussy Sunday without us; you’re just gonna have to live with it. No, we’re not making out. Gross. Side if you don’t shut your mouth, I’m gonna-” the line went dead, and she scoffed.

“Shit, are we meant to be in a lobby? Who are Himi and Madi? Wait, no, I met a Madi in the last reality. Side mentioned I’d been gone for a year, and they had new people in the lobby.” he rambled to himself, tapping his fingers on the table.

“Slow down, remember, one thought at a time.” he watched as she placed the phone on the table, “Anthony, you and Shub, you’re like two jokers of the same deck of cards. The same card, but different colours. The same role but different rules. You just need to accept it yourself because she clearly hasn’t yet, and it’s hurting those she cares about most.”

“Hmm.” he didn’t really understand what Tay was explaining. How can we be the same? I don’t understand what’s going on here.

“Ant, here, there is one reason and one reason only you’d be blinded still. By the little you’ve shared, I can very clearly see that if her trapping you was about love, you would’ve been able to see when you came in contact with Max or Ze. But you couldn’t. And that’s something you have to accept and work through.”

“I’m lost. I don’t understand what you’re saying. I understand how it works here. Meet your soulmate, get your vision, simple. They aren’t my soulmates, obviously. But I already knew that, as I already said, even if I did have feelings for them at some point, I never thought or acted on them, just let them pass. I’d never ever give up Jess for anything, I-” the realisation hit him, he averted his gaze to the table, “did. I gave up my girlfriend to travel. I’m such an idiot.”

“Excuse me; you did what now? Anthony, I was not hinting at that. You know what, you’ll figure that out by yourself. You gave up your girlfriend to travel, dude. That’s kinda fucked.”

He sighed, sitting back down, not looking at her, “I was scared.” he admitted, “Scared I wouldn’t be enough for her, that if she found out she wouldn’t love me anymore, that I would fuck up our friendship if the relationship failed. I didn’t want to lose her.”

Tay hummed, a smile gracing her lips, a look of pity in her eyes, “You always have been one to overthink everything, you dummy.” 

The silence stayed between them as they got lost in their own thought patterns for a few moments.

“We should go to Speedy’s yeah, see if he remembers how to open up the doors. Now that you remember some things maybe you’ll be able to go home,” she suggested.

Chilled shrugged, “I mean it’s worth a shot. Shel seems to want to send him home bad enough, maybe she might just pull us both back to the void.”

He felt her presence next to him, she laid a hand on his shoulder and he flinched away.

“Chill, I’m not gonna do anything to you but I don’t know how well you’ll manage to get around not being used to being blind so I’m gonna guide you. My Anthony would be fine, he’s been like this since he was five, it’s second nature to him at this point. I’d like to think you don’t possess the same expertise.” Tay explained.

He chuckled, “Fair point.” he allowed her to lead him to what he assumed was her car, how the fuck did I forget I’m blind…do I really get used to these things this quickly? Have I just been fucked over in so many dimensions that my brain accepts it within hours of getting chucked here? 

“What’s it like?” Tay broke the silence between them, focusing on the road.

Chilled was pulled from his thoughts, “Huh?”

“I mean, not being attracted to people. No that sounds weird now that I say it. I- nevermind. Don’t worry.” 

He stared out the window, everything blurring together, “No. I can see why people would be interested to know. I can only speak for myself though. For me, it’s like, I can admit someone is attractive, to societal standards but I don’t look at someone on the street and have the ‘I’d fuck them' thought. I’m not opposed to having sex or anything, just prefer some kind of relationship to be there. Uh, the same thing goes with the thought of having a relationship, sexual or romantic. Not opposed to it, obviously, I love Jess, would do anything to go back and fix my stupid mistake, but something platonic has to be there first.”

Tay hummed in reply, “This might be an…odd question. But how would friends with benefits work for you then? Would you be comfortable with something like that?” 

“No,” he replied before he’d had time to even think about it. Would he? Maybe. 

“Me either honestly.”

He sighed, thankful she didn’t push the topic any further. He wondered why he was so comfortable with opening up to someone he’d met literal hours ago. Maybe because she was like his Tay, so he just felt safe to. She didn’t seem like one to tell secrets. If his Tay didn’t he had no reason to think she would either. 

The rest of the car trip was spent in mutual silence until they pulled up in front of a building. He could make out the blurry outline of a decent-sized house. At least he thought it was a house. He opened the door and hopped out, waiting for Tay to show him where they were going.

“Well, you’re sure a lot less shocked than Speedy was when Side first brought him here. He was like a kid in a candy store.” Tay remarked, grabbing his hand and leading the way.

“Well, I’d imagine a big group of you guys live here so either one of you owns the place or you all pitch in for rent,” he said with a shrug.

He heard the door click and swing open and then click shut behind them again.