#slightlyoffcolour

We're out here running food pantries and clothing drives, we're fighting gun violence with safe surrender programs, we're building safe third spaces for queer people, we're funding legal support for the undocumented, we're hosting cooling and warming centers for the unhoused, we're protesting on the steps of the Capitol and chasing down our representatives. We're out here loving our neighbors as we have been called to do.

Please uplift our work and our voices! We do not have the vast network of wealthy patrons that conservative Christians rely on, but they are so desperate to maintain control that they still try to drown us out. Don't be swayed by their propaganda: they are not the ultimate authority on the Christian faith and their beliefs are not supported by our sacred texts.

Whatever your beliefs may be, we would welcome your help in serving the vulnerable and taking the power back.

--from a queer, pro-choice Christian who loves you 💗

Also totally ok to ignore this if you don't feel comfortable answering, I'm only asking bc people in the notes of the post you reblogged about internet safety are saying it's still necessary to have your age in your bio due to legal concerns. I'll tell my age to anyone who asks me, but it's not something I feel the whole world is entitled to know, you get me?

People saying you have to have your age in your bio for legal reasons are at best misinformed, and at worst malicious. And here is the #1 reason why:

Gregory House was an asshole, but he was right about this one.

A predator will not tell you their real age. A predator’s bio will scream that they’re 16 in pastel pink sparkles, or will angrily duck the question of age.

A statement in one’s bio is not a legally binding document. It is just that: a statement. If that weren’t true, every Tumblr blog with “Ted Cruz was the Zodiac Killer” in their bios would be open to slander charges. My bio could say I’m a huge Rolling Stones fan and kissed Mick Jagger and you know what? Other than a bunch of Tumblrites popping by to make death threats and call me a liar, there would be no consequences. (Except for me having to imagine kissing Mick Jagger. And pretending to love a band I am, at best, ambivalent about.)

I am not, incidentally, aware of any such legal disputes. I mean, this is about all you can do on the Internet:

If you try to click into the archives of adult-fanfiction.org (which used to be adultfanfiction.net), that’s what pops up. You know what you have to do to get access? Click “I am 18 years of age or older.” That’s it. There’s no ID requirement. There’s nothing you can do except use the honor system online. NOTHING. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS LIE. And do teens do so? Is the sky blue?

I offer a cute picture for your consideration; the bastard in question is grey and white.

Thank you 🙏

Ack! Kepler is the same way. An absolute food gremlin who will eat anything vaguely edible and potentially poisonous.

Unfortunately I don’t have a single cut and dry solution for you. We try our best to keep Kep safe by storing all food in cat proof containers and then storing them in cat proof cupboards, the pantry, or the fridge. If we find him chewing on a non-food item it has to be put away in the garage or behind closed doors (no more fake or real plants for us!).

You’re doing great by trying not to leave food unattended. To add an extra barrier between him and the food, perhaps close him in a bedroom or bathroom whenever you are cooking or eating food. If you provide a food puzzle it could keep him happy. If he likes to play, have high value toys that you only let him play with when you have food out so he is particularly distracted.

Feeding him cat food with a higher amount of protein can also keep him feeling full longer. If you feed kibble, pour a little bit of water on it, as that will make him feel fuller after eating as well, with the added bonus of hydration.

When I have told people about my transition goals before, they seem to react somewhat negatively. I get the feeling that people think I'm not really trans because I don't have an issue with the outward appearance of my body, but rather the things my body does/can do. I do use they/them pronouns and I definitely feel disconnected from femininity and the female experience, but I'm not sure if that's enough. Is it wrong of me to identify as non-binary? Any advice would be deeply appreciated. (2/2)

Oh my gosh. So, I actually stopped the graphics work that I was doing in order to make this convenient graphic for you and anyone else who needs it, on this the first day of Gay Wrath Month:

[Image description: a flow chart. The first question asks: ‘Do you identify as the gender you were assigned at birth?’ this leads to ‘yes’ and the answer ‘Congratulations! You are cisgender.’ and then to ‘no’ and ‘Congratulations, you are transgender, should you choose to identify this way, and no one gets to gatekeep your identity based on whether or not you have dysphoria or want to medically transition!’ From that box, it leads to another question: ‘But am I trans enough? I don’t want to medically transition, or only want to do [this thing], or maybe I don’t have dysphoria, or...’ and from there to a box which reads: ‘Yes, you’re trans enough! Gatekeeping based on medical transition and existence of dysphoria only serves the cisgender majority and contributes to our further oppression by enforcing cis-centric standards of hegemony and dictating that our stories must be centered around misery and suffering rather than joy. If you must suffer to be trans, then being trans is only ever suffering. We are more than our pain.’ On the side of the image are white words outlined in rainbow reading ‘You Are Trans Enough. You Are Enough.’ The image is marked with the NerdyKeppie signature logo and URL.]

My salpingectomy was one of the most gender-confirming things I’ve ever, ever done for myself.  Ever. I’m so happy that I did it. So I can personally say that I really hope that you get to do your bit soon. (Check into a salpingectomy instead of just a tubal ligation, btw -- my surgeon said she might as well take them out since she was in there, and it lowers your future cancer risk to not have those tubes just floating about in there.)

I love this. I love this so much. 

-Kiwi 🥝

Up to this point, I really only felt dysphoria in regards to my internal reproductive organs. I hope to have some kind of hysterectomy in the future, but for now, my doctor is having me take low dose birth control and skip the placebo pills so that I can stop having a cycle. It definitely helps with that, but as a side effect, I’ve gotten a little bustier and hippier. I didn’t feel TOO bad about that until I saw that post, and now it’s hard for me to even look in the mirror. (part 2)

I’m hoping that these feelings will eventually pass. I know it would be wrong to bind or have top surgery just bc some guy thinks my personal experiences with my gender, body, and dysphoria are ~incorrectly trans~ or something. This has been on my mind for weeks though, and I think it would help me to know whether other nonbinary people have any similar experiences. Thank you. (part 3, end)

This is what transmed (and terf and any other transphobic) rhetoric is meant to do. It’s meant to stir up feelings and scare people and invalidate them and make them hate themselves and make them doubt themselves. This is exactly what they want. They want to either force you to conform to their self-hating, righteous gatekeeping propaganda or to force you back into the closet/to stay in the closet.

I know this isn’t your question, but I want to cover self-care in navigating these sort of situations so you can avoid this as best as possible in the future.

Block liberally, especially if you’re going to spend any time in the tags. I regularly search asexual, aromantic, and nonbinary on tumblr. My block list is huge. This is healthy. Not everyone is meant to face this rhetoric so they can deconstruct it for others to understand why it’s harmful. We’ve all got our strengths and weaknesses, and that’s what makes life work. It is a totally reasonable reaction to be upset and dysphoric and anxious and depressed regarding coming across transmed identity policing and shaming. It is not a good or healthy way to live being brought to such a negative when you come across this stuff.

Start teaching yourself to scan usernames before you read posts. A lot of transmeds identify themselves right in their usernames by straight up calling themselves truscum in their name. Transmed and terf/radfem communities have really allied in the recent past, so you may even catch usernames with rad or radical in their name. When you see these, block on site. If a name seems suspicious but you aren’t sure, you can also quickly check the profile of the person, as many of them have “transmed” listed in their description. Block before you’ve really even processed the post and skip right over it.

Also, blocking can seem like a useless task at first with so many bigoted blogs in the tags, but once you’ve blocked many of the popular ones, you really only have to watch out for the random new one that pops up, and the tags become much more manageable.

Make sure you have plenty of positive and affirming blogs on your dash. If you’re regularly coming across gatekeeping and cissexism but you’re not taking in regular positivity and validation, these comments can be harder to shake off. You tend to feel more isolated and so can spiral quicker and more easily. Having more positive and supportive and trans-friendly blogs regularly on your dash will help you take in these messages, remember you’re not alone, and work on self-love and self-acceptance. Transmeds may still hurt and impact you, but with a bigger community at you’re back, you may find it easier to brush this off and bounce back.

Avoid any temptation to seek out these blogs, whether to interact or just read to “just see” what they’re seeing and thinking. This can be a form of self-harm, and it will definitely make you spiral faster and more intensely. Block, block, block. Take a break from tumblr if you need. At least take a break from the tags if you need. If you’re subscribed to a tag, unsubscribe. Only go searching for the tag to read the posts when you’re feeling mentally up to it. It can be harder to deal with when you’re subscribed to these tags, as posts like this can randomly pop up on your dash without warning, making them more triggering and upsetting.

Practice healthy coping mechanisms. We’ve got some good stuff under our coping tag. I’ve heard so many trans folk say that learning and practicing CBT techniques has helped them immensely in dealing with dysphoria. Mindfulness, meditation (I prefer guided meditation to avoid dissociation), and breathing/grounding exercises can all help as well.

But anyway. You were looking to know you weren’t alone, and the answer is a resounding no, you are not alone. That rhetoric is designed to harm you. It is specifically targeting you. It makes complete sense that it shook you and impacted you.

Keep reminding yourself of what you know: being trans is not defined on an axis of suffering, some jerkoff loser doesn’t get to define transness for all trans people just because they want everyone to hate themselves as much as they do, and you are valid. Stop and specifically validate yourself out loud when you’re alone and can do so. Write it down (in vague terms if you need to for safety) when you’re around people and can’t say it out loud. Aggressively love and support yourself. Do it out of spite for this jerk if that helps motivate you.

This can pass, but you may have to do a little work so it will.

[gif of daily sky fox, a cute little fox with tiny wings, sitting like a human on the floor, swaying side to side, holding a sign that says “You are strong! I believe in you!” There’s boxing gloves and a round heavy bag in the background]