#singergurl91

She attempted to swallow, her mouth and throat dry. Nerves had started to get to her hours ago, intensified as the evening drew closer. “I… If you’re sure, Ryuji.” He grinned. “I mean, shouldn’t you ask your mother?”

He shrugged and held his hand out to her. “C’mon. My mom thinks you’re great. She ain’t the kind to turn someone down on a holiday, either.”

She looked to his ungloved hand. True, the temperature hadn’t dropped enough to warrant gloves, but she still worried. “O-okay.”

His meaty paws grabbed her lithe fingers and he ushered them out the door. “Have you ever had KFC for Christmas, senpai?”

Her brow furrowed slightly. “Oh, uh… no. My Dad and I used to cook dinner together, when he wasn’t working. After he… passed, my sister works overtime, so I usually cook up something special that my sister can heat up as leftovers.” She brightened. “She did say I could bring her some at work this year if I wanted to. Maybe I’ll make some for her tomorrow, to make up.”

Ryuji grinned back to her as they headed for the station. “I didn’t know you sister even ate. All I hear about her is that she’s workin’.”

A giggle escaped her before she even noticed. “She eats from time to time. She actually loves when I make soup. She’ll usually stay home for that.”

He nodded absently. “Well, she deserves it with all the work she did for us.”

“Yeah.” She squeezed his hand. “I know you prefer ramen, but I’ll make some for you too.” She pulled herself closer to him. “Maybe for New Year’s you could come over and we could… celebrate together.”

His brow furrowed. “New Year’s?” He looked up as he walked, his longer legs still difficult for her to keep up with. “Mom has to work for New Year’s, so I guess I’ll be free.” His head fell. “Now that the Phantom Thieves aren’t needed, I guess we’re all free, huh?”

Makoto’s shoulders drooped. “Uh… Sure.”

They fell into a silence, though Makoto couldn’t tell if she should call it awkward or comfortable. He seemed lost in thought, though she couldn’t quite place his expression. She had memorized his face, especially his lips (though she told herself she had to because she spent so much time around him in the Metaverse and it had nothing to do with any frivolous feelings like imagining what they might feel like), and thus his expressions. This one stumped her.

She got a clue as they rode the train. Christmas meant the trains had plenty of room, most people at home with their family or at an event or shopping center in a different part of town. Winter Comiket would start soon, so many people would be near Odaiba. But not everyone, like the heavily made-up girl a few seats down from them. Ryuji kept his focus on her for most of the train ride. Makoto suddenly wished she had followed Ann’s advice and watched any number of those makeup tutorials the model sent her.

He recaptured her hand for the walk from the station back to his apartment, but the damage had already been done. Makoto allowed the contact, a small comfort as she thought of the girl on the train. She barely registered the distance they covered until he released her to knock on the door and fish his keys out of his pocket.

“I’m home!” He opened the door and strode through, slipping easily out of his shoes at the genkan.

Makoto followed a bit more slowly. She didn’t belong here, on a holiday. She felt like an outsider, a usurper, an interloper between Ryuji and his mother.

“Ryuji-chan? I thought you had plans, sweetie.” His mother appeared from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel.

He nodded. “I did. I brought Makoto to have Christmas dinner with us.” He jabbed a thumb in Makoto’s direction.

Makoto did her best to hop out of her boots to bow to his mother. “Pardon the intrusion, Sakamoto-san.”

Ryuji’s mother smiled a bit lop-sided. “It’s no intrusion, Makoto-san. But what about your family?”

Ryuji tensed immediately. “Ma!”

His mother started and looked between them. “What?”

Makoto retrieved her purse and moved into the apartment. “It’s okay, Ryuji.” His weak attempt to defend her did liven her spirits a bit. “My sister is working overtime for Christmas. I was home alone, Sakamoto-san.”

She nodded slowly, though Makoto could tell she had more questions. “Well, I just finished eating my fill, but there’s still plenty in here. Do you want me to go out? Give you two some… privacy?” She gave her son a pointed look.

He shrugged and dropped on the couch. “Nah. It’s just Makoto, Ma. You can stay here. I wouldn’t want you wanderin’ around in the cold, anyway.”

A pang shot through Makoto’s heart at his words. Christmas dates typically meant romance and splendor. Instead, she warranted a “just”.

Ryuji’s mother looked to her and her back stiffened. She took a slow breath and looked back to her son. “I had some things to pick up at the store anyway.”

Ryuji sat up. “I can go get whatever you need, Ma.”

His mother shook her head. “No, it’s fine. You get in here and set up some plates for you and your… friend. I’ll be back a little while.” She smiled to Makoto. “Have a seat, dear. My son will serve you properly.”

Makoto waved a hand. “It’s okay, Sakamoto-san.”

The older woman set her jaw. “Sit. Please. Ryuji-chan, in the kitchen. Now.”

Ryuji’s brow furrowed as he glanced between his senpai and his mother. “Yeah, okay.”

Makoto settled herself down into a pillow across from the couch. She had made too much out of his text. He simply wanted to prevent her from being alone on Christmas. As if someone like Ryuji would ever have interest in someone like her. After all the time she spent with Akira, she still had little to no social skills. Her excellent grades, professional demeanor, and detective attitude had almost ruined her only friendship outside of the Phantom Thieves. Eiko had forgiven her, considering her interference had proven correct, and maintained their relationship. They had even studied together a few times and capped the night off with a bit of karaoke.

But she knew her place. She had forged herself into a useful tool, but a tool, nonetheless. “Just” a tool.

“Just a fool.” She muttered the words to the table in front of her.

“What was that, Makoto-chan?” Ryuji’s mother appeared from the kitchen.

Makoto watched the woman as she flitted around the living room to find her jacket and purse. “Oh, n-nothing.”

The older woman smiled to her as she moved closer. “Makoto-chan, don’t worry too much about my boor of a son. He’s… He and I still have a lot of recovering to do.” She nodded and headed for the genkan. “Eat as much as you want. I always forget about the leftovers and they go bad in the fridge.”

Makoto stood from the table and bowed as his mother slipped on her shoes and disappeared into the gentle snowfall. “Thanks…” She whispered to the door as his mother locked it from the outside.

“You know, I don’t actually know the difference between meats, so I just brought the bucket.” Ryuji reappeared from the kitchen, bucket in hand. “Mom just made herself a side since I went out, but I can go back in and find you somethin’ if you like.”

Makoto wanted to smile, but she knew better. She wanted to fake it, but the pain from her heart radiated through her chest. “No, I… I’m okay.”

He shrugged and gently placed the bucket on the table and offered her a paper plate. She took it as she sunk back down onto the pillow across from him. The edges of her lips twitched as he eagerly set himself to the bucket to yank out pieces of chicken for himself. Such enthusiasm in all things, though none for her.

“C’mon senpai, lemme know if I’m takin’ something you like, okay?” He smiled to her, but something about it seemed off.

Despite her best attempts, she couldn’t return it. “It’s okay, Ryuji. I… I’ve lost my appetite.”

His brow lifted. “Really? Are you worried about calories or whatever? C’mon, it’s Christmas, senpai. Live a little.”

She allowed a small smile as her eyes fell. “Maybe tomorrow.”

Ryuji tilted his head and picked up a napkin. “Okay, look.” He wiped his hands off a bit more forcefully than they deserved. “I know I did somethin’ wrong, but I ain’t no mind-reader, so just… tell me, okay?”

Makoto furrowed her brow. He hadn’t noticed her mood shifts before. “How did you-“ Not important. She pressed her lips together. “Nothing’s wrong, Ryuji. Don’t worry about me. Enjoy your dinner.”

He slapped the napkin onto the table. Makoto stiffened, eyes wide. “It’s my choice to worry ‘bout ya, okay. And I’m worryin’. So what’s wrong?” When his eyes met hers, he winced and sagged a bit.

Makoto pressed her lips together. “Why do you think something is wrong, Ryuji?”

He gestured to the door. “Mom said you seemed down and-“

She shook her head. Of course he hadn’t actually noticed. She scoffed. “You know what? I think I’ll head back home and get started on that soup for my sister.”

Ryuji shifted onto his knees. “But you just got here!”

She shook her head and pushed herself up from the floor. “And I’ll just be leaving.”

Ryuji shot up just as quickly, though he faltered a bit on his bad leg. “Makoto!”

She shook her head again. “No. I don’t need your pity chicken, okay?” She headed for her boots.

His brow furrowed as he sidled around the table. “Pity chicken? What the hell are you talkin’ about?”

She dropped her purse on the floor and slipped her feet into the unzipped boots. “You only invited me out because you knew I’d be alone, right? Well, I’m fine on my own, Sakamoto-kun.”

He grabbed her wrist before she could bend down to zip up her boots. “Is that what you think, Makoto?”

Her eyes narrowed at his hand. “Let me go, Ryuji.”

Instead, he moved around to stand in front of her. “Makoto, you think I asked you out… out of pity?” His small eyebrows curved into a mixture she couldn’t recognize.

But her fury had been ignited. “Didn’t you?”

He shook his head. “No. I… Why would you think that?”

She sneered at him. “The girl on the train.”

His head pulled back. “What girl?”

Snow fell on her fury. “The… she had a lot of… makeup on and-“

He nodded slowly. “Oh, her. What about her?”

She set her jaw and the fire burned brighter. “You spent the whole train ride looking at her!”

He laughed at this. She almost growled. “Is that it? It was just a pretty girl, she didn’t mean nothin-“

“’Just’?” She growled for real. “’Just’ a pretty girl. She didn’t ‘mean nothing’. So that means I don’t ‘mean nothing’ either.”

His brow furrowed. “What?”

One incredulous laugh left her. “What did you say? ‘It’s just Makoto, Ma’.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Yeah?”

She shook her head. For all that she loved about him, she hated when his intelligence waned. “So I don’t ‘mean nothing’ either.”

He slid his hands up her arms. “C’mon, senpai, you can’t really think that.”

Sparks left a trail behind his hands, mingled in her chest. “Why wouldn’t I, Ryuji?” Her nose stung while tears threatened her eyes. “A week ago I nearly lost you. Yesterday I nearly lost you again. I thought that maybe tonight, on Christmas, we would have a chance to go out and… I could…” She squeezed her eyes shut. “But who am I kidding. Why would someone like you ever want to be with someone like me?”

His hands fell away from her as the tears slipped down her cheeks. “Makoto…”

She felt like such an idiot. “You’re such a bright star, Ryuji. You may not be the best in academics, but you try so hard, go into your studies with such fervor. I heard from the others that you were the driving force behind taking down Kamoshida. You trained for months to get your leg strength back. You put yourself into more danger than the rest of us in the Metaverse. You almost got killed trying to save me from Kaneshiro’s thugs.”

An involuntary sniff brought one hand to her cheek. “You’re so amazing, Ryuji. I admire you. And I knew a long time ago that I like you. I like you as more than just a kouhai or a Phantom Thief. Or even a friend. And when I thought… that you invited me out on Christmas as a date, I thought maybe you liked me, too.

“But how could you? How could I ever measure up to you, Ryuji? All I am is a good student. I’m not even that good at Aikido. But you? You’re a track star. Even after your injury.”

Her hand dropped back down to her side. “I just don’t feel like I’m enough for you. And now I know I’m not.”

She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat. “Sorry for my outburst, Sakamoto-kun. I should… head home.”

“Are you fucking serious?” The blonde whispered over her as she bent down to her boots again. “Are you shitting me?”

Makoto lifted her eyes to him. “Language, Sakamoto-kun.”

Brown eyes met red as he gripped her face tightly. “Makoto. Did you just say… you like me? Was that a confession?”

Her cheeks squished together, she felt the mirth in her throat. “I… s’pose?”

A yelp from the blonde startled her as he threw his arms up in triumph. “Woo! Holy shit!” He managed a small jig in the genkan.

Makoto allowed a few apprehensive laughs, though her brow had furrowed deeply. “Ry-Ryuji?”

At his name, he advanced to envelope her in a warm hug. “Merry effin’ Christmas, senpai. Holy shit.” He leaned back, grip tightened, to lift her out of her boots. “Makoto Niijima, best girl, likes me!”

She squeaked. “Ryuji! My boots!”

His head dropped slightly and he laughed again. “Oh, sorry, senpai.” He lowered her carefully, gently.

She felt his strength, a new stock of butterflies flitted in her gut, as he lowered her down, the strain on his muscles evident despite the hoodie. She carefully placed her feet back on the inner floor and nodded to him. He grinned and nudged her back into the apartment. She only allowed him room enough to step out of the genkan.

But not further. She knew her place. “Ryuji, I would like to put on my boots.”

His brow furrowed. “Why?”

“Seriously?” She tilted her head slightly. “I want to go home.”

He looked genuinely hurt. “What? Why?”

She sighed and took a step forward. “After all of that, you still don’t get it.”

He rolled his eyes and lifted a hand to her face. Heat immediately spread over her cheeks and onto her ears. He moved his thumb to wipe away the drying tear stain over her cheek. “Makoto Niijima, Student Council President, think you’re so smart, and you don’t get it either.”

Before she could form the proper sneer, his face turned blurry, too close to make out. A spark jumped under her lips from his, pressed to hers. She barely registered the kiss, the sensation of lips on lips, startled and confused. Only after his other hand moved to cup her face did she calm and lift her hands to his waist.

As soon as her hands pressed into the purple hoodie, he started and pulled away. “Oh, geez.” He took a step back and rubbed the back of his neck. “S-Sorry, senpai, I uh… I don’t know what got into me.”

A redness extended from his cheeks to his ears and down his neck. Her hands hovered where she had touched him, almost held him as he kissed her.

He kissed her.

On Christmas.

Her brow lifted. “Does… Does this mean… You like me, too?”

He shrugged, one hand still on the back of his neck. “I’ve liked you for a while, senpai. I just know I ain’t the best choice for someone as amazin’ as you, so I never said anything.”

She laughed once. “You thought you were inadequate?”

His brow furrowed. “For the Student Council President? Hell yeah I’m inadequate.”

A warm smile found it’s way to her lips. “What changed your mind?”

He shook his head. “I still ain’t good enough for you, but Ma always told me that I need to accept the love I get instead of the love I think I deserve.” His eyes looked toward the ceiling. “I think? Or it was a quote from somethin’. ‘You only accept the love you think you deserve’ or something, and I gotta-“

Makoto giggled. Her mirth interrupted Ryuji’s musings. He grinned brightly to her. “Whatever. If you think I’m worthy, then who am I to say no, right?”

His grin spread to her face. She nodded to him. “Merry effin’ Christmas, Ryuji.”

He nodded. “Best Christmas present I ever got.” His expression shifted to surprise. “Oh! We still gotta eat.” He leaned forward. “Unless you’re still not hungry.”