#sharpwindow

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"You know, you can come visit whenever you want, right?" The blue bara whispered gently, dropping you off at your bedroom window. You could have managed the climb up the fire escape, he didn’t have to drop you off, but he always did.

"Thanks, Leo," you said with half of a sad smile, trying to be polite while keeping your face turned away from him. You were never a fan of crying in front of others, and it was taking everything you had not to dissolve into tears.

"Everything will turn out alright," he comforted you, giving you half of a side hug before helping you into your room.

Always a gentleman.

Despite your tears, you were grateful for the hug. You felt a stab of guilt that he was being so kind while you were just longing for some time alone.

"Thanks," you said quietly, "see you around, Leo."

"Sooner than later, I hope," he commented with a look of concern that you missed, face still turned away.

"Bye, Leo," you repeated, hinting a little more strongly for him to go.

"See ya," he said sadly, a bittersweet smile on his face as he left.

You sat down on your bed and covered your face as tears streamed down your cheeks like rain on a window during a hurricane. Your mind was full of what happened earlier in the lair, and the pain washed over you anew.

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You had been at the lair with the guys for movie night like you always were when Don came in with a girl.

You didn’t miss it as Leo and Mike shared a look as they glanced across the room at one another, then looked back at Raph in case he seemed to have any ideas. All while taking note that all three were looking confused and worried, it didn’t escape your notice that no one seemed to be looking at you either.

"Hey, I want you guys to meet Ana Leigh," said Donnie warmly, smiling shyly as he introduced the woman behind him. "She's the one I've been talking about. We met online through that forum for WoW."

Your stomach dropped as you saw the blue-eyed beauty walk into the room from behind Don. She was gorgeous, and there was no way you could lie to yourself about it. Tall and toned, with naturally banana-curled blonde hair that fell a little below her shoulders. You could practically hear Mikey’s heart rate speed up despite the fact that you were sitting on the smaller sofa next to Leo. 

She was wearing a cute, figure-hugging little green sundress with yellow sunflowers all over it, that matched her blonde hair and complimented her eyes. The fact she was wearing open-laced combat boots and a small backpack, did little to detract from the image of a walking goddess, smiling at all of you.

"Hi, everyone! It's really nice to meet you all, finally!" She practically sang. Her voice sounded like it belonged to an angel. “Donnie has told me so much about you, I feel like I know you all already.”

You had no idea Don was even talking to someone, and inside, you felt your heart starting to shatter into a million sharp pieces. It’s all you could do to stay on the sofa beside Leo, legs covered by the throw from the back of the sofa, having tucked yourself against him while you waited for Donnie to join them all.

“Are you gonna be joining us for movie night?” Mikey asked excitedly, grinning widely and causing Raph to scowl at him.

“She’s probably here to see Donnie, bro. Don’t go making it weird by asking her to hang out with us,” scolded the red-clad turtle, cuffing Mikey on the back of the head. Turning his attention to Donnie and Ana Leigh, he flipped a hand dismissively, “go do whatever ya doing, bro. We’re gonna carry on an’ start the movie.”

Donnie had smiled warmly at the room as a whole and proceeded to lead the new guest towards his lab, already talking expansively about his computer rig. What made bile really stir in your stomach was that she was nodding along, asking questions about processor power and graphics cards.

Leo, with an arm already curled around you, gave you a small shake, “you okay there?”

Looking around aimlessly, you felt like your mind was full of static, and everything sounded like it was far away. You nodded wordlessly, and Mikey started the movie, shimmying back into his seat next to Raph and propping his feet up on the coffee table.

You may as well not be there.

Your mind had already checked out, going through your regrets and worries. The old “Shudda-wudda-cudda” routine that always filled your mind when you realized you had made a mistake. Should I have? Could I have? Would I have?

It was useless, and when Mikey called a bathroom break after only forty minutes - with much complaining from his brothers - you called it too.

“Look, I’m not in the right mind for this,” you admitted as you pushed the blanket off of your legs and climbed off of the sofa.

You were so focused on putting your shoes back on that you missed the flash of pain in watching blue eyes. Leo had hoped that you might have been cuddled up to him for a reason, but it seems it had just been for warmth, little else. You’d not said anything when he’d curled his arm around you from the back of the sofa, nor when he’d started casually stroking your arm.

But, it wasn’t like there wouldn’t be other chances to get you to notice him.

“Do you want me to take you home?” He asked hopefully, smiling kindly at you as you stood up.

“Yes, please,” you agreed with a tired smile. “I think I might just be coming down with something. I’ve been feeling a bit rough all day.”

Even a coffee-deprived Donnie would have been able to see through that lie, but he didn’t call you out. Raph just watched wordlessly from his seat on the sofa, looking at something on his phone while Mikey shouted from the kitchen about bringing in more snacks. He spoke up before you went, wishing you a quick journey home and that he hoped you would feel better soon.

Leo, ever the perfect gentleman, walked beside you through the tunnels, and then once you were on the surface, he offered to carry you the few streets to your apartment block. You had agreed because by then, you really were starting to feel rough, heartbroken, and mind blank.

Now, as you sat on your bed in the dark and cried your heart out, you had forgotten to close your curtains and didn’t realize you were being watched. Leo hadn’t left; he’d merely gone to the opposite rooftop to make sure you got to your bed okay. 

He’d not expected the tears.

His chest tightened in sympathy, and he wanted nothing more than to go back to you, to wrap you in his arms and dry your eyes. Comfort you and tell you that it would get better, that he loved you and his brother was a blind jerk.

But he wouldn’t.

He couldn’t.

Maybe one day soon, he could, but not yet.

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It was your turn to have the brothers over at your apartment for movie night. It was probably pure luck that you’d inherited the place and weren’t renting it -there was no way you’d be able to rent a two-bed place for the prices they asked for in your block.

There was still an hour until the official ‘movie start time,’ and despite the guys arriving early, you’d slipped off for a quick shower. You’d gotten back from work to find your apartment infested with turtles, but you’d smiled warmly at the welcomed company.

Now, stepping out of the bathroom, dressed in your pajamas and towel-drying your hair, you nearly jumped out of your skin to see Donnie standing there.

"Hey," he said quietly to you as you looked at him in mute shock. 

"Hey," you echoed, tone uncertain as you furrow your brow in confusion, "I thought you were watching another movie with everyone? Do you need to go?"

He swallowed and looked down at his hands, almost as if he were nervous, while his fingers moved around each other. 

"I was. Am. But I was getting cold with the seat next to me being empty," he replied, sheepishly. 

You furrowed your brow even further, trying to understand the nonsense he was talking about. He’d not come to the movie night alone, but then neither had Raph. Donnie had brought Ana Leigh, and Raph had invited Casey. Mikey had tried to invite April, but she’d been called out for something last minute to do with work.

"Did Ana Leigh go home?"

It's Donnie's turn for a furrowed brow ridge, "no?"

"Did she move seats?"

"No?" He responded, still seeming confused. 

"Then, shouldn't you still be warm if she's still there?" You replied tartly, moving past him to your vanity table and picking up your hairbrush. 

You don’t want him to see your annoyed expression, since it wasn’t Ana Leigh’s fault that she was amazing and a perfect match for the man you loved.

Donnie stood there for several long moments as if he wasn’t a certified genius, letting you turn around and look at him as you damp brushed your hair out. Finally, he appeared to realize something, and he walked up to you. Seeming to understand the confusion, he moved a strand of your hair behind your ear before his hand cupped your face in his one strong hand.

You froze up, feeling his thumb brushing over your cheek for a moment. Your heart was pounding in your chest as he leaned down, and you couldn't breathe… As he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, hazel eyes looking into yours, over his glasses. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner. I must have hurt you with my ignorance.”

Your heart broke.

It shattered, and each piece seemed to dig into you, making you bleed.

Pulling in a shaky breath, you stepped away from him, shaking your head while fighting back the tears.

“Get out.” You whispered, knowing you were being irrational, but you couldn’t help yourself.

Anger and pain and heartbreak and sorrow and humiliation and… and you couldn’t take any more.

“Please, I-” 

Donnie tried, but your hands were balled into fists at your sides, and you didn’t want to cause a scene. You just want him to go!

“Stop!” You hissed, interrupting him as you glared. “Get out. Of my. Room!”

Licking his lips nervously, Donnie opened his mouth to say something but seemed to think better of it. Closing his mouth, he nodded to himself and turned to leave, moving as silently as a true ninja.

Feeling yourself breathing hard, you didn’t want to stay there a moment longer. Thankfully your boots were still in your room, and you grabbed a thick jumper from your wardrobe, as you jumped onto the fire escape and scurried up to the roof, pausing only long enough to pull on your boots as you climbed.

You hadn’t grabbed your phone, you’d just run.

You weren’t foolish enough to run any further than the roof, despite the temptation to slip out of the building via the main stairwell inside. You didn’t have any money on you, and you were dressed in your fleece pajamas with little lollipops on them, it was basically a walking advertisement for sexual assault.

So, you didn’t know how long you were up there on the roof, curled up next to one of the warm units on the roof, and out of the wind. It wasn’t a cold night since it was the start of summer, but you felt cold inside.

You only realized that you weren’t alone when you felt the sense of space filled near you. It was the only way you could think to describe the feeling of one of the brothers silently coming near you. It was an awareness that had grown in the time that you had known them.

“Donnie said that you didn’t want to watch the movie,” said Leo in a quiet voice as he sat down on the warm unit. “He didn’t say that you weren’t in your room.”

You didn’t say anything, staring emptily out at the city.

“You damn near gave me a heart attack,” Leo continued, seemingly speaking to the air around him as you continued to ignore him. “It was probably lucky that I was heading to the bathroom and not one of the others. Mikey would have lost his mind, and Raph would have panicked.”

There’s a worm of guilt there now.

You hadn’t wanted to worry your friends like that.

“Can I ask what’s wrong?”

Swallowing thickly, you finally moved and glanced up at him.

When you looked up at him, it felt as if, for the first time ever, you were finally seeing him.

Sitting there, with only the lights of the city to illuminate him, Leo looked like something from a dream. His blue eyes were bright but full of hurt and love as he looked down at you. His soft lips were pulled into a smirk, trying to cheer you up, but you could see that his heart was bleeding as badly as yours.

Oh god, you thought to yourself as fresh tears welled up in your eyes. I’m no better than Donnie. How did I not realize?

“I’m sorry,” you managed to whisper out past the lump in your throat.

That got his attention, and Leo shifted so he could kneel in front of your curled-up figure. You were hugging your knees to your chest, arms wrapped around your legs with your chin resting on your knees.

A gentle hand reached out and wiped away your tears, and suddenly your heart felt like it was aching all over again. Now you were hurting, thinking of all the times that Leo had listened to you talk about his brother. He had been your go-to man when you’d worked out how you had felt about Donnie, and not once had you ever guessed that he had felt anything more than friendship towards you.

“Shh, shh, what do you have to be sorry about?” He asked kindly, cupping your face as the tears slowly stopped. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong. What can I do to help you?”

Oh god.

You must be the worst person in the world.

With a whimper, you launched yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck, burying your face in the curve of his neck and shoulder. He didn’t even hesitate to wrap his arms around you, not moving an inch for suddenly taking your weight as well as his own while balancing only on the balls of his feet.

“Hang on, let me shift us, so we’re sitting down,” he said quietly, moving as he spoke. “I want you to be comfortable while you explain this to me.”

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It had been a month since the night on the rooftop.

You had poured your heart out to Leo, and in turn, you’d also apologized, for hurting him and being blind to how he had felt all along. You actually had to hold your hand over his mouth to stop him from interrupting you as you stammered out your apology, tears dripping off of your chin.

He’d forgiven you.

Of course, he would have forgiven you, even if you hadn’t just had your heart broken by his brother.

His brothers were his world, but they weren’t teenagers anymore. 

Life moves on.

Now, you were about to go on your first official date with Leo. He’d asked you to meet him at the lair beforehand, and you skipped in, humming happily just as Mikey was shouting about something.

“-April’s pissed off!”

“What’s going on?” You asked innocently, having no idea what had gotten the orange-masked ninja so agitated.

“April an’ Casey are fightin’ again,” Raph explained with a sigh while Mikey fidgeted around him. “She says he’s cheating on her, but he says that he has no idea what’s going on.”

“Where did she get that idea from?” You asked, surprised. “I thought those two were solid?”

“Seems that Donnie's friend, Ana Leigh, tried to kiss Casey last night,” Mikey explained, blue eyes wide with the dramatic scandal of it all. “She didn’t even try an be subtle about it either. Casey said he nearly jumped out the window trying to get away from her, an’ April was just standing there all like, ‘whaaaaat?’” 

You winced at the explanation while Raph rolled his eyes at Mikey’s dramatics, smirking despite the seriousness of the conversation. But then a thought occurred to you, and you frowned, “Wait, I thought Ana Leigh was Donnie’s girl?”

Mikey and Raph shared a look, too much being exchanged in that small moment for you to even try and understand what was going on, before they both looked over at the Lab door.

“Yeah, best to just give the guy some space for now,” Raph rumbled before turning away and heading toward the garage. “Mikey, you wanna help me change the oil in the bike?”

You saw the youngest brother open his mouth to complain that he should do that with Donnie before he realized what he was about to say and closed it again. “Alright, bro, but you owe me.”

The pair started to bicker playfully as they headed off to the garage, and you felt a warm pair of hands settle on your shoulders. A kiss was planted on the back of your neck, making you shiver and giggle.

Turning around, Leo smiled warmly down at you.

“Are you ready, Love?”

“Of course. Why did you want me to meet you down here?”

“Because I want to show you something secret, and I only know one way to get to it,” Leo explained honestly, taking your hand as he started to tug you towards one of the exits of the lair.

Giggling, you let yourself be pulled from the lair, not seeing the eyes that are watching you from the lab doorway.

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It's only once you've gone, while the sound of your voice faded away, that Donnie shut the door to his lab. Turning slowly around, he moved almost mechanically to his bed and sat down on the edge of it. He didn't have any of his gear on, not even his mask. He even took his glasses off, placing them carefully on the bedside table before he let himself go.

The tall tech-turtle folded in on himself, arms wrapped around his chest as his head flops down, tears falling in silent grief.

It hurt.

Oh, gods, it hurt.

But… he was being a good brother.

He was doing what Leo had asked him to do, all those many months ago when you’d started coming down to the lair. Leo had loved you since you’d first met, but it was only as you had become more involved in their lives that the blue-masked ninja had started to think he had a chance.

Donnie had thought nothing of it when he’d agreed to help Leo get the girl he loved.

Then, it started to become obvious who you had feelings for. In the beginning, he’d been flattered and it had taken all he could, not to respond to your compliments and gentle flirting. 

He’d told himself that he didn’t care about you like that, and for a while, it had worked.

Until… until it wasn’t working.

Until he realized that… he really did love you.

Just as much as you had still loved him at that moment.

But he had promised, and despite it all, family came first.

So he had wiped away his tears, locked away his heart, and helped his brother get the girl he’d secretly loved for nearly two years.

Donnie shuddered as tears dripped off of his chin, and he tried not to make a sound.

Oh gods, did it hurt.

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