#shane rozanov

"Can you imagine being the reason that Ilya Russian-Greatest-Love-Machine Rozanov spends the rest of his life having boring missionary style sex? Shane Hollander, if you really love him, let him go"

And everyone can see Ilya trying to understand the tweet for a second before he freezes, his breathing becoming unsteady while he interrupts Shane (stammering through a media trained response) to say:

"you... You think that Shane... You think he..."- before completely collapsing into absolute laughter. The kind of laughter that kind of hurts, that has you wheezing and trying to find your breath, that gets tears in your eyes and turns your face red from lack of oxygen. His voice and laughter get high-pitched, and he has to steady himself on his husband cause he almost falls from his chair.

The man is completely undone while Shane smacks his leg to "shut up, shut up!", all the while trying and failling to finish the sentence, cause he can't believe anyone on this planet could think of Shane as anything less as a sexually-deviant-kinky motherfucker who would rather die than do something less than soft BDSM.

Every time he starts to calm down, he looks at the camera and starts laughing again. They have to stop recording for 15 minutes, and in the following part of the interview everyone can see the red eyes from the tears of laughter, and the cuts in the video from where he couldn't control himself and started laughing again.

Shane Rozanov and Ilya Hollander.

Shane Hollander: That is my least favorite kind of thing.

(Post wedding! Centaurs Shane!)

So I've read this fic (I think, tbh, it could've been a post somewhere) a few times where Ilya joins the Cens and #81 is taken by an old fart who won't change it. But, lo and behold, #24 is available! So he becomes #24, people think it's to piss off Shane, etc.

Then, post outing/coming out, Shane joins the Cens and, of course, his number is currently occupied by his husband. The aforementioned old fart is retired now so #81 is available!

Instead of swapping numbers, Shane takes #81 and they play with each other's number and they all live happily ever after!

However!

I would like to add an addition!

When they get married, they both legally change their names to Hollander-Rozanov. Unfortunately, that doesn't exactly fit on the back of a jersey. But because Ilya is a menace and Shane loves his husband, they have the perfect solution!

That is how the Ottawa Centaurs end up with Shane Rozanov #81 and Ilya Holland #24 on their 2021/22 season roster (and for many years after).

❤️🫶🏼🖤

Hollanov Family Headcanons!

for some reason ive noticed we're attached to the idea of 2, 3 and on a rare occassion 4 kids. i genuinely think theyre a 6 kid household.

for a while its only two, then its only four, then all of a sudden its 6.

two older girls, one more girl and a boy a year younger than her, and a set of twins (boy n girl.

i think that the hollander-rozanovs are so full of love and are genuinely the best form of parents and work truly well together, and i think every kid deserves that kind of love. and i think theyd be overjoyed with this. ilya watching sibling love like he wished he had, and shane an only child feeling the best way overwhelmed with the amount of love in their house. personal headcanon shane was his parents miracle baby, so they deserve all these grandbabies too.

their house is so unconventional family, and they adore it. theyre eldests were done through the same surrogate, two years apart. between their births she had a girl of her own (ay maybe her name is lily or jane). the girls get playdates all the time, and they spend easters together (shes an orthodox woman, idrk if shes russian maybe!)

i imagine the second eldest is out the door in the mornings before the eldest even wakes up. she makes shane his smoothie and leaves it in the fridge for him. the eldest wakes almost as she leaves, enough to grumble a goodbye as she walks past her room. she wakes up at the same time as shane, a bit before ilya. she makes both hers and ilyas coffee whilst shane sits at the counter. by the time ilya wakes up its just the right tempreture for him, he doesnt like burning his tongue.

career wise and on the ice, i think all hollander-rozanovs take to ice better than they do solid land. the lake outside the cottage freezes perfectly for lessons when theyre young. they dabble in hockey, but neither stick with it past prima... does canada call it middle school? theyre a colony right? hold... ok its really not a consiestant thing idk man. they drop hockey at like 13, 16 max. they dont do hockey in college. they both go to uni, eldest is a buisness and marketing girlie, takes a philosophy elective. second eldest that crazy person who couldnt chose between law and med and did a double degree.

the 3rd girl is adopted from when shes a babe, the first boy (yay!) is fostered in around the time shes 13, his adoption is finalised for his 12th birthday. yes that 12 was done on purpose. i cant tell if this hurts my heart or heals it. we shall say heals. they love eachother deeply and enjoy sewerball, xbox and wrestling. the rug in the living room has to be a specific fabric because they tussle on it so much. theyre both hockey players but the girl swims on the side. well enough to get first in freestyle at all her races. they both go to boston univeristy, and both do hockey at bu for university teams, and if they get drafted is up to you.

our next is the twins! theyre not biologically twins. what? you say - what markers are you sniffing? theyre both adopted as babies, the girl they planned with who carried her for her, and the boy was abandoned into the system and the hollander-rozanovs snapped him up easier than breathing. how are they twins? the boy didnt really have a birthday, so they gave him hers and raised them as twins. nobody knows whos older, everyone does treat the girl as the baby, eventhough shes of the belief shes actually older. whos side youre on up to you.

theyre our figureskaters!! the boy just immediately takes to it. did a skate with his hockey team with some figure skaters for practice and that was that, never looked back at hockey lmao. the girl balances her hockey and her skating for a while, pair skating with her brother. shes injured, whether through hockey or figure skating is up to you, she takes 2 years away from the ice. has an alysa liu style comeback.