#shamelessvoidofemotions

watch me wanting pain and begging for a dramatic backstory

wanting a reason to be how i am 

broken and bent

The past is just a memory, it doesn't help remembering it, and the future is not now, and will never be now. Because if the future is now, it's not the future anymore, it's the present. 

the world moves slow, just like honey, without the sweetness, and the world gets cold, like a child losing loving warmth

i move slow, with a steady step at a steady pace, and my heart gets cold, slowing down its steady beating

A while ago I've been thinking about my life, and somehow it did not make sense to me. I've been living, but I haven't been alive. There's been ups and downs, but nothing really made me feel.

I'm scared of this. I am scared of not feeling, of the emptiness, the apathy. I am scared of falling into the same routines forever, simply because I do not care enough to change them, do not care enough about myself and everything once dear to me.

I want to keep living, and live life to the fullest, enjoy it and see the world. I want to make the most of it, to show the world I am still there, still worth taking into consideration. To show that I am a force to be reckoned with, a player to count on, that I matter to the world - and this person. I’ve been getting out of bed for someone else, and I pressed on, but not for myself.