#serenapple

one thing that’s essential to know is that you must never let out anger through aggression. stuff like using a punching bag, ripping paper or punching a pillow will increase your aggression because you will begin to link feelings of anger with aggressive behaviour. it’s the worst way to cope!

i see you’ve been through a lot. if your homicidal thoughts are linked to anger rather than anxiety, they’re probably a power fantasy rather than intrusive thoughts. due to your past feelings of powerlessness your brain is seeking a sense of control and power, and it jumps to violence against others as a way of getting that.

a big tip i’m seeing as i hop around supremely unhelpful google searches is to avoid media with themes of murder and violence. that probably means no more gorey special effects for you, unfortunately! keeping yourself occupied also seems very important; i saw one person with aspd recommend a rigid exercise routine if that’s possible for you (of course, exercise helps with innumerable mental illnesses as well!)

[this thread] of people with aspd talking about it could contain even more useful nuggets of information. give it a read if you have the spoons, i only had a quick glance through this page of it. (be mindful of the warning on the page too!)

all the official (and really unhelpful) sources i’m seeing say counselling is the most essential part of dealing with these thoughts, but i’m sure you have plenty of experience with that, haha.

this is coming from my own mind and i don’t know if any literature supports it as a coping method, but i’d recommend finding something to replace these fantasies with. your mind wants control - how can you get that? imagining yourself as a god shaping and taking care of a world of your own is my first thought, but something different might appeal to you more. i’d recommend writing (or perhaps drawing) fiction and playing video games, especially god games, where a world is under your control and you can do anything you want.

your current interest in special effects could also be changed a little to contribute to this kind of coping! consider changing yourself into fantastical things rather than gorey ones. having ultimate control over your body and appearance while not indulging the violent part of yourself could really help you. 

if you didn’t know already, i think it’s important to keep in mind that these thoughts are really common. stealing from wikipedia, “50-91% of people surveyed on university grounds in various places in the United States admit to having had a homicidal fantasy. Homicidal ideation is common, accounting for 10-17% of patient presentations to psychiatric facilities in the United States.” 

RSD stands for rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It’s a really common thing with ADHD. It’s basically extreme anxiety in response to both perceived and actual criticism (or even anticipated criticism), and it usually involves a lot of negative self-talk and spiralling into poor self-esteem. It’s not a constant thing, but it can contribute to developing depression and anxiety disorders. People develop it because of constant criticism for things they can’t control (like ADHD symptoms).

Followers, would you add anything to this definition? I want to add RSD to the FAQ so any thoughts would be most welcome!

Oh wow I never read that meaning in that song before!

Okay so I just looked up the lyrics and a couple analyses of the song. And tbh although I definitely think the song could be construed that way, that’s not how I see it.

First off, the song was written in 1944 so I think we have to look at its lyrics in a more historical context.

I think the parts where it’s saying she should go home is more about the whole “what would the neighbours think if our daughter stayed out all night” type thing, especially given the historical context. This doesn’t necessarily mean that something bad is happening to the person, just that they feel obligated to go home to “protect their family name”, especially given all the references to different family members throughout the song.

Now, my historical knowledge on premarital sex opinions isn’t great, so correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that in the 1940s premarital sex was still considered very wrong. I know a family member of mine had a child from premarital sex back in the 1940s and it was completely hushed up by the whole family. This is something she carried around with her until she died (which was last year). She always felt guilty and ashamed of what she had done. I think back then, it was extremely important for girls not to be perceived as a slut who had premarital sex. Simply because it changed their whole lives, usually not for the better.

To me, the bit about ‘what’s in the drink’ implies more whether it’s alcohol or like..fizzy drink or water or something. Rather than whether there’s drugs that have been slipped into it. The way I read this part would also be that it’s the neighbours saying what’s in the drink, rather than the girl. Because it makes sense with the previous line “the neighbours might think, might say what’s in this drink”. The second ‘might’ is of course not in the lyrics, but the way I read it, the second phrase carries on the ‘might’ from the first phrase (idk if that makes sense or not, I’m not sure what what the proper grammatical term for that would be) I guess this could be seen either way, but that’s just how I see it.

I think the bit where it goes “I ought to say no, no, no” is more about what I was saying before about how the person feels like they should go home because they don’t want the neighbours to start asking questions, or to taint their family name, etc. I don’t see it as being about that she doesn’t actually want to stay and have sex (or whatever).

That’s just my thoughts on the song, trying to look at it logically with an unbiased perspective. I know this answer is a bit of a mess, sorry! I’m more than happy to have a discussion about this so if anyone disagrees with me please feel free to message in! There could definitely be something I’m missing or overlooking!