#send!!!

wellll tbqh it's not really because of how the fandom treats me anymore - that's calmed down quite a lot like since i finished sparks fly and even more since i changed my penname (which is exactly why i begged aimee to change it for me), a lot of people seem to have forgotten i exist which i'm pretty grateful for!

but honestly i knew in Summer 2012 how toxic the fandom was, i learnt how hateful it was back then and if i'm being honest i never should have gone back to it, i should have quit the second i posted the last chapter of sparks fly.

it's a horrible place to be, it's been a horrible place to be for a long time.

newer writers are frowned upon for no other reason other than they're new and their stories show up on the most recents - which, HELLO, ALL of our stories end up on the most recents page at one point, how the hell do people think they get readers?! from the most recents!

then you have the ~~popular writers who are frowned upon because they're popular, because they're in the top tens, because the top tens never change - none of which is their fault. they get hate for taking a while to update, they get nagged constantly, people refuse to understand they have a life outside of 1dff.

then of course you have the over obsessive 'fans' of more well known writers, who seem to think it's okay to send hate to people who don't like certain stories.

people seem to think that fighting hate by sending hate is okay and it's the most backwards thing ever - i actually saw a bumper sticker once with the perfect slogan - bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity. you don't SEND hate because you or someone you know has received it - you're not solving the problem, you're adding to it. it's all so pointless because in 6 months no one will care and this time next year people will look back on it and realise how stupid it all was, how ridiculous the whole situation. it takes a second to send hate to someone but to that person, it will stick with them for a lot longer.

i'm just so done with the drama, i'm done with trying to understand any of it and i'm done getting involved when to be perfectly honest, i don't know what to believe.

i have my friends, i met my three very best friends in the whole world because of 1dff and i've got a handful of other people i'm particularly close to, i'll forever be grateful to 1dff and the community as a whole for introducing me to such wonderful people as nicole and aimee and sam and everyone else i talk to, but what i'll never be thankful for is the unending amounts of stress and sadness it's caused me.

i've been on there for almost two and a half years now and i think i just need to take a step away from it for a while. i might go back to it if/when things calm down or if i'm feeling inspired.

i know i have so many unfinished stories on there for i can't bring myself to finish them because i mentally don't have the energy to do it, i can't sit there and write something i don't enjoy or believe in anymore. i'm bored of it. it's the same thing over and over again and it's mind-numbing and dull and i need something new. 

i need to write something where i can let my mind go wild, something i don't have to worry about people going mad over because they don't like a particular storyline or character.

bUT thank you very much for understand and yes yes i do ^_^i have an account on fanfiction.net here - https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4772901/miikewestons

it's not much like there's nothing there really, there's two one-shots and there are two unfinished fics - one of which will probably remain unfinished and one which i ended up turning into 1dff but the original version is on ff.net and i really want to finish it but i'm not sure if i will.

i'm also in the middle of planning a teen wolf fic which i'm super excited for! it's still in the planning stages though, but i'm three and a half chapters into writing a fanfic for the following and hopefully that will be posted soon! :)