#self gratification

only to find out that she's their enemy in teyvat

mmm lovely angst

Adorkable Twilight & Friends - “Feeling Good.”

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"Long ago, this city existed in Nirn. It was alive and vibrant and went by a different name. Its people were devoted to Prince Meridia, the radiant one."

"Meridia had accomplished the impossible. She stabbed a dagger into Molag Bal's side. A portion of her realm was in his domain—and he could not touch it."

"The light of Meridia cleanses and purifies. There is nothing to fear from its brilliant embrace."

Day #58

The process always hurts.

Seeing you who loved most in the world run into anothers arms will always be painful.

Though we decide what to do with that pain.

Do we hold it in and hide it?

Do we scream and cry?

Do we deal with it and move on?

It all depends on you.

Your emotions

Your choices

No one elses

We grow, when we move forward.

We prevent that, when we choose to stay in the place that hurts.

I choose to move forward.

Be healthy and Be Happy

Don't hold back, be happy for yourself more than anyone else!

You deserve love more than anyone else.

Even though we know for a fact that we are going to die someday, still we have cultured our life in such a way as if we were immortal. We don’t live today as if we are going to die tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year, or even anytime in the future. We live it as it was an ongoing thing. We have not understood the impermanence of life, and it has led to us taking life and everything which is responsible for it for granted.

Because we don’t see how life is a brief happening, we don’t see the value of it. Our aspirations, dreams, desires, motivations and inspirations have taken away the magic from our moments. Instead of becoming the fuel of our life, they have become the opponents. We have invested in the aesthetics of life to the extent that we have nothing left to invest anymore in life itself.

About 2-3 years back, when I was depressed and suffering from suicidal tendencies, in summer time, I was standing in front of a mirror. I, for some unknown reason, simply kept staring. After some time had passed, the image of me begin to vanish behind a dark cloud. In that moment I felt my body was gone. For that one moment, my life was finished. In that moment, something within me woke up, I thought to myself isn’t “this also the truth of my existence?” Someday on a moment like this I will totally vanish, whether I opt in for it or not. From then on, I didn’t desire to die, because I knew that it isn’t in need of my intention. But the moment I become aware of this for-sure fact, I knew one thing; we die when we die but at least for the time being we are here must be totally alive. I decided that before I go on condemning life, first I will make an absolute effort to truly become alive.

Since then, this understanding has guided 90% of my life decisions. Every time I want to make a decision, I ask myself “if I die doing this, would I be satisfied?” “If I die with this grudge in my heart, would I be satisfied?” “If I die with this regret, shame or guilt, would I be satisfied?” “If I die committed to self-criticism, self-denial and self-hate, would I be satisfied?” If the answer is yes, I do it without the fear of any consequence, because the greatest consequence is death – once you ready yourself for that, petty little things don’t matter to you. If the answer is no, you will understand this that it is not worth any good no matter how much it is imposed or endorsed by society. By your very nature, you will not take part in any of those stupid things. 

If you knew the next moment might not come, you will do your very best to at least make this moment gold. You will do all in your power to keep your emotions, mind, body, and soul at it’s highest state of being. Today, I am telling you that it may not come. And you can trust me on that. If the next moment is not coming, then what time is there left for any hate, bigotry, rant, chant  – none. If you only have this moment, make the fullest out of it. Allow yourself to burst and bloom with love.

Even if you cannot live every moment with this awareness that this may be your last, at least you must live today with the awareness that you might not wake up tomorrow. Maybe, this is it. After committing suicide for three times, I learned this one thing – you will die soon anyway, but there is not enough time to live. Because the only time you have for life is the current moment. The coming one doesn’t exist, the previous one is gone – all you have is this one moment.

To live guided by this awareness is a dynamic way to lead life. When you realize there isn’t enough time, you do what is needed. You don’t waste your time sculpting hate. 

The moment you’d realize the importance of this one moment which you currently are in, the moment you see the value of the life within yourself, you will eventually begin to realize the worth of everything which is responsible for making it happen. If you saw the importance of your life, and how important a tree was for this phenomenon that you know as your life to exist – you will not cut it. Instead you would look towards it as a reflection of god. If you realized that one part of your lung was actually that tree, you won’t kill it. 

Another thing which will come is that when you see that your life is a brief happening, you will notice how everything and everyone is short-lived as well. When you understand that the person you love or care for may not be there tomorrow, you realize the worth of them in this moment. 

The realization that life is a momentary uncertain phenomenon will change everything. The way you look at life, the way you experience it, the way you feel it, the way you live it – all will change.

In order to slowly foster this consciousness within yourself, I’m leaving you with a small exercise. Before going to sleep, every night repeat this to yourself, and without any stupid fear. Breathe into this realization and look back on the past 24 hours. If you die tomorrow, will these 24 hours of activity you have done for the previous whole day be worth it. If the answer is no, don’t stress yourself, instead make the positive intention that if I wake up tomorrow morning, tomorrow I’ll live a worthwhile life.

Then when you wake up tomorrow morning, take three deep breaths. Feeling them with this understanding that they are your life. Be conscious that they are on and offer your gratitude to them. Smile, smile, because you are alive today. A million people didn’t wake up today, but you did. Isn’t that a miracle?

Move forward and look around yourself. Is everybody that you care for also alive? If yes, sit with this blessing. You are alive, everyone you love is alive  – such a wonderful day it is. If people woke up realizing how big of a blessing life itself is, within the next 5-10 years, the pills will fly away.