#moonlitrambles

News flash, you're not. Because all of a sudden you are being pinned on the bed, with a very angry little man above you that doesn't seem to be joking around with what he said about killing you.

Holy smokes, it's supposed to be impossible but no, he's right there. On top of you. If you were reading some kind of e rated fanfiction in ao3, you would've screamed because hey he's looking pretty handsome right now but- woah, woah, calm dOWN SIR YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR ANSWERS!

As expected, Scaramouche does not believe an ounce of what you say, but resigns to it. After all, he has already 'deleted' his existence in Teyvat, it'd only seem logical if he were to be transported in an entirely different world...

Now, as he is a smart guy, he very quickly deduces that you somehow know him. Oh boy, imagine telling him that he's someone from a game. At first, he'll laugh bitterly at it, saying something like 'of course. my misery was some kind of amusement, is it?' BRO mission therapy starts now. You're no Nahida, but still!

Now imagine him learning that he has 'fans'. Boy will be so confused like, fans what fans- do you mean those accessories orrrr-

He understands what you meant when you show him that he has a 'following', and he's pretty stumped. He only ever knew Haypasia, he had a single follower, but in this place- he had... tens of thousands? HUH? HUH??

As he's already been given a reality slap by the Traveler and Nahida, he's no longer in the mindset to be all god-like, but boy the temptation... until he realizes that he doesn't have any elemental powers. And he's become human. Oh boy.

When he realizes that he's breathing and has a heartbeat, dude stares at you for like a minute straight. Is this real? Look, look! He snatches your hand and holds it over his chest and- holy hell he's right, he has a beating heart.

Give him some space to process things, his mind is currently exploding right now.

It'll take him time to understand that he's loved as much as he is hated in this world. The latter he understands, but the former... oh, is this real? He still can't believe it, so you had to go through various social media platforms just to prove a point. He bares his eyes to numerous 'posts' that range from 'YO HE BETTER COME HOME I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIM', 'AHSDAKJHDJAKDHA HE'S SO HOT BARK BARK YEOAWOADSADH', and other more... flustering posts.

HE'S LOVED! Well, he's also hated, but he's LOVED! In all his confused snark, he asks you where you stand in those two groups. Bro's putting you on the spot, good luck.

If you manage to evade that question, you'll tell him that he's free to stay with you until he gets the ropes of this world. It'll be a bit difficult to adjust with someone new and yes you've screamed far too many times when he pops up somewhere in the house, completely still in disbelief that he's there, but it'll be alright.

When you first accompany him outside, you had to throw him in huge clothes just so that he won't be noticeable. Even if he was 'humanized', he still looks a lot like how he does in game, not to mention his voice. He dislikes hiding, but has to put up with it.

Bro highkey basks in the glory when you both go to a genshin convention and see all the love for him. It's the one time he gets to dress up in his Harbinger attire (though he admits he dislikes having connections with it after knowing the truth) and show himself without fear of hearing "YO ARE YOU SCARAMOUCHE? YOU LOOK LIKE THE REAL DEAL!" because cosplayers are a thing. When he finds out that he gets a 'redesign' he pesters you to buy him the outfit. How laughable, how can the OG guy not have his own made clothes in the game??? You cave of course.

He's still a smug lil shi- though, so he will say that he is the one and only 'Wanderer/Scaramouche' when asked in the convention. Your panicked screaming in the background is thoroughly enjoyed, please, continue giving a good show as he revels in all the attention. Before long, posts about him are scattering all around the internet and you lecture him about the mob on your door and the diehard "HE'S MINE!" fans that has sent threats in your social media. They still believe he's just a really good cosplayer, but still...

“Hah, what're you so scared of?” he'll just smirk in the middle of your lecture, “They won't be able to land a hand on you so long as I'm here.”

Cue malfunction. He knows what he's doing, isn't he? This smug piece of- you'll kick him back into the game if you could!

“Like hell you will. Even if you can, you won't do it. Your boring human life has only become interesting because I'm here.” + :P

DAMN, HE RIGHT THOUGH!

ALRIGHT STORYTIME LET’S GO—first of all, I haven’t been on Tumblr for so long, nor have I interacted with anyone and coming back,, the web interface bamboozled me.

Anyway- the past year was roooough, like settling in and getting into college.

From the start, my brother and I have known of our depleting resources but couldn’t stop because of our mother’s insistence and my father’s very.. volatile attitude. Double the latter since he has cancer and has been nothing short of cranky and infuriated for the past years—knowing that the money is facing a downward slope because of his expensive medicines and learning that we’ll stop because of it would’ve,, been terribly bad and that's understating the nature of my headstrong, independent, and prideful father.

There were times when he was very somber about his state, but then mad—it was just a really bad time, but my brother and I finally convinced our mom that we had to stop for real a few months ago because money was just tight. Until now we’re hiding the fact from our dad that we stopped under the pretense that we’re only taking one course for the semester :v

We were very lost and torn.

I knew I had to go out and look for a job, but my brother would be doing the same, too—the thing was that we knew our mom couldn’t handle our dad being sick alone, so my brother opted to be the one to find work outside.

I’m learning materials and courses on my own at home, but finding a remote job without a degree is no doubt near unimaginable with how remote setups are almost nonexistent now. The time was just bleak at home, too, my father would ask for bad things to eat that would worsen his health and then blame it all on my mother when he felt body pains and repercussions—it was just BAD, that wasn't all of it, but I digress. Cancer sucks. 

Just a few days ago, I lost my uncle to the same thing, and now there’s an overall family dispute over who gets what and it feels like I’m living a kdrama fever dream [pls get me out hfasjdkfhdsaf]. I don’t recommend it if it’s not romance lmao.

Things were getting so out of hand and I also couldn’t get back into writing or socializing with everyone in my writing socials—but I still wanted to write without the expectation of being able to deliver as I used to. It was a de-stresser for me, so I opened a new account in ao3/quotev and wrote in.. November or December, I think. It was nice, I got to just type away and post and leave it at that.

I think one of the reasons why I didn’t go to Tumblr for that was because I knew I wouldn’t be able to commit to updates, and I love you guys, I didn’t want to say something and promise it’d be given but then nothing. I’ve done it back then and I just, don’t want to do that :(

Despite how heavy and dark the past year was, however, something really unexpected happened—okay here it goes.

As a child, I’ve been taught about Christian doctrine and was brought up to believe in the existence of a God. I didn’t have my heart in it though, of course not, how was I to believe something that I only knew because someone said it to me?? I did attend church out of duty and had a shallow fear of the greater being, but as an authentic believing person? Naw. 

Not until June at least.

I don’t know how to explain it rather I, out of the want to give my mother the chance to go somewhere she wanted to for Sunday, decided to join her for church. I was ready to just daze off and think about some solution to our problems, but then the sermon spoke to me—you know, that feeling when someone is passive-aggressively referring to you in a complaint or something?

It felt like that, only it felt like that message was something I was meant to hear, and boy I couldn’t believe it—neither did my mother [lol]. She told me how shocked she was when I listened throughout the what, an hour and a half of preaching that I usually just dismiss. 

It’s cliche, but my life really changed after that one simple Sunday.

All my tweeeeenty years of living, I’ve asked if God really is real and whatnot and I never got answered until July of 2023. What really cemented my belief in knowing that he is real, is when I decided to genuinely pray—then for seven consecutive days, the Bible would lead me to a page [like just randomly opening a part of the book after prayer] that answered my questions and/or convicted me of something. I'd wake up every day and an event would happen that would answer my confusion and I'd sit in the night thinking 'no way that just happened', but it did. Boy, when I tell you I thought I was going crazy.

Not to mention opportunities such as baptism and ministry suddenly popped my way when I only had the idea in my head and I kept it to myself. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence, but when it ‘popped up’ more than thrice in a single week, I knew it wasn’t. Think of it as like, the thing in fanfiction when it seemed like the universe was saying something to you. Yeah, I felt that for myself. Mindblowing.

I could go on and on about the other life-changing things that occurred, but this would be so long LOL.

But I never regret coming to faith and accepting Jesus for real that day, and although life is still dark for me these days, the burden feels light. It’s an amazing feeling. He's really changed everything.

I’m not going to force anyone these beliefs—I knew how it felt to be on the receiving end and it could get very annoying, rather I just spoke on it to say how wonderful it was to know him, and it would be nice to let others know about my side in case they'd also take the faith. Who knows?

Also, I think I understand what those people were saying now. Again, I won’t force anyone—just reminding and asking you to try if you want, because it’s amazing. Bombard me in my inbox if you’re interested, but no pushing here, because I’m a firm believer that things shouldn’t be forced if it’s not the right time yet. 

Anyway, that was my source of strength and hope to go through these days—and I believe it’s also the driving force that led me to write this out in.. in Tumblr of all places lol. If someone told me this would happen two years ago I'd laugh in their face 💀

Rather than just getting back into writing and opening my social circle again, there’s that bit in me that wants to say that religious epiphany. That said, I know how diverse everyone is in their beliefs so I’ll say it very tersely that, no, I will not be parading and pushing people to believe this and that—this space is, after all, my space for writing :)

Ah, and nor will I ramble about it like shuck lol, but I will, in private, when prompted. 

With that out of the way, back into writing—I was floored when I first opened Tumblr and saw all the notifications and messages about my disappearance and I could’ve cried, really. It touches me poor heart :sob: and I wanted to thank all of you for such caring messages—I wouldn’t be able to reply to all of them [there were many!

Like maybe more than fifteen or twenty, not even counting the direct messages] but know that I’m very- very grateful for every one of you.

I could crawl out of your screen and hug yall but I won’t because I can’t and it’d throw people off KJHFSADKJFHALJSKDFHA

Life is, again, still hard—and navigating it is still difficult, but I’m managing these days. I can no longer return to my usual days of sporadic updates and teasers lol, but I’m happy to say I will still be writing, though it won’t be my entire focus nowadays. When I open writing commissions for genshin and art commissions, it’d get me going, of course. 

I have to let go of most of my beloved works because I realized that sticking to them would take up most of my time when I need to be out there upskilling and taking initiative to start earning money to support the bills. I still wanted to write though, and in my downtime I even got to watching One Piece and writing a currently on-hold fanfiction for that in Ao3, but fuuully realized that, no, I’m no longer cut out for really long written stuff unless I commit to writing a long piece that would take weeks for it to be published. 

In the end I settled for a single character [wanderer bb] short story that I get into writing without much hassle, and make myself happy, still :) I have ideas for other characters, too, but getting them out to be posted would take longer than usual.

My other AUs, as well, since my focus is just.. God, life, expenses, work, then hobbies. I don’t guarantee finishing them [I think Tyranny? And others, like Smite/Mercy/etc.], but I have in mind to write a summary because I meant it back then when I said the plot was really finished. Sighgisghsighs

Opening art commissions, I’d do that soon—writing, too.

Maybe a kofi account, as well—but I won’t be having any posts I want to be posted to be locked behind some tip or pay. I’m thinking of only adding specials there, specials like, standalone oneshots from an AU, or an nsfw piece. Oh golly, writing that is so beyond me, I think that’s the only reason why if anything is going to be in kofi, it’d probably be the nsfw. I plan to keep this writing blog sfw, still. 

But we’ll,,, we’ll see [dying]

So yeah! That’s.. Everything. For the writing thing, I think I’ll technically just be .. here, lol, with a focus on that story with wanderer. Gone are the 7k worded oneshots, now we’re just around 1.5k unless I commit to the creation. The story is so fluffy too [not angst? Surprising] 

But again, I will write for others eventually—can’t say when, or how, or who, but I will in time. 

I have so many plans in my head about my life, and I’m glad to say going back to Tumblr is a check off the list. I have an original novel in mind, but would you all be interested in such a thing? I don’t honestly know—other than opening commissions, I also plan on a Youtube Channel, but that’s uncertain. A Webtoon for my original plot too is a maybe, buuuut those are just what-ifs. Time will tell!

Those are just my two cents and I don’t regret sharing that—you guys have been with me for so long, even if I don’t really know you all beyond that screen, you all really became a part of my life, too :”)) 

If you reached the end of this post, wow, I’m touched. I hope you all have a good day–oh wait, what do I say? Ah yes.

I wish you all a good mornight [fhkadjsfhiajhgf].