#self assured

Hey bud,

Interesting question!

In simple terms, I see myself as a very introverted person who is observant and inquisitive. I’m certain that in my youth, these two traits steered me towards science and aided in fostering my love for the field, but they also made me curious about other areas of study, such as literature and writing as a craft.

I’ve been told I’m a kind and friendly person, but I don’t particularly see myself as embodying these sentiments since I understand these traits as fundamental to the human experience. In other words, they are not traits that an individual has or doesn’t have, but traits that individuals may have a weaker or stronger propensity. An individual possesses kindness and friendliness, but for one reason or another, they choose to express them or choose against it, whether consciously or unconsciously. A man may be kind to his friends and family, but not so kind to a stranger, but it doesn’t make them less kind as a person.

I’m a self-assured guy. I know what I can do, and I know what I can’t do. And if I can’t do something, I ask myself if it is possible to learn it. The process may not be an easy one, but I’m determined to see it to the end, even if it leads to the ultimate realization that it’s something I can’t do. Yet I see myself as stubborn, especially when I set my mind on a task. I supposed, in a way, it’s a positive trait as it could arguably be synonymous to steadfast diligence, but I see it more as one of my negative ones since I often forget about the world around me because of it.

I’m a rather quiet person, often finding myself pensive about whatever idea happens to pass through on my train of thought. Because of this, I’ve heard the complaint that I am aloof, enigmatic, and intimidating: three traits I don’t see best reflect me.

But the perceptions of others have affected my self-image, particularly when it comes to my “general aesthetic,” as one man once phrased it in college. And, in that sense, I’m aware I don’t fit what others classify as attractive, regardless of all the platitudes one might feel compelled to say, as if anything else would mar their image and confer onto them the moniker of a terrible person. I’m not for everyone, so to speak, and I’m more than happy to be not for everyone. Yet it took me a long time to reach that point of understanding and acceptance. I’m content with myself, regardless of the opinions of men in the community who think of me not having a habit of selfie-taking as an indicator of self-loathing.

Well, I don’t think this would be “in simple terms,” so it was probably best I didn’t say I was a direct person, even if I do see myself as one.

Thanks for the ask!

taxidermied, preserved, stuffed

until the next time we meet, face to face and you ask me to reassure you, learn you all over again

this time: i see you

you look soft and spiky, like a tumbleweed happier drifting with the wind and your thorns but when you latch on to your chosen rock, they're stuck with you, more often than not...

because you're endearing, as much as you're wearying.

again, you ask me to reassure you i hear you

you said: i'm ready to bloom and i said: let me take a step back, and you can have the room and i wait it seems i'm always waiting on you to let go, to latch on to latch on to me, preferably... ha!

instead, i see you grow i hear you, and i know

Gemma: Wow, it's pretty busy here today. Starling: Don't worry, babe! I paid the establishment to clear out the tables so we'll have a private space.

I think now would be a good time to mention I gave Starling the High Maintenance trait