#selasi

This time, however, something felt different, and as she tried to dig herself out of the trap she was in, she heard a roar in the distance. Fear spiked in her chest, but before she could prepare herself for anything, another roar blew the wood trapping her away, and she was suddenly exposed, the fire gone.

Instead, she was sitting in the middle of a desert, the wailing silenced, sand stirring around her feet. When she turned her head, Asra was running towards her, and a creature she knew in her heart that she knew, ran alongside him.

“Allie!” Asra fell to his knees in the sand next to her, cupping her face in his hands. “— brought me here, he said you were having a nightmare.”

Though the name he said didn’t stay in Alec’s mind, she knew he was talking about the creature, who paced around both of them, hackles raised as it looked beyond them. Bright orange fur bristled, and on instinct, Alec reached out, and stroked between the creature’s big, fluffy ears. It stopped pacing, looking at her with warm brown eyes, nuzzling its head further into her hand.

“I always have nightmares,” she said, not looking at Asra. “Especially when you’re gone.” She didn’t mean for it to come out as mean as it did, but it was the truth.

His hands fell from her face, and she heard the hurt in his voice. “I thought they had stopped.”

“They aren’t every day, like they used to be.” She kept petting the creature, and eventually it laid its head in her lap, huffing contentedly. “But they never stopped.”

They fell into silence, the sand blowing around them. Alec had been having nightmares for the past three years. At first, they were every day, to the point where she would refuse to go to sleep, forcing herself awake for days a time. Eventually, they stopped being as frequent, but whenever her head hurt a lot during the day, Alec knew that meant she would have another nightmare when she slept, though she was almost never able to remember them when she woke up.

When it seemed like the creature was asleep in her lap, Alec looked up at Asra. He was watching her, a distant look in his eyes.

“Asra, where are we?”

He shrugged. “This is your dream. We’re somewhere in your memories.” Glancing around them, he paused. “Well, actually, this might be a merged place of both our memories.”

“Both our memories?”

With a nod, he pointed behind her. “Look.”

She did and saw a hut on the horizon. It was too far for her to see many details, but there was a fence to the side of it, and she could hear animals calling. Looking at it, she felt a deep, deep sorrow, but heard the sound of people laughing, and laughed along with them despite herself.

“What is that—” Facing Asra again, she stopped when she saw another hut behind him. This one was bigger than the first, the front of it almost completely covered in plants. The creature that had been in her lap was standing in front of the hut, waving its orange tail. Behind the hut was a small oasis, palm trees bending in the wind. From this hut, music played, a song she knew in her heart, the lyrics leaving her tongue without a thought. Tears sprung to her eyes, and a horribly homesick feeling washed over her.

Standing, she started to walk towards the hut, but it shimmered, like a mirage, and she paused. When she turned again, there was yet another hut, the smallest of the three, and Asra stood in front of it.

“This is mine.” He was a long way in the distance, yet his voice still sounded like it was next to her. “My part of the memory. The others are yours.”

“As.” Alec’s cheeks were wet, and she wrapped her arms around herself, storm clouds gathering above her head. “Where are we?”

“Far from home.”

Her voice wavered. “Where is home?”

“You’re home, Allie. To me, you are home.”

A sob broke from Alec’s chest and thunder rumbled. “Where is my home? Where are you? Where is my family?” As rain started to fall around her, mixing with her tears, she felt her feet leave the sand, her body rising into the air. “Why did you all leave me alone?” Her voice rose, echoing across the desert around her, stirring up enough sand to erase all three huts, and Asra, from her sight.

Something bumped into her leg, and she glanced down to see the creature looking up at her. It put its paw on her foot, and slowly, she floated back to the ground, holding its gaze. When she was seated again, it pressed its forehead to hers, and she closed her eyes, hearing its voice in her head.

I know you are frustrated. Soon, there will be a crossroads.

“How soon? Where will they go?”

It depends on which one you take.

“Which one should I take?”

A pause. I can’t tell you that, cub.

“Ravah,” she whispered, the name leaving her lips before she could think it, as her hands dug into soft fur. “I’m scared.”

She felt a sense of calm wash over her, the darkness behind her eyes deepening.

I know. But you’ll be okay. We are all waiting for you.

Who is “we,” she wanted to ask, but she was slipping into a deep sleep faster than she could control.

Sleep, the voice, Ravah, said, and Alec did.

When she woke up, the sun just beginning to rise, she remembered none of her dream, thankful that at least her head wasn’t hurting. She knew from the dried tears on her cheeks that she had been in another nightmare, but as long as she didn’t remember it, that was fine with her.

***

Wrapping her pink dupatta around her head, Alec stuck as close to the shadows as she could while she traveled to the marketplace. The scent of myrrh was still following her from when she left the shop, and though it was normally an earthy, comforting smell, it had her on edge. Her head felt a bit loose, like it normally did whenever she had a lapse in memory, and it had frightened her enough to double-back to the shop, afraid she had forgotten to lock it.

She was already nauseous over the thought of traversing the marketplace to meet up with the escort the Countess would be sending; she didn’t need the added anxiety on her shoulders of the thought that someone else could break into the shop while she was gone.

The sun was still rising steadily when she reached the marketplace, and aside from the vendors, it was almost empty. Thankful that the marketplace was still fairly quiet, she ducked into Selasi’s bakery, sighing blissfully when the myrrh in her nose was replaced with the scent of baked goods. She smelled pumpkin, cinnamon, and nutmeg, and though her nerves were jittery from being in the marketplace at all, the smell and warmth of the bakery gave her some comfort.

“Alec?” Selasi walked over to her, glancing around them as he wiped his hands on his apron. “You came by yourself this morning?”

“Um, yeah, I did. Asra’s…” She paused, and Selasi gave her a soft smile.

“On another one of his mysterious adventures?”

She nodded, hand falling to her side to fiddle with the golden tassels that hung around her hip. “Yeah.”

Selasi nodded in response, a thoughtful hum on his lips. Aside from Asra, Selasi was the only person in the city that Alec could stand to spend time with. She assumed it had something to do with the smell of his food, in the past three years, nothing made her feel more at home and comfortable than the smell of the bakery, or the taste of his pumpkin bread.

Often, Asra would leave Alec in the bakery while he went around the rest of the marketplace, and she would be content to watch the baker as he worked. He even let her help every once in a while, and one time, when Asra was gone, Selasi had let it slip that he knew Alec, before the accident.

When she froze in her spot, fearing a backlash of some sort, he had just continued on, telling her about her own pumpkin bread recipe, and how distinct the two of them were. Distinct, but equally delicious, he claimed.

“If you ever ran your own bakery, I’d be in trouble,” he said, and winked at her, and she smiled—for once, her head not hurting over a memory being given back to her.

Selasi’s hand on hers brought her back to the present, and she glanced down to see a cup filled with hot chocolate. As she gave him a small smile of thanks, he put his hands on his hips, raising a dark eyebrow. “Now, what mysterious adventure could you be on that would bring you to the marketplace on your own, hm?”

Right. The Palace. Alec took a careful sip of her drink, watching steam rise from the cup. “I… Well, when the Countess herself shows up at your door inviting you to the palace, you can’t exactly say no.” She tried to laugh, but it came out shakier than she meant it to, mouth settling into a frown.

“She did?” Selasi whistled, walking back towards the oven. “I guess that would explain the rumors that have been traveling around the vendors this morning.”

“Rumors?”

“Well, for one, a carriage from the palace was seen late last night leaving Center City, and this morning, the Countess’s head servant, Portia, has been about the marketplace. Are you supposed to be meeting anyone?”

Taking another sip, Alec nodded. “The Countess said she would send an escort to meet me; help me get to the palace.”

“I’d bet that would be Portia.” Opening the oven, Selasi pulled out a few loaves of pumpkin bread, and set one aside, handing it to Alec. “Here. I’m sure you haven’t eaten yet.”

Cheeks warm, Alec took the bread, breaking off a piece. “Not yet. How did you know?”

“I just had a feeling you would be stopping by, and when you’re all twisted up with nerves, you tend not to eat—you and Asra both, to be fair.” He laughed, shaking his head. “You two would always show up halfway through the day with rumbling stomachs and wide eyes.”

Alec paused at that, a small twinge of pain going through her head. He was referring to the before, when she was someone else. It reminded her that she really didn’t know just how long she had been friends with Asra. He would never give her a time, just that he had known her before the accident. That knowledge made her sad, and she focused on her bread again, trying to bury her thoughts before they dug deeper into her memories and only hurt her more.

If Selasi noticed her wince, he didn’t comment on it, only steering the conversation elsewhere, and Alec was grateful for it.

All too soon, she finished the bread and hot chocolate, and as she slid a few coins into the pocket of Selasi’s apron—it was a bit of a game they played, slipping money back and forth so the other wouldn’t notice—he pointed out the bakery window.

“There she is! That’s Portia, just across the way.”

Alec’s heart leapt into her throat as she turned to look, and through the steady current of people passing by, she saw a head of bright red hair. Portia, she assumed, was talking to some of the vendors across the street. Before she could talk herself out of it, Selasi pushed her to the door, and she was out in the marketplace again.

Swallowing hard, Alec pulled her dupatta even tighter around her face, and dug her fingers into her skirt, stepping into the flow of people, carefully making her way over to Portia. The shorter woman was balancing a basket of pomegranates on her hip as Alec approached, and spoke to herself, counting errands off on her fingers.

“Um—” Alec started, but it didn’t seem like she heard her. “Excuse me—”

Still mumbling to herself, Portia took a step back, not seeing Alec, and bumped into her, the pomegranates spilling into the street.

“Oh, perfect,” Portia groaned, sinking to the ground. “As if I wasn’t already late.”

Biting her lip, Alec crouched down next to her, working quickly to grab the runaway fruits before they were all trampled or lost. When she grabbed the last one and turned back to Portia to hand it to her, she was surprised to see her already staring at Alec, a warm smile on her face, blue eyes crinkled at the corners.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know. I bumped into you, after all.”

Alec shrugged, feeling a warmth spread across her cheeks. “I was trying to get your attention, and I guess, in a roundabout, inconvenient way, it worked.”

“Ooh, you were trying to get my attention, huh?” Portia’s smile spread into a grin, and she stood, holding her hand out to Alec. “Well, you definitely have it now, honey. How can I help you?”

Taking her hand, Alec noticed how strong her grip was, the callouses on her hands. For the Countess’s favorite servant, she seemed used to hard work, something Alec admired. When she finally tore her gaze from Portia’s hand, she cleared her throat.

“You… you are Portia, aren’t you?”

Portia nodded. “Yep!”

“Selasi pointed you out, I, uh, I think I’m supposed to meet you. To head to —”

“Ah!” Portia’s surprised yell cut her off. “You’re Alec, right?”

“Y-yes—”

“Wow, you really are just like Miri described.” Portia grinned, reaching out to tap the beauty mark on Alec’s chin lightly. “Down to the details.”

Alec was sure her face was bright red, but she just nodded. “S-so, the palace, the Countess—”

Adjusting the basket on her hip again, Portia turned. “Come on, I know the fastest way to the palace.”

***

Maybe three-years-ago-Alec would have thought differently, but today-Alec was sure she had never climbed more stairs in her life.

She wasn’t by any means weak, she could still lift Asra over her head with little effort, but the repetition of climbing stairs was starting to take its toll on her, her body crying with every step she took. Portia took pity on her, letting her rest a few times on their ascent, but she never seemed to lose energy.

As the sky began to darken, they reached the top of the stairs, the Palace looming in front of them.

Before they had even reached the gates, Alec’s head began to ache, and she stumbled back, tipping dangerously close to the stairs.

“Whoa!” Portia grabbed her wrist, pulling her back. “Are you alright?”

Alec pressed her hand to her forehead, gritting her teeth. “I’m… I think I’m just dehydrated, I…”

With a shaking breath, she held her hand out, and focused hard on pulling water from the air into her palm. Bringing it to her mouth to drink, she closed her eyes for a moment. The headache eased, but only slightly. It was enough for her to right herself again, and she turned to apologize to Portia, but her blue eyes were wide, staring at Alec as if she had just transformed into something mystical.

“Wow!”

“Um.” Alec tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be, that was amazing!” Portia laughed. “You know, Alec, I’m glad you’re here.”

“R-really?”

They continued to walk towards the Palace gates, and Portia nodded. “The Countess needs good help, and well, you definitely seem like good help.”

Gods, I hope so, Alec thought, but she just smiled at Portia. “Thank you. And thank you for leading me here in the first place. I don’t know if I could have made it by myself.”

“Oh, you would have been fine!” Portia glanced behind them. “I know those stairs can be pretty tough, but you’re pretty tough yourself.” She gave Alec a wink, and Alec felt her cheeks warm again.

She hadn’t meant the stairs, really. Alec was sure that if she had been made to go to the Palace alone, she just would not have gone, the sheer volume of the crowds of people milling about enough to spark her anxiety. It would have only taken a rogue glance, or a whisper from one passerby, to convince Alec that she would be better holed up in her shop, like she always was.

Before she could think of anything to say in reply, Portia was introducing her to the two guards at the gate, Ludovico and Bludmila, and they were opening the gates for her and Portia.