#seeking support

@whumpgifathon Day 16: I Don’t Feel So Good

Passing Out

The Flash 1x2 Fastest Man Alive

It's not wrong as in bad. But perhaps your reasoning might be incorrect?

I don't know what your reason/s is/are, but common ones tend to be things like feeling like a nuisance, feeling embarrassed, feeling inferior in some way, or strong desire for autonomy and independence.

Needing extra support doesn't make someone inferior. Besides, neurotypicals (and non-autistic neurodivergents) aren't a monolith. The idea that they are always capable of everything and we are not isn't fair or true. Everyone needs help at some point or another. This might be because it's a hard task for them to do alone, something they're less familiar with doing, or because they're feeling tired or unwell or have an injury that makes it harder to do alone. And sometimes people just want a bit of help! There are lots of things that someone might be fully capable of doing by themselves, but sometimes it's nicer to have help, and sharing the work eases the load.

If you tend to consistently have more difficulties than the people around you, that's also not a negative thing. The world is not really built for our brains, and many things that we're expected to do are overwhelming in some way. This might mean not being able to do something without support, or it might mean being capable of doing the task but then suffering consequences that aren't worth the effort (which might mean that, to avoid negative consequences, it's best to have support). All we can ask of ourselves is to do our best, and part of that also includes doing our best to manage our needs appropriately so that we aren't struggling too much or suffering from the aftereffects of pushing ourselves too hard. Ending up in a state of burnout will make things even worse, so if support is needed to avoid that happening, it is best to accept/ask for the support that's needed.

It's common for people to feel like a nuisance if they have to ask for help or accept help from others. It's best to assume that if people are offering help it's because they are genuinely willing to give it. Think about any time you've helped someone - has the offer to help or the agreement to help usually been genuine? Have you ever appreciated being given the chance to help someone, or wished that someone who needed help with something would confide in you and give you an opportunity to help them? There's no reason to think that people would feel differently towards helping you than you do helping them.

It might help to think about how you'd feel about other people needing the support, and perhaps even trying to explain to someone else why you feel they deserve the support (then applying that to yourself!).

It's fair to want to be able to do things for yourself, or to want to have control over things to an extent that makes it hard to accept help (or someone else's input/interference, as that can be what it feels like). But, as explained above, everyone needs help at some time or another. There are often ways to ask for help whilst maintaining control, particularly if the person supporting you understands the importance of autonomy. Sometimes getting support at first might mean that someone becomes more able to do that particular thing independently, but humans are social creatures so there's no shame in needing help with things.

There are some situations in which people are obliged to support you. In school or at work, for example, there are often laws that mean that if you are disadvantaged due to disability, they have to make reasonable adjustments to enable you to do the work without having to struggle more than everyone else. Asking for the things you need not only benefits you, but it would benefit other disabled students/employees/service users (because it makes people more aware of the kinds of difficulties someone might have and what things could mitigate those disabilities). If the lights are changed in a space you use because you requested it, or if you are allowed to wear sunglasses inside, someone else might either benefit without having had to raise the issue, or might be aware that they could also wear sunglasses. So, although you have every right to ask for individual support, it might also help sometimes to recognise that by normalising asking for support you're contributing towards making things easier and more inclusive for other people. If there's any other reason you feel you'd like to discuss or get some reassurance with, feel free to respond to this however you want, and maybe I or someone else will have something else to add.

I hope my growth journey could be inspiring and exciting for you too, and my desire to delight and please others could push me to get huge and push you over the edge to orgasm again and again! 💪😋

(Technical edit: I don’t know if you can choose more than one option, so please feel free to comment down there, of you think more than one idea should work well in your opinion!)

We won’t make rent next month, and probably won’t have enough for groceries to last this month (our EBT may also be cut off). We also have his dad and our dog to support/feed.

Please, anything will help.

@not-southern-41 (Venmo)

@notsouthern41 (CashApp)

I can also take commissions for watercolor, wood burning, string art, fleece tie blankets, or chainmail art/jewelry if barter makes anyone feel more inclined to donate! (I have more pictures too)