#secondgeneration

ms marvel is an absolutely stellar show. im a pakistani 2nd gen kid who sees absolutely no representation in the media, —sans the dramas mom is always watching— so this means a lot to me. glad they decided to adapt this into the mcu, since i happen to be into the mcu, and especially because i never wouldve known about it if they didnt. 

im pretty detached from my culture, im pretty whitewashed, i do admit that, i cant even speak my own language(s). but ms marvel did sorta help me feel a bit better about it- more the music aspect, but thats smth else. i mean- i was never ashamed of my culture, but still.

when my sister first said something about seeing a trailer for ms marvel, i was skeptical, i didnt think it’d be that good, even if it was mcu. i feel like it was mainly about her powers and representation. but they were absolutely great with both of that

all the characters are just so <333, i dont even know how to explain it, brunos probably my favorite. i felt so bad for him in that scene with mr kumquat (thats what i call kamran- ill explain) and kamala in episode six </3 poor dude.

my least favorite character was probably kamran, not because everyone is so bad at saying his name, but i just didnt vibe w him. maybe its cause he just showed up coming out of a pool at a random party our of nowhere? idk

now that i think of it my real least favorite characters were najima and the dodc characters, like cmon, theyre just children, wth?

nakia is a complete girlboss, (ew, that word) the only thing i didnt like about her was the fact that she made it seem like kamala was obligated to tell her about her powers and stuff

and kamala is just so adorable and relatable lmao. especially with the “its not usually the brown girls in jersey city” line, like i dont even live in jersey, but still.

the only part that was eh about the cultural/ethnic stuff was how they said kamran and kamalas names. like bro, cmon, just call him cameron at this point yk? i basically call him mr kumquat and cameron just for fun, since they dont really say it correctly anyways. them saying kamalas name wrong wasnt as bad though, dunno why, maybe becuase they werent that off.

episode five was just so great? like sure, it wasnt present time most the episode, but still. i obviously wasnt there during the partition, but i feel like the episode encapsulated it so well- like the tragedy of it all and stuff??? i dont know why or how, but it does.

the line with kamala speaking to kamran in the bubble(?) thing in episode 6 is just so damn great... i forgot the line. but it was something about there being no normal.

and the tiktok part near the end of the sixth episode may have been kinda cringy, but it was cute too.

but anyways, this show means a lot to me, kinda upset that we gotta wait a whole year to see kamala again. but at least i got my sister to buy me volume one of the comics today! 

#57

It was a dark, rainy night...

My parents and I watched the The Wedding Banquet and Eat Drink Man Woman last night. I didn’t think anyone would have interest in seeing these films with me but, to my surprise, my dad was pretty enthusiastic about it :).

There’s so many nuances in the Asian culture that is hard to explain so I really appreciate story telling that captures our essence and values...especially when it has to do with being Asian American or first/second generation. Sometimes I watch to see if the characters are relatable...maybe hoping to see if my experiences are portrayed in a way that can help me understand myself. Most of the times, I’m seeking to better understand the traditional way of thinking. I often wonder what my shortcomings are when it comes to being an Asian daughter. I feel bad my parents had to assimilate in order to fit in. I wonder what ways of thinking they didn’t want to but had to give up in order to make others comfortable. I wonder if I can give them permission to be the person they want to be and not who they think they need to be because they are in America. 

I have a lot of thoughts about being Asian. One of them revolves around secrecy and stoicism. The films we watched did a great job highlighting how children hide things from the parents in order to avoid disappointing them. And parents hide things from their children to protect their feelings. I find when I talk to my American friends, they prefer to be direct and find it inefficient to beat around the bush. I see where they’re coming from but I don’t think it’s wrong to be indirect. Just like I don’t think there’s a “right” way to live. We’re all raised in different environments that hold different values. Who’s to say your way of thinking is better than mine? My way of thinking may make you uncomfortable, but I’m allowed to have my own process, just as you are allowed to have yours. We just have to find a way to live in harmony with each other. Asian culture may seem indirect and steer away from conflict...but the beauty behind this is that we do it to avoid burdening others...it’s a love language. You could argue that honesty is the best policy. I also value this - I would love to be looped in and understand the burden someone is choosing to carry for me without my knowledge. What if it was unnecessary? What if a simple conversation could resolve the issue and make both parties happier?  I’d love to be in a world where being honest and direct is easy. But I also see so much value in being indirect and soft spoken. I’ve had family give me the kindest reality checks. The way they speak to me has so much thoughtfulness and love. Maybe they get through to me by telling me a story that parallels my life or sweetly volunteer ideas based on their experiences. It requires me to be much more attentive and read in between the lines, but it gets the job done.  In the right context we can become more emotionally intelligent and trusting from this exercise. 

My dad is very stoic and a man of little words. He’s someone who doesn’t even want to call T-mobile to tell them that they wrongly charged him. But I know if he’s not speaking up, he’s either protecting someone or he’s protecting his own energy and peace. I know when he’s hurt even when he doesn’t tell me. I see him without him having to jump up and down to get my attention. And I hear him without him having to yell. I don’t think he should have to express himself in a way that makes him uncomfortable in order to be heard. As someone who loves him, I think its my job to allow him to live in this world the way he feels most authentic. He’s the king of avoiding and I understand that he can grow if he ventures out his comfort zone...but I’m not about to try to school an ex-refugee on what going out of their comfort zone can do for them...I think he’s done it enough for 10 lifetimes. My biggest fear with secrecy is that it could mean we may leave this earth without truly getting to know one another. However, I think if we deeply understand each others’ intentions, our hearts would learn to trust intention and not need to rely on obvious expressions or physical cues to understand one another.

Character Ref sheets for my fanfiction: Amber Stars Above.

via :