#school funny

Later in 3rd hour (our school schedule is weird I have 1st hour English then band or choir then more English.) The same teacher was explaining how to turn in our canva presentations into Google classroom. She asked if anyone had used the book creator website (of course I'm the only one) I raised my hand and then I realized that she was attaching the Chromebook to the projector. 💀 I was praying to God that she wouldn't show my wallpaper. and ofc it's Kit Connor and Joe Locke. Posing. Together. That's how you get bullied in middle school. This is my Chromebook wallpaper

-it’s a sign from tik tok. or god. 

-“it’s 5 o’clock somewhere” stop making excuses and day drink like an adult 

-what if we kissed under the “tax this dick” flag… 

-gonna use my Penn State wrestling meet towel as a cum rag

-post-sex Sunny D actually fucking slaps, like I’ll drink that shit like a baby calf on a teat 

-*clocks in for work* *immediately throws up into the garbage can right by the register*

*manager, also hungover, wearing dark sunglasses and a hood* yeah 

-I’m taking five stem classes, be gentle with me 

-i’m confused, do tits not count as a fake ID anymore?

-all the freshman walking to the bars reminds me of the Mii plaza

-*glaring at rival school* look at this school and tell me there’s a god 

-he was making LinkedIn profiles and scary things like that 

-something about potato salad just scratches an itch in my soul

-why do I lie so much 

-tonight’s anxiety: I will never be loved 

-I keep forgetting RA’s are actual students. Saw mine passed out in a bush last night 

-if y’all showed up to lectures the same way you showed up to the bars on Tuesday nights, we’d be an Ivy League 

-some kid was wearing a UC shirt at target today so I told him Santa wasn’t real 

-the university is freaking out about the omicron variant, but how is it gonna get in without two factor duo mobile authentication?

-nothing more humbling than failing an open note quiz 

-I just got door dash, I’m not even drunk I’m just fat 

-why does everyone do coke now 

-how do you know i’m a business major? Is it because I’m a straight white man? Because that’s low key kinda rude–

You looked around the room when you introduced yourself. 

Oh. Right.

Me: *clicks the “override I am correct” button*

Quizlet:

Me: uh hey this kid called me a homophobic slur-

she was excited and i was bored, so i said “sure.” i said, “as long as i get to act as fucking wild as i want.”

she said, “okay, ellie.” she said, “that’s fine, ellie.”

so.

she makes the lemonade, i bake some rainbow cookies and carry out the table and two chairs. we set up the sign, and i go to get changed.

i come back in a flowy skirt and an extravagant crop-top, a wine glass filled with arizona ice tea, huge, round sunglasses i just bought at target, and a big floppy sun hat. i sit in my chair, looking gay, drinking my ice tea and looking like a 17yo wine aunt. we get a few customers who are all, “oh, it’s so nice to see people out in the open!” “oh, it’s been so long since i’ve seen a lemonade stand.” “wow, you girls are great for doing this!”

the traffic on our street’s slowing down and things are getting a bit dull, so i start cracking jokes. now, you’d never know from looking at her--4″11 2/3, don’t you forget it, blonde hair, blue eyes, all around petit and looking like every good christian girl your mother ever compared you to--but my friend has a dirty sense of humor. 

so.