"Why didn't you tell me?"

It's not an accusation - Eddie knows it's not an accusation. Buck genuinely wants to know the answer - only, Eddie's not so sure that he has one. At least not one that makes complete sense, even as a thought in his mind - and everything always tends to make even less sense once he tries to formulate it out loud.

"I don't know, Buck," he settles for. The porch railing is cool against his temple as he lets it support the weight of his head, his eyes wandering across the dark, silent street. One of the streetlights flicker slightly, and he sees a moth dance its way through the dim light, just for a second - a moment in time. Then it's gone.

"You - you could have, you know," Buck says. "You can - you can tell me anything. I could have... I don't know. I don't know..." Buck trails off, clearly not sure what he actually wants to say. Eddie can't blame him.

"Technically I did tell you," Eddie points out; he hears the monotonous way his voice sounds - although Buck's isn't much better. In between Eddie having spent a week in El Paso, and Buck having been alone with Chris for that same amount of time, they're both exhausted - and should absolutely be asleep. But Eddie had suggested a beer on the front porch, and Buck had accepted - far too aware of how many thoughts Eddie likely had spinning around in his brain after the visit.

And there are a lot - too many - but the one that Eddie had heard spill from his own lips as soon as they had sat down was 'I came out to them. Told them I'm gay.'

Of course, Buck had hugged him, congratulated him - all of that. But then they fell into a comfortable silence, and now they're here, and Buck wants to know - rightfully so - why Eddie hadn't come out to Buck first. They tell each other everything - more or less, at least.

"Well - I - you know what I mean, though - not that you don't have the right to do this how you want, I just - I guess - I just..." Eddie turns his head to look at him, waiting patiently for him to make his way through the stuttering and get to the point. Finally, he sighs and seems to collect his thoughts, looking at Eddie through the dim porch light. "I don't want you to think that it would have changed anything."

“I know that,” Eddie assures him. “Truth is I hadn’t planned on telling them, I - that’s not why I went.” It’s a half truth at best. Eddie hadn’t planned on coming out to them, but he had gone with the intention of… coming out to himself. Accepting himself. “Well, I - I went to accept myself, and I thought I might do it, but I wasn’t sure,” he gets out before he has enough time to stop himself. 

Telling Buck lies or half truths has never been Eddie’s strong suit - it never feels good. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t come out to Buck first - because telling Buck ‘I’m gay’ without following it up with ‘and I’m in love with you’ would feel like just that - a half truth. 

Once again, Eddie lets his head drop to the railing, but now his head is turned so that his eyes are on Buck - dancing across the view of his profile, the orange porch light pouring across his features. His birthmark. The slight bump in his nose. His lips. Everything that made Buck Buck. 

“So it’s not ‘cause of me?” Buck asks, dipping his head, a slight, nervous smile on his face as he picks it back up and looks at Eddie. It’s on the tip of Eddie’s tongue to assure him that no - it’s not because of Buck. But once again - that would be a lie. And Eddie can’t lie to Buck. 

“Buck,” Eddie says his name on a heavy exhale as he pushes himself to sit back up, the half-empty bottle of beer hanging in between his fingers as he copies Buck’s previous movement of dropping his head. He can’t look at Buck when he says what he’s about to say, though - so instead he stares back out into the street. Pointedly trying to ignore the way he can feel Buck’s eyes on the side of his face. “I didn’t tell you I’m gay because... I wasn’t ready to find out how you would react to the next part of that confession.” 

Finally, he turns to look at Buck. Buck - whose face goes through about three different emotions in the span of ten seconds. Eddie hears the crickets sing, but he doesn’t mind them - the silence isn’t uncomfortable. Especially not when Buck’s face settles into something... soft. Something like an ‘oh’. 

“Oh,” Buck indeed voices. “Eddie, I...”

“It’s okay - like you said. Doesn’t have to change anything.” 

“No, I-” Buck immediately objects. “I want it to - change, I just... it’s not that I don’t feel the same way, I do.” 

“I - you do?” Eddie questions. Buck gives him a nod. 

“I just think I need some time.” Eddie thinks he can feel his entire soul relax. Let go. 

home sweet home

Summary - A glimpse of Patrick and David moving into the cottage.

Omg YES THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME AN OPPORTUNITY TO ANSWER THE CLOWN ONE lmao

🤡 What’s the dumbest thing you’ve written?

i have about 4k of a disney’s descendants AU languishing in my WIP folder and honestly it’s so dumb but i love descendants so much and i am determined to one day finish it for its target audience of me. Look, i dont make the rules here, but the characters slot into that movie SO EASILY and i cant wait for the muse to return on this dumbass wip!

🤔 What’s one genre you’ve never written that you’d like to try?

Okay I answered this one the other day and then immediately remembered — magical realism!!! It’s my favorite genre. Like half of my all-time favorite books are magical realism. i desperately want to give it a shot, im just waiting for the right idea.

And not a genre but a trop in that same vein — time loops! I have an idea for a time loop for an original work, but i really want to write something for SC too!

💕 What is the WIP that you are most excited about?

My long wip (the superhero AU that… who knows if/when i’ll ever finish 😩) and the alternate ending for I’d Swing With You for the Fences that has been percolating for like, a year now.

Thanks so much for these, this was fun!!

(i’m answering the right ones this time)

5. Share a snippet that you’re proud of from an upcoming fic/chapter.

(from the proposal au)

Once outside the immigration building, David shoved Patrick into the nearest alley. His back hit a brick wall, hard, and he was about to start yelling before David beat him to the punch. “What the fuck was that in there? If you think I’m going anywhere near your family—”

9. Are there any fics you’d love to see but don’t want to write yourself? What are they?

literally every single idea that i have. i want the passive dopamine of reading not the active dopamine of writing.

17. What has been the proudest moment for you so far since you started writing?

9. favorite smell in the summer?

BBQ I think is my favorite, I don't really grill a lot (mostly because I'm lazy) but I live with a lot of neighbours close by and it always smells really good cause they'll grill meat like every single night during the summer months (they've already started a bit lol)

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

(This was very difficult.) I know that I'm a good writer (at times, not all the time - but I think that's the case of most of us). I grew up on horseback, so I'm generally pretty good at that, although I haven't done it in years. I used to shoot archery for a bit, not really for long enough to become really good at it, but I was okay, and it's sort of an odd skill I guess? Cooking is another talent that I just have but don't use lol

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

thank you!!! :)

15: Have any pets?

not that live with my currently, but i consider my cat Chester to be mine even if he lives with my parents.

32: What is your favourite color?

purple!!

34: Who/what was your last dream about?