#sammyverse

OK THE TRIFECTA OF SAMMYVERSE POSTS IS COMPLETE. i have been giggling about this one since i sketched it out >:]c

I was actually just thinking about this because I’m watching season one and season nine simultaneously and I think while the differences in their past/current relationship is so stark it does highlight how consistent the way they love each other is. 

Dean has lived a life without Sam and he knows that life with Sam is better. He’s the child that rested his head against his mother’s stomach to feel his brother’s kick against his hand, who stood guard by his crib every night fascinated by his little fingernails and the way he reached out for him. He sees Sam and thinks “I will never let anything hurt you. I love you and my world is complete with you.” and then spends the rest of his life making sure that he is never without him again. It’s why he chooses to leave the boy home, why he makes the crossroads deal, why he lets an angel enter his brother despite the fact that Sam begged death to let him leave, finally because Dean will always choose the world where Sam is in it, or he will die. It’s beyond compulsion but also it’s not something I think he could ever shake himself from. I think he hates himself a little for loving Sam that way but it’s also the most enduring constant in his life. He doesn’t need Sam to love him, in the end, he just needs him to be alive. 

I think this is heavily contrasted with Sam whose entire idea of love and being loved is built around Dean. Sam has never lived a life without Dean or his love, so whenever that love is threatened or removed he is immediately destabilized. I don’t think Sam has ever really internalized that he is the person that Dean loves the most because everything he does in relation to Dean is about apologizing for how inconvenient he is. I think the fact that his greatest regret is the way that he’s let down Dean shows how he thinks that love is something that can be lost, he doesn’t have a lot of faith in it’s unconditional nature which is fair because Dean has worked hard to put up the illusion that his eternal love is something that can be lost because of the way he’s handled the inconvenience of Sam’s evolution as a person.  The way Sam loves Dean is by understanding him and  justifying him even when he’s not a person that Sam always likes. I feel like Sam understands Dean in a way that no one can, or honestly, is willing to. I think that Sam is never surprised by the depths of Dean’s flaws because he has spent a lifetime making sure that there isn’t an aspect of Dean that he can’t love. I think he finds security in being fully understood so the way he loves is fully understanding.