#same foods

Because of my autism, I really dislike change, including changes in tastes. I would literally eat the same three meals over and over again every day if I could (and actually I usually do). 

But Sriracha is a strong flavor, so if you put it on something, that thing then just tastes like Sriracha. SOOOO, everything with sriracha on it tastes the same if you use enough. 

What are the foods that you eat all the time?

“Hey fellow Reid kinnies, come get your food”

He loves having long hair mainly because when he runs around, it flops up and down and that just feels real stimmy and cool

He might wear it up if he’s overstimulated

He doesn’t really listen to music, but his special interest in older foreign books and films ended up extending to that

Every once in a while, he listens to the scores of the films he likes

This man cannot deal with his emotions for the life of him

Him firing his gun for the first time is a good example

He just didn’t know how to react to the fact that he had just shot a guy

He also has dyspraxia

He’s just constantly bumping into stuff and accidentally hurting himself

He HATES doing police chases (FBI chases??)

It’s sensory hell and he’s just getting knocked around the car and it makes him want to cry

He has sensory issues with light

When he is subjected to the horrible time of police chases, he has to wear sunglasses to not have a meltdown from the lights on the car and everything outside the car going past so quickly

He has a pretty general special interest in research so every couple weeks or so he picks up a new special interest to study

He’s gone through fungi (canon), skeletons, the history of coffee, trees, psychology of children and teens, nutrition (did not stop him from exclusively eating ritz crackers when working on cases), Greek history, etc.

He has never really been able to mask and it made him super happy when he learned that Emily liked that about him

CHICKEN TENDERS that u get from a restaurant!

Snapple Iced Tea

Simply Choice Beef Merlot Frozen Dinner

Starbucks Pink Drink

"...As we unpacked the food, Brooke asked where her rice was. I realized, much to my dismay, that I’d forgotten to order it, and apologized to her.

She got upset. Really upset.

Luau offered to get some of the Japanese rice that we always have on hand at home, but it wasn’t the Mexican kind that she wanted.

I apologized again, feeling awful about forgetting it. I reminded her that while she wouldn’t have the rice that she had thought she’d be getting, her dad was now in the kitchen getting her a different type of rice that she also liked. I told her that we’d definitely remember it next time. That we could even go and get some the next day, when the restaurant would be open again. None of it seemed to help.

The next part of the conversation was one of those watershed moments. The kind that, for me, at least, seem to happen at the oddest, simplest times. The kind that hit me like a ton of bricks. The kind after which nothing is the same.

“Brooke,” I said, “is it really that big a deal?”

She nodded her head and said, "Uh uh.”

“Reeeeally?” I asked. “Do you reeeeeally think it’s like … a complete disaster that you didn’t get rice?”

And that’s when she said the words that made it a conversation I will never forget.

“It is to me.”

It. Is. To. Me.

I have long said that my mission as a parent is to do my level best to guide my girls from the inside out. To approach them not only with the eye of an observer, but with the best possible understanding that I can muster of their perspective.

My job is to give them the tools they need to manage big feelings, not to legislate to them what feels big and what doesn’t. And I sure as heck can’t help them figure out how to navigate anything at all if I’m going to insist on minimizing or dismissing their reactions or telling them that what they feel isn't appropriate or proportionate or real. That’s not how feelings work.

Change in expectation is hard. Emotional agility is hard. Managing disappointment is hard. Put them all together and even if it’s ‘only’ about rice, it’s a big damned deal. Once we acknowledge that, *then* we can work on how to get through it without getting leveled by it.

I apologized again, for two things now. I asked Brooke if she remembered some of the strategies that she’d learned that can help her in moments like this. She told me about how Kai-Lan finds her calm when she’s frustrated. I told her that sounded like a really good plan. And as we talked, I opened my dinner and found that it had come with a side of rice. I scooped it onto her plate, grateful for so much more than the rice."

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And as we approach Autism Awareness Month, as Autism $peaks prepares its ever present "Light It Up Blue" and "Cure Autism" campaigns, as paaarents of disabled kids and Autism Moms like Warrior Moms and Martyr Mommies get ready to lie about how they love their kids, let's keep in mind that listening to the marginalized minorities is more important than pretending to be our ally. And helping us achieve our goals, however personal, is more important than dismissing our wants and needs with "but does it really matter" for the long term emotional impact.

Especially samefoods.