#ryujinrk

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀  PAUSE, REWIND ⭯ ››  7월 29일 , I KNOW WHEN THAT HOTLINE BLING 📱

[ TW: MENTION OF INJURY, IMPLIED PANIC ATTACK, *CAPTAIN AMERICA V/O* LANGUAGE ]

“i think you should quit.”

it’s not the first time he’s heard those words coming from his sister’s lips, not the first time she’s said it since he signed up for the mgas again, not the first time he’s sat with his back to the wall in his apartment, the waning moonlight the only source of light in the room as he sighs, head thunking against drywall as he leaves her unanswered. he wishes the time difference was greater, that his sister didn’t work in an industry where she’s awake at the same hours of him, ironically working as late as early morning. usually, it ends the same way. usually, it’s him once again telling her “i don’t know what you want me to say, han.”

an echo because of how empty the room is, because he’s isolated himself for the nth time. because he used to think he was lonely in nova because of the competitiveness but it was also him. a large part of it falls on him, on how he let everything get into his head while giving off the impression there is nothing in his head, no substance to his mind and soul when really he carries it all on his shoulders.

maybe that’s what happened to his shoulder in the past. it wasn’t just because he wasn’t letting himself properly heal for the sake of being signed, for continuing to dance, to live the lifestyle he kept up with. it was because he kept all that tension up there too, gloom in his headspace until it clouded his judgment. that was what turned his vision to black and white.

“are you listening to me?”

a deep sigh. in, out. “yeah.”

“are you sighing at me? you’re lucky i—”

he tunes her out and it’s unlike him. choi minho, who grew up being told that he should listen to every word a woman has to say, every word any person has to say because their opinion is important. it’s theirs, it has merit, it ought’a be heard but this? this? he doesn’t want to hear it again. over and over again, his sister is always right. she can do no wrong.

it’s out of love. he knows that, he knows this, so why is it so hard? his sister who he’s admired for so long even if she thinks that he prefers jake. his sister, who was the first one to show up to one of his dance competitions and scream til she lost her voice so he wouldn’t be sad that his parents couldn’t come, that their father refused to come even though he could, even though he was the only parent in the country at the time. his sister came, holding chris’ hand and insisting he couldn’t let go no matter how embarrassing it is. that’s how she is. headstrong, protective, because he’s not the only one who had to grow up at a young age.

if anyone knows about carrying weight on their shoulders, it’s her.

he realizes, that’s why it’s difficult. he doesn’t know how to tell her that she doesn’t understand when she’s tried the hardest in their whole family to understand him as far back as he could remember.

“—members are coaches and olivia. are you fucking kidding me, mason? you can’t tell me you’re not making goo-goo ga-ga eyes at her like the lovesick fool that you are. i’veseen you.”

hands rubbing over his face, he feels the pressure in his chest, how it rises up his throat and lodges itself right there until he can’t breathe. again, inhale, exhale.

come on, one more time. inhale, exhale.

you can do it, he tells himself, in and out—

shit, fuck.

no, he can’t and the way he struggles sounds like forced chuckling. it feels like it could be if he pulled it off, if he pulled off making it sound like he was just laughing, because it must be a joke. he is the joke and, who knows, maybe that clown wig really foreshadowed the rest of his future on the show.

everything his sister says, he already knows. he thought it, felt it, wanted to run from it for a moment because it was overwhelming.

but why, why, just why does he have to hear this from his sister? his brother’s flight is due in a few hours and he’s going with the guys to pick him up. as soon as chris got the confirmation that he could see the show live, he booked the flight. chris is happy for him, for moving onto the next round, regardless of who showed up on that stage as coaches. actually, part of him thinks chris didn’t realize at first, that he doesn’t care because mason says it’s alright.

it comes with being the youngest, he knows that’s why chris wouldn’t do it but it’s right up hannah’s alley but he just— if he could just breathe.

“stop.” his voice is soft, raw, doesn’t sound like him at all. she asks what and all he hears is her saying “i think you should quit” and the reasons she listed on replay. worse than the it’s a small world song and he thinks he’s seconds away from pulling his hair out.

he couldn’t do it. couldn’t listen to her telling him that he’s being stupid again, that he’s setting himself up to fail, that he’s walking right into their trap, that they keep bringing up convex for this moment, for the moment two convex members come out as coaches and he goes from being in the sphere practice rooms to the trc team.

arguments form in his mind but he can’t get them out, like if they really wanted to fuck with him, he’d be on the nova team with sunmi and wendy, who he trained with before debuting in convex. if they really wanted to fuck with him, if they really knew, if sphere did know who he’s dating, he could find out this way, right? what crueler move than to put him in his girlfriend’s team. but he’s not. he’s not so it can’t be, right? having to ask these questions upset him and he could ignore them, keep them buried or toss them out of his mind because he knows better but hannah makes them stick.

her reasons, his rebuttals, they’re stuck, trapped in his mouth as he tries swallowing his pride to just make it through this call so hannah can say her piece and he can be content with the fact that he tried, that he does what he’s been taught to do, that he listened instead of dismissing her thoughts.

but this doesn’t feel right.

it doesn’t feel right, to feel like this because of a loved one. his sister tells him this because she’s concerned, because she loves him, but fuck he forgot how much love can hurt when he’s been sheltered since the moment mijoo first said she likes him and then when she said she loves him. sheltered until the moment he was asked to give her name and he hurt everyone around him. sheltered because he thought he was safe and he spends every week thinking he’s not despite what others say. other contestants, netizens, his friends. being labeled as a supposed golden boy, as a favorite when he knows a lot of it is probably because his participation alone causes drama and invites competitiveness.

another case of damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t.

every week opens him up to comparison, to judgment, to the possibility of elimination, to the reminder that he’s much older now, that he’s older than… all of the contestants left? probably— it opens him up to someone saying if they can keep up with him, if they can beat him, what kind of idol was he? what was the real reason he’s no longer in convex? it’s an exaggeration, more likely, but he knows it’s there, that some contestants see him as the one to beat and then what? what’s next for both of them? for all of them?

what’s next— that’s what his sister doesn’t touch on and she should. that’s an answer he definitely doesn’t have right now. he just wants to know right now, he wants to know that stage, standing in front of all five ceos again, hearing the audience, knowing he hasmore to him, that he can change, that he can grow again and it could work this time. he might make less mistakes along the way this time.

he hears it again, you should quit, and he has the answer. he’s held onto it for years, kept it to himself like some sacred treasure. it’s validation. when he came to seoul, when he moved his whole life for the chance to be on stage, the mgas gave him validation and he could be too desperate for it after having to leave convex but so what?

she’s seen his performance for the skill battle— the one time he could say it without feeling choked up like he is now.

don’t know why i’m pathetic and don’t have nerve.

he doesn’t want to be like that anymore. he doesn’t care in the end if they’re going to make a fool of him. this is for him. this is for mijoo. this is for everyone who believes in him. everything else is just noise. he wants to keep showing that he’s more than what he’s being called, he want his sister to believe he’s still on the show because ofhis performance.

“please, hannah… i need you to trust that i know what i’m doing.”

he has to grow up sometime, handle his own battles, and she needs to let him.

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ PRESS PLAY, BACK TO THE SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING

  ●●●●●●      LAST WEEK, ON THE FOURTH EPISODE OF MGA S5 — 7월 25일      ●●●●●●

those words are weaved with his name again, along with kyul’s and heejin’s, but he doesn’t feel as happy as he wants to be. because top three isn’t the same as number one and he feels guilt settling on his skin the more his feelings unfurl— truthfully, he is happy but he’s happy for nakyung because she won without him, because she proved she is more than her partner, and he feels so fucking relieved when it’s not his burden to bear or he shouldn’t take it on. it is his burden, he thinks, but he shouldn’t let it affect him now, he shouldn’t let it affect his current teammates. because he’s sorry to them, he’s sorry that maybe they thought they’ll get the win because he’s there but they didn’t.

still, he hugs them when they’re told they’re top three, smiles fondly at how kyul and heejin hold hands, and he wants to protect him the same way he wanted to protect nakyung but he can’t. he can’t worry for them at the same time while they’re also each other’s competition and then there’s seunghun. he wants to see seunghun reach the finals too. he wants themall to reach the finals but, even then, there’s a chance none of them could win and he comes to another realization: is he really sorry to them or is he sorry to himself too? is he covering for the fact that he wants to win, wants to stay at number one, but feels ashamed that people think he shouldn’t even be here? he can’t continue to hide his shame or his greed in his fondness for them and so when he talks to both of them after the filming, he apologizes but there’s no welling of his eyes like he’d done when facing seunghun next week.

no, he needs to stay strong, especially after seeing the coaches.

he can’t think about it, he shouldn’t. instead, he places more rules on himself like no looking at his girlfriend even if it’s been months now since he held her, since he got to be with her, since she was this close. she stands closer to jinki and jinwook than to him and he closes his eyes for a second, hears the siren call competing with the background music of convex’s debut song.

he can’t be like this. he can’t. not when he chose this again, to put her through this, to put them through this, he can’t waver when he’s so close. he swears he’ll make it back to standing on the same stage as them again.

standing outside the trc building, he’s unable to take the first few steps closer just like the week before when he was outside sphere. this time, it’s for different reasons. this time, it’s a team he’s working with. this time, they all know at least one person will be eliminated no matter what and he worries he’ll step in there and it’ll be peak competitive hours. what if he walks in and they look at him like he’s poison? he’s choi minho, must be moving onto the finals right? wrong, he wants to tell them all they’re wrong, that he feels the need to fight for his right to be there as much as they do, but that’s not for his team. that’s something he should tell the camera, the audience, something he ought to say to everyone and not just his team who haven’t done anything wrong to him yet.

dinner the night before seemed good. some were shy and some were more outgoing. he’s used to that, feels like he does well in those situations, especially when they’re at the restaurant he used to work at, with his old boss proudly serving them himself and telling stories about how minho was a mess when he started there. he thinks he did a helluva better than his old boss says but he wouldn’t fight with him either, minho adores the old man too much, is fond of him like a genuine uncle, and it makes him more comfortable to be there, to be with his new team for the week. they’re all dancers from what he remembers and while that should be his first hint they’ll be amazing, he knows there’s a chance they could clash over it too.

he’s wrapped up in his thoughts again, standing there at an ungodly hour because he couldn’t sleep and the last thing he expects is for seik and dabin to show up again.

“you guys are like ticks.”

“shit, who peed into your cheerios this morning?”

“it’s barely morning,” seik grimaces, stifling a yawn with his arm before stretching his arms above his head. “when do you sleep?”

“he doesn’t,” dabin says, less jokingly than both minho and seik expect, both looking at him. the youngest shrugs and kicks a stone on the sidewalk. “he did this last week too. it’s like we gotta hold his hand so he goes inside. what would you do without us?” his cheekiness comes back as swiftly as it disappeared for a moment and minho rolls his eyes, reaching out to push dabin away from him.

“i know what i said before,” seik starts off. “but i don’t wanna see you shaking in your boots all the time. you’re making us look bad.”

“yeah, as the official rep of kill.u.strate—”

“woah, woah, woah, who said i’m the official rep?”

“we voted.”

“without me there.”

“same difference.”

he’s laughing and looking up at the sky. the sun’ll rise within the hour, he’s guessing. sunrises and sunsets hit differently now.

“can you go in now since you laughed?”

“we didn’t bring jae so there’s no clown wig in your bag this time.”

“i know it’s there.” there’s a hushed damn from dabin’s direction and minho rolls his eyes once more. “you guys didn’t have to come.”

“you’d do the same.”

“you did the same.”

minho doesn’t look at either of them, knows what they’re referring to and he thinks it’s pointless to bring up now. he made his choice, didn’t go to that starbright audition. yeah, he could’ve maybe signed with nova earlier than he did the first time but who knows if he would’ve made it in anyway? what if it wouldn’t change the outcome and where he is now? who he is now?

all he knows is that he has family and friends who love him and he’d be damned if he doesn’t go in there trying to make more friends despite the competition because he thinks they do or will resent him. it’s not like him. he tells himself this again and decides to go, clapping a hand on both their shoulders before he walks off.

“hyung!” dabin calls out to him and minho knows it like clockwork, turning with a smile and pounding a closed fist against his chest before pointing back. isn’t he letting mnet back into his head every day at this point?

he’d been right about some parts, that there would be a disagreement but it comes down more to their song choice than the choreography or anything else, which is surprising to him. surprising but it feels great too. at least he knows they’re all passionate about it, all have their own opinion, and all want this to work, to work together.

the song is one he thinks of as fun and he enjoys those kind of performances the most. it’s fun but the choreography from the peeks he takes at yeji and hyunggu when they’re working on it while he, ryujin, and chaeryeong work on their raps, reworking and rewriting it to be their own, to be personal, makes him grin because he thinks they might not all have the same styles but they see eye to eye on what the choreography should be for a song like this. that’s all he can ask for, all he wants, and it’s more fun when they work on everything together, the pieces falling in place in a way dancers and choreographers can best communicate: throughmovement.

from icebreakers to shared food to drinks, he thinks little by little they’re becoming more of a team, more of a maybe somewhat dysfunctional family because they’re not all particularly close but he could see it getting there. maybe if they could have more time, maybe if they didn’t have to deal with that looming elimination over their heads despite how well they do.

working with the coaches is different for him and he senses a kind of hesitation or pause when it comes to him. he understands. he’d be the same way at first but he’s also the type to let something go in a second, to brush things off like that, especially the past. minho’s been doing that for so long that he doesn’t think of how it doesn’t necessarily work the same for others so he’s patient, happy when they talk to him without honorifics, without hesitation, and he expresses his appreciation of all of them, as coaches and on the mgas before. age, status, whatever, he thinks he has a chance to learn from anyone at least once in his life.

        ●●●●●●      NEXT ON STAGE, WE ARE YOUR ANTIDOTE,  EP. 5 — 8월 1일      ●●●●●●

their introduction is one he thinks of as cheeky as their performance will be. it’s another dance battle, he realizes, but he hopes the other aspects will make up for it the way they used those differences to help chaeryeong feel comfortable about doing a song by the same artist as her performance the week before.

the set-up is different this week and he has a sense of nostalgia for being able to see everyone in the same room at once, to watch the stage live and mere feet away, when it’s only been a week. it’s like post-concert depression, he’ll call it post-stage depression and chuckle at how he’ll miss filming for the show and it’s not even the last episode yet.

outfits coordinated, choreography perfected, and lyrics memorized, he tries to walk onto the stage last so he can see them all just before they get up there, so he can smile wistfully at how he wishes they had more time: to get to know each other, to work on more songs, to explore all the styles each of them have and learn from each other all over again. he wishes they’ll have another chance to do this again.

nostalgia doesn’t suit the song and after their intros, he changes, he becomes the dancer he was born to be. the performer he’s hoping to continue to be from here on out.

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ WHIPLASH ♫ CHOREOGRAPHY IS SELF-CREATED BY HYUNGGU AND YEJI W/ GROUP CONTRIBUTIONS //  ALL RAPS ARE SELF-WRITTEN BY EACH RAPPER // * DENOTES CHANGED LYRICS NOTE: THE GESTURES & EXPRESSIONS IN VIDEO ARE SIMILAR IF NOT WRITTEN !

he takes the first rap verse, the theme of male vs female dance battle hinted at in their formation, in the color of their clothes, in the choreography, and he wouldn’t tell anyone but he thinks the girls’ choreography has the most impact. he’s the more impressed by it, not because the first part isn’t as great, but because of their formation changes and how theylook performing it. he could imagine them promoting as a group and that alone makes him feel like they’re all getting there, like one of them doesn’t have to go home and they can all move on together. it’d be ideal but it’s also more naive than he wants.

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ EVERY WEEK, EVERY THURSDAY*

복잡해진 마음, 숨을 내쉰다* I GET MIXED FEELINGS AS I BREATHE OUT

오늘 뭐 실수는 없었었나* DID I MAKE ANY MISTAKES TODAY?

관객들의 표정은 어땠던가* HOW DID THE AUDIENCE SEEM?

그래도 행복해 난 이런 내가 돼서* I’M HAPPY WITH WHO I’VE BECOME

그 때 만약 오지 않았다면 PHONE CALL 형 부모 세게 품에 안고나서 떴지 “아르바*” IT WOULD’VE BEEN DANGEROUS IF NOT FOR THAT PHONE CALL I LEFT MY PART-TIME JOB

어느새 나는 너의 옆 여긴 더 위에서 움직일 공간이 많으니깐 SAID GOODBYE TO MY PARENTS AND MY BROTHER SUDDENLY, I’M NEXT TO YOU

어서 올라와 GIRL SO COME ON GIRL ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀

his lyrics cater to the story of his journey on the mgas, for all the contestants who have everything riding on this too. as ryujin joins in with him on certain lines, he feels more adrenaline coursing through his veins.

dancing like this, rapping like this again, it’s different than his previous performances. he’s part of a team again.

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ 전진 끝없이 달리네 꿈을 향해* I KEEP RUNNING TOWARDS MY DREAMS

점점 날 비워가네 언제까지 내 것일* I START TO LET MYSELF GO 

순 없어 큰 박수갈채가* THE THUNDERING APPLAUSE, I CAN’T OWN IT FOREVER

이런 내게 말을 해, 뻔뻔히* I TELL MYSELF SHAMELESSLY

니 목소릴 높여 더 멀리* RAISE YOUR VOICE HIGHER

영원한 관객은 없대도* EVEN IF THE ATTENTION ISN’T FOREVER

난 계속 갈거야, 계속 랩 할거야* I’LL KEEP GOING, I’LL KEEP RAPPING

오늘의 나로 영원하고파* I WANT TO STAY THIS WAY FOR LIFE

영원히 예능인이고 싶어 난 AH* I WANT TO BE AN ENTERTAINER FOR LIFE ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀

the girls take over and he can feel the surge of energy on the stage. even as they move into the dance battle, there’s electricity between them. currents running from one person to the next, almost too chaotic until chaeryeong brings them back together, as she did in practice. it’s poetic how they managed to work it in.

SHORTY GIVE ME WHIP-WHIPLASH

this is it. it’s becoming a pattern, how he says this every week. it’s right. this feels right, and he can take that back to his sister the next time she calls.

no, the next time she calls, he’ll make sure there’s no way she could tell him to quit now. this is his journey.  

I WANT TO BE AN ENTERTAINER FOREVER

                       𝗤   ⟨  A CALLBACK, THAT MUST HAVE BEEN EXCITING.                                   HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN YOU GOT THE EMAIL  ⟩  !

she comes off more casual than she was -- a little more cool, dusting off the bright smile from earlier with one of ease and nonchalance. even though just days before she had been panicked and manic over not seeing the email ( because it had been slotted in her dark social folder rather than her primary folder -- stupid gmail ), she wasn’t going to come off eager. no, she wanted to come off cool and collected. a level-headed girl who just wanted fame, fortune, and lots and lots of fans. that was level-headed, right? “it was to be expected. i had a really good feeling about my audition up until the end so i wasn’t really afraid i wasn’t going to make it. being in front of the judges, today, though, did get me a little ...” she pauses, feeling the heat rise to her cheeks as she reveals a little too much, the confidence withering away as the excitement of being on stage in front of all those famous ceos became more than apparent on her young face. “speechless? it was really cool to be in front of someone as amazing as baek jiyoung.”

             𝗤   ⟨  SO, WE GOT A QUOTE FROM YOUR COUSIN, @rkkhg,                            AND HE SAID THAT HE HATED YOUR PERFORMANCE.                                    DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT?                                        DO YOU BELIEVE YOUR PERFORMANCE BAD  ⟩  !

that motherfucker. yuna immediately feels her muscles tighten as she tries to calm the twitch she feels starts to tremble along her eyebrow. “hyunggu oppa said that?” she says through a tensed grin, all the while keeping her smile intact despite the fact that she can immediately feel her blood boil. “oh, my cousin -- he’s so, so, so funny.” and yuna laughs for good measure ; trying not to grit her teeth as she passes off a roll of her eyes with a blink, instead. “such a comedian. but no --” her grin relaxes, rolling her shoulders back as she looks dead on to the camera. “ i don’t believe my performance was bad. sure, it could have been better but can’t you say that for a majority of the other performances here?” yuna shrugs, “i believe i gave them something original. and that alone makes it better than that same majority of other performances.”

                                 𝗤   ⟨  I SEE. SO OF THE MAJORITY, WHICH WERE                                                          THE ONES THAT YOU DIDN’T LIKE  ⟩  !

“there was one guy -- i forget his name, i think it was h - h- something ... @rkharuto? he was hilarious. when he finished his stage, he fell on the floor. i felt so bad for him -- especially after that performance. man, i thought his performance was really cool but i guess off skates he’s not as smooth. and i mean, he ... skated and this is a competition scouting for idols ... like, how do those two even correlate? if you wanted to skate, you should’ve joined the x games, kiddo.” she shakes her head, fingers tapping along her arms as she keeps them crossed against her chest. 

“as for my cousin -- he says that i was terrible. he should recheck his prescription because his performance wasn’t all that either. oppa has to do so much better if he thinks that was impressive.  he’s a great dancer, i know it and i’m sure he knows it but we all also know that he sucked.” yuna shrugs, as if ready to tick another one off her list as she continues on.

she laughs, a little, at least -- “i also didn’t know they still allowed grandpas into the competition. isn’t @rkmason like prehistoric at this point? sure, he’s also a good dancer but don’t you think you should give it a rest, 할비. sure, i liked his song and sure he’s good looking but -- eh, eh.” she stares, another finger down. 

“and c’mon, the callbacks are supposed to be exciting but some people were just so boring. like that @rkheejin chick, news-flash! that song is so overplayed back in the states, and the acoustic-cute girl singing about unrequited love is really last season.” she sniffs, as if ready to cry for the actual sadness she felt for her. heejin was cute, super cute but if yuna was being honest. she might’ve stifled a yawn here and there. 

there was another girl, the moment she had set eyes on her, yuna had felt ill. her hair, oh lord -- why would anyone do that to themselves. “kim @jungeunxrk?” yuna scoffs, “two words. botched dye-job. i honestly don’t know how anyone could concentrate on her performance when she came in looking like she over-fried her hair. bleached blonde, more like botched blonde.” she says the last sentence in english. “oh, but we’re supposed to talk about their performance ... i guess she was nice.” 

“ @rkjeongin is a friend of mine and i honestly was rooting for him.” honestly meaning slightly and rooting for him aka secretly plotting his demise. ( she’s half-kidding, but still ) “and i mean, props for doing a girl group song but jeongin, please, if you’re going to do a girl group song, don’t butcher the dance moves. i do hope he makes it on, though, even if he did do ... that.” she even has the audacity to spare a embarrassed smile on his behalf.

the interviewer stares at her, as if begging her to be down and yuna just shakes her head; already knocking down another finger. “@rksuwoong, love korean culture and props to you for being ‘edgy’ and ‘lost in the times’ and all but trot is dead. end of story.”

there was one guy, though. that she couldn’t have helped but be jealous over. and who was shin yuna if not for the petty, little brat that she was -- and her jealousy had obviously tided over when she finally came to mention him. unfortunately, it was all because she enjoyed his song too well, that she couldn’t help but criticize it. “@moonbokrk, song choice -- bleh. rapping? eh. i mean, could have done better but did he? you answer that, yourself.”

“ @rksihyeon i was actually expecting better. she has the face that you’d think has it but her performance didn’t do it for me. it ... lacked something? i don’t know. can’t put my finger on it, though. nice try, though, she’s pretty, at least.” she nods. another one bite the dust, she whispers to herself. 

she could have cracked her knuckles and she still wouldn’t be done with her list. “and there’s that @rkchris -- i felt like he was trying to be edgy but also indie and like tough? but vulnerable? and it was just too much, like dude ... be simple ..., you’re doing too much.” 

“when i heard the starting tune, i was so ready to fangirl, i love akmu. unfortunately, can’t say the same about @rkumji who sang the song though.”

“and i guess that was just a few people you could say i don’t think will make it.” she wrinkles her nose. 

                              𝗤   ⟨  AND THE REST? WHICH STOOD OUT TO YOU  ⟩  !

“who i think you should root for are definitely kim @rkyeji and shin @ryujinrk. their performances, by far, were the best of the night.” yes, she’s being biased. no, she did not care one bit. shin yuna was a firm believer that since she was amazing, so were her friends and there was no doubt in her mind that when she had seen, first hand, her friends’ performances, she couldn’t be prouder. if she could, she would’ve thrown her shoes at them as celebratory cheers.

“there was one guy that i think did well too,” oddly enough, yuna did have a few compliments to spare. “i think his name was @ericxrk, the one who did ikon’s killing me. his dance break was pretty nice. i enjoyed it.” 

                                                  𝗘𝗡𝗗 𝘘   ⟨  THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME  ⟩ !

     no, she's become well accustomed to the sensation of praise, of meeting highly set standards with relative ease, hard work and a steady drive of determination propelling her towards the stars. it's here, however, now placed on such an imposing stage, eyes of skillfully perfected focus and unpredictability ready to pick her apart without any warning, that heejin can't help but feel her own walls of unwavering confidence finally begin to shake.

     she hates it— knowing now just how terrifyingly easy nerves can be brought on simply by bated silence ( and just how quickly those nerves and can morph into questioning relief the very second good news is given ).

     confirmation of her moving on to the next round only brings newer, more nagging thoughts to the surface. she'd done it— she'd proven herself yet again, a sure sign that she could do this, that she could pull through as she wanted to and secure victory. yet, that also meant the herd had been cut down significantly.

     room for errors and mediocrity would become slimmer and slimmer the longer this went on, all until nothing short of perfection could be given without fear of leaving this whole ordeal empty-handed.

     heejin refused to leave with nothing to show for herself.

                                                                      ♡

     there's little rest to be had, skin anxiously prickling more and more with each passing day, her mind preoccupied with nothing but sing, sing, sing— correct your breathing here, don't let yourself strain at this part, keep yourself as steady as you possibly can. run through after run through, correction after correction, all painstakingly repeated and ingrained in her mind. heejin is rarely home during this period of time, hardly seen by anyone who doesn’t come looking ( or, in some cases, can’t spare the time to break from their own preparations ), her only true opportunities for rest being forced on her by her academic schedules ( even then, tucked far in the back of her classrooms, something she rarely allowed herself to do, her mind is far from her lessons— no, all she can think about is how she could do better, what she needed to do better, all in the hopes of earning another success ).

     it's tiring, so tiring, but she can't stop. she won't let herself.

     it's only the day before she ( and everyone else ) are set to show up and perform that she finally gives herself a moment to properly breathe.

     she feels stiff, far more rigid than she'd like to be, and that's when she knows she needs to pull back, if only for a moment. sat snuggly in one of the secluded practice rooms located in her schools' music department, she simply sits, letting peaceful silence take her over.

     jungeun comes to mind, images of the blonde submerged deeply within her own element while on stage during the first round playing out as if she had seen them earlier that day, and heejin can't help but wonder how her own practice has been coming along— with her phone grasped loosely between small hands, the brunette almost hits the call button. almost.

     it almost feels like a selfish thought, wanting to reach out for someone ( anyone ) who could possibly understand the growing exhaustion burning through her veins. who was she to distract others, though, when she'd done this to herself willingly? this had been her own choice, her own decision— she wouldn't pull for the blondes attention, not now, when her best friend was no doubt working just as hard ( if not harder ) for her own victory.

     no, she had known what this would all entail the minute she'd sent in her application, bright-eyed and determined. she couldn't lose that fire, not this early over something so simple— heejin would figure this out.

     her phone vibrates silently in her hands, catching her off guard, and it's only a moment before she sees what's been sent.

❪ ⤑ ✉ 3 new messages┆🌙💕 ❫

     her lips break out into a gentle smile, tired eyes softening, and suddenly, she doesn't feel as beat up as before. eyes scanning his words, the warmth in her cheeks only grows, but it's pleasant— it's missed. with words so caring, so encouraging, at a time when she felt she needed them most, there's newfound vigor brewing in her body.

     you will be awesome on saturday!

     heejin could do this.

                                                                      ♡

     walking onto set feels as daunting as it had the first time, her face blank ( save for the slight rise of a single brow ) as she lets curious eyes travel the space, taking it all in. the lack of people is noticeable right from the beginning, the area less stuffy with half the amount of original chairs gotten rid of, but that only makes heejin think— one hundred, such a large and strong number, cut down to a mere fifty with ease.

     well, at least she was aware now that she had actual competition.

     out of the corner of her eye, she spots unmistakable blonde hair filtering around the room, and heejin can't help but feel relief once more knowing they'd made it this far together ( just like she knew they would ). tearing her gaze away, she spots faces and silhouettes she's come to familiarize herself a bit more with thanks to the little celebratory outing yuzu had suggested the week before— short black hair recalls memories of pleasant conversation, of a possible friendship she wouldn't mind growing, and heejins legs take her to where ryujin is sat without protest.

     she sits beside the younger girl with a grin, eyes shining with anticipation, and the thought passes by quickly— she wonders what the other has in store for them all today. while it seemed that singers made up the top percentage of contestants ( heejin being included ), the younger girl was grouped in with the dancers at second. while there were certainly others better at that particular skill, she couldn't deny that the other had a certain draw to her. similarly to kyulkyung, whom she'd also made sure to greet as she passed by, she was an entertaining act to watch.

     of course, heejin had her own biases ( she would always sight jungeun as her personal favorite ), but that didn't take away from anyone else. ryujin was talented in her own right— it would be interesting to see her go far.

     it's only once everyone's seated, noises sounding off and startling the brunette slightly, that it's finally time for things to start. unlike the first time, seeing who the judges are doesn’t cause her heart to beat wildly as it had before— now, it’s almost expected. after all, these were the ones who’d be taking the finalists into their companies when this was all over. who better than to pass judgments than them?

     however, general nerves rear their ugly heads, and for a second, heejin can't help but question herself— question others.

     what if she didn't stand out this time? what if she, despite all of the effort and time put into choosing her song and making sure it was perfect, fell short? would anyone going up before her be performing the same song as her? had her music choice in general been a mistake?

     that last question had been one she'd thought of from the very moment she settled on her vocals— the choice had been difficult, but in her eyes, she felt like it was a necessary one to make. it hadn't been lost on her how, up until now, all of her performances had songs of the same caliber. similar vibes, similar emotions, similar technique. sure, they suited her ( at least, she felt they suited her better than anything else ), but she didn't want to grow stale, boring, in others eyes.

     versatility was important no matter the skill.

     so, watching as the first handful of singers go up and perform, her head nodding along to distant beats and rhythms as a way to soothe her own mind, heejin steels herself. there was no room for doubt anymore, not when her name was about to be called. she needed to be sure of herself, confident in her abilities and quality.

❝ CONTESTANT #5013, JEON HEEJIN— PLEASE TAKE THE STAGE. ❞

     reaching for jungeun's hand quickly, she gives it a gentle squeeze, one that's gratefully returned as a sign of encouragement, and heejin rises from her seat. as she walks to the stage, she catches yuri's eyes and lets herself break out into a soft grin, nodding her head in acknowledgment. she would need to talk with the younger girl once it was deliberation time to tell her how good her performance was— well, would be, considering yuri was up after her.

     she had all the faith in the world for her cousin.

     brushing aside shorter strands of hair that weren't held in her low pony, heejin stands tall in center stage, a signature smile on her lips.

     "hello, it's nice to see you all again—" she can't help but joke, a way of squashing any last remnants of nerves in her system, the mic picking up a small laugh as she bows. "i'm jeon heejin and today, while i'll be singing for you once again, i hope to show you a little bit of a more different side of myself. please enjoy this performance just as much as you enjoyed my last performance."

     receiving nods to proceed, she awaits her music queue, ready to begin. her music starts and, immediately, she's heejin is focused.

날 향한 차가운 눈빛 둘러싼 소문만 참 많아 걱정 마 난 강인하니까 사소한 것에 겁내지 않아

더 강하게 ooh ah yeah 더 당당하게 ooh ah yeah 한계를 뛰어넘어 위험해도 좋아 더 색다른 날 보여줄게

     unlike the first episode, she has no props— no guitar to play, nothing as additional help with the intent to enhance her showcase. now, everything is all dependant on her, on her voice and presence, those two factors being the sole reason she'd done so much in preparation. her vocals had to be spot on, carrying their own distinct flare while still delivering the most solid performance she could with the hopes of leaving her audience wanting more, facial expressions and body language all playing a role in only furthering that agenda.

     her voice is clear, strong as it should be for the power the song holds, adlibs starting out smoothly just as she'd practiced countless times. right away, there's an attitude to be seen— nothing to be taken seriously once she's stepped down from the stage, but something to marvel and become immersed with as she sings.

     flicks of her brow, blatant smirks forming here and there between the words that leave her lips, a sense of appeal heejin has only recently felt comfortable projecting. she's always been confident in herself, in her skills and what she's got to show, but this? this is a little different from her normal, a side to herself she'd rarely ever shown, usually in favor of something more soulful and indie.

     hesitance aside, it's an image she likes— it's one she wouldn't mind expanding on.

be yourself 더 이상 망설이지 마 뭐든 네 멋대로 우리에겐 내일은 없어 난 규칙 따윈 몰라 모두가 깜짝 놀라 다쳐도 좋아 바로 지금 do it now

누가 뭐래도 nothing like what i do do do 내가 뭘 해도 good thing ( good thing ) 좀 더 자유롭게 be myself 난 내 멋대로 살래 잘 지켜봐 yeah

     as she comes to the pre-chorus, the tempo a tad slower, it's the perfect chance to show how smooth her tone can be, a dull fire emanating from her as she puts more soul into her performance. with something so pop, it's easy for ones vocals to flatline and become bland, easily overshadowed by synths and overproduction. heejin doesn't want this, no— she wants her voice to hold as much depth and pull to it as it can.

     eyes closing, there's more focus, letting it all build up until the chorus breaks through, and her voice is lighter, rising and falling to hit her notes prettily ( she tosses a wink in at her almost whispered good thing, tone naturally on the huskier side with how lowly it's done ).

     leading into the bridge, that same soulful quality returns, and she moves in time to the song, heel meeting the floor subtly in time to the beat.

내가 결정해 나다운 게 뭔지 oh 눈치 보지 말고 좀 더 자신 있게 나를 보여줄래

고민하지 마 nothing like what i do do do 끌리는 대로 good thing ( good thing ) 너를 표현해봐 be yourself 세상을 너로 칠해 널 보여줘 yeah what you do

     hand on her chest, she's still pleasantly steady in her performance, inhaling away from the mic when she needs to, and she's entering the final stretch. this bridge, mellow, yet still holding a certain sultry quality to it, allows heejin the slight refresher she needs before letting herself peak in the end.

     opening her eyes, she lets her gaze travel around all who watch her, a brow raised in invitation— an invitation to what? to that, she’s not quite sure. praise? criticism? jealousy?

     challenge.

be myself be myself be myself 가장 나답게 위험해 위험해 위험해 be myself be myself be myself 이 밤이 가기 전에 위험해 위험해 위험해

     her voices echoes around the room as she finishes, music ending with her, and all that's left to be heard are her receding breathes as she pulls the mic away from her face.

     it's silly, recalling how worried she'd been the last week— jaehyun had said it himself.

     you will be awesome.

she’d gotten along perfectly with the girl, sakura’s fond of her energy so she loved the practises in the sessions. it was full of smiles, joy, and wonderful vibes so she has nothing to complain about. zero. if anything, she doted being around ryujin! she’d even ask her to pick out the outfits and the best part about it, shopping! sakura likes shopping as hangouts, something she didn’t mind doing at all. she eventually decided that going together in the same outfits made it easier. the choice of her outfit was a white crop top, covered by a black blazer and black pants, wearing white sneakers to piece it together. matchies! she mentioned earlier ago to ryujin with a bright smile.

not only shopping, but she decided to go all out with the masks and decorate them to her heart’s content. how fun, she truly enjoys expressing her creativity. she went with a silly gudetama mask that she drew. sakura was an artist, being able to draw well with a unique style to the outlines and details. she also had precision but it didn’t take much out of her to make her own mask. at least this way, she can be relieved of any restlessness that’s been resting in her because of the elimination process that’s taking up next. there are better times in the heat of the situation, gradually spreading.

the performance due date was coming up closer, sakura’s garnered a lot of confidence to make it through and she’s sure she can nail this. she wakes up in a good mood, goes through her session to clean up and pack the outfit for bond girl in a bag to bring with her to the building. she’s dressed in her usual casual attire, a black ¾ baseball t-shirt, dark blue denim skinny jeans, and the white sneakers she doesn’t have to change out for later. thank god for saved time!

she makes sure to say hello to everyone she can get to, mason, kyungsoo, yuri, and hyojin. they were up next before her turn was up. once it is, sakura ensures that she’ll deliver a charismatic and enjoyable performance to the crowd. she’ll surely have an amazing time being able to rap on the stage with a change of flow! she wants to show a different enigma to the cast. in spite of her voice told that she wasn’t able to be a rapper by a couple, she took that as advice to become a versatile rapper and adapt. she’d also picked up this tip from her mentors.

prior to her hitting the stage, she doesn’t forget to change into her stage attire. she’ll switch back to her usual outfit later, storing her items in a secure place. sakura sits next to ryujin and squeezes the girls hand, sitting back and watching the other performers. she feels a hint of security built around her, excitement enters as well as she’s eager to perform the song. once she’s called by last and first name along with ryujin, she stands up and heads to the stage. she’s remembered to take deep breaths before rapping, it’s surprisingly relaxing.

before the song plays, she makes sure to take a polite bow as she’s wearing the mask, next to ryujin. the lyrics include a lot of korean, sakura stayed up for a day to perfect this masterpiece! she notices that there are some english words, so that’ll come in handy for her. she’d say it’s worth it as it’s her drive for music that doesn’t make her give up. she’ll keep pushing through even at her tired states. she brings in her flow and can provide an entertaining performance today! one that the judges will ( hopefully ) like.

난 제임스 본드, 이유는 묻지말고 i’m james bond, do not ask me why 안전거리를 확보 앞뒤 간격 유지하고 keep a safe distance 독자적인 행동들은 다 금지 내 속 태우지 말고

ryujin’s charismatic and enigmatic deep voice compliments sakura’s sweet and soft high-pitched voice, the raps are full of a nice blend. she’s dancing kind of goofy, it’s pretty silly but refreshing. at least, she doesn’t have to wear herself out. to her, music came in all forms, shapes, and sizes. sakura didn’t always have to show her ‘swag’ or any of her cutesy raps, she wanted to change the ways each episode to entertain. also, that she’s a well-rounded performer.

do not burn your own actions 치명적인 매력, 착한 미소 뒤로 숨지 말고 do not hide behind a deadly charm, good smile uh, 본드걸, 뭔가 냄새가 나 uh, bond girl,  i smell something 남자 없어도 잘 사는 넌 왜 면허도 없는 날 꼬시나 you do not have a man, you live well. why do you have no license? 싹 떨어져 내 맘에 붙지 말고 sprout away, do not stick to my heart 보기보다 순결하다고 나 i am more innocent than i am

she watches ryujin perform, delivering each line flawlessly. she applauds ryujin on the stage, empowering the other girl in the spotlight! sakura wasn’t one to fight for it, she wanted this to be fair as ryujin is her friend after all. she’s smiling underneath the mask that she’s wearing which isn’t too hot at all to her shock. though, the building did have proper air conditioning in this midst of the summer. she could’ve chosen to sing the singing part but decides not to as she doesn’t want to strain her voice and use it up. she wants to focus on the feel of her rap. sakura throws in some rapper adlibs in between the song!

then, it was time to show off the last few lines before the song ends. sakura’s caught up between the dancing and rapping, nothing was overwhelming her as she didn’t find this a hard routine to follow. she’s bringing such an energetic vibe on stage, sakura’s made sure to do that. she holds the microphone firmly to her mouth and starts rapping again.

왜 내 집 주소 묻는데 why do you ask my home address 아 왜 너 내 주민번호 묻는데 oh, why do you ask my resident number 내 대답은 no woah 징그럽게 달라붙지 마 my answer is no woah 본드걸 ! bond girl!

Leaning to her side, against her best friend, she whispers for Ryujin to pinch her because the whole thing felt too surreal. Reaching for other girl's hand, she squeezes it tight for both comfort and to be grounded in her spot. When she agreed to audition for the MGAs she wasn't much bothered by the whole experience. That was until she had performed an almost complete improvised rap in front of the judges and got a callback. That alone felt like a whole level of achievement.

She can feel herself slowly get addicted to this sort of high. She finds herself growing ambitious by the second. She waits, patiently for her turn to strike. Everyone had their little inspiring act, but unlike them, she wasn't only competing with the rest of the room. No. She was competing with herself as well.

Bowing respectfully, Olivia introduces herself, "My name Son Hyejoo, I was born and raised in Osaka, Japan. Please enjoy my performance." She repeats her introduction again, only this time in Japanese, before gratefully smiling.

Then just like that, the young bubble personality of Son Hyejoo was gone. Replaced by the confident young lady-boss who's about to bring it on stage, Olivia Hye. The beat started out strong, the rhythm set and her attitude evident in every way.

Peace 나는 가위 평화 지상주의 섣불리 덤비다 너 평화롭게 눕지 바위 raise our fists up 주먹은 머리 위쪽 여자라고 얕보면 I Mother Nature beat ya

The energy was high around her. Olivia lives in the moment where even the audience and judges alike become one and enjoy her preferred musical expression. Dead set on making an impression, she sticks to this verse as per her original lyrics.

Peace 나는 가위 평화 지상주의 주먹 우린 Power 질러 머리 위로 보 손을 위로 부채질 아래위로 두 손을 모아 pray 모두의 행운을 빌어

What did you think of the results last week?

“I was surprised, actually, to see Yena leave. I thought she was a good singer. Hoseok ended up leaving too and like I’ve mentioned before, I always enjoyed watching him dance.” While he agreed with most of the eliminations, there were a few that stood out. He didn’t question the results because, let’s be honest, he didn’t know enough about music to be overly critical of the judges’ choices.

How was it working with your duo?

“I will admit, I am a pretty shy person,” he smiled a little, even though he knew that was partially a lie. Kyungsoo wasn’t actually shy, he just didn’t enjoy social interactions as much as most other people. “So I was nervous about the fact we were going to work in pairs. The fact I knew Yugyeom made things easier, and he was a really good dance instructor. I am very glad to have his support during my first real dance performance.” The one in high school didn’t count for obvious reasons.

How do you think you did?

He paused for a second, trying to find the right words. “This was the most difficult performance for me to date. I haven’t danced much in the past and it was hard, trying to pick it up from the scratch. If my duo partner wasn’t a dance instructor, I am sure I would have had an even harder time. I am glad that I gave it a shot, though because I think it is important to keep challenging yourself. One does not grow by staying comfortable, and that’s how I’ve always viewed life.” He was young enough to experiment and gain new skills. Even though Kyungsoo experienced a lot of frustration, exhaustion and overall discomfort during this week, he thought it was fairly worth it. "Overall, I am proud of our performance. I think we complemented each other and made up for each other's weak spots."

“I am also grateful for my cousin Suwoong. He came over and helped me with my facial expressions. We were trying to be energetic, happy and boyish this week and when practice first started, I had trouble finding the character. What was it that Suwoong said...” He let his voice trail off, looking down at the table as if attempting to remember. When he raised his head again, Kyungsoo adopted an expression that was very much Suwoong-like. “No, Kyungsoo, not like that. You are trying to be boy with love, not boy with unresolved issues!” He even sounded like Suwoong. As much as they disliked each other, the close relationship between their mothers meant they met up nearly every week. Kyungsoo was great at imitating Suwoong’s voice and his insufferable presence.

“I think I pulled off being...happy pretty well after practice. I think...Smiling is a bit easier now.” He flashed the interviewer noona one on cue, the same bright one he showed on the stage. 

Were there any performances you liked?

“Yuri and Hohyeon did well, but that’s no surprise. I’ve already mentioned how much I enjoy Yuri as a singer and Hohyeon as a rapper last week, I think. This duo performance just hits it harder home.” Yeah, they were good, and the song was hype but they both showed exactly what they’ve been showing the entire time. Kyungsoo think they really lucked out because singer plus rapper duos are so easy. Neither had to push themselves out of their comfort zone and risk making a fool out of themselves.

“Yeji and Junhee performed Rewrite the Stars - it was beautiful. Yeji had a lot of confidence when she walked on that stage and I think that helped with her performance. Honest, I think she might win this whole thing.” He nodded seriously. “Most of the MGA winners had been males as far as I can remember, but don’t quote me on this.” His television knowledge was quite limited. “Wouldn’t it be nice to see a beautiful girl win this time?”

“Speaking of girls, I liked Yuqi’s performance with Minhyun. There was a moment during the song where she looked at Minhyun and it was as if they were trying to communicate with their eyes. They had very good...chemistry.” Was he allowed to say that?

“The boys who did Romanticism put on an interesting performance. I thought they interacted well with the audience and really...flirted.” Kyungsoo liked sexier songs, so that one caught his attention. “Jinyoung’s vocals are solid.” And his hip rolls were even better.

“Ryujin and Sakura were both cute. They did a lighter rap performance and were clearly having fun with it. I appreciated the change from regular hard rap songs.“ But who knows if the judges will like the playfulness of it.

Which duo do you think complemented each other the most? 

“ I think Suwoong and Xuxi had great energy together.” Yes, he put the emphasis on the word together. They spent most of the song sitting, but that didn’t mean it was a boring performance. “I’ll admit, when I was watching, I really thought they looked like a couple.” He knew Suwoong was the go hard or go home type of guy but didn’t know that Xuxi could match up to that level of...boldness.

sitting through performance after performance, jaemin feels the pressure even more knowing that they would be performing last. in his stupid nerd (and dramatic, he could hear haech saying it) brain, there are only two ways this could go -- they cap the performances with a job well done, or they are the receiving end of every criticism for being lackluster. he smiles at the thought, lackluster was the last thing to come to mind given what they were wearing. he takes a quick glance in suwoon and shakes his head a bit, smiling, amused by his bright yellow outfit -- as loud as his personality, and then over to ryujin looking ridiculous...ly good -- she really can wear anythin and look stunning. he leans back, tries to focus on the performance before his eyes, but he can't help but be distracted by how proud he was of their group, and how, for the first time, he wanted to, so very badly win.

when they announced who he was in the trio with, he was beyond ecstatic. he had already expressed how he admired suwoong before, and especially ryujin. they were both very talented and carry themselves so well that jaemin is worried he couldn't rise to their level. he was used to having things go smooth sailing that he almost didn't realize that there was something big brewing right in their very practice room. maybe because he was distracted with the fact that it happensed again this time around -- being entrusted with more lines. he usually knew how to read a room, he had to learn that the hard way during rehearsals for school plays, grouping people to warm up, and having to end breaking up two girls yelling at each other. but it takes him a day to really see that there was something... off about suwoong and ryujin's interactions.

jaemin was used to working in loud workspaces, when your boyfriend suddenly belts out an alba song -- not that haech's voice was less than perfection -- you'd have to keep working through your homework. suwoong and ryujin were both vocal, energetic perhaps would be a better word, and jaemin was fine with that. but they were sharing the room with another group, and they were just as... energetic as his team members. he'd get distracted a few times, get annoyed for the most part, but he lets his expression be swept away by sweat and desperation to get the choreography right. he was not the best dancer, but he knew how to address his weaknesses -- presence of mind and playing on his strengths. by focusing on learning everything first, he breaks it down to what he has to work on harder and alot how much time he needed to spend on it. but he also knew that it was only a matter of time before this tension between suwoong and ryujin explodes, and explode it did come sunday.

he comes in later than usual that day, having to meet with one of his classmates at the hakwon to get his assigned worksheets. he enters the room and greets everyone, getting settled in and heading straight to stretch for the day's rehearsal. suwoong was being perfectionist as soon as they began, and truthfully, jaemin didn't mind it all -- he liked it that the other was like this. but ryujin was surprisingly not like her usual self. he doesn't comment on it, but couldn't help but watch the girl with worry tucked beneath his lashes. his focus shifts from his movements, to suwoong finally, for the lack of a better word, snapping. jaemin knew that feeling, and he had a gut feeling that it had something to do with the way ryujin was acting to day. he intended to talk to ryujin, but she too had excused herself.

as soon as he found out what was happening to ryujin, he immediately noted on his phone to maybe bring her something for it. he'd have to research on that or maybe ask someone from clinic. he brushed the thought away as soon as suwoong comes back, offering to rehearse his dreaded sexy squats. if haech saw this, he would be laughing. who would have thought jaemin would do something like this? even more so a song that requires this much loudness and energy? he supposed it was only a matter of time anyway, and it would be good to explore performances like this. suwoong gives him a handful of meaningful feedback, and he notes each and everyone of them, applying them right away. he really didn't mind practicing and practicing, the same steps over and over again. practice makes perfect after all.

it was at the sandwich shop that suwoong finally tells him what was happening. and true to what he had been feeling all this time, there was definitely tension. jaemin couldn't believe what he was hearing, and he feels obligated to defend ryujin, subtly, and he still wanted to be logical about the issue. he kept with his stance when the other tells him that there weren't really details shared with him. innocent before proven guilty, those words echoed in his mind over and over again. there has to be more than what he was just told. na jaemin needed to know the truth -- there was a strong need to, especially when he almost put han yejin aside to (almost) be a shin ryujin fansite had promotions pushed through.

he doesn't mean to, but this unsettling feeling inside him makes him look a little bit longer. his face maybe showing a lot more than he intends, but he ignores it, not wanting to draw attention to whatever unpleasant or suspicious expression he had on his face. if he pretends that it was nothing, maybe ryujin wouldn't make much of it. but he was getting too distracted to focusin practice when the right time comes. he offers to buy drinks and asks ryujin to come along. it was very unlike him to do this, but he couldn't afford to lose focus now -- and not know what truly happened.

the thing about na jaemin is despite how 'nice' people say he is, he could just be as sharp tongued and unforgivingly straight forward. that's probably why he could swear he might have offended ryujin. it wasn't that jaemin believed the rumor entirely, he just figured there must have been something that happened that involved ryujin for people to speculate that way. he had read some things online that he had ignored before, focusing only on the good and cheering ryujin on with her future endeavors. but after what suwoong said, he recalled all those rumors that surfaced. it would have been a disappointment if they were all true.

relief washes over him as soon as ryujin began to explain her side. honestly, jaemin didn't even need the details that she seemed to be withholding. he got what he needed, and he was fine with that. but his heart almost stops when ryujin approaches suwoong. he imagined a fight breaking out, but also having to mediate if that happened, and he rather not let something as violet take place. but they talked about things much better than his, perhaps, exhausted mind could imagine. watching everything happen, he figured that it was only right that this happened. they were able to air out and clear things up to make sure that the golden trio will be as flawless and priceless as gold.

and the moment of truth has arrived! it was their time to perform. honest work never fails anyone, jaemin reminds himself. at this point, success is truly a matter of opinion, and he was sure that they were going to do well. it was not intenional but he had showed that he could be a versatile rapper, he tried to make sure that his style still shows in the different songs he had done so far. he was grateful for the opportunity to be entrusted with as many as parts as he does have now, and to be trusted with it. jaemin wouldn't let them down, and when his turn comes, he makes sure to do deliver what they ask and require of him.

인간의 욕심은 끝이 없고 같은 실수를 반복하지 너 그럽게 살면서 대박을 노린다면 어림 반푼어치 우린 운명의 주사위를 던졌고 한치 오차도 용납 못하지 Aight, Get rich or die, 살아서 나가자

during the auditions, he figured that he'd never have to dance anyway for the mgas. but now that he was doing it on stage, for some parts that is, he was enjoying it. he thought maybe if he had better control of his body, opted to take dance lessons as most of the people at the glee club tell him, he'd enjoy this so much more. after all this, he was going to do just that. if he doesn't get signed and be trained in dancing, he'd take those dance lessons and invest in himself more. jaemin had a heightened presence of mind, fully aware of his movements and what he had to do next. those school productions and performing in plays really helped him with the acting in this performance, along with suwoong and ryujin being patient with his dancing.