#rocktalks

It could be argued that Eternal Sugar does have ill intent, with her temper and her desire for control, the way she manipulates the people around her so that they remain within her grasp as well as subservient to her, but at the same time, she truly does view her actions as benevolent. She believes that, even if she is hurting people currently, that the ends justify the means, because as long as they stay in her Garden, they can remain happy and healthy forever. If by staying in her Garden, she continues her control over them, well that's just a happy accident!

One of her Arena Loading screen quotes is literally "Your passions will only lead to suffering..." which was such a game changer for me personally, because of the way it frames her motivation. By trapping people in her saccharine web, she is depriving them of their ability to make their own choices and ultimately get hurt, in the name of keeping them safe. Hollyberry's soul jam being passion as a variation on happiness makes a lot of sense, through that lens, because pursuing our passions makes us happy but at the very same time, passion can fizzle out suddenly, or our passions can lead us to ruin. Eternal Sugar tries to subdue the passions of her followers in order to keep them content and complacent, whereas Hollyberry is in direct opposition to that, saying that people should be allowed to go wherever the wind takes them, and her own actions embody that.

Nevertheless, the ways in which both of their soul jams are twisted by their own personal flaws is what makes it so intriguing to me. Hollyberry's "flights of passion" from her kingdom were her responding to her own restlessness, stress, and fear of stagnation, and it led her to abandoning her son and letting him grow up alone. Eternal Sugar, on the other hand, has many cookies that she cares about and yet she condescends to them and exerts control over them against their will in an effort to maintain their happiness. Eternal Sugar is very much an "ends justify the means" sort of person whereas Hollyberry lives in the moment and impulsively flits from place to place in order to keep running from her past. They both have complicated, kind of fucked up relationships with their sons, they both have devotees who follow them while remaining blind to the true flaws of the person they follow, and they both have their vices.

Hollyberry is constantly running and Eternal Sugar never moves. Hollyberry changes easily to fit whichever role is necessary for the situation while Eternal Sugar is unwilling and unable to change. It's almost like unstoppable force meet immovable object, and their polarity is what's so striking to me. Even as Hollyberry runs away from her problems, she does not allow herself to want things or get close to people, for fear of getting hurt. She may be passionate but she has, as Pavlova Cookie says, a cold and empty heart. That's why what Eternal Sugar says to her is groundbreaking because no one has given Hollyberry permission before, but here, she's can take time and it's not about everyone else, it's about her. Yet, the fact that Eternal Sugar is worried about everyone but herself is a great example of the similarities between them, as they both prioritize others above themselves and ignore their own emotions for the sake of other people. They are inherently so different and so similar, literally different shades of the same color, Hollyberry with her warm undertones and Eternal Sugar with her cool ones.

With Dark Cacao and Mystic Flour, they clash because of the fact that they are both unwilling to compromise on their ideals and willing to do whatever it takes to maintain their position. With Shadow Milk and Pure Vanilla, they clash because of Pure Vanilla's unwillingness to entertain Shadow Milk's tricks at a certain point, instead seeing through them and cutting through the bullshit to confront the person behind the mask, something that Shadow Milk is extremely uncomfortable with. Burning Spice and Golden Cheese clash because of Burning Spice's lack of care for his own people and Golden Cheese's possessiveness over her hoard, her kingdom, and her unwillingness to sacrifice that. Burning Spice is too free of burdens, to the point that he has no attachments, and Golden Cheese has so many attachments that they both empower her and bog her down.

Unlike Nowhere, which was a song detailing Ivan's resignation in the face of life, his apathy and how his dreams have been trampled upon by reality, Paratise is a love song. Admittedly, Black Sorrow is a love song as well, but the love therein has already been tainted by Ivan's trauma. Black Sorrow is more about loving someone in spite of the fact that they will never love you back, the pain of looking at someone and knowing they'll never turn back for you, never meet your eyes. Paratise is a bit different, because the love is new, fresh, revolutionary. Ivan has never felt something like this before and so it changes his entire worldview.

Ivan's love for Till is dirty, visceral, desperate- and I would argue that's because of the fact that he's never felt anything like this love before (there was no warmth to be found, well that would have been okay, and then my eyes saw you struggling). I made this comparison when I was talking to a friend (@4listr) but the intensity of Ivan's love reminds me of when you're a baby and every new emotion is the biggest emotion you've ever had and anything can make you cry because you can't regulate your emotions, you have no foundation or context.

Ivan's never wanted anything before, not in the same way he wants Till, (In the empty space about "what's your wish?" I wrote something for the first time) so of course he's ravenous. If you'd been starved for so long you forgot what hunger even felt like and you suddenly got a taste of food, wouldn't you realize how unbearably hungry you were? Ivan has never been loved before, never been in love before, and he's desperate for whatever little scraps of affection he can get (I want you more, to dig into your wounds, so perfect).

So many of the metaphors in Paratise are about how, whether or not Ivan truly believes he can be the center of Till's universe, whether or not he believes Till could ever love him in return, he wants to be the shadow that clings to Till's heels (What's even closer than light is always shadow), he wants to still be close to Till, even if it's painful (Carve it into my painful existence, the relationship between you and I, I like it). He literally says that he wants to be the rest between the notes of Till's song, which basically means he wants to worm his way into Till's life in whatever way that Till will have him, because the same thing is said in Black Sorrow "Where your eyes reach, where your fingertips brush, waiting for you endlessly." Ivan isn't doing this because he expects to get anything out of it, he's doing this because he has to be close to Till, Till makes him feel like he's alive. That's why he died for Till because without him, he would be dead anyways.

Tying into that, the title Paratise, is a combination of "paradise" and "parasite" which is frankly genius because of the added meaning there. Till is salvation for Ivan, he makes Ivan feel like this might be worth it, gives Ivan a reason to live, but at the very same time? Ivan would be unable to live without Till. The reason this is so important is because of the choice to use the word "parasite", as parasitism is a kind of symbiosis where one organism is harmed and the other (the parasite) benefits. Additionally, many parasites cannot sustain themselves without a host, meaning that while it is negative for the host, it is necessary for the parasite to survive, which is definitely what Ivan is playing at. Especially with lines like "My wish, to live in you like a parasite" and "I want you more, to dig into your wounds" Ivan is focusing on and amplifying how intense his love is, and how ugly it would be were it ever realized.

It's impossible for me to think that Ivan says "My secret... Bury it, deep within my heart, by the time you figure it out, it's already Unknown till the end..." for any other reason than that he thinks that his love is too ugly and horrible and that even if Till didn't reject him (and that's a big IF in Ivan's head because god forbid he ever be happy), his love would hurt Till. As much as Ivan thinks himself to be a monster, he doesn't want to hurt Till, and in a way, that's why he never told Till about his feelings, because he believed that his feelings would only serve as a burden, a curse for Till to bear for the rest of his life. After all, "you are always for me."