#robin!rambles

Just not having a great time mentally, struggling with myself, my art, insecurity, etc. I've just been so burnt out. I'm trying to write and draw behind the scenes but I either just.. can't or I don't have the time/ availability anymore. It sucks and I'm exhausted.

Finally recieved my zine!!

Can’t believe it’s been like a year and a half since I was like “what if we had a dream zine??” So much has changed. So much happened behind the scenes, so much love, effort, and frustration went into making this project whole.

Like I love emerald duo, don’t get me wrong, they’re very sweet. BUT LOOK AT RIVALS 😭 the teasing, the favors, showing up on doorsteps, being the others exception, the prison visits. LIKE GUYS.

When I first watched the dsmp (knowing nothing of the ccs) I shipped dnb. Before I even realized drunz was a thing. That was my og ship 😭😭😭😭

While I don’t think it’s quite as prevalent now, but not using those tags used to get authors attacked/ harassed. A lot of people on either side don’t like seeing the other character shown in any sort of sympathetic light, so if they click on a fic and see the “villain” character being a good guy, they’ll get upset.

A lot of us put the tags on fics just so people are aware “hey, we’re catering to the opinion that this character is sympathetic.”

I personally have watched most POV’s available for the DSMP. Tommy, in his point of view, it’s sympathetic where Dream is not. A lot of characters who are close to Tommy, also see Dream in this more villainous way. Where Technoblade and Punz show Dream differently, and Tommy is a bit more unsympathetic. They’re all grey characters and they all have lots of depth. But the tag just highlights that the author appreciates this character in particular and will often put a bit more time into making them understanding.

All of my fics are tags with that because 1) it’s a funny tag and I like it. 2) It just makes it so yeah, people seeing my fic in the tommyinnit character tag understand that Dream is not a villain in my fic.

But seriously, why do ppl think it’s okay to harass others and make them insecure of the work they do just because they disagree with their art style or au. It’s so unfair.

The fact that both of my friends have been targeted for the things they create drives me insane!!

And then somehow (stupidly) it loops back to me because I get upset on behalf of my friends😪 Like apparently people have been told it’s “bad” to reblog my art because.. whatever reasons. And people distancing from my friends without even asking THEM for the full story. Just.. going along with what they’re hearing. I just want to defend them because they’re the best and most kindest people. They care about what they make and they genuinely love creating. So seeing people attack their creative drive to make them insecure and stop making what they do is just.. so upsetting.

But god forbid it makes me uncomfortable to have someone who hates my friend’s work be around me when I also like, consume, and create similar works. So odd.

It just makes me sad that when I start new projects or try to talk about other things, or even express that I want people to be invested in what I am working on now— that people start asking about old things that I have mentioned in the past I have stepped away from.

I'm fighting not to delete my Hadestown fic or art. And I just want people to like that or talk about it. But no one cares about it and it makes me wanna die. Like I put tens of thousands of words into something, hours and months into projects and a lot of people turn away from it.

I appreciate that people loved my presence in a fandom or even old projects. I didn't exactly feel like I was being appreciated there, a lot of things felt really quiet. It just sucks. Cause I am trying to move on, but I felt really burned by that fandom (and a lot of things that happened).

I just wish in general fandom spaces knew how to appreciate creatives while they're actually creating. Cause sometimes when people think no one cares, they step away, and its hard to undo that. Just a thought.