Roach shifter!reader
You were the stereotypical cockroach. Practically unkillable. That's why they recruited you and trained you.
But that also meant they found you in unnatural places.
You were laying atop a cabinet, eating an omelette when Price walked in. He looked up at you, stared you dead in the eyes, had an existential crisis, muttered something about needing a cigar and left. You giggled and kicked your feet as Price's muttering faded down the corridor. You resumed to enjoying your omelette as if nothing ever happened.
You were crawling through the vents, shifted as a roach with your fellow roach shifter, Gary, when you heard Kyle's voice calling out to you somewhere in one of the rooms. Communicating a brief goodbye with Gary, you hopped out of the vent and directly onto Kyle's head. He screamed like a child, threw his hat into the wall with you on it, and ran out of the room with a clear panic. You hit the wall and then the floor with a dull thud, but burst into a fit of giggles after shifting back.
Simon was another story. He'd use you for self defense.
Literally.
You lived in his pocket. And whenever someone pissed off Simon, he gently grabbed you and shoved you in their face. They quickly retreated away from Simon, muttering something about being terrified of roaches. You raised a little leg and he gently touched it with his finger in a form of high-five.
Johnny liked to play pranks on other soldiers using you. He would set you on their pillow, tell you to stay and wait, and then just leave. The scream the unsuspecting soldier makes is worth it, though. Johnny is doubled over laughing as he's attempting to pick you up and carry you over to the next victim of his pranks.
