#river grave

we're people too

i've worked at the same store since i was 14. i'm a young adult now. that's years of berating, wiping down carts and getting yelled at for mask mandates i didn't make at the height of covid, and smiling at people snapping their fingers in my face because i didn't hear them the first time. i make $11/hr. the livable wage where i live is between $17-25 depending on what source you ask. $11 does not cut it when gas is $3.25 a gallon, and you're trying to afford toothpaste and put something in a college fund.

so no, i don't look thrilled when i'm scanning your groceries. that's not a "gen z stare"; that's exhaustion. that's chronic pain. that's having just dealt with a man twice my age calling me a "retarded tranny" because we're out of the chew he wants. that's pushing down the full-body cringe after being asked if i have a boyfriend, then a girlfriend, then "what are you anyway?"

i hear about this trend online. mostly from people old enough to be my parents complaining that "gen z doesn't say hi anymore" or "they just stare at you like robots". you think we're being cold? stunted? ruined by the pandemic?

you mean the pandemic that tore away our education, put our families out of work, and tossed us into a workforce that treats us as if we're lucky to be there at all? the one that made us essential workers but didn't make us essential humans?

you think i'm rude because i didn't say "good morning" fast enough while trying to decode your mumbled, passive aggressive jabs at the self-checkout machine? maybe i didn't hear you, or maybe i've just reached the point where i can't put energy into being cheerful for people who don't even see me as a person.

and omg can we please retire the same 5 jokes every customer seems to think they've invented?

"not ringing up? must be free!"

"you look bored, lemme give you something to do"

"wow, they have you working on a holiday?"

"i bet you're just dying to scan this big cart of mine"

"you must have done something wrong to be stuck here on a beautiful day like this!"

like yes of course they have me working on a holiday. because you're here. you and a hundred other people who "just needed a few things" and decided your convenience outweighed someone else's day off- someone else's chance to spend a holiday with their family. because that's how retail works. that's how capitalism works. it runs on the assumption that someone else will always be available to serve you. and i'm that someone.

i don't make the schedule. i don't set the prices. i promise i'm not bored- i'm overstimulated and trying not to snap. these jokes don't make the day go faster. they just remind us how many people think customer service workers exist for their entertainment. i've heard the same lines a thousand times, and they stopped being funny before i turned 15.

you think gen z is lazy? i've held one job longer before the age of 22 than some of these critics have in their lifetime. i've been doing customer service since middle school. i've cleaned blood and shit out of the bathroom. i've been screamed at over expired coupons. i've held my tongue when coworkers made jokes about me being trans. i've rung up men who stared at my chest and ass the ENTIRE time, even when i wore my sweater in july just to avoid that. i've kept quiet about the micro-aggressions i face on the daily at the hands of customers who think it's funny i'm Deaf and disabled.

we aren't standoffish. we're tired. we've grown up watching the world fall apart, and now we're expected to smile through it for minimum wage. we're not being introverted or asocial. it's that we've learned the hard way that being pleasant doesn't protect you from disrespect. that kindness is often expected, but rarely returned. emotional labor that's entirely unpaid.

so when i stare blankly at you from behind my register, it isn't apathy. i'm just doing what i can to exist in a system that keeps asking more from me than it gives. if that bothers you, maybe ask yourself why you expect me to fake joy in a world that's given me so little reason to actually feel it.