I have truly wanted to talk about this for a long time but I never had the first clue as to where I would begin. Even now, I’m not really sure how to begin tackling this huge subject or how to go about breaking it down.

But the longest journey starts with just the first step and so today I want to talk about Rice Queens, Potato Queens and how their nasty and vicious cycle impacts and affects my life, spirit, soul and very existence. 

And to be clear, MOST things have little to no impact on how I go about living my own life. I recognize that being able to say that comes with a mountain of privilege in and of itself, and I’ll save you the laundry list of privileges I’m talking about. 

Instead, I’ll start by defining the terms rice queen and potato queen for those of you who managed to click on this video out of sheer curiosity verses those of you who came to this video with your tea cups out and ready to receive this scalding chai matcha latte mix. 

So just really quickly: A rice queen is a person, who is usually but not limited to being white and specifically and almost exclusively only dates asian people. Thusly, a potato queen is an Asian person who solely and exclusively dates white people. 

There’s actually a documentary on youtube all about it if you want to check it out. Just search the term rice queen. I tried watching some of it for this very essay, but by god, I just can’t stomach it. 

“but why?” you might ask. Why are you so obsessed... why are you so in the business of who other people love? If you were trolling me, you might even say “you’re gay and there are plenty of people out there who don’t agree with who you love but you go on about your business and they kick rocks” right? 

Well if you’re reading/watching this on a friday, which there’s a one in seven chance that you are, then I can say “false equivalency friday!” If not, then it’s just a regular false equivalency. 

You see, because I’m Asian, more specifically, because I’m Filipino and was raised around hello Filipino and other Asian folks, growing up in southern California, and just because a whole bunch of them are so fucking attractive, I am attracted to Asian men. 

I feel like I I have to make that clear because white supremacy, which we will certainly address in more depth as this goes on, has tried to keep Asian men, both straight and gay, under its boot for the past few centuries by calling them feminine and undesirable.

So yeah, Asian men are a type of men that I’m completely into; rightfully so and very much within my right. But to be clear, I’m into all types of men; so let me stop you before you come at me with the “well I’m white and I’m into Asian men and you’re making a whole essay about me and that hurts my feelings” thing. 

So, because I’m into Asian men and because Rice Queens and Potato Queens, a match made in Heaven (or hell depending on your stance) have a dynamic that is so prevalent in gay society, along with the way Anti Blackness is set up, I, a person of Black and Asian descent, am often left out of the mix when it comes to who Gay Asian Men are willing to date. 

I don’t make this claim lightly at all. I have been waiting years to say something about this, and aside from maybe one public instagram post and a few rants dancing around the topic on instagram stories, which have all disappeared and no longer exist except in my personal archive, I have yet to speak directly and confidently about this; but it is a thing. It is SUCH a thing. 

And because it is such a thing, I’m often left out in the dust. While gaysian men everywhere are just living their lives and having their preferences which almost always exclusively lean toward white men, I’m on the side lines taking notes. 

When the topic is raised within gaysian communities, just so that you know I’m not the only one who complains about this; yes non rice queen gaysians take issue with rice queen gaysians as well; there will undeniably be that moment when one gaysian says to the rest of the group, either digitally or daringly in real life, that who one dates is none of anybody else’s business and that we  should all be able to like, love, have sex with or be attracted to whomever we desire.

We are, after all, individuals. 

But when you’re stuck on the sideline for so long. When person after person is seen with a white man, when white men who objectively do not look as good as you do KEEP on scooping up the guys; there is a problem. 

And just for this moment I want to remove the non rice queen gaysians from the equation as I was just using them as a way to show you that while I am mostly ranting about something that annoys me, this dynamic has an impact an entire other community within this LGBTQ community. Removing the non rice queen gaysians because they don’t have the added layer of Blackness that I do.

Let me stop those of you out there who are about to pounce on the fact that I’m attributing struggle to my Blackness: I love being Black and I wouldn’t change that for anything. 

That being said, it IS an added layer of challenge for ME when considering who to date where Asian folks are concerned. Not only do I have to ask myself “Is this gaysian a rice queen, I also have to ask are they a racist POS” as well. 

There’s a lot swirling around here and so I want to wrangle it all in while I’m on the note of my Blackness and talk to you about a little thing called White Supremacy and how it’s basically the cause of all of my woes and the driving force behind why potato queens prioritize white men when they could do so much better. 

That sounds harsh, but I challenge you to just pay attention to some of these couples; and I say some of because when I talk about looking better than these white men, I’m talking about those relationships that usually involve older white men and younger asians. 

There are entire organizations and circuits that have developed in the United States, devoted to enticing young immigrant gaysians with a promise of wealth and luxurious lifestyle by older white men. And plenty of gay asian men play into it. 

And while that is a conversation under the umbrella of both white supremacy and rice queen/ potato queen relationships, I do want to consider another vein of this same discussion; one that involves all parties, myself and people like myself included, being just around the same age and how white supremacy plays a roll in the decision making, where white men are concerned, of gay Asian immigrants’ as well as Americans of Asian descent. 

I feel like all of the puzzle pieces are there, but many of us involved in this conversation never spend enough time to actually put them together. I see plenty of Gay Asians who pontificate and preach about the oppression of Black and Brown people, but are dating white men and not realizing how their small contribution to this dynamic reinforces the grip of White Supremacy. 

Did they ever consider going on a date with a Black or Brown person? Or has the white beauty standard, which has tricked all of us, the entire world over, colonized their desires as well? 

Have potato queens had their heads buried in the sand so long that they truly cannot see how common it is to find a White/Asian couple whilst they chant “Black Lives Matter” at their local Gaysian collective meeting?

By now, I realize that my gripe is more with the Asians than it is with the White folks, because white folks gonna white folk. They’re going to continue to be mediocre in both the things that they can and can’t control and they’re still going to get rewarded for that mediocrity.