Y’all don’t mind if I talk about my sapphic feelings, right? I’m really upset over this situation with my ex best friend because I seriously felt a connection with her that I’ve never felt with anybody else. I feel so guilty saying this but it seriously would bother me when someone would call her hot or something. I was always afraid she’d get a partner and would somehow be “taken away from” me. I was fine with her making other friends, and even encouraged. I didn’t used to feel like that... We were friends for 5 years. This stuff developed over time.
God, I’ve cried for her so many times and felt too vulnerable. I never wanted to tell her anything because I didn’t want her to be grossed out by me (though she’s bi too... just not into me). I don’t wanna cross anybody’s boundaries but I can’t deny what I felt. I agonized over her hypothetically getting a partner and even thought dumb shit like ‘why do you want a girlfriend so bad if you have me?” I feel like a bad person because of those possessive feelings and it’s been tearing me apart that we no longer talk. I reach out and it’s just silence.
I get so angry thinking she probably hates me. God, all of my feelings get so raw. I wish I could tell her what I meant when I’d say “I love you” and that she wouldn’t feel weird about it.
