#relaitionships

TE AMO IDIOTA

“Yo te amo Idiota, te amo aunque no debería…”

     We’ve all had an Idiota in our lives. We’ve all had our hearts broken. We’ve all loved someone we shouldn’t have loved. I would even go as far as to say that at one point or another, we’ve all been an Idiota. Don’t try to deny it, you know it’s true.

The Idiota is a key figure in our lives because between all the love and pain, he or she makes us feel alive; to write songs, to cry at night, and to believe we can have an amazing love story. The Idiota is not necessarily a bad person. The Idiota may even be the best person in the world. The problem is that they may not be the best person in the world for us. Some people reduce an encounter with The Idiota to a simple life lesson, but frankly, that seems unfair. Sure, you learn a lot, but let's give this character a little more credit- The Idiota comes into our lives to make us feel things (both good and bad) that we've never felt before.

    Every Idiota has their own unique style, but at the end of the day, they all follow the same pattern. They show up in our lives like hurricanes and rip the roofs off of our houses, flood our living rooms, cut off the power and break our windows. But it’s not all bad. In the eye of the hurricane, deep in the center of the storm, there are moments of peace, happiness and love. Our hearts become confused when the sudden calm is followed by gray skies, furious winds, and rain that won’t stop pouring.

    Falling in love is a very brave thing to do. Giving your heart to someone else is basically committing suicide. I mean, it’s biology- we need our hearts to live, but we still give them away. You have to be very bold or very stubborn to fall in love, but I really believe that’s the only way to live. When it comes to an Idiota, you feel your body crave them. You're a dead man walking until you get your dose, your “hit", your "drag" of this drug, so good and so toxic that it fills you with life and kills you all at the same time.

    "All we can do is give. There are people who receive without giving, but we keep giving anyway.” My friend was dealing with his female version of The Idiota when he told me this and I couldn’t agree more. The only way to have a clear conscience is to be completely sure that you gave all the love you had to give. Knowing that you dove in head first, risked everything… knowing that you flew even if it was just for a second. If we live that way, we will never regret anything.

This is the extra personal bit that goes along with what I just shared about what God's been teaching me about giving up my expectations for His vision of what our relationship should be (this post).

I never dated or had in a relationship; I never even had a wedding or prom date. I wanted to save everything to be special as a gift to the man I’d be with. I waited on the Lord and for a man I knew was worth that wait.

(And yes, it was worth it!).

I can’t boast in this, though- not at all. I’m more amazed at God’s faithfulness than my own; I could not have done it without Him and it was not in my own strength or power, but His. He deserves all the glory. He knows I struggled with my desires and loneliness at times; it wasn’t easy, sometimes it was really hard. Especially when I was at college and had guys pursuing me all the time. The testimony of my singleness is something I hope God can use to encourage other young women and men who are single to wait on the Lord and trust Him with their relationships; but it all goes back to Him, not me. It’s just a testimony of His grace and power in my life.

I also know I would not be with the godly, awesome man I am now if it hadn’t been for Him, too. Whether single or in a relationship, it’s always been my prayer and desire that God would be glorified. I want to honor Him with where He has me and for Him to use me for His purposes.

Every single person I know who is still ‘waiting’ to see if God will bless them with a relationship really needs to hear something I’ve been realizing: you don’t stop waiting on the Lord once you are in a relationship. And focusing on the ‘waiting’ is not helpful. In fact, those desires you have- you really have to release them to the Lord and pray like Jesus: “Not my will, but Yours.” You give it to God, and you wait on what He will do rather than your specific desires coming true.

It’s not about relationship status. You will still have to wait. You can’t be in a relationship and have everything you want now. Even when you get married, you’ll have to continue needing patience and to wait on the Lord with other things as well.

There are two things we have to realize in this reality: one, that God is enough no matter what you have or do not. No matter if you are single or in a relationship or married, if you don’t look to God to be your all, your everything, to meet your needs and find your satisfaction in all He is- then you will never be content. No person is going to meet all your expectations, wants, needs and desires. And you can’t put that kind of weight and burden on them. You will fail people and not be enough; and it will happen to you, too. You can respond less selfishly if you realize that they were not created to be that source for you, God is.

It’s probably one of the worst feelings in the world to harm your relationship with another person because of being selfish. I know because I’ve done it, and enormously regretted it. With my family, my friends, and even with the man I care about most. Sometimes you don’t even realize you’re doing it. A lot of times we become self-focused when our needs aren’t being met, or our desires are unfulfilled, and we look in the wrong places to fix that. When really, the best thing we can do is to choose to let those things go and rest in God’s care.

Singleness, relationships, marriage, and parenthood are all an opportunity to die to self….over and over. That is what they are: it’s invitation to die to self.

It’s not about me. It’s about God’s purposes. We need to get a vision of our relationships and families from the perspective that God has, and see the awesome picture of what He can do through bringing us together. It’s about more than two people who get together because they’re good for each other, attracted to one another, and can see a future where they’d mesh well. Your relationship and your marriage will affect others. There will be so many people we have to think about that God will use us to reach and touch if we just see the opportunity. If we just see our relationship as a huge part of the purpose of God bringing two people together to work as one. You have to look outside yourself and each other and see that.

I knew when I was praying about being in a relationship that I had to surrender it continually to the Lord, but once God blessed me with being with him, it was like I had waited so long to have this, I didn’t realize all the expectations I’d built up over the years for what it’d be for me. But that was the problem. I was thinking about “for me”, and what I thought I needed. But the reality is, it’s not about me. It’s about so much more! Ultimately, our relationships are for His purposes. And God’s purposes are ultimately for His glory. That others would know Him and worship Him for who He is.

 No matter what your relationship status –single, in a relationship, married, or otherwise- every day you will require you to die to self. It’s a daily thing. Often, more than once a day.

 But I had to surrender something I never imagined in my relationship.

I just naturally thought that being in a relationship means getting to enjoy all those relationship-y things, like going on dates and expressing affection to each other.

We’re 12 hours apart.

All the things you think you’ll get to enjoy once you’re in a relationship, we can’t have right now. We actually need time together and to express our affection; it makes it more difficult that both of our main love languages (ways we feel most loved) are quality time and physical touch. But we can’t have either at all. That’s hard.

I can't kiss him.

I can't feel his arms around me.

I can't look over and just see his smile or catch his gaze.

I can't cuddle or be comforted by his touch.

I can't just go hang out with him.

We can't go on dates.

We have to wait a long time to see each other in person because of distance and busy schedules.

We don't get to share our lives or help each other out practically.

I really struggled with this. I knew I couldn’t do anything about it, either; sometimes I found myself selfishly praying that God would just bring us back together already. It was like I waited all this time to be in a relationship, but my life still seemed like I was single. It was like hardly anything had changed.

Yet it has, incredibly much. Knowing Matthew and having him a part of my life, being loved and loving him like Christ, has changed me. It’s transforming my heart. The rest will come in God’s timing. I just have to let that go to Him and trust that. I can’t dwell on the circumstances or how I want things to be. I am letting God define our relationship and remaining thankful I even am so blessed to have a man this amazing care for me. I am letting God define our relationship and remaining thankful I even am so blessed to have a man this amazing love me.

First, I'm blessed I even got to experience any of those things with him. Yes, it makes it harder to be awakened to all that and then have him go away. The longing I used to feel just to be close to him again stole away my sleep with many restless nights and tears. Now, though, I am choosing a different way to spend our time apart: and Christ’s peace is in the midst of that.

Thankfully, our relationship is about more than those relationship-y things. God is working in us and through us and creating such a strong foundation for our relationship while we are apart. He is transforming our hearts without the intensity or temptations of our passion and desire for each other distracting us.

The point is to fix my eyes on Jesus and follow Him, and not dwell on anything else. He didn’t take away my longing (it’s still there); He just realigned my focus onto something greater: Himself. He’s calling me to surrender my desires to pour out all I am to living His purposes for us. He is calling me to rely on His power to sustain me. He has so much for us right where we are now. He’s strengthening me to stand strong by faith in what He has for us, too, as I continue to wait. And not to make what I’m waiting for the focus, but to surrender it to Him.

Do you know how hard it is to wait 25 years to have a man in my life who I could love, and then not even be able to go on a date, or see each other, or express any affection in the simplest way, or even spend time just enjoying each other’s company? It’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to surrender. Because when you love someone with a love from God, so genuinely - you want to express it to them.

But what’s amazing is, God is showing me this is not about us. Our relationships in life are a gift from God. They are something we give back to Him to use for His purposes and glory, not take and make it into what we want. I just look at what He has done- He’s given me joy, peace, contentment, faith, and such a deep, Christ-like, self-surrendering love for Matthew –that I’m in awe. This can only be the Lord.

If we can have a relationship so full of the Spirit and love, so evident of God’s power, and God is glorified; that is a testimony to exalt what God can do. That is an encouragement to anyone who has ever been separated from the one they care for and still trusts what God has for them. Our relationship works not because of our efforts, but because of the grace and power of God at work in it.

In fact, it’s been awesome to see God keeping us in unity, always on the same page, and that the Holy Spirit keeps us one even though there is distance between us right now. I know the only explanation is God. There are so many couples, even married ones, who don’t have what we have. I see God at work, I see Him keeping us grounded in Him, I see that He draws us closer to each other and ultimately to Him. We are becoming more the people He created us to be simply by knowing and loving one another the way God intended us to. I see the value of the distance even in the fact that we look at each other’s hearts a lot more than anything else in loving each other. That makes a huge difference. It’s not because of the dates or expressing affection to each other or being swept away in seeing them every day and appreciating how good-looking you find the other person. It’s about seeing them like God does. It’s about investing your time and thoughts and prayers into them. It’s not a fleshly thing, it actually requires you to die to self and look to the Holy Spirit.

 I just wanted to share this because I think it is so important to let others see what a relationship looks like when Christ takes hold of it and you let it go to Him. I want God to use ours to be an example of that. It’s my prayer He will.

If your focus of having a relationship is getting what you want out of it, it will fail. But if you focus on being satisfied first in Christ and then see your relationship as an opportunity to die to self so God can be glorified and you can love the way He defines it, for His purposes and not your own: it will be greater and more wonderful than if you had settled for what you would have chosen for yourself. It will leave you amazed, and others, too.

 God has brought me and Matthew, two people, together for His purposes. He is what keeps us together. He is what will keep us steady and strong. He is the beginning and He is the reason. He holds our future in His hands and we’ve given it to Him.

It’s not about us, it’s about Him. All our lives are for His glory, and this means we give up what we would have chosen for a greater treasure- the work God has for us in the kingdom. That’s why God brings people together, for His glory, and we’ll keep loving and living for that. We’re just blessed we get to do that together. Even with humble beginnings.

Ultimately, there will always been waiting in relationships. There will always be things you want now but will have to wait on and surrender to God. The point is not the waiting, but living in the fullness of what God has for you now, and keeping hope and standing in faith for a future that’s completely in His hands.