#regulus animagus

Kreacher helped him as a toddler, to take baths, learn the etiquette that was appropriate to his pure-blood family, and even play from time to time with him. Regulus saw that Kreacher always kept quiet when Walburga spoke to him or screamed at him or even hurt him. Kreacher never budged, accepting his fate without complaint. So Regulus did the same, he stayed quiet, he didn’t complain.

When Sirius was not locked in his room for his bad behaviour, he’d play a bit with Regulus, making a lot of noise with his mouth, imitating the sounds of the wind as he flew broom toys. And the noise made Regulus upset. He needed to stay quiet to be out of trouble and away from his parents’ anger. Sirius was loud, quick to tantrum and dramatic, Regulus didn’t like it.

He liked the silence. He found peace in silence.

When Walburga asked him to learn the piano, his teacher always told him to push the keys hard, “we want to hear the sound, Regulus” but Regulus didn’t want to hear it too loud. He didn’t want to be noticed because he was loud.

Later in his life, when Regulus entered Hogwarts, the noise of the Great Hall was too much, the dinnerware, the people, the wooden benches stretching the ground. He hated it. He hated hearing everyone laughing so loudly, every dramatic scream and inelegant noise the students could make.

But in the library… oh… the library… He was at peace. In silence. The only sounds were the wind outside, the rain sometimes, some faraway whispers, and the soft sound of turning pages. Nothing more.

And Merlin knows how long he spent his time in the library. Doing his homework, reading for his own interest, reading books for older students, walking through the hallways of shelves… His goal? Knowing all the books of the library — even the restricted section — and mostly, reading them all. The librarian often laughed at Regulus when he asked her for advice or where to find a specific book, “you probably know the library better than I do.” It wasn’t completely false.

Regulus even thought of joining or starting a book club, and then he remembered he would have to accept other opinions about books and… no. He would never agree about books. If he thought a book was shitty, it was. No discussion, no debate. So he decided not to. Even if sometimes… he would have liked to share his thoughts and opinions with someone. Barty was not a big reader and Evan was… well, always with Barty, so not often reading.

Few months after the beginning of his fifth year, Regulus spent more time in the library, probably because he was bored of hearing Barty and Evan making their beds squeak over and over again, but mostly because he was anxious for his future exams. He was often — if not always — the best student of his class, and of all the students of his age, but he always put on himself a lot of pressure. He wanted to be the best, in every discipline, in every aspect of his life. He would rather die than be mediocre.

So Regulus often woke up at 5 a.m., getting ready in his school uniform, leaving for the library for his first session of study. He studied for around an hour and a half, before taking his breakfast in the Great Hall, eating with his friends while reading a book. That was the first time he spoke up for the day, saying a polite “good morning.” After that, he had his classes, that he followed with extreme attention, listening quietly, taking his notes seriously. He never asked questions to his professors during their classes, either he did after their lesson, when every other student was out and when he felt comfortable speaking up, or else he’d find the answers to his questions by himself. During lunch break, he often made a quick sandwich from the buffet in the Great Hall, eating it on his way to the library. He never forgot some snacks here and there. He studied again. In the afternoon, he had some classes too, and did the same: listening, taking notes, paying attention. All of this in silence. He’d practice Quidditch in the middle of the afternoon, for an hour or two, all depending on how the weather was. Then, he went back to his dorm, talking a bit with his friends, but not too much. He took a rapid shower, changed from his uniform to more comfortable clothes — most of the time it was black pants and a cozy, warm sweater — and got back to the library. He studied a bit more, went to the Great Hall for his dinner, and directly went back to the library, studying even more. Sometimes, he would talk during dinner, but the loud noise around him made his soft and calm voice difficult to understand if you weren’t sitting next to him. And Regulus repeated this routine every day. He studied on the weekends too, but allowed himself from time to time to have fun with his friends.

Regulus was used to his routine. He liked it very much. And he was used to seeing Remus doing a similar routine. They never hung out with each other, of course. But some mornings, Regulus and Remus were the first to enter the library, and nod politely at each other. A few years after — when Regulus was in his third year and Remus in fourth — they softly and politely started to smile. Every time Regulus sat at a table, no matter where Remus was in the library, their eyes ended up finding each other’s, smiling politely, like a quiet “Hey.” They never really spoke together — Regulus didn’t want to anyway — Remus was Sirius’ friend, not his.

Remus was used to this. He was used to the cold demeanour of Regulus, and it didn’t really bother him. For once, he had the feeling of sharing a lot with someone he knew so little. They were the only two in the library early in the morning, and the only two late in the evening. Of course, sometimes Lily joined Remus for his evening study, but the young woman didn’t like the library, “The chairs are not comfortable” she complained often to Remus, silently asking him to go back to the common room, which Remus agreed to, not without looking at Regulus, in a silent nod as a “I’m done, good luck with your studies.”

So, when Regulus entered the library after his dinner — which made him happy because he had a delicious butternut soup, a grilled cheese, and an apple tart — he frowned, surprised to see Remus at his table. Yes, his table. Not that he owned one, but he kinda did. It was the perfect table, near the fireplace, not too far from the window so he could hear the rain or enjoy the sun without being blinded by it. The table was near his two favourite sections of the library — botany and history of magic — it was his table. Everyone knew it. Regulus walked to the table, noticing that Remus didn’t sit on his chair — thanks to Merlin — because Regulus was about to throw a tantrum. “How dare you turn upside down our routine!” was he about to say before Remus looked at him.

Remus’ eyes were red, his lips dry, his face pale, and he looked sick. No, not sick, it was more than that. Heartbroken. He looked heartbroken.

Regulus didn’t say a word, he looked at Remus. He knew. How couldn’t he? One of his best friends was Severus! Of course he would have known about Sirius trying to push Severus to the Whomping Willow on a full moon night! Who reassured Severus for the whole damn nights following the event? Him, of course. Who made Severus swear to not say a word? Him.

So Regulus did what he did best. He stayed quiet. And took a seat next to Remus. He opened his books — one on astrology, the other on astronomy — studying the influence of Pluto on wands and other magic instruments. He didn’t comment when he saw Remus’ hands shakily opening his books, desperately trying to act like he was okay. Regulus cursed Sirius under his breath.

The Slytherin opened Remus’ books, he took his notebook to find what the Gryffindor needed to study, and opened the correct pages for him. For the first time in his life at Hogwarts, Regulus wished he could swap seats, so Remus could be closer to the fireplace, and maybe feel a bit better. But Regulus didn’t ask the older if he wanted to change seats.

They studied. They studied in silence, but together. For the very first time, Regulus found himself more at peace, without this heavy feeling on his chest. Maybe it was because Remus was next to him? But he didn’t like the way Remus was… not really himself.

An hour later or so, when it was time to leave, Regulus packed his belongings rapidly, and saw Remus being slow, nearly lethargic. He didn’t know if it was the aftershocks of his transformation — a few days ago — or what Sirius did. After all, his best friend — even more in Regulus’ opinion — used him, and his nature, to nearly kill Severus. Regulus was about to help Remus, but the older stopped him, showing his hand softly, silently asking Regulus to not do anything. Which Regulus did.

Regulus didn’t help Remus to walk, he simply walked slowly, not letting Remus feel he was waiting, but Remus noticed it anyway. When they exited the library, Regulus couldn’t help but look at Remus’ eyes — for the second time today — and he had the feeling to get it with a violent Avada when he saw the desperation in Remus’ eyes.

“I’ll walk you to your house.” Said Regulus firmly but softly.

“I’m not sleeping in the Gryffindor dorm.” Replied Remus.

Regulus wanted to ask “why?” but he knew the answer, and Remus looked too broken to explain it anyway.

“Infirmary, I suppose?”

Remus nodded, looking away, with a face of disgust. Regulus knew he was disgusted in himself, as a werewolf but as a man as well. Regulus wanted to say something, but what? No words seemed to be enough to comfort Remus. So he stayed quiet. They both started to walk towards the infirmary, Regulus adapting his pace to Remus, who was trying to go faster to show he wasn’t a fragile little thing, and Regulus slowed down even more, forcing Remus to match his pace.

“Thanks…” Whispered rapidly Remus when he pushed the door of the infirmary.

The following days were the same, Remus sat next to Regulus, and the Gryffindor ignored his other friends. He said to Peter and James that he just wanted to focus more on his studies and refused to talk to Sirius. The tension in their dorm was… unbearable. That’s why Remus stayed in the infirmary.

Regulus didn’t comment on that, he didn’t ask any questions, simply offering his quiet presence, which for Remus was enough. During their studies, Regulus often borrowed some notes from Remus, seeing where he could gain some advance for his next years, and Remus helped him on some concepts the younger didn’t fully understand.

For Remus, it was extremely agreeable to have finally someone listening to him when he explained some homework. James and Sirius never seemed to really pay attention to him during his explanations, and Peter didn’t need any help. And for Regulus, he finally had someone he didn’t need to help, just to learn from, to listen to.

This new routine stayed this way for three weeks. Selfishly, Regulus wanted Remus to never forgive Sirius, so they could stay in this routine he found particularly peaceful. Remus, him, was… tortured. He liked spending time with Regulus, it was easy, calm, silent and he had this feeling of serenity in him that he didn’t really have fully with James, Peter and Sirius. He hated Sirius and didn’t want to talk to him for now, but… he still missed him.

Regulus frowned when he saw James walking toward their table. And he frowned even more when he saw Sirius and Peter watching the upcoming scene. Remus looked at Regulus, not understanding his sudden shift in his demeanor, and he became automatically tense when he saw James in front of their table.

“Hey…” Said Potter softly, like he was already trying to calm the situation down.

“What do you want?” asked Remus in a — slightly — aggressive tone.

“It’s just…” James ran his hand through his hair. “Full moon, in two days, do you want—“

Remus didn’t let James finish.

“No. I’ll ask Peter. He is enough,” said Remus, knowing that Peter didn’t have any link to the “prank” Sirius did on the behalf of Remus to Severus. And even if James ended up helping Severus, he knew a bit of the idea of Sirius and didn’t try to stop it earlier.

“Rem—“

“He said no. Potter.” Said Regulus in a superior and pretentious way. “Go back where you came from.” He said looking at his brother a few feet away. “Some people are trying to study.” He said with an even more stoic face.

James nodded, hurt by the way Remus had dismissed him and by how Regulus talked. But he left, looking down.

“Shouldn’t have been so harsh on him.” Whispered Remus, looking at his books.

“He’s a dickhead.” Said Regulus smiling fakely and showing his middle finger to Sirius who watched him.

Remus didn’t notice that, and they continued studying in silence. When the library slowly got empty, Regulus looked at Remus.

“I can be here too, you know?”

“For what?” Said Remus, looking at him.

“Full moon.”

The older chuckled.

“You have a death wish or something?”

Regulus chuckled softly, unsure of how he should explain himself.

“I keep your secret, you keep mine?” He asked softly.

“Yes, sure.” Answered Remus, slightly shifting his body in Regulus’ direction, intrigued by the upcoming secret.

“I didn’t register as an Animagus so… I would like you to keep the secret…”

Remus nodded, smiling softly.

“So I can be here for the full moon. If— if you want me to.” Said Regulus, suddenly nervous.

“What are you as an Animagus?” Asked Remus, smiling softly at the sudden shyness of Regulus, he didn’t recall ever seeing him like that.

“Black cat.”

“Of course… Black cat.” Said Remus, delicately pushing Regulus’ hair behind his ear. “I should have guessed.”

They looked at each other in a soft gaze, not wanting to break the peace and silence between them. Remus nodded softly to the question Regulus asked him previously, and the younger smiled softly. He wasn’t nervous about seeing Remus as a werewolf, he was nervous about showing himself as a cat.

Two days later, Regulus was reading near the Whomping Willow, the sun was slowly disappearing in the sky, letting a dark blue cover the sky. It was a Saturday evening, and Remus and Regulus had spent the day together, reading and studying in silence, with the company of the other.

“You don’t have to stay if you—“

“Don’t be ridiculous. I want to stay anyway.” Said Regulus, not letting Remus finish his sentence. “Did you take your Wolfsbane?”

“Yeah… But I would rather you still change into a cat because I don’t want to— to hurt you.”

Regulus nodded.

“Sure, I guess your wolf has to get used to me as a cat before not turning feral when I’m human.” Said Regulus, trying to joke slightly.

Remus nodded, looking away.

“Hey… Sorry I didn’t want to say it like that.”

“I control myself pretty well with the Wolfsbane but I’m still a monster.”

Regulus took Remus’ chin, forcing him to look at him.

“You’re not a monster. You’re a werewolf. And a werewolf is not a monster. You’re a sweet and kind man. And your nature doesn’t change it. Not even the slightest.” Regulus softly caressed Remus’ cheek. “I’m sure you’re a sweet wolf too.”

Remus scoffed, looking at Regulus’ eyes.

“Do you just have pity for me?”

“No, absolute idiot. I just want to be there for you.”

Remus was about to ask why, but Peter was coming towards them, stopping his curiosity.

“Hey Rem. Hey Reg.” Said the soft boy.

The boy sat next to Remus.

“You took your Wolfsbane?”

Remus chuckled softly, and looked at him.

“Yeah I did, don’t worry.”

Peter shook his head.

“I don’t worry.”

Peter was worried. He never stayed with Remus during a full moon by himself. If the werewolf decided to attack someone, he couldn’t help him, he was just a rat. Not a strong stag or courageous dog. He was just a small rodent.

When the moon started to show, Remus walked away, hiding in the bush, not wanting Regulus to see his transformation. Peter rapidly changed into his Animagus form, and Regulus did the same. He stretched on the grass, sitting next to his book. The small rat looked at the big cat, slightly afraid, before rubbing his head on the soft black fur. The black cat licked the top of the head of the rat, and they waited patiently for the werewolf.

Regulus was… impatient. He never saw a werewolf, and he was glad to share this moment with Remus. What made him even more relaxed was the fact that, indeed, it was Remus, even as a werewolf, it was him.

A tall and slim figure got out of the bushes. The werewolf growled and laid on the grass. It was a silent and subtle way for Remus and the Marauders to understand that the Wolfsbane worked and that he was in control of his wolf. By laying in the grass, he showed he wasn’t a danger.

Regulus watched the small rat running to Remus. Peter ran around the werewolf in a happy manner, trying to cheer him up. They seemed like they were playing, and Regulus purred softly. The black cat didn’t try to get closer at first, not by fear, but because he didn’t want to disturb the adorable moment he witnessed.

Peter, as a rat, ran back to Regulus, in a manner that would have been perceived as if he was introducing the black cat to the werewolf. The wolf walked to the cat, and it made Regulus uneasy to see how tall he was as Remus was getting closer, but he didn’t budge. The werewolf knelt down before the black cat, and their eyes met.

They looked at each other for a moment, before the humid nose of the werewolf bumped gently with the furred chest of the cat. He pushed Regulus softly, and the cat rubbed his head on the muzzle of the werewolf.

Peter watched from a few feet away, just making sure everything was okay. He didn’t know what to do if it wasn’t the case, but he wouldn’t have hesitated to throw himself in the snout of the werewolf to let some time for Regulus to run away. But tonight, it wasn’t necessary.

Remus lay back in the grass, curling into a ball around Regulus. The black cat did the same, hiding his face under the chin of the werewolf. Regulus purred softly, making the wolf relax instantly. Peter ran rapidly to them, making sure everything was okay. And when he was sure it was the case, he found a cozy spot on the black fur.

Remus felt his heart at peace when Peter joined him and Regulus. He knew the Wolfsbane was working, and he knew he was safe. The prank Sirius did on him wasn’t just mean, it was cruel. Because Remus thought the Wolfsbane didn’t work anymore on him, when in fact, Sirius had tampered with one of his potions, messing with the whole purpose of the Wolfsbane. And for that, Remus wasn’t ready to spend any full moon with Sirius.

For Remus, Regulus and Peter, it was a peaceful and calm night. None of them saw the black dog and the stag a few feet away, making sure everything was okay during the night. They didn’t notice the clear and visible distance between the two animals. But frankly, if the werewolf had noticed them, he would have maybe done something he could have regretted.

In the early hour of the morning, when the moon was still up, Regulus changed to his human form. The werewolf was still asleep, unaware of the tender gaze he was under. It’s only when he felt a soft hand caressing his head that he opened his eyes. The anxiety ran through his veins, terrified to hurt Regulus.

“It’s just me.” Said Regulus softly.

The werewolf growled, moving his head from side to side. He disapproved of the way Regulus said it. It wasn’t just him, it was Regulus, the young boy he loved so fast that it kind of scared him. And mostly, it was someone he didn’t want to hurt.

Peter — who was in Regulus’ sweater pocket, the huge one in the middle, because he was cold — got his head out, looking at Remus. The werewolf seemed to chuckle and he relaxed softly. Regulus stayed where he was, caressing Remus’ head, in a slow and repetitive motion.

When Remus was back to his human form, Regulus and Peter helped him to put his clothes back on, and both of them were supporting him by each of his sides. The transformation wasn’t the worst he ever had to be fair, but a part of him liked the way Regulus was taking care of him. The way the hand of the younger was on his waist in a firm but gentle way.

Arrived in the castle, Peter tried to orient Remus towards the Gryffindor quarter, but Remus stopped.

“I don’t want to see them.” He said, his face cold and his voice betraying his pain.

“I understand, Moony.” Whispered Peter sadly.

“We can go to the infirmary? Or my dorm, Barty and Evan won’t mind.” Regulus said softly.

Remus looked at Regulus with a soft smile, while Peter was concerned and unsure.

“You—your dorm? The infirmary is safer and—”

Remus stopped Peter.

“Regulus’ dorm is fine.” He said softly, making Regulus smile.

“The dorm it is, then…” Said Peter, trying to hide his unhappiness. It wasn’t the fact it was the Slytherin dorm or anything related to Regulus — Peter was happy to see both of them find peace in the other — it was more about the fact that Remus avoided Sirius and James, and even if Peter understood and also wasn’t on the best terms with them, Peter didn’t like the tension between the four of them, and usually Remus was the one to calm everyone down. But how could he when he was the one hurt and upset?

When the three of them arrived in front of the Slytherin house door, Peter stopped, trying to hide the fact that — suddenly — he was scared to lose Remus.

“You can come, you know?” Said Regulus politely, opening the door with the password.

“No! No, I’m okay.” He said rapidly.

Regulus didn’t comment on that. He knew Peter had a crush on Evan — who didn’t? — and the Gryffindor did his best to hide it, which include, avoiding Evan.

“I’ll see you around, Moony.” Said Peter kissing Remus’ cheek before waving to Regulus and walking away.

Regulus continued to help Remus walk inside the common room. It was still early in the morning and no one was here — except Severus passed out on a couch because he studied late — the huge window of the common room amazed Remus and he couldn’t look away for a moment.

“I’ll never get used to it.” He said, his gaze lost in the lake.

“I have a better view in my dorm, maybe we’ll see the giant squid this morning, he swims near my window some mornings.” Whispered Regulus as he walked in a hallway.

Remus looked at him, excited. He wanted so badly to see the giant squid, but most of all, he was so curious to see the room of Regulus.

“Okay just…” Regulus ran his hand through his hair, nervously. “Either Evan and Barty are sleeping, or fucking. Just be prepared.”

Remus laughed softly.

“I’m used to that, don’t worry.”

Regulus opened the door, looking quickly to make sure everything was decent before Remus entered. The Gryffindor did his best not to laugh at the nervousness of Regulus, finding it cute how he tried to protect Remus’ — inexistent — innocence.

When they entered and closed the door, Remus could finally look around, unable to hide his curiosity. The room was dark, the walls in a dark green, nearly black. The beds — four of them — were all decorated with black curtains and green embroidery, with big wooden and leather luggage at their feet. Two beds were facing the two others, creating a small hallway to the big windows under the lake. In front of the window was a leather couch, with a coffee table and two other armchairs. And next to it, on the side of the furniture, were two bookshelves, on each side of the wall. Remus was… mesmerised by the room.

“Wishing to be a Slytherin, huh?” Teased Regulus.

“Nearly…” Whispered Remus.

He walked to the big windows, admiring the green water and huge floating plant.

“We have a spare bed if you want.” Said Regulus, looking at Remus from the room door. For some reason, he liked seeing him in his personal space.

“Couch’s fine.”

The voice of Remus was barely audible, but Regulus heard him.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

Regulus walked to the spare bed, making sure the pillow was comfortable.

“They always sleep together?” asked Remus, looking at a bed Evan bed, curtains closed.

“Yeah. Evan says his bed is for sleeping and Barty’s bed is for… activities.” Regulus chuckled, blushing slightly.

He wasn’t shy about the sexuality of his friends, he was shy to speak about sex with Remus. And if Remus wasn’t exhausted from his transformation, he would have teased him about it.

Remus sat on Regulus’ bed — one of the two beds closer to the windows — his gaze lost in the water. He would have loved if the Gryffindor room had the same view on the lake.

Regulus smiled seeing him like that, and he finally sat next to him, on his bed. It was a strange feeling for him. He wasn’t sure if he liked it or not, the nervousness he felt at that moment confused him.

“Thanks for tonight…” Whispered Remus, holding his ribs, slightly in pain.

“No problem.” Whispered back Regulus. “I can be here for the next one.”

Regulus opened his nightstand, taking a potion and giving it to Remus.

“Murtlap Essence, it will help.” Said the younger.

Remus nodded and drank it in one shot. The taste was disgusting, but he started to feel slightly better.

“Can I sleep with you?” Asked Remus, giving back the potion.

Regulus put back the potion in his nightstand, hiding his blush on his cheeks. He bit his lips, trying to feign looking for something in his drawers.

“You can say no.” Said Remus, scared to cross the line.

“I don’t want to say no.” Regulus looked at the older. “Don’t kick me in your sleep though.”

Remus chuckled, a small smirk on his lips.

“I’ll try my best.”

Remus removed his shoes and lay on the blanket, exhausted, while Regulus rapidly cast a cleaning spell on Remus, making sure the older was comfortable before casting another spell to change Remus’ clothes into a cozy sweater and sweatpants.

“Is it yours?”

“Yeah,” answered Regulus with a smile, strangely liking seeing Remus in his clothes.

Regulus cast the same spells on himself before getting under the blankets, shortly followed by Remus. The curtains magically closed themselves and both of the boys looked at the ceiling. The ceiling was a magic reproduction of the night sky, and it always made Regulus feel safe. The first night he spent at Hogwarts, he swore to himself he would have the same in his house one day.

“Can I say something?”

“Yes?” whispered the Slytherin, feeling the cold fingers of Remus intermingling with his own.

“You’re a very cute black cat…”

Regulus couldn’t help but smile, a huge and happy smile, before looking at Remus.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Said Remus, kissing Regulus’ forehead.

They stayed like that for some time. The soft lips of Remus didn’t leave Regulus’ forehead, and their fingers never separated, not even when the both of them fell asleep. The silence between them wasn’t oppressing or stressful, quite the opposite. And both Regulus and Remus found peace in it.

And maybe it was just that. Peace. In the silence and the presence of the other. Or maybe it was more? ☆